Tally809

What follows is very ungrateful and I know it. It's also the truth and it's the one stress for me that I can't get past so far- that makes it a risk to my sobriety to keep it quiet. Normally I journal to get the bad stuff out and read here to fill up with the good stuff, but I'll post this one.

I purposely sequestered myself for the last five days so I could start the ball rolling on my sobriety. I didn't figure the DT's would be bad enough to require medical help and I was correct. I did figure stopping nicotine would make me half crazy and I was correct! . No one asked me to become a chain smoking, black out drunk- I did it all by myself. I don't expect any help to stop what I started and I certainly don't think anyone deserves to put up with my ragged a$$ while I'm healing.

This is going to sound really bad, but the only thing I would ask of these people I deal with every day is that they just stay out of my buisness. My family and friends are going to find out this weekend what I've been up to (getting sober) and they're going to be so "happy" for me. So "proud"! They're going to want to know "what can I do to help you?" or even worse, they'll "insist" that I accept -fill-in-the-blank because they know what I need? Seriously??? Mother ***ker I got this....leave me alone!!!

Uggg. The straight ones will be genuine and probably expect me to start attending church or something crazy- I'm not in the mood to put up with this. The messed up ones are gonna get that look (the "trying to look happy for you") while they unconsciously try to get me back into the fold- that's too much to ask even the strongest person in recovery.

Dealing with this crap makes my chest feel tight and I've always taken care of that feeling with a big ole box of wine! So...not an option now. What a shock- 20+ years of drinking haven't improved my people skills? Lol! Damn! No more wine glasses full of avoidance!

Any words of wisdom till I can learn to cope with this? Also, feel free to call me an a$$ hole- I totaly know I am. I'm working on it. Thanks for reading

sugarbear1

Don't make it their business and your expectations won't be met.

Simple, not easy to do.

zjw

I can relate. I did not tell most people what was going on. that didn't stop that kind of thinking in my head however. I'd sit around and pick apart everything everyone did what did they mean but this or that. I hit a point where I quit caring. and this pissed off some but I don't care it gave my my peace of mind back. You can make it all an issue if you want in your head or you can just sit quietly and move on.

But I know what you mean. Been there done that still do it sometimes. Just be polite if you got nothing nice to say keep it to yourself you can think whatever you want about these folks in your head but bite your tongue if you can.

Hevyn

Ann - I understand those feelings very well. You're not alone with this.

Try to remember, it's early days yet. 5 days is great, but your feelings are very raw. I was emotional too - sorry for myself, resentful, and in a way I was grieving. Ridiculous to look back now and see quitting as a loss - but at the time I did. My nerves were on edge and I wasn't feeling sociable. It all passed as I began to heal from all that I'd done to myself emotionally & physically. We are damaged - we need to be patient with ourselves. Everything will get easier. I found that sharing my thoughts here on SR really helped with the anxiety. Everyone understood and helped me rise above my misery. You can do this.

huntingtontx

Five days is awesome. That first week can be really hard. I did not tell anyone what I was doing. They did figure it out after a time, but I did not tell them. If they offered a drink I declined, and I usually brought green tea with me where ever I went so people would not offer me a drink. I hope everyone leaves you to do this your way. You are doing great.

Tally809

Good grief guys....what would I do without you? Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm saving these posts.

Soberwolf

Awesome !!

Congrats on day 5 Tally

esinger

Just chill and take things as they come. I always hated people getting in my $#it too, even with the best intent. Nothing is usually as bad as your brain makes them out to be. You'll get through it all just fine. This coming from a formally certifiable stress monster.

Tally809

I lol'd! Thank you guys!

OklaBH

You are setting yourself up for a resentment. What they think is none of your business. I used to worry myself to death over what people would say or think. Of course, my expectations were never met so I continued in my horriffic cycle. Its not healthy and neither are you right now. Dont drink and find a meeting this weekend. It will really help you start putting your recovery plan together. Good luck!