Akita

I'm one month sober and I want to tell my 11 year old son. He has seen me drunk a few times (2 or 3) and probably knows and thinks more than I think he does. I have told him I have stopped drinking because it is not good for me. My wife and I feel compelled to tell him more. What else does he need to know?

biminiblue

I think letting him know the negative effects of too much alcohol is a good idea. He's at the age where he's going to be tempted to experiment.

trachemys

Tell him you apologize.

gippy1968

Where I live, the schools start kids on the DARE program in 4th grade so chances are your son already has a pretty good idea of the dangers of drugs, alcohol & cigarettes. If it's similar by you, maybe start a convo from what he has learned already in school?

That worked well for me.

zjw

I went through this. My son was about that age and used to comment int he mornings when he saw all my empty beer cans how I hit it hard the night prior. Sobering up was a big ordeal for me. I thought I had hid it well from the kids apparently not. I hit a point where I felt maybe I should fill them in. THey had watched some tv shows where the topic matter was alcoholics and alcoholism and put 2 and 2 together. I still thought I had hid it well i was so slick ya know.

In my case the cat was already out of the bag. I never dove into too much serious stuff. But its no secret I had a drinking problem. Its no secret what a drinking problem is and I pretty much left it at that. I also told them not to discuss it outside the house. lots of folks still dont know and I'd prefer to keep it that way.

Point is your child may already know more then you realize if not they will put 2 and 2 together soon enough anyhow there smart cookies.

fini

depends on the kind of 11-year old he is.

kids need to know the basics, and need skills to deal with peer pressure when they're offered drugs/booze.
do kids at eleven years old need to know more about you than that you don't drink anymore? no, i think not. what they do need, imo, is to know that the door is open and that it's safe to come to you with questions if he has any.

other than that, your phrase about feeling compelled to tell him more worries me. feeling compelled is about YOU, and nothing to do with HIS needs. it might well be a burden to him to hear more. if he's only seen you drunk a couple of times and nothing horrible or no super-drama was involved, then leave him out of it for now.

just a whole bunch of my opinions, of course

and hey: congratulations on your sober month!

Hawks

My 10 year old has seen a few of my antics and knows I don't drink anymore.

There isn't much I can say, actions speak louder than words

SoberMama13

For me, I am totally transparent with my 4 kids (ages 5, 9, 13 and 14). They've been with me on this journey, which started a year ago. They celebrate with me when I get chips at meetings, and we dialog openly about the fact that I'm alcoholic (and their genetics predisposed them to it as well) and all the things that means.
They're my biggest accountability.
My son was 11 when I got sober, and my alcoholism affected him the most out of all my kids.
Proud of you for one month!!!!!!!!!!!!

zjw

Thats really cool. I think part of the reason I was so elusive about it was my inner alcholic wanted to keep an opening to drink again. Funny how that works. I new it then but i aslo didnt want everyone to get all hopeful then have me relapse or something either.

Kudos for you! braver then i was!

Music

He doesn't need to know any more than an 11 year old can handle. If he asks questions, be honest but keep it simple.

paloverde

My take on this is you are the parent, not his friend. He doesn't need to hear words. He needs to see action. Kids look to adults for reinforcement about how to act in this world. If you show in your actions, all will be well. Good luck!

gleefan

My take on it is that I don't talk to my kids, ages 10 and 8, about what I DON'T do. Instead they see what I do. I've always been in their lives, but in recovery I'm more present while I'm there.

I feel children shouldn't take on unnecessary emotional burdens. Actions don't lie. Recovering addicts, however, sometimes aren't able to keep their promises.