LaTraviata

Agreed. That would be a real faux pas.

The only people who have asked me about my sudden abstinence are folks who've known me quite a while. Since they've known me so long, I don't find the question intrusive. I've told them the truth succinctly, and notice that a lot of them seem hungry for an opportunity to talk about their own drinking or that of a loved one.

Nevertheless

I don't hide anything about it. The first year or so being sober I did though. I think it's part of being an alcoholic to hide the fact that it's true.
I have now been sober several years (6 years yesterday as a matter of fact). And when the subject comes up I make jokes about it. Just like i used to make jokes about not remembering what I did,or stupid things I did while drinking.
Making jokes about it,often gets people that do drink to talk about how close they are to the edge,or talk about being over the edge.
It's really no different than quitting smoking. If you quit smoking do you hide the fact? I don't think so,most people are proud of it. What's the difference?

Fred

silentrun

When I first quit I used the term alcoholic and people tried to defend me saying I wasn't. It seldom comes up but when it does I say things like "it started to get out of control" or "it got weird". I am 47 and a lot of people my age have outgrown drinking anyway.

dwtbd

Nevertheless
congrats on the 6 yrs (3.5 B miles around the Sun)!
Personally I have found it rarely comes up, really only as frequently as it did when I was drinking. Practically the only person who talked about it when I was drinking was my wife and I don't know if she ever asked why I drank, she would mostly ask why soo much. Happy to report she doesnt ask any more

Bmac

I simply tell people that I am allergic to alcohol.

Them: "Really, you are allergic?"

Me: "Yeah, it makes me break out in spots."

Them: "Break out in spots?"

Me: "Yeah, spots like Tampa, Orlando, Atlanta...."

courage2

When people ask me if I'd like a drink, "No, thanks" is plenty and it doesn't go farther.

But the title of the thread isn't how do you respond to a drink offer, but how do you talk about your alcoholism. I've told only a few people outside SR and AA about quitting. Two of them are abstainers now themselves. We didn't go into any detail, just that it was a decision, made for good reasons.

One's a non-alcoholic friend, who just recently asked me if I could have even just one. Which really annoyed me. But I told him yes, of course, I could do anything, but it wasn't worth it.

My sister tells people who ask, she already drank it all.

LaTraviata

These are great responses!

Nevertheless: Congrats on 6 years!!! Like you, I find that many people welcome an opportunity to talk about alcohol with somebody who won't judge. My own sobriety had its roots in a relationship in the summer of 2013, where for the first time in my life, it was safe for me to talk openly about my drinking.

Silentrun: Same here! I'm 48 and almost all my acquaintances no longer drink to excess. So, they find it perfectly normal that someone in middle age decides to quit and they're quite supportive and nonjudgmental.

Dwtdb: LOL, you are so right! Now that you mention it, I received a lot more questions and commentary when I was drinking heavily than now that I'm abstinent.

JeffreyAK

I can only think of one person in four years who asked me why I don't drink, some time after I declined an invite to a drunken camping trip with co-workers on the grounds that I don't drink and it's not that much fun being around drunk people as a non-drinker. I told him, I used to drink, but it became a problem and I quit totally years ago.

If it's an after-work bar outing, I'll sometimes go but order iced tea and no one says anything. If alcohol comes up, "I don't drink" is almost always enough. Many, many people don't drink alcohol just because they don't like it, others have religious reasons, others just don't feel like drinking on that occasion, so it's not as stigmatizing as our former-addict brains sometimes make it out to be.

BBQBOY

If the question comes up, which isn't very often, I simply reply " I have had my fill". That usually suffices.

PurpleKnight

People don't drink for all kinds of reasons, religious, always teetotal etc etc, these people don't have to explain anything and no one requires them to.

Why can't we be like them, "I don't drink, I'll have a water"

I think we overthink things too much as we have years of drinking history!!

LexieCat

I always say, "I decided it isn't good for me." That pretty much sums it up.

MelindaFlowers

In real life I actually don't talk about it at all. I am a nondrinker. Lots of people are nondrinkers and don't go around with long speeches prepared.

What if somebody asks why I don't drink? Because it gives me headaches and I got tired of it.

They don't ask anymore questions. I've noticed that it any given event at least half the people are not drinking at all I just part of that half now.

However when I tell people I don't drink I am pretty firm about it. Kind of subtle but firm. For example I don't say "oh I'm not drinking today" I say "I don't drink." It takes people about three seconds to realize that I don't drink if they never offer me alcohol again.

To all the people out there who think everyone will be so concerned if they stop drinking I can tell you that nobody really cares that much. They will be happy that you stopped but you don't need to talk about it really at all just show them with your actions.

MelindaFlowers

However don't make yourself a social pariah because of long-winded speeches at parties or anything like that. Tell your story if somebody asks to hear it.

Honestly though, it's a good friend looked me in the eye and said are you an alcoholic? I would say yes. But what's funny is that the opportunity for anyone to ask me that doesn't come up anymore because I don't drink.

NYCDoglvr

I'm in my 24th year of recovery and don't really think about it. Nobody asks why I don't drink (maybe a few Europeans over the years), and it's no one's business.

SunnyMe

I only tell very close friends and family that I'm an alcoholic. Everyone else gets a simple "No thanks; I don't drink." I tend to avoid places that have alcohol, even after this many years.

Ha! The guys here like to say "I break out in handcuffs."

Dee74

Anyone who knew me as a drinker knows why I quit. 'Remember how I used to drink?' is my response to any of those guys.

People who know me since I quit know me as a non drinker. I generally hang around non drinkers or normal drinkers.

I don't believe anyone's ever asked me why, LaT...maybe I've been lucky?

I guess my answer would be 'I don't like it' - short, simple, truthful and does not encourage further interrogation.

The reason why I don't just trot out my whole alcoholic history is simply it's noone else's business; and it's a real conversation killer.

D

MelindaFlowers

I was just thinking back and my drinking garnered much more attention than my non-drinking.

There were lots of questions when I was drinking.

esinger

Everyone I know knows the whole story in my tight (or nosey) community. Anyone else I consider it none of there business but it's never really asked. Only people who's lives revolve around drinking think that it's strange not to drink.
I was over zealous when newly sober and opened my mouth to much. Doesn't get the positive results your hoping for. I've also been outed in a work situation by a well meaning, not so smart meeting maker. That caused me a lot of grief.
If someone needs my help and I trust the person, I'll explain my story. If it comes up in a casual conversation then I tell them that because of health issues I gave it up. I would be careful about announcing it to anyone it doesn't concern. Unfortunately, right or wrong, addiction of any sort carries a lot of negative social stigma and it can very well be used against you.

SunnyMe

Yes, this. I guard my anonymity jealously because of this, and because of what I do for a living--I can't imagine someone breaking my anonymity there. I'm sorry that happened, esinger.

LaTraviata

Esinger and SunnyMe, good points about how this might impact one's professional life!

Until a few years ago, I held a big corporate job requiring a Security Clearance. How disastrous it would have been for this problem to be discovered! As employees, we were required to monitor and report "adverse information" about each other -- if we suspected somebody held extreme political views, was going through a tough time emotionally, and DEFINITELY if they were drugging or drinking.

What a relief to be self-employed, hold whatever views I want, and live whatever lifestyle I want. (Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.)