Diary of a Mad Cow, Part XI: "Into the Mootrix"
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
... diminishing returns, they say. "Flounce."
For me, SR is still the best place I can come to reflect on all the things it means to me to be a sober person -- developing live relationships for the day I'll want someone to bring me turkey sandwiches in my hospital bed, learning how to pursue ideas again after years in a fog, teaching myself how to get un-anxious and un-frightened and un-bored and un-excited without drugs or alcohol, discovering what it means to care about myself and someone else. I don't fancy I help anyone else here, or likely not when I mean to, and maybe when I don't.
Maybe SR still works for me because what I'm fascinated by in sobriety -- but before that too, just more powerless about it before -- is the interpretation of self and other. I've studied internal cognitive processes at a little depth, with a special interest on which kinds of thinking are available to us, and which aren't -- something sometimes referred to as veridicality in self-reporting. Now I'm increasingly getting interested in how that then bleeds into people communicating with one another. If my understanding of myself is subject to gaps and delusions, how do we manage to effectively communicate with each other? It's a miracle, is what it is! A wonder, anyway.
For me, SR is still the best place I can come to reflect on all the things it means to me to be a sober person -- developing live relationships for the day I'll want someone to bring me turkey sandwiches in my hospital bed, learning how to pursue ideas again after years in a fog, teaching myself how to get un-anxious and un-frightened and un-bored and un-excited without drugs or alcohol, discovering what it means to care about myself and someone else. I don't fancy I help anyone else here, or likely not when I mean to, and maybe when I don't.
Maybe SR still works for me because what I'm fascinated by in sobriety -- but before that too, just more powerless about it before -- is the interpretation of self and other. I've studied internal cognitive processes at a little depth, with a special interest on which kinds of thinking are available to us, and which aren't -- something sometimes referred to as veridicality in self-reporting. Now I'm increasingly getting interested in how that then bleeds into people communicating with one another. If my understanding of myself is subject to gaps and delusions, how do we manage to effectively communicate with each other? It's a miracle, is what it is! A wonder, anyway.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
REALLY chatty Cowverse today. I like it.
Bimini, yay you. Now, if it's what you want to do, go out in the world and bowl them over. Come back here and brag. I'll miss you if you don't.
Cowmander, you're sounding chipper. Must be over that micro-binge. Good. Keepa. Go.
Bimini, yay you. Now, if it's what you want to do, go out in the world and bowl them over. Come back here and brag. I'll miss you if you don't.
Cowmander, you're sounding chipper. Must be over that micro-binge. Good. Keepa. Go.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Originally Posted by courage2 
Pssst, biminiblue has 1 year of steady sobriety today. I don't know if she wants anyone going about, though, hollering
In honor of one year
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A4xBp2rizQ
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by courage2
... diminishing returns, they say. "Flounce."
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Good to see you, Cow. Not having a great day myself. Very moody, weird stuff from work even though I'm home sick. Just in a mood, I suppose. It will pass. Got a nice kosher chicken for dinner, marinating in olive oil, salt, fresh ground pepper and lots of garlic. Will stir fry some veggies to go with and maybe some cous cous.
How about everyone else?
Love from Lenina
How about everyone else?
Love from Lenina
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Good Lord, I'm getting out of the house for two days and I'm eating like a horse! The decadent Waffle House for lunch and some awesome venison curry for dinner.
I went way overboard today--I think I was letting loose after a really emotionally bad week.
I went way overboard today--I think I was letting loose after a really emotionally bad week.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
6 straight (and sober) hours of work meetings here today, mostly in one windowless room. It brings out the "fire everyone and torch the building" in me. My husband just now gently suggested that perhaps it was a little odd that I was sitting at the dinner table across from him, smiling like a maniac but with both fists clenched.
Is it the moon, do you think?
Is it the moon, do you think?
Omnivore
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Winter Water Wonder Land
Posts: 516
I sure am glad to hear you ain't got no more black stars there Cow! That a be down right good news!
I just returned from my happy place. NYC. Other wise known as Snark Bunny's back yard.
Hey, if it is up to me and Gilmer to be the ones looking on the bright side,,,
(Insert punch line here)
I just returned from my happy place. NYC. Other wise known as Snark Bunny's back yard.
Hey, if it is up to me and Gilmer to be the ones looking on the bright side,,,
(Insert punch line here)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
SnarkyB, very much could be the moon. Virgo moon beginning its wane. The maniacal grin was in response to the visions of workplace mayhem? Nice! I dealt with some workplace idiocy on the phones today. I decided to wait to call them back hoping they smarten up by Monday.
Love from Lenina
Love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,427
I've gotten a bonus three days of vacation due to snowstorm.
Mostly been resting and sleeping and cooking (with the resultant eating) plus have a bona fide excuse to avoid the gym
The best thing is lots of quality time with my three old dogs.
Tomorrow, however, I will venture forth to yoga class and a sauna. . .
Mostly been resting and sleeping and cooking (with the resultant eating) plus have a bona fide excuse to avoid the gym
The best thing is lots of quality time with my three old dogs.
Tomorrow, however, I will venture forth to yoga class and a sauna. . .
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Yes, we must have checking in.
AG, the true secret is kosher chicken, cost a little more but tastes ever so much better.
I'm in a very irritable mood, no amount of showering or grooming can help. Perhaps a nice nuzzle of a Cow nose might.
In fact, this is probably the worst mood I've been in for a while. I have a sense of helplessness and despair I don't have these days. Too much news, maybe. Too many disrupted plans, too much laying around on my bum leg.
Maybe I will see about going out for some music later. I have to make a lasagna for my group tomorrow night. Now, don't panic, it's just my little bit of community service.
Love from Lenina
AG, the true secret is kosher chicken, cost a little more but tastes ever so much better.
I'm in a very irritable mood, no amount of showering or grooming can help. Perhaps a nice nuzzle of a Cow nose might.
In fact, this is probably the worst mood I've been in for a while. I have a sense of helplessness and despair I don't have these days. Too much news, maybe. Too many disrupted plans, too much laying around on my bum leg.
Maybe I will see about going out for some music later. I have to make a lasagna for my group tomorrow night. Now, don't panic, it's just my little bit of community service.
Love from Lenina
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
Yes, cow, we need you, or we get crotchety. Does that mean we crochet, or does it mean to have one's head in one's crotch? I don't crochet, or knit, except my brows.
I went to a meeting in the Village today with my former sponsor, who was not in good form, and the most interesting part of the meeting was about getting along with sponsors, which I for one didn't feel ready to share about in general and certainly not in front of her. I have my guard up again with everyone now.
I wonder, do the rest of you, Cow included -- do you ever really trust anyone? I've opened up sometimes little windows, but even then I soon revert back within my fortifications. Is everyone like that? Is there really anyone out there who's just open, generally? Is the fear & loathing of other people a "me" thing, an alcoholic thing, or a human thing?
Just wondering....
I went to a meeting in the Village today with my former sponsor, who was not in good form, and the most interesting part of the meeting was about getting along with sponsors, which I for one didn't feel ready to share about in general and certainly not in front of her. I have my guard up again with everyone now.
I wonder, do the rest of you, Cow included -- do you ever really trust anyone? I've opened up sometimes little windows, but even then I soon revert back within my fortifications. Is everyone like that? Is there really anyone out there who's just open, generally? Is the fear & loathing of other people a "me" thing, an alcoholic thing, or a human thing?
Just wondering....
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