AH died last Monday...am struggling with my drinking again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 32
AH died last Monday...am struggling with my drinking again
He died. I found my husband face down in the spare room last Monday. I am beside myself.
The autopsy has not been able to tell me why he died yet even though they have released his body. I believe he had a seizure as he had bitten his tongue and he has had a history of seizures and alcohol related health problems. The booze killed him age 60. What a waste!!
Although he was difficult to live with as I was in recovery of sorts, I still miss him dreadfully. When we were both active drinkers in the beginning 12 years ago, it was great. But the alcoholism crept up and got us both in the end.
As a drinker myself prior to his passing my drinking was improving, now I am finding it exceptionally hard not to have a drink, especially later in the day. I have also started smoking again which I detest.
I am hating that I am drinking again, as I feel even more crap in the mornings, I look dreadful, but the craving is so strong, it eats me up. I also suffer from bulimia which carries on after the booze starts.
You would think that his passing due to the booze would shake me into never touching a drop again, but it hasn't.
Just wanted to share, I have used this forum before and it has helped me greatly.
Jx
The autopsy has not been able to tell me why he died yet even though they have released his body. I believe he had a seizure as he had bitten his tongue and he has had a history of seizures and alcohol related health problems. The booze killed him age 60. What a waste!!
Although he was difficult to live with as I was in recovery of sorts, I still miss him dreadfully. When we were both active drinkers in the beginning 12 years ago, it was great. But the alcoholism crept up and got us both in the end.
As a drinker myself prior to his passing my drinking was improving, now I am finding it exceptionally hard not to have a drink, especially later in the day. I have also started smoking again which I detest.
I am hating that I am drinking again, as I feel even more crap in the mornings, I look dreadful, but the craving is so strong, it eats me up. I also suffer from bulimia which carries on after the booze starts.
You would think that his passing due to the booze would shake me into never touching a drop again, but it hasn't.
Just wanted to share, I have used this forum before and it has helped me greatly.
Jx
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
Welcome back, Sealpoint!
My heart goes out to you in this difficult time. I hope you find the strength to use not only this forum but the resources that are available in your community.
My heart goes out to you in this difficult time. I hope you find the strength to use not only this forum but the resources that are available in your community.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Sorry to hear about your loss. It is not surprising to me that the cravings are stronger now even though he died an alcohol related death because you are grieving his loss, and alcohol can be a potential escape from this loss. The problem is that the side effects of alcohol will only make the situation worse. It will be difficult, but it seems as if you have to find a way to soberly grieve his loss without alcohol or other substances. Easier said than done, however, but at least you know the solution.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
So sorry for your loss SP. Now more than ever it's vital to stay sober.
Seeing stress has driven you to drinking and smoking, how about investigating ways of instantly calming yourself down with 5 minute meditations and deep breathing? Start them now, and you may find the urge to smoke and drink lessens.
Seeing stress has driven you to drinking and smoking, how about investigating ways of instantly calming yourself down with 5 minute meditations and deep breathing? Start them now, and you may find the urge to smoke and drink lessens.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
I'm really sorry for your loss sealpoint.
Drinking is really bad for grief tho - it pushes aside the feelings for a little while, maybe, but you never deal with any of it.
we're meant to feel sad and all those other things - it's how we process our loss and attempt to come to terms with it.
I'm not sure what recovery support you had last time - did you use anything other than SR?
Is grief counselling a possibility for you?
D
Drinking is really bad for grief tho - it pushes aside the feelings for a little while, maybe, but you never deal with any of it.
we're meant to feel sad and all those other things - it's how we process our loss and attempt to come to terms with it.
I'm not sure what recovery support you had last time - did you use anything other than SR?
Is grief counselling a possibility for you?
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Sealpoint, so sorry for your loss. I lost my late husband suddenly too, so I understand the shock and the impulse. Please don't drink. It makes all so much harder. You will have much business to take care of. His death certificate could be delayed for six to eight weeks while they sort out the toxicology reports.
If you possibly can, see about going inpatient for now. Just so you can be in a safe place. Make sure you get competent legal assistance. You're in shock now, I can tell you. See about getting some psychological crisis counseling for now and then bereavement counseling.
Take each day slow as you need. Don't let people rush you into decisions. Is there a family member you trust or someone you can stay with for a while?
I will keep you in my thoughts. Stay close.
love from Lenina
If you possibly can, see about going inpatient for now. Just so you can be in a safe place. Make sure you get competent legal assistance. You're in shock now, I can tell you. See about getting some psychological crisis counseling for now and then bereavement counseling.
Take each day slow as you need. Don't let people rush you into decisions. Is there a family member you trust or someone you can stay with for a while?
I will keep you in my thoughts. Stay close.
love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
When my first wife died I did not go through the normal grieving process. Instead I chose to hit the bottle so as to ease the pain. This was very hard on me physically, mentally and spiritually. Please take care of yourself.
MM
MM
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Sorry for your loss. I wish I could offer some great advice on not drinking or smoking but then if I where in your shoes well I might just be doing the same as you or worse. Its hard to go through things in life like this.
That being said there is hope. I knwo a few people who have lost spouses and such and managed to remain sober through it. I have no idea how but if I was in that predicament I'd find one of them and ask them for help.
There is hope tho remember that. You will pull through it. it sounds like you already are all to famlier with the probelms that go along with booze and smokes etc...
That being said there is hope. I knwo a few people who have lost spouses and such and managed to remain sober through it. I have no idea how but if I was in that predicament I'd find one of them and ask them for help.
There is hope tho remember that. You will pull through it. it sounds like you already are all to famlier with the probelms that go along with booze and smokes etc...
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 58
I'm saddened to hear of your loss.
I agree with the suggestions here that it's a good idea for you to get crisis counseling and even consider going inpatient.
For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure AH would want to see you sober and not progressing deeper into alcoholism. As an act of honoring his memory, can you reach out for help -- to a crisis counselor, to AA or other support group, to any resource which can help you remain sober while you grieve his loss?
I agree with the suggestions here that it's a good idea for you to get crisis counseling and even consider going inpatient.
For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure AH would want to see you sober and not progressing deeper into alcoholism. As an act of honoring his memory, can you reach out for help -- to a crisis counselor, to AA or other support group, to any resource which can help you remain sober while you grieve his loss?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 109
I third the suggestion to go inpatient. It sounds like too difficult a time to try and deal with your husband's passing and your own addiction on your own. Inpatient will at least remove the addiction variable. It's a big decision to go inpatient and walk away from your life, but sometimes you just have to concede that some problems are bigger than you can handle on your own.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by SoberAlky 
I third the suggestion to go inpatient. It sounds like too difficult a time to try and deal with your husband's passing and your own addiction on your own. Inpatient will at least remove the addiction variable. It's a big decision to go inpatient and walk away from your life, but sometimes you just have to concede that some problems are bigger than you can handle on your own.
makes me think mighta been nice to have some help like that a few times in life.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,039
Sealpoint, I'm sorry for your loss. My former sponsor lost her husband in a similar way, when they were both active alcoholics. It did impel her to quit for good, but it took her a while and there was a long struggle between her intent to quit, her grief and her alcoholism. She sought out a lot of support and used it.
I hope you stay close to SR and also look for help and solace (outside the bottle) where you live.
I hope you stay close to SR and also look for help and solace (outside the bottle) where you live.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,649
I am so sorry for your loss. Know that you are not alone. We are all here for you. Post as often as you like. There is nothing you will face in life that can't be made worse by alcohol. It is not your friend. We are. You are in my prayers.
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