Ambivalence...
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
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Ambivalence...
Ambivalence, the state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something. I used to call this "Being stuck in the middle", I was in that position for over 3 decades with alcohol until I finaly threw in the towel for good.
My drinking had evolved to the point where I would drink until I was too sick to drink any longer, go through detox and say the famous words, "Never Again". I was 100 percent serious about quitting at the time I made the decision but it never seemed to last. Weeks or sometimes months later the thoughts of how great it would be to change the way I felt with substances would slip back in and I fell back into the same old cycle.
In retrospect I see that in the past I had never stayed off substances long enough for my thought process to accept that I didn't really need to change the way I felt. Life can still throw you all kind of curve balls, sickness, anxiety, depression, financial problems, etc.etc. but the true truth is that alcohol never made any of these things better anyhow! Perhaps some of us really need enough time off substances to make it thru the ambivalence, any thoughts?
My drinking had evolved to the point where I would drink until I was too sick to drink any longer, go through detox and say the famous words, "Never Again". I was 100 percent serious about quitting at the time I made the decision but it never seemed to last. Weeks or sometimes months later the thoughts of how great it would be to change the way I felt with substances would slip back in and I fell back into the same old cycle.
In retrospect I see that in the past I had never stayed off substances long enough for my thought process to accept that I didn't really need to change the way I felt. Life can still throw you all kind of curve balls, sickness, anxiety, depression, financial problems, etc.etc. but the true truth is that alcohol never made any of these things better anyhow! Perhaps some of us really need enough time off substances to make it thru the ambivalence, any thoughts?
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
I understand. I had the idea when I became sober everything would become wonderful and fuzzy.
Wrong, the same old same old was still there and I needed to change and accept certain things even if I didn’t like it. Work and change was a slow development as it takes a hated word, TIME. Inch by inch it’s a cinch though.
Sobriety is attained one day at a time in a row.
BE WELL
I understand. I had the idea when I became sober everything would become wonderful and fuzzy.
Wrong, the same old same old was still there and I needed to change and accept certain things even if I didn’t like it. Work and change was a slow development as it takes a hated word, TIME. Inch by inch it’s a cinch though.
Sobriety is attained one day at a time in a row.
BE WELL
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I totally agree. Life isn't as they say, a bowl full of cherries, all of the time. The more times I walk through the yuck of life and get to the other side, the better I am the next time the yuck comes flying towards me. I'm learning to bob and weave through some of the yuck 
My Dad who has been sober for many decades used to always say to me that nothing will be so awful that a drink will make better. I never got it. In fact it just confused me; I was convinced he was mixing up his words. NOW I get it.
My Dad who has been sober for many decades used to always say to me that nothing will be so awful that a drink will make better. I never got it. In fact it just confused me; I was convinced he was mixing up his words. NOW I get it.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Agree.
It takes time to begin to see clearly and to sort out the things that are bothersome. That time needs to be spent without substances that alter brain chemistry.
Every day I learn something new. That's a lot better than, "Every day I get drunk, watch TV, pass out. Do it again."
It takes time to begin to see clearly and to sort out the things that are bothersome. That time needs to be spent without substances that alter brain chemistry.
Every day I learn something new. That's a lot better than, "Every day I get drunk, watch TV, pass out. Do it again."
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
For me the ambivalence was born from the fact that alcohol did provide very short term relief when life seemed untenable. The fact that I would feel even worse as soon as it wore off or I was too sick to keep drinking was somehow pushed to the back of the mind, tucked away from the rational thought process.
They say the mind gravitates toward pleasure and away from pain. My mind would shine the spotlight on the good parts of drinking and block out or ignore the bad parts. It's hard to put into words but it does seem that as sober time builds up it seems less likely that you could be lured back into the same trap. Maybe you just see thru it in a big enough way and you can't be fooled again. Kind of like that old song, The Who - Won't Get Fooled Again - YouTube
They say the mind gravitates toward pleasure and away from pain. My mind would shine the spotlight on the good parts of drinking and block out or ignore the bad parts. It's hard to put into words but it does seem that as sober time builds up it seems less likely that you could be lured back into the same trap. Maybe you just see thru it in a big enough way and you can't be fooled again. Kind of like that old song, The Who - Won't Get Fooled Again - YouTube
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne 
Ambivalence, the state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something. I used to call this "Being stuck in the middle", I was in that position for over 3 decades with alcohol until I finaly threw in the towel for good.
You may find that the AVRT point of view on this ambivalence to be helpful.
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