RobbyRobot

(((Leshar)))

You're a true inspiration, please own that from me to you. You don't complain, you just state your challenges with grace and purpose in your determinations not to give up or give in. Totally awesome!!

I'm so sorry you're hurting, Leshar.

Cow

"gently suggest" --who is you and what you do with Robot?!

Yay Robot on you diet change, that hard. I hate wait game too. Already feel like I just been in giant "waiting room of life" for, well, ever. That probable why I also react and push back when therapist suggest only tiny changes and even taking step BACK. Is like, no!!!! I already read all the crappy magazines and the advertisement literature and cleans out my purse! Get me out this room!

courage2

Leshar, I fervently hope you and your psychiatrist find something that helps. I know several people who've had ECT with very good results but I also know it's nothing to go into lightly if everything else has not been tried. I'm glad you're writing about it and not drinking.

I guess I was speaking as a researcher from a particular epistemology as such, which doesn't btw disallow self-report, it just requires that it's combined with other sources of evidence. I agree that the process of self-reporting is hugely important in therapy and that the perspective of the client is the single most important thing. Feeding back and forth the internal perspective with multiple other sources of evidence is important to the course of therapy and to the development of the perspective of the client, no?

Thanks. Yes, I understand that I need to tell my psychiatrist about what I'm experiencing, even if it means I need to show some initiative about my own treatment.

Yay! Great news!

Cow

I think in my case, neither self report nor direct observation can transmit accurate picture. For instance, even though I tell therapist last Thursday that I in fear for my life and sanity and terrify of her suggestions, to all appearances, she was in my nicely appointed home and witness me have total professional business call and witness me interact with vendor on our community property (which I am President of). She seem "impress" by that, even though I know that total act, and I tell her, I knows how to perform to get through. Hell, I use to sit through long creative/marketing strategy meeting of god awful executives WHILE having a seizure in order to get jobs. Is what I has have to do to survive. My demeanor or appearances is usual total unrelated to what going on inside. While I think my "reporting" is more honest, it also skew by my crazy brain and it disorders and addictions and depressions and self-manipulations. Although, I try very hard to be honest about all that. So, who the hell really know what going on. Probable not her, probable not me. But I guess two eyes is better than one.

silentrun

I'm sorry you haven't gotten relief yet Leshar. We have been sober about the same amount of time. I don't know if I could have stayed that way if I hadn't started to get better. You are one hell of a strong woman! PS my mind is still changing even this late out.

Cow, when you told me what she suggested I thought it was nuts. You have to do what is right for you and hold your line. I remembered something from my own recovery and I think she is 100% on to something. At some point you have to be willing to feel negative emotions without trying to escape them. It is at that point you learn how to self soothe. You have been at this so long you really don't have much in the way of defenses. Inducing a state of mania and then showing you how to talk yourself off the ledge is pure genius.
Also as far as saying you have dealt with the abuse, you have but only on the surface. I am finding so many latent effects of what happened to me. It actually changed who I was as a person. I want the real me back because screw those guys.
It sounds to me like you found the real deal in a counselor. I think you should trust her and trust yourself that you are going to come through this hooker.

Leshar

Thank you kindly, Robby and Courage. That meant a lot to me.
Cow, I too can pull it together in company. But I'm a heaping mess alone.

Leshar

Thank you Silentrun. I don't know that I'm strong at all. I just don't want to go back to drinking,it would get me nowhere. But I don't seem to have developed the capacity to self soothe. That's what worries me so much.

silentrun

Someone posted this site. I only have watched one session but I picked up a trick that has worked well for me. When I get stressed I will rub my arm like I would if I was trying to comfort a friend. I say things like "yeah this really sucks" or "You can handle this".
The Self-Acceptance Project

Cow

Is hard to soothe self when depression/anhedonia is severe. Then, on top, you gotta soothe you self for not being able to soothe you self! I pretty good at self comforting, but sometime, I just gotta turn on TV and check the hell out, you know?

silentrun

Ah my favorite technique! I am listening to this right now. I know you were not raised in a cult but I am thinking how much it applies to other types of abuse.
Growing Up in Cults: The Special Issues of Children in Cults and Second Generation Cult Members - YouTube

silentrun

**** I just realized how freaky my avatar is considering all this!

courage2

Self-soothing:

computer solitaire
drawing yin-yang symbols in the air, on my leg, wherever
diaphragmatic breathing
sitting in the tub watching water fall
staring at the back of my eyeballs

What do you do, Cow?

Gilmer

Just checking in on you, Cow.

RobbyRobot

Hi Cow. How did Monday go?

Lenina

Learning to self sooth is something many addicts/alcoholics haven't learned how to do successfully I've been told. I have friends who knit or crochet, they tell me it can be an almost meditative exercise. My dyslexica is so bad I have been unable to manage that skill. My eye to hand coordination is very poor. Has anyone here tried the knitting/ crochet/macrome?

I use self hypnosis and music. It calms me and the right music helps me focus.

Love from Lenina

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKNqo...e_gdata_player

fini

yeah, i knit, but then i've knit since i was about 5. in the "old days" most girls were simply taught this as part of living by their grandmothers. was so in Germany, anyways

am knitting fabulous socks for my grown-up daughters for a present, fine, delicate wool.

sure it's almost meditative and soothing; i listen to our public broadcaster or music while doing it but am really almost in another "space".

it's restorative.

Soberpotamus

Always wanted to try knitting.

I sing to self-soothe. Humming helps too.

Hawkeye13

I reread long books I know well already like the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

I also go out walking in the woods with my dogs or lay
in my hammock and watch the stars.

fini

yes, Hawkeye,
long walks in the woods with my dog are the best thing for me. i do that every morning.
it opens something up in me, every time. and is a great help in shutting down the ridiculous chatter-brain...
soothes and smoothes.

Soberpotamus

I'm looking forward to some soothing, peaceful dog walks. Beagles don't exactly walk smoothly. They walk nose to the ground, covering as much ground as possible, sniffing everything. And I do mean everything, lol. It would be nice to walk in a straight line but doubt that will ever happen. They were bred to hunt small game and they are experts at it.