Bluebird journal
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK
Posts: 473
Doctor reckons the pins and needles could just be the way I'm sleeping, I'm a well built fella so he thinks I'm cutting off the blood supply to my arms. Took blood anyway to be sure.
Alcohol wise, drinking hasn't even crossed my mind. Still reading, praying, mediating though, keeping on top of any triggers and staying positive.
Alcohol wise, drinking hasn't even crossed my mind. Still reading, praying, mediating though, keeping on top of any triggers and staying positive.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Bluebird the other day my shoulder was aching from the way i slept
Hopefully the pins and needles will fade glad you took bloodtests just in case
Great job on staying on top of your sobriety have a great day tomorrow friend
Hopefully the pins and needles will fade glad you took bloodtests just in case
Great job on staying on top of your sobriety have a great day tomorrow friend
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK
Posts: 473
It's with a heavy heart that I write this, got drunk last night. Tough week in work and that seemed the only way out. Angry angry angry with myself. Let myself down and all of you down. I noticed the triggers, I tried to stop but my mind was made up. I'm really at a loss where to go from here. It would seem 20 days is impossible for me to reach, some people would kill for one day, I know that. That's why I feel like such a fraud. I just can't seem to live a normal life without alcohol. I'm messaging my mate and I'm going to have to go to a meeting sharpish. Sorry for the long vent guys, I know I'm a let down and I'm sorry and thank each and every one of you for your support. Sorry
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
It's said we must learn from our relapses.
If you are at a loss, it might be that you fail to comprehend fully the problem you have with alcohol, and the solution. Objectively look back at what you've been doing for your sobriety. What has it been? A post every couple of days to SR and working out? Did you really think that was enough? It hadn't worked in the past. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I'm not sure I understand your "loss" of where to go. Do you lack the direction? Or the committment?
Can you in all honesty say you are fully committed to your recovery and doing everything in your power to attain it? I'm going to guess no, and if you put some thought on it, I think you can figure out what you need to do. You've been avoiding a number of options. Time to embrace what you've been fearing.
Originally Posted by Bluebird1927 
I'm really at a loss where to go from here.
Can you in all honesty say you are fully committed to your recovery and doing everything in your power to attain it? I'm going to guess no, and if you put some thought on it, I think you can figure out what you need to do. You've been avoiding a number of options. Time to embrace what you've been fearing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK
Posts: 473
Been lying awake since 1am, it's just passed five am and here I am again. It'll be different this time blah blah blah. Work in two hours and a long long day ahead. Just venting so no need for replies or sympathy. I've let down people on here who've been helpful to me, again so sympathy isn't what I need. A good kick up the arse is what I need.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Sorry I missed this.
I have to say - I think you're really underestimating what it's going to take to stay sober.
Drinking will always be the easy option, at least for a while.
You need to have a little determination - a plan helps too
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html
I have to say - I think you're really underestimating what it's going to take to stay sober.
Drinking will always be the easy option, at least for a while.
You need to have a little determination - a plan helps too
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK
Posts: 473
Originally Posted by Dee74
Sorry I missed this.
I have to say - I think you're really underestimating what it's going to take to stay sober.
Drinking will always be the easy option, at least for a while.
You need to have a little determination - a plan helps too
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html
I have to say - I think you're really underestimating what it's going to take to stay sober.
Drinking will always be the easy option, at least for a while.
You need to have a little determination - a plan helps too
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: WESTERN AUSTRALIA
Posts: 518
Originally Posted by Bluebird1927
Isn't it strange how we know we're feeling good from not drinking but our mind tricks us into thinking, in that case drink. It'll be fine. Honestly, it's unbelievable at times. Fear not, no booze in the flat and I won't be drinking tonight. That's the main thing, nice sober sleep ahead.
My favourite quote I've seen so far, "life is never 100% but it's 100% better than when I was drinking".
My favourite quote I've seen so far, "life is never 100% but it's 100% better than when I was drinking".
I understand entirely ....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 3,360
Hey Bluebird, don't give up...
Do not take the first drink, no matter what your "voice" tells you...
The addiction wants the drink, no matter if it hurts you
Starve the addictive voice....don't give it the first drink
Alcohol is not your friend, it won't make a bad day better, down deep you know that, don't listen to the voice, shout it down, remember the urge to drink will return. Give up trying to drink one drink, it doesn't work. Don't take the first drink and you won't get drunk, just do it one day at a time. Take care
Do not take the first drink, no matter what your "voice" tells you...
The addiction wants the drink, no matter if it hurts you
Starve the addictive voice....don't give it the first drink
Alcohol is not your friend, it won't make a bad day better, down deep you know that, don't listen to the voice, shout it down, remember the urge to drink will return. Give up trying to drink one drink, it doesn't work. Don't take the first drink and you won't get drunk, just do it one day at a time. Take care
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK
Posts: 473
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
It's said we must learn from our relapses.
If you are at a loss, it might be that you fail to comprehend fully the problem you have with alcohol, and the solution. Objectively look back at what you've been doing for your sobriety. What has it been? A post every couple of days to SR and working out? Did you really think that was enough? It hadn't worked in the past. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I'm not sure I understand your "loss" of where to go. Do you lack the direction? Or the committment?
Can you in all honesty say you are fully committed to your recovery and doing everything in your power to attain it? I'm going to guess no, and if you put some thought on it, I think you can figure out what you need to do. You've been avoiding a number of options. Time to embrace what you've been fearing.
If you are at a loss, it might be that you fail to comprehend fully the problem you have with alcohol, and the solution. Objectively look back at what you've been doing for your sobriety. What has it been? A post every couple of days to SR and working out? Did you really think that was enough? It hadn't worked in the past. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I'm not sure I understand your "loss" of where to go. Do you lack the direction? Or the committment?
Can you in all honesty say you are fully committed to your recovery and doing everything in your power to attain it? I'm going to guess no, and if you put some thought on it, I think you can figure out what you need to do. You've been avoiding a number of options. Time to embrace what you've been fearing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK
Posts: 473
Originally Posted by bloss
Hey Bluebird, don't give up...
Do not take the first drink, no matter what your "voice" tells you...
The addiction wants the drink, no matter if it hurts you
Starve the addictive voice....don't give it the first drink
Alcohol is not your friend, it won't make a bad day better, down deep you know that, don't listen to the voice, shout it down, remember the urge to drink will return. Give up trying to drink one drink, it doesn't work. Don't take the first drink and you won't get drunk, just do it one day at a time. Take care
Do not take the first drink, no matter what your "voice" tells you...
The addiction wants the drink, no matter if it hurts you
Starve the addictive voice....don't give it the first drink
Alcohol is not your friend, it won't make a bad day better, down deep you know that, don't listen to the voice, shout it down, remember the urge to drink will return. Give up trying to drink one drink, it doesn't work. Don't take the first drink and you won't get drunk, just do it one day at a time. Take care
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK
Posts: 473
Originally Posted by Julie59
Yes Bluebird ... I hate how our mind or AV tricks us into drinking when we are feeling so .....
I understand entirely ....Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 3,360
It used to baffle me too, then I admitted to myself I could not take a drink...I did not want one drink, the cycle repeated itself for far too many years, took a lot of bad things happening to finally end it. I hope you decide to not take the first drink, because it just gets worse as time goes on. But, it takes what it takes for each of us.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK
Posts: 473
Originally Posted by bloss
It used to baffle me too, then I admitted to myself I could not take a drink...I did not want one drink, the cycle repeated itself for far too many years, took a lot of bad things happening to finally end it. I hope you decide to not take the first drink, because it just gets worse as time goes on. But, it takes what it takes for each of us.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK
Posts: 473
Originally Posted by bloss
None of us can turn back time, what is done is done. All we can do today is the best for ourself and anyone associated with us. The best for me and I hope for you is to not take a drink today.
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