zjw

i'm better at seeing both sides of it. I can play out the fantasy part in my head. Oh the good times my gosh the flavor that atmosphere in a bar nothing like a smoke and a drink. Or waken up after a heavy night of drnking having a mini blue berry muffin and a coffee with a cigarette aaa yes the fantasy.... But I'm also good at seeing the other side the good times usualy led big regrets and always led to killer hangovers. The atmosphere in a bar was really only good a few drinks in and much past that is when I new the regrets would quickly follow. and all the smoking and drinking i'd wake up barely able to breathe yet i was so addicted i'd reach for another smoke first thing in the morning in my hungover stuper.

so yeah I guess the fantasy is there but it really like umm never worked out that way.

It ususal starts off something like oh its the holidays lallala its so festive oh how wonderful I love this time of year ::pours booze down throat:: oh it'll be so nice nothing like some booze and hte holidays. It typically would end with me pissing on the TV or puking somewhere and waking up the following morning wondering if i'm dead.

no thanks.

pulltight

Thanks for all the replies suggestions everyone!

pulltight

That's something still vivid in my mind, the one drink after another and chain smoking in between even though I never smoked unless I was drinking, your mouth tasting like death, the dehydration, pounding morning headache with aching joints and then taking mental inventory of what I might have done. I do not miss that.
While I remember all the above, I believe the fantasy is that I see myself stopping before all that. Stopping at that first or second drink and I know all too we'll that's a lie, I didn't stop then and it sure as hell wouldn't turn out different now.
After thinking more on this I believe I'm not fantasizing as much about drinking as much as I am just being normal.
I've also came to the realisation that not drinking is normal and the lifestyle I had was far from it.

frankh77

I do. Walking past liquor bottles for me is like walking past nudie mags at a 7-11. I'm not gonna stop and read them but I catch a glimpse as I'm walking by.

Sometimes I get starstruck by the light glimmering though a bottle..... The distorted image through the liquid. I have to snap myself out of it.

When I stay at a hotel and if it has a bar I think about it. At first it seems like a load of fun but then I know I'll be there all night..... Then trying to find my room for an hour or waking up next to the ice machine in the hallway.

NYCDoglvr

You're either walking towards a drink or away from one. I suggest going to meetings .... or increasing your meetings.

zjw

Oh yeah the joint pain was terrible. I'd wake up n the middle of the night and I felt like I was 90. I thought NO WAY someone of my age should feel this way for sure something must be wrong with me. And there was I drank to much!

pulltight

I haven't been to any meetings or in any type of program as of yet but I think I'll research this further.
And for what it's worth, I firmly believe I'm constantly moving away from drinking, some days slower than others but still moving.
Just trying to understand my thought process through other people's.

lacey424

about how long before they went away for you? I'm just worried bc i have 8 months now, and I had a year before but my cravings never eased up. In fact they got worse.

TheNatural

I only fantasize about it when I am having a bout of depression, and am going through it alone. I sit on my chair and watch tv and the thought of numbing myself and drinking until I can't think sits on my heart like an anvil.

I almost thought it out loud this morning while drinking coffee after a poor night's sleep. All it would have taken was a 2 minute walk and I could have numbed the entire day.

The thing that stops me is the realization that making choices like that for so many years is a large part of the reason why I feel so alone. Alcohol hurt my body, but the damage to my mind and my life is what I long to repair.

Joe Nerv

I did. But only in the first year or 2 of sobriety. I think they were far fetched enough however to not be all that dangerous. I had 2:

First was that a guy or gal would walk into an AA meeting where his back was to the door, pull out a gun, a couple of bottles of Dewers, a bunch of cups, and then pass out the cups and bottles demanding that everyone start pouring and drinking. Or die.

The other was that I was lost for 2 days on the dessert, minutes from death, and rescued by a Budweiser truck.

gaffo

Not anymore, thank god! With long term sobriety I have come to accept that drinking really didn't work for me. It's a shame that it took so long for me to figure that out and do something about it.

uncle holmes

I fantasized about drinking just last week when I went grocery shopping. I went down the alcohol aisle and checked out all the whiskeys, vodkas...and imagined myself buying some and then pouring it in a glass and drinking it.

Luckily my AA training kicked in and I played the tape through and realized the damage it would cause me and my family.

My advice is don't do it. If you do then don't stay there too long.

pulltight

True physical cravings were nearly gone for me around the first month, from there on the psychological romance I had with alcohol remained and still pops up a few times a week.
My triggers are activities I used to do while drinking and places I would drink.

thisisme

Never.
It's no fantasy.
It would be a nightmare.

Soberwolf

I dont fantasise about drinking that would be very dangerous theres nothing fantastic about drinking there really isnt

its smelly boring & predictable that aint no fantasy

utopia

i fantasise, pretty close to I OBSESS.....I AM obsessed with lady liquor but it aint not lady, its a substance, i .......i am an alcoholic and i am sick and i need aa i need god i need the love my sponsor and u peeps give me freely , GODIS BIGGER, GOD IS REAL, that fantasy will only smash away to the ruin of me

Joez

I had a very vivid dream last night, I was wasted (in my dream) and was being my stupid drunk self, it was very real.

I woke up disgusted, and hated that guy on my dream.

Its been a bad day with plenty of mind fog. But I have no desire to touch any liquor.

As soberwolf said its really smelly, never realized the stench on drunk people until this monday when I saw a couple of friends who had been drinking.

utopia

holy lord Joez - i had a similar dream myself just last night! so glad i havent wasted my last 21 days,,,,was hammered in a dream, woke up, said stuff it and got drunk, then woke up again, so trippy