Sober without AA?
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
Ask him what he plans to do if he fails to stay sober on his own. I am not using a formal recovery program but if I have to I will. This is my first attempt at quitting and I was the one who decided it was time. He might do fine with a self directed approach but if he should be able to give you a commitment for a plan b.
I agree you need to take care of yourself first. You can't spend your energy worried about him taking care of what only he can do.
I agree you need to take care of yourself first. You can't spend your energy worried about him taking care of what only he can do.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: SoCal
Posts: 222
Well Im at a 100 days today, and have never attended an AA meeting...take that for what its worth.
Im not against AA, its just not the route I have chosen. There is no "one size fits all" path to sobriety
Im not against AA, its just not the route I have chosen. There is no "one size fits all" path to sobriety
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 607
Yes you can get sober and be happy without AA. There are many on this site that are living proof. I was in the program twice and went back out twice so I thought I'd try something different, like living, just without booze. There are a lot of members out there that are very insistent and passionate about their methods. For me it's what ever works.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
Looky Mom: I'm A Quitter
In this established Suburban Neighborhood, we 1st Gen original Homeowners of a certain age kinda hang with one another. As the Houses flip, new Moms moving in kinda hang with other new Moms. Sobriety Recovery Program Folks might tend to hang with one another. 'Tis Human Nature.
I just up and quit after descending to pounding a 1.75 L Handle of Vodka every ~2 days in Early Retirement. No Detox. Not smart - I know now - but I had to prove to myself I could do it. Other Folks are wired differently. I never tried to quit umpteen times. I up and quit spontaneously before for up to ~1.5 years. This time, it's for real. Such is the power of the Mind, IMO.
Due to situations on our W. Colorado Ranchette that range from a bulked-up Mountain Lion cruising by outside the Kitchen Window, to having a crazy Neighbor with 5 DUIs empty a 10 Bullet Clip towards me ~1 Decade ago, I need to stay 'casually' Armed. Everyone around me is. From shooting Prairie Dogs when their Burrows would break the Legs of their Livestock to legally reducing Deer 'hordes' that trash their Animal Feed Inventories.
The first question on a Concealed Carry Weapons [CCW] Application is whether I've undergone Treatment for Alcohol. So, I chose to/had to avoid that on my Record. I needed my CCW Permit more than I needed to drink myself to death. So, I just quit. Not a pretty ~5 days of Home Detox. I've been through worse. Unimaginable Whiplash pain over ~2 years, for one.
As with the Moms in this City Neighborhood, I meet other Self-Recovered types at the Dog Park. At Parties. Even through Neighbors' 30-something Kids we've watched grow up here. We everywhere. And, no, we don't broadcast. We typically don't need to or care to. We generally understand how personal a successful Recovery Program is. This is also why I'm not terribly concerned with blindly copying the Program of someone else. I ain't them. To answer the 'trick' question posed above, AA exists, in part, because it's needed, and is useful for many. I accept that right down to my Bones.
I'm on here daily, taking it all in. I'm not 'going it alone'. Just quitting, in conjunction with AVRT/RR and SR, ain't for everyone. But, it's working swimmingly for the only Person it need be a successful, long-term Sobriety Program for: me.
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I just up and quit after descending to pounding a 1.75 L Handle of Vodka every ~2 days in Early Retirement. No Detox. Not smart - I know now - but I had to prove to myself I could do it. Other Folks are wired differently. I never tried to quit umpteen times. I up and quit spontaneously before for up to ~1.5 years. This time, it's for real. Such is the power of the Mind, IMO.
Due to situations on our W. Colorado Ranchette that range from a bulked-up Mountain Lion cruising by outside the Kitchen Window, to having a crazy Neighbor with 5 DUIs empty a 10 Bullet Clip towards me ~1 Decade ago, I need to stay 'casually' Armed. Everyone around me is. From shooting Prairie Dogs when their Burrows would break the Legs of their Livestock to legally reducing Deer 'hordes' that trash their Animal Feed Inventories.
The first question on a Concealed Carry Weapons [CCW] Application is whether I've undergone Treatment for Alcohol. So, I chose to/had to avoid that on my Record. I needed my CCW Permit more than I needed to drink myself to death. So, I just quit. Not a pretty ~5 days of Home Detox. I've been through worse. Unimaginable Whiplash pain over ~2 years, for one.
As with the Moms in this City Neighborhood, I meet other Self-Recovered types at the Dog Park. At Parties. Even through Neighbors' 30-something Kids we've watched grow up here. We everywhere. And, no, we don't broadcast. We typically don't need to or care to. We generally understand how personal a successful Recovery Program is. This is also why I'm not terribly concerned with blindly copying the Program of someone else. I ain't them. To answer the 'trick' question posed above, AA exists, in part, because it's needed, and is useful for many. I accept that right down to my Bones.
I'm on here daily, taking it all in. I'm not 'going it alone'. Just quitting, in conjunction with AVRT/RR and SR, ain't for everyone. But, it's working swimmingly for the only Person it need be a successful, long-term Sobriety Program for: me.
-----
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
As others have said, each person needs to find their own way to get sober. Some can successfully recover w/o any program or outside help. Others need every resource available to them.
I was 18 months sober when I felt that something was missing in my life. I walked into my local AA fellowship and found it. Like minded folks who soon became my friends.
My alcoholism was exacerbated by many different traumas and incidents during my life... and by working the steps and seeking counseling, I have been able to deal with those things.
I was 18 months sober when I felt that something was missing in my life. I walked into my local AA fellowship and found it. Like minded folks who soon became my friends.
My alcoholism was exacerbated by many different traumas and incidents during my life... and by working the steps and seeking counseling, I have been able to deal with those things.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 77
I was admitted to rehab in January of this year, after an extended period of daily, all-day binge-drinking in an effort to control my anxiety. Their recovery programme was very much 12-step focused, with an emphasis on regular attendance of AA meetings.
I have had two one-day 'slips' since January. Both were very spaced-out; one in October (the day of my 30th birthday where I caved and drank some wine with my parents on a meal out), the other in July (I drank a glass of wine to get back at my partner after a particularly bad argument, which I am pretty ashamed of). I could beat myself up, but there will, with any luck, be close to 365 days I have not had a drink this year. I am aware that I am far from out of the woods, but I think that I'm doing pretty well. I did manage to go for a 6-month stretch without alcohol, and I have been on medication to manage my anxiety. I know it helps keep me stable much more than drinking ever did.
Did I persevere with AA? I attended for a short time after leaving rehab, but I wonder how much of this was because I felt it was the 'right' thing to do. Our aftercare programme coordinator would go around the circle each week, asking how many meetings we had attended, and if we hadn't been to at least two, we would be made to feel pretty humiliated - one woman was in tears after a long discussion about why she hadn't been to more meetings. I felt that the meetings themselves were 'cliquey' in some cases, and it was hard for someone like me, who suffered from extreme social anxiety, to join a circle of friends consisting of well-established members. Others I know swear by AA, and we are all different.
From the non-AA angle, despite turning my back on it, I think I'm doing reasonably well. My family say I'm a different person to last year. The most important thing for me is that I don't isolate myself. I am still in contact with people that I was in rehab with, and we are always rooting for each other. I am seeing a counsellor from the mental health team that my doctor referred me to, and I'm hoping to join a support group in the New Year.
As many others have said, different approaches work for different people, but I hope that my post has reassured you in some way.
I have had two one-day 'slips' since January. Both were very spaced-out; one in October (the day of my 30th birthday where I caved and drank some wine with my parents on a meal out), the other in July (I drank a glass of wine to get back at my partner after a particularly bad argument, which I am pretty ashamed of). I could beat myself up, but there will, with any luck, be close to 365 days I have not had a drink this year. I am aware that I am far from out of the woods, but I think that I'm doing pretty well. I did manage to go for a 6-month stretch without alcohol, and I have been on medication to manage my anxiety. I know it helps keep me stable much more than drinking ever did.
Did I persevere with AA? I attended for a short time after leaving rehab, but I wonder how much of this was because I felt it was the 'right' thing to do. Our aftercare programme coordinator would go around the circle each week, asking how many meetings we had attended, and if we hadn't been to at least two, we would be made to feel pretty humiliated - one woman was in tears after a long discussion about why she hadn't been to more meetings. I felt that the meetings themselves were 'cliquey' in some cases, and it was hard for someone like me, who suffered from extreme social anxiety, to join a circle of friends consisting of well-established members. Others I know swear by AA, and we are all different.
From the non-AA angle, despite turning my back on it, I think I'm doing reasonably well. My family say I'm a different person to last year. The most important thing for me is that I don't isolate myself. I am still in contact with people that I was in rehab with, and we are always rooting for each other. I am seeing a counsellor from the mental health team that my doctor referred me to, and I'm hoping to join a support group in the New Year.
As many others have said, different approaches work for different people, but I hope that my post has reassured you in some way.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by Lusher 
In my case however, although I was a very heavy drinker, I was 'scared straight' into stopping. I had a blood test and learned that my liver was in fact being damaged and I had to stop ASAP before permanent damage occurred. Through this scare, I was able to develop the mindset that drinking at all is no longer an option- period.
Lusher
Hi.
I feel that a good number of people that claim to stop on their own are not alcoholics but heavy drinkers who often when motivated just stop with none of the pains alcoholics have. There is a true difference.
BE WELL
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Originally Posted by Gottalife
I would expect that I would meet some who recover without AA through detox simply because they have to detox.
I'll use the AMA guideline of stable recovery being minimum of five years continuous abstinence.
Are you suggesting that 75% of chronic alcoholics recover on their own? Where do you get such a statistic? Have you met them all? Why would there be any need at all for AA?
Once again, I accept large numbers of problem drinkers get well on their own, the experts tell me that. Perhaps you can tell me where I would find all these self recovered types. As far as I know they don't advertise. To date I have not met a single one.
I'll use the AMA guideline of stable recovery being minimum of five years continuous abstinence.
Are you suggesting that 75% of chronic alcoholics recover on their own? Where do you get such a statistic? Have you met them all? Why would there be any need at all for AA?
Once again, I accept large numbers of problem drinkers get well on their own, the experts tell me that. Perhaps you can tell me where I would find all these self recovered types. As far as I know they don't advertise. To date I have not met a single one.
I am not suggesting that 75% number, I am quoting from a long term study done by the US government. The results are published by the NIAAA
Self-recovered types can be found everywhere. Everywhere except AA meetings and detox centres.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Gottalife
I am always astonished by the claim "I know dozens of alcoholics who have happy long term sobriety without AA" The big question is how do you come to meet them all? In over 34 years active in AA, carrying the message to detox, working with community services, I have never met a single one. .
How did I come to meet these people that got sober without AA? Well, it wasn't spending time carrying the massage to detoxes. Think abut it...how many people there went to AA and aren't clean/ sober???? People don't go to detox with," hey life is great and Im clean and sober and been that way for a long time so I think I better go to detox and rehab!!!"
One thing that has helped me see there are a lot of people out there sober without AA or even any recovery program is keeping my ears open.
right off hand over a dozen I know with very long term sobriety with no formal recovery program, although they made major changes in themselves.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Anyone who gets sober is getting sober for a reason i personally dont have a prefrence to any recovery programme or if you just stop altogether on your own
What i care about is the individual struggle of somebody facing up to thier problem
i am glad there are recovery programmes all of them i want more awareness more recovery centres etc
i cant knock anyone and i mean anyone trying to help someone
We should all think about that
What i care about is the individual struggle of somebody facing up to thier problem
i am glad there are recovery programmes all of them i want more awareness more recovery centres etc
i cant knock anyone and i mean anyone trying to help someone
We should all think about that
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by anattaboy
The truth is: everyone quits on their own-it's a volitional act the drinking.
I couldn't. Me on my own got me drunk.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,312
I think it's best we stick to experience here guys and try to steer away from generalisations and the same old slapfights...
Hi Kboys
It's certainly true that some people do recover without AA. I am one of them.
I hope that your bf will find recovery to be his preferred way of living like I have
D
Hi Kboys
It's certainly true that some people do recover without AA. I am one of them.
I hope that your bf will find recovery to be his preferred way of living like I have
D
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by silentrun
Ask him what he plans to do if he fails to stay sober on his own. I am not using a formal recovery program but if I have to I will. This is my first attempt at quitting and I was the one who decided it was time. He might do fine with a self directed approach but if he should be able to give you a commitment for a plan b.
I agree you need to take care of yourself first. You can't spend your energy worried about him taking care of what only he can do.
I agree you need to take care of yourself first. You can't spend your energy worried about him taking care of what only he can do.
During that time he went back to AA (he had been to one meeting before deciding to try it on his own) and he hasn't picked up a drink since he got sober shortly thereafter. He was the kind of alcoholic who absolutely NEEDED what AA has to offer, and he's still sober (and still active in AA) almost 35 years later.
When I got sober, I went straight to AA because I felt that was my best shot. But I promised myself that if I didn't stay sober, Plan B was going to rehab. Didn't have to go there, but it underscored my seriousness about it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
It's been three years since my last drink, I got sober on my own. I was scared of AA. I think it was the AV, actually. I'm pretty sure I was a full blown alcoholic. That, or I did a good job of faking it for 26 years. I have a few friends that quit with AA then stopped going to meetings. Now that I'm not scared of them, I think AA is great. I realize that many of the tools that I've used to stay sober are from their toolbox. Like Dee said, finding recovery to be a preferred lifestyle is where it's at, no matter how you get there. For me, as a family man, there is no substitute.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Originally Posted by Gottalife
Once again, I accept large numbers of problem drinkers get well on their own, the experts tell me that. Perhaps you can tell me where I would find all these self recovered types. As far as I know they don't advertise. To date I have not met a single one.
I was not a problem drinker. I am an alcoholic and I very nearly died from the disease. I have found recovery through books and SR. I have been in recovery for 14 years.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Kboys,
sure it's possible without AA. i've done it
however, and it is a BIG however, i tried a gazillion times by myself and couldn't do it. this time around, i joined a secular recovery organization every day on their online forum, went to a weekly face-to-face meeting for a couple of years, immersed myself in books about recovery (the A.F. book SoberJennie mentions was a good one for me). in other words: i got engaged with others and participated.
but yeah, sure, it's doable.
but I just wonder, from his perspective, since nothing has changed, why should I believe he won't go back to drinking, without some form of support?
yes.
i'd wonder, too
it's an excellent question.
the things he blamed his drinking on that haven't changed. and the "slip", which is a term that minimizes a return to drinking.
take care of yourself. best thing you can do.
sure it's possible without AA. i've done it
however, and it is a BIG however, i tried a gazillion times by myself and couldn't do it. this time around, i joined a secular recovery organization every day on their online forum, went to a weekly face-to-face meeting for a couple of years, immersed myself in books about recovery (the A.F. book SoberJennie mentions was a good one for me). in other words: i got engaged with others and participated.
but yeah, sure, it's doable.
but I just wonder, from his perspective, since nothing has changed, why should I believe he won't go back to drinking, without some form of support?
yes.
i'd wonder, too
it's an excellent question.
the things he blamed his drinking on that haven't changed. and the "slip", which is a term that minimizes a return to drinking.
take care of yourself. best thing you can do.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by Gottalife
I am always astonished by the claim "I know dozens of alcoholics who have happy long term sobriety without AA" The big question is how do you come to meet them all? In over 34 years active in AA, carrying the message to detox, working with community services, I have never met a single one.
I can take you tothe treatment centres and lock up wards and introduce you to dozens of alcoholics trying to prove they don't need AA, I could even introduce you to one who was a big fan of rational recovery, on his 13 th admission, but he is not with us anymore.
I am happy to accept the medical view that many problem drinkers sort themselves out without AA, and the rare spontaneous recoveries of chronic alcoholics, but I have never met a chronic alcoholic who did it on his own, even though I have met hundreds who tried.
They may exist, sure, but if they do, they seem to keep to themselves. They certainly don't broadcats their alcoholism.
I can take you tothe treatment centres and lock up wards and introduce you to dozens of alcoholics trying to prove they don't need AA, I could even introduce you to one who was a big fan of rational recovery, on his 13 th admission, but he is not with us anymore.
I am happy to accept the medical view that many problem drinkers sort themselves out without AA, and the rare spontaneous recoveries of chronic alcoholics, but I have never met a chronic alcoholic who did it on his own, even though I have met hundreds who tried.
They may exist, sure, but if they do, they seem to keep to themselves. They certainly don't broadcats their alcoholism.
Thank you Allen Carr.
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