AddictGuy

bunny

You yam what you yam (but is that all that you yam? toot toot)

I don't know how you could get your experience out to more people than you can here. God knows how many people pass this way, and Cow stuff are very viewed threads. I have had strangers come to me on PM and tell me I made some big impact and I don't even know what thread or what it was about. But you know me. I just try to really pour it out there from time to time. Hope it will help somehow. People are watching, sometimes some of them need to hear exactly what it is you have to say, believe it or not. That thing about you not seeing things the way others see what you went through. who's to say that someone on here doesn't need to hear just exactly that?

And why not elaborate? I find it is good for the soul. No one knows who we really are here, if that is our intent, so it's safe. There is this kind of therapy where you shine the light in dark corners. It makes it harder for the bad stuff to hide, and it helps you when you don't enable it by helping to keep it hidden. Cow does it. There are good reasons for that. She encouraged me to do that. and I kinda follow her lead on it. I don't want to be the one that is not brave.

trachemys

Got a thing about tennis, don't they?

AddictGuy

I see this dichotomy here. We agonize over all of the trivial stuff we talk about, but we have all of these reservations about talking about things of substance and worth. Can we not see that we can't have it both ways? Yeah, if it's all trivia, then why be here? I think to make it something other than trivia we have to put ourselves out there more. I think that just expressing trauma, with perhaps no real clear end it sight, misses the point that expressing, in and of itself, can be cathartic, as is well know.

Unless, I would say, it's something that has already been dealt with, but then again, it shows others that it has been dealt with and gives them the strength to, as is often the case, not carry some horrible burden forever all by themselves for fear or shame. There is the release of no longer having to think you have to carry it for your whole life. And if anyone gets abusive or abused about it, you can always report them.

If there are people making a habit of harassing others on here -- I don't mean an incident here and there, where someone just gets mad and there's an argument -- I mean someone just harassing someone else or shaming them or whatever as a regular thing, I sure don't see it. It seems to me this is a well-policed place where we can talk of things of substance and that that is ultimately why we are here. Often it is the stuff we think we have to carry, that keeps driving us back to substances, so I don't think that there is anything about any of our lives that can't be things that can come into play in that regard.

If you don't want to share, don't share, but don't encourage someone else not to.

It's obvious. Sharing is what makes the conversations relevant. Trivia is what makes us want to go away for just wasting our time.

Can you see that just bringing the topic up got us actually talking to each other for a change?

Also, we need family. We need to be with our own kind. and we are all addicts, active or in recovery. We understand these things. And this is our little corner neighborhood. We need to keep an eye on each other, even if it is trivia. tonight trivia, tomorrow it might be a crisis and we will all be here because this is where we hang out and then we will all be in a position to help.

I say we all need this.

Della1968

I got lost several pages ago. Never claimed to be the sharpest tool in the shed.

walkbeformakrun

How deep you are bunny. I never really gave it a second thought. I just do it, i.e: show up.

I'm not one for socializing, in person, IRL. Here on the internet though I very much enjoy it. "Seeing" all you familiar people. Having you to "talk" to.

I pretty much only come to this group. I might visit another thread every few days, if the title seems interesting or if I think I can lend some useful commentary. I don't need to feel useful here. This is just for fun, talking to friends.

Here I feel like I know you all. I want to hear what you are up to, hear what you think of what I'm up to. I'd sure miss this if we stopped doing it.

However, it may be pointless. As life is likely pointless itself.


Why the crummy hotel Lenina? Can you get them to pay for a nice one? When traveling on business, one should have the best accommodations! Can you tell us what city you are visiting? Do you get any time to see the sites? I hope you sample the regional cuisine, not just demand okra.


I am very fond of you Cow. Very. I'm sure everyone on this thread is. Your threads have been great fun. They brighten my sometimes bleak existence. I sure wish that something I could post would be of use to you as well.

You can be a different (better) type of Cow if you want to, for yourself. I like the Cow you are though just fine!

courage2

Thank you, walk. Thanks everyone. I'm acting out from a bunch of stress. The pretty month of April is likely to be cruel "mixing Memory and desire, stirring Dull roots with spring rain."

AG, your point is well taken about sharing and conversing. But this isn't a good time for me to start opening my sexual can of worms. They've been breeding in there.
I completely agree. And room service for breakfast. It makes a huge difference.

xxoo

soberlicious

Well, yes, it's true. I don't discuss my sexuality much here because it would involve articulating specific acts that others might likely find shocking and offensive. I do not wish to shock or offend anyone, so I find a more appropriate place to spill that stuff. And people actually do talk about being food spitters, maybe just not in a place where no one would get it. There is not much that shocks or disturbs me, which has been a big part of my problems throughout my life.

walkbeformakrun

More shocking than AG's new avatar???

Seriously though, we are all grown ups here. The squeamish can look away. Don't be afraid to share if you think it would help you or help us. I mean more than just further discussing okra would help. (Low bar)

Lenina

Walkies. I mostly do stay in very nice hotels. This one is on my one dime and fits other needs, has seen way better days and serves only nostalgia. It's close to the airport and I can get a few things done. I am phasing it out of the rotation. And yes, I do get to see a see sights and enjoy local cuisine. Not here, though! LOL I like my Western and Central European visits for that and my summer schedule expands a bit. I mix it up.

My sponsor always encouraged me to share. You never know what is going to help someone else. I wasn't a down and outer. I didnt get tickets, didn't get fired. So it made me easy to minimize. See? We don't have to end up in the gutter to get well.

I like being sober. I use Rational Recovery. I've had lots of therapy to help me deal with my outside issues. I still have flare ups of rage at injustice I see. I still sometimes want to dig up my dead step father the beat him the shovel for what damage he did to my siblings. And me. I don't know why I survived. Mostly Luck, I suppose.

is there an Outside Force? A Cosmic Something? I suspect there is. More like Gravity and less like a Bearded Man on a Throne. More Physics than Mysterious.

For me, I get by on laughter. I have to Laugh. I cannot take my self too seriously. Of all the helpful things I learned in AA, not taking my own BS seriously has been maybe the most important. So this is important in Cow threads. We laugh through our tears.

Does any of this make sense? Or am I just a job jabbing?

Love from Lenina

Lenina

This crummy hotel does not have room service. They give you a pizza menu on check. But it doesn't deliver before noon.

I'm in the northern US is all I can say, I'm afraid.

hey, Bunny, who's you're favorite Marx brother? mine is Karl.

Love from LeeLee

walkbeformakrun

Yes, Lenina, all helpful. For me, especially this part:

I often think I can drink bc I was never a down and outer. The reason I stopped though is not bc I was down and out. I stopped bc I felt better sober and despite not being down and out, the issues with drinking were getting worse. Eventually I'm sure I'd get farther down and out than anyone else. I've got a special talent for taking things farther than one should.

soberlicious

Actually, no. There are minor members and lurkers. In any event, I have shared in PM and outside e-mail with people when it's been helpful to me and/or them. The alternative lifestyle served me well, but it's controversial. Not something I feel like defending, as it's not for everyone. I just wanted to tell cow that she's not alone. More people than you might realize have this tendency toward violent physical/sexual interactions, even if it is never acted out irl. Personally, I find it's not something to be ashamed of, but I've chosen that stance. For whatever reason, it is what it is. I can't change what "does it for me", but I can alter it so that I'm not harming myself in unsafe situations. I do realize that many, many experience severe shame surrounding this and my heart goes to them in hoping they find resolution and relief.

silentrun

How far north CAL? If you are in MN just say pop instead of soda and you will fit in. I think walk might be trying to spice it up. You should have been around for the honey barbecue guy. I am kind of worried about Snark though because we both saw the same thing in those wings and my poor hubby sleeps with one eye open.

Hawkeye13

I suppose this thread is like a virtual salon for me--
I can enjoy good conversation and I also don't need to hide
the pain of my life here and "pass" as normal.

I would miss that as I've pretty much isolated myself over the years.
I am glad there is space here for people to share what they want to
that might be considered "trangressive" in the normie world.

My sneaking suspicion is that the so-called regular folks get into their cubby holes
at night and power down until morning when the facade must begin again.
I mean, they really can't be doing all that stupid, boring, hypocritical stuff they claim to can they?

Surely this place is just a holographic construct in which to enact the illusion of freewill and most humans are more backdrop than individual?

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm an extra instead of a featured player myself these days. . .

courage2

Soberlicious, beautifully said. I was going to PM you but I decided that the whole point here, apparently, is to reduce isolation among and within this particular group of weirdies. I've also made choices in my sexual practices which I'm generally comfortable with but which are outside the mainstream. I don't want to say more, but to the extent that anything is ever safe, there are safe ways to get your weird rocks off. Accepting that I am weird and that I can be weird without being harmful has been and still is a big thing for me.

courage2

PS Gummo. You never saw him.

dwtbd

Everyone is an individual, whether they like it or not, even the sheeple, bless their woolly little hides.

walkbeformakrun

When I was 20, I traveled to LA for my first time. I went to a store and said, "Where is the pop?" The clerk looked puzzled and said, "My father is at home." I still had no idea how to get what I wanted. I never heard the term soda in reference to what I was looking for. To me a soda was served in a large glass with ice cream and whipped cream and maraschino cherries.

Ah, yes. I forget we are not alone. I tend to think it is just us posters.

walkbeformakrun

Can you blame me? Not that I don't love the Robot, lol.

My favorite - Hardy.

Sorry,,, different set of brothers.

soberlicious

Love this!

I'm a big believer in flying your freak flag. Some folks fly it quietly on a small stick in the backyard, some run it up a giant pole for all to see. Some strut around with it encircling them beautifully, and yet others just don't have one. It's all ok to me. It's about freedom and loving yourself and continually finding ways to be real and congruent.

You've got this one life. Find any and all ways possible not to squander it on shame.