Under pressure
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 24
Under pressure
I drank all weekend since...I had such a good week! I use to think maybe I drank to self-indicate. And, I did. I have many demons that keep me awake at night. But, this week I actually felt okay and was coping. So, I don't understand.
A big snow storm was predicted and so knowing I needed groceries I stopped at the store. I already knew I was getting something to drink. But, I swear to you it was not a conscious decision. I was on auto-pilot!
My life certainly isn't dandy but I really thought I had myself in check! The .bf was on patrol both nights so I stayed up till 3 getting *********! He is really excited about taking me on a weekend trip with his friends. It's a surprise and so I've been fretting that it could be something outside my comfort zone. But that's no reason to drink! I have extreme anxiety and wonder how I will cope without alcohol.
I'm definitely worried! I haven't had a real relationship since my fiancee passed away a year and a half ago...I'm afraid I'm sabotaging myself! And, this man is terrific! I've known him since I was a teen and would be lucky to have him in my life. So, why do I do this???
A big snow storm was predicted and so knowing I needed groceries I stopped at the store. I already knew I was getting something to drink. But, I swear to you it was not a conscious decision. I was on auto-pilot!
My life certainly isn't dandy but I really thought I had myself in check! The .bf was on patrol both nights so I stayed up till 3 getting *********! He is really excited about taking me on a weekend trip with his friends. It's a surprise and so I've been fretting that it could be something outside my comfort zone. But that's no reason to drink! I have extreme anxiety and wonder how I will cope without alcohol.
I'm definitely worried! I haven't had a real relationship since my fiancee passed away a year and a half ago...I'm afraid I'm sabotaging myself! And, this man is terrific! I've known him since I was a teen and would be lucky to have him in my life. So, why do I do this???
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
I am age 60, and I drank for 40+ years. In the advanced state of my Alcoholic Nature, I drank on Auto-Pilot. It was my learned, trained, and continually reinforced operative programming.
I have a very simplistic illustration...We had our trash container in a sliding frame under a cabinet in our kitchen for a few years. The frame broke, so we just set the trash container at the end of the cabinets, out in the open. For a very long time, I would automatically open the cabinet to throw away some trash or garbage, and catch myself telling myself repeatedly that I KNEW the trash container wasn't there anymore.
How much more was it ingrained for the emotionally-reinforced auto-function of drinking in EVERY situation!!!
It got real bad for me, and after repeated tries to quit, and much inter-personal harm, I found out that I could NOT FIX MYSELF....I am now FREE from the obsessive / compulsive cycles of drinking...through working the 12 Steps of AA.
RDBplus3...Sober & Free....and I KNOW you can be
I have a very simplistic illustration...We had our trash container in a sliding frame under a cabinet in our kitchen for a few years. The frame broke, so we just set the trash container at the end of the cabinets, out in the open. For a very long time, I would automatically open the cabinet to throw away some trash or garbage, and catch myself telling myself repeatedly that I KNEW the trash container wasn't there anymore.
How much more was it ingrained for the emotionally-reinforced auto-function of drinking in EVERY situation!!!
It got real bad for me, and after repeated tries to quit, and much inter-personal harm, I found out that I could NOT FIX MYSELF....I am now FREE from the obsessive / compulsive cycles of drinking...through working the 12 Steps of AA.
RDBplus3...Sober & Free....and I KNOW you can be
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Most of us here have been there, mental impulses get really strong after enough repetition doing something. The best weapon you have in this fight is abstinence and time, as hard as we all know it is you just need to focus on getting far enough from the last drink.
In many people, 6 months is around the time the worst of the cravings will start to lessen. In those early months though you really just need to be vigilant and avoid temptation.
Hang in there, just try to keep those alcoholic thoughts out of your mind long enough to get to some solid sobriety and the rest is all downhill.
In many people, 6 months is around the time the worst of the cravings will start to lessen. In those early months though you really just need to be vigilant and avoid temptation.
Hang in there, just try to keep those alcoholic thoughts out of your mind long enough to get to some solid sobriety and the rest is all downhill.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Alcohol is the cause and (in our minds) the cure for anxiety.
If you stay away from it for a period of time, that anxiety and fear diminishes almost completely. The alcohol messes with your brain and nervous system and the only way to recover is to stay away long-term.
If you stay away from it for a period of time, that anxiety and fear diminishes almost completely. The alcohol messes with your brain and nervous system and the only way to recover is to stay away long-term.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
Not a popular answer but the only cure is abstinence. No drinking! My panic button was always pushed when I was using. Now I can handle life without a drink. it took time and alot of support from this site and AA. Its worth it and so are you
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