trapped
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
seems like you are on high alert jaynie. maybe take the weekend off and let someone else do the spooking... 
The other night I was awakened by a sharp elbow to the head. I don't think she was aiming for the head. But it was effective.
The other night I was awakened by a sharp elbow to the head. I don't think she was aiming for the head. But it was effective.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Oh friend. I can so relate ! If I don't get a proper amount of sleep, I'm just maggots the next day. It's like a hangover, shakey, anxious, dizzy, nauseous, all the yucks rolled into one. Can't drive. Can hardly walk.
I'll see your "sensitive nature" and raise you one. I'm SO hyper aware of my surroundings, that when I sleep, and I'm not exaggerating here, I have on a sleep mask, a weighted pillow of husks atop my head and forehead, and a weighted blanket (they make them for autistic children) just to ground me. There has to be pillows on both my left and right sides. And usually, there's a cat and a dog laying on top of me.
Then, and only then, can I rest my weary head.
Talk about a train wreck. :/
As far as traveling goes, two words, connecting rooms. With a door that shuts.
Self preservation (and marriage preservation) is worth the extra money IMHO.
I'll see your "sensitive nature" and raise you one. I'm SO hyper aware of my surroundings, that when I sleep, and I'm not exaggerating here, I have on a sleep mask, a weighted pillow of husks atop my head and forehead, and a weighted blanket (they make them for autistic children) just to ground me. There has to be pillows on both my left and right sides. And usually, there's a cat and a dog laying on top of me.
Then, and only then, can I rest my weary head.
Talk about a train wreck. :/
As far as traveling goes, two words, connecting rooms. With a door that shuts.
Self preservation (and marriage preservation) is worth the extra money IMHO.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I've never been told that I snore, and I can't abide someone who does. Yes, it does feel personal, and there's no way around that for me. Nobody's perfect, right?
I've been trapped a few times in my life with loud, chronic snorers. My father was one, and he drove my mother crazy(er).
When I was in rehab, the guy I roomed with had severe sleep apnea. I mean, it was like having a tornado in the room. When daylight broke, his sheets, blankets and pillows were strewn across the room. He literally bounced up and down in bed, and bounced off the walls. I begged the night staff to allow me to sleep in one of the common areas where there were chairs, and they didn't allow me to do so until I walked them into my room at night to witness what was happening.
When I told him what he was up to while sleeping, he denied it, and told me that none of his girlfriends ever told him that he snores. His mother visited on Family Day and, with my roommate present, I asked her if she ever heard him snore while he was living at home. She said, "Did I hear him? The whole neighborhood heard him!" They eventually transferred me to another room with an older gentleman who was completely silent when he slept.
Sleep apnea is a very serious medical condition that can contribute to stroke, heart disease and diabetes, among others. Too many of us, usually men, dismiss it as "just a snoring problem" at their own peril. People with sleep apnea literally stop breathing, and their brains have to repeatedly reset their breathing all through the night. The effects include near-constant fatigue, being overly tired the following day and depression.
Stop telling your wife to "get over it," and get yourself to a sleep clinic.
I've been trapped a few times in my life with loud, chronic snorers. My father was one, and he drove my mother crazy(er).
When I was in rehab, the guy I roomed with had severe sleep apnea. I mean, it was like having a tornado in the room. When daylight broke, his sheets, blankets and pillows were strewn across the room. He literally bounced up and down in bed, and bounced off the walls. I begged the night staff to allow me to sleep in one of the common areas where there were chairs, and they didn't allow me to do so until I walked them into my room at night to witness what was happening.
When I told him what he was up to while sleeping, he denied it, and told me that none of his girlfriends ever told him that he snores. His mother visited on Family Day and, with my roommate present, I asked her if she ever heard him snore while he was living at home. She said, "Did I hear him? The whole neighborhood heard him!" They eventually transferred me to another room with an older gentleman who was completely silent when he slept.
Sleep apnea is a very serious medical condition that can contribute to stroke, heart disease and diabetes, among others. Too many of us, usually men, dismiss it as "just a snoring problem" at their own peril. People with sleep apnea literally stop breathing, and their brains have to repeatedly reset their breathing all through the night. The effects include near-constant fatigue, being overly tired the following day and depression.
Stop telling your wife to "get over it," and get yourself to a sleep clinic.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 9
I am now divorced from a snoring husband but I still sleep with ear plugs because I need mortuary silence when I sleep. I can understand your frustration and it is hard to be upbeat during the day on vacation when you know your sleep that night will be equally crappy. I take ambien from time to time, but it lost its efficacy with me to where I would have to take five or six to get the same effect. Big problem since you only get thirty a month. I have been off of it for a few months and will never go back. I now take over the counter sleeping pills that are actually quite helpful and combined with the earplugs are way better than nothing. Ok, well, good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi jaynie.
I'm seeing this thread late, so whatever I have to say may not be helpful in your current situation, but I wanted to show some sympathy and share a story. I'm someone who is generally very concerned about a sufficient (for me) level of privacy, space, and quiet. For me, I believe, a lot of these preferences are related to conditioning when I was growing up: an only child, we were living in a very quiet neighborhood in a suburban area, lots of space both inside our home and outside in the environment for me to "escape" (and explore). I was very happy to move out and into the city center when I was ~18, but those 18 years definitely had a life-long impact in setting some of my likes and dislikes, like for most of us. Even my extended family was always very small and it became ~non-existent with time, so... you can probably imagine my relationship with space, quiet, and solitude. I'm not an avoidant kind of person at all and I typically suffer equally if I don't have any close personal relationships at a time, and I tend to seek these out... it's just that for me, "closeness" does not equal to domestic or practical arrangements.
That being said, when I'm in a domestic relationship, I just cannot handle sharing a bedroom 100% of the time. Whenever I tried in the past, it did not last long without a great deal of discomfort for me, and this has nothing to do with the partners or the quality of our relationship. I never made a fuss about this and rather suffered in silence... until I could not anymore, and then it had to change. Just my need of space and quiet on my own.
I lived with a partner once who was a loud snorer. Ironically, it was one of my most powerful and memorable relationships -- both the good way and the not-so-good way. He was also an active alcoholic (we both were at the time), and like myself, someone who needed privacy regularly. But we got a lot of it because we traveled separately a lot. We had a large apartment with plenty of space, but despite our privacy needs, we were also very attached to each-other, and always tried to spend most of the time we had together, really "together"... Well, that often involved sharing a bedroom and my moving out to the other bedroom towards early morning when his snoring awoke me. He also had diagnosed sleep disorders, one of them sleep apnea. He tried out some of those CPAP machines to help him sleep better a few times, but never liked them even though they did improve his sleep and snoring. He always felt trapped with the mask, attached to the machine, etc. So stopped using them. I understand that, his personal (risky) choice. I would never argue with anyone's personal choice unless it's absolutely unavoidable, and would rather find what works for me better.
We also traveled together with a certain regularity and most of the time we took two rooms in the same hotel. It worked great for us. Obviously it involved extra budget, but it served both of us' needs so well it was more than worth it. Some people might disagree with me here, but I don't think there is anything like "avoidance" or personal attack in such an arrangement, it simply provides a workable solution. This way, we can spend time together when we truly want and there is no forcing.
I hope you survived the vacation and could still enjoy some of it. Maybe it's also been a lesson for the next trip with your husband/family. Again, I sympathize with you in a few ways, even the preference for cold rather than too hot weather It would definitely be a good idea for your husband to have this sleep issue examined and see what options are available to help him (and you). And yeah I also second the earplugs.
The good thing is that you've been through this sober I remember when I was drinking, my anxiety related to being "trapped" would often become unbearable, far worse than the levels I ever experience sober.
Best wishes
I'm seeing this thread late, so whatever I have to say may not be helpful in your current situation, but I wanted to show some sympathy and share a story. I'm someone who is generally very concerned about a sufficient (for me) level of privacy, space, and quiet. For me, I believe, a lot of these preferences are related to conditioning when I was growing up: an only child, we were living in a very quiet neighborhood in a suburban area, lots of space both inside our home and outside in the environment for me to "escape" (and explore). I was very happy to move out and into the city center when I was ~18, but those 18 years definitely had a life-long impact in setting some of my likes and dislikes, like for most of us. Even my extended family was always very small and it became ~non-existent with time, so... you can probably imagine my relationship with space, quiet, and solitude. I'm not an avoidant kind of person at all and I typically suffer equally if I don't have any close personal relationships at a time, and I tend to seek these out... it's just that for me, "closeness" does not equal to domestic or practical arrangements.
That being said, when I'm in a domestic relationship, I just cannot handle sharing a bedroom 100% of the time. Whenever I tried in the past, it did not last long without a great deal of discomfort for me, and this has nothing to do with the partners or the quality of our relationship. I never made a fuss about this and rather suffered in silence... until I could not anymore, and then it had to change. Just my need of space and quiet on my own.
I lived with a partner once who was a loud snorer. Ironically, it was one of my most powerful and memorable relationships -- both the good way and the not-so-good way. He was also an active alcoholic (we both were at the time), and like myself, someone who needed privacy regularly. But we got a lot of it because we traveled separately a lot. We had a large apartment with plenty of space, but despite our privacy needs, we were also very attached to each-other, and always tried to spend most of the time we had together, really "together"... Well, that often involved sharing a bedroom and my moving out to the other bedroom towards early morning when his snoring awoke me. He also had diagnosed sleep disorders, one of them sleep apnea. He tried out some of those CPAP machines to help him sleep better a few times, but never liked them even though they did improve his sleep and snoring. He always felt trapped with the mask, attached to the machine, etc. So stopped using them. I understand that, his personal (risky) choice. I would never argue with anyone's personal choice unless it's absolutely unavoidable, and would rather find what works for me better.
We also traveled together with a certain regularity and most of the time we took two rooms in the same hotel. It worked great for us. Obviously it involved extra budget, but it served both of us' needs so well it was more than worth it. Some people might disagree with me here, but I don't think there is anything like "avoidance" or personal attack in such an arrangement, it simply provides a workable solution. This way, we can spend time together when we truly want and there is no forcing.
I hope you survived the vacation and could still enjoy some of it. Maybe it's also been a lesson for the next trip with your husband/family. Again, I sympathize with you in a few ways, even the preference for cold rather than too hot weather
It would definitely be a good idea for your husband to have this sleep issue examined and see what options are available to help him (and you). And yeah I also second the earplugs.The good thing is that you've been through this sober
I remember when I was drinking, my anxiety related to being "trapped" would often become unbearable, far worse than the levels I ever experience sober. Best wishes
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
I can so totally relate - I dated a snorer last year and it was the WORST! I had never been exposed to a snorer that bad before. We took a weekend trip together and stayed in hotel -at one point I just gave up on sleeping and went into the bathroom to read. I also made the mistake of staying at his place once on the night before a big day at work and got zero sleep. I had to tell him no more staying together on school nights
The whole experience opened my eyes to how difficult snoring can be on a relationship. After the weekend trip we had I never wanted to travel with him again. It's not why we split, but I was surprised at how angry it would make me- I definitely need my beauty sleep There has simply got to be options to solve this, I'm glad he's looking into it.
The whole experience opened my eyes to how difficult snoring can be on a relationship. After the weekend trip we had I never wanted to travel with him again. It's not why we split, but I was surprised at how angry it would make me- I definitely need my beauty sleep
There has simply got to be options to solve this, I'm glad he's looking into it.
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