slipped

I am wondering peoples thoughts on warning people close to you about their alcohol use. I've noticed the first thing a close friend of my son does when she comes home from work is pour herself a glass of wine, or two, or three. That's how I started drinking and it escalated out of control. I haven't said anything because I don't think it's my place. Has anyone on this forum wanted to just shake people and keep them from making the same mistakes you have. Would you?

Dee74

Hi Slipped

the way I see it, you're perfectly entitled to express your concern to this woman - but chances are she won't thank you for it.

I was a dedicated 'saver of alcoholics' my first couple of years, with little or no 'success'.

I've learned since then its better to wait until someone comes to me.

D

silentrun

If she is a close friend you could talk about what happened to you without trying to relate it to what she is doing. If someone had suggested I needed to quit early on I would have thought they didn't know what they were talking about anyway.

gaffo

I heard that stuff early in my drinking career and simply paid it no mind but I still remember it and of course they were all correct. I guess I think it's a good thing to let people know that their behavior is noticeable.

Johno1967

Don't think you would be a friend unless you expressed your concern. Being an adult it's up to her to decide whether to take it or leave it.

Soberwolf

Exactly what D said

GracieLou

When I first got sober it was like I could see alcoholism everywhere and not just alcoholism specifically but addiction or mental obsession. It was so clear to me. I wanted to shake people and ask them "Do you see what you are doing?"

I can tell people things all day long but unless it is an issue in their life, they are going to have none of it just like I wanted none of it until I could see it in my life.

That is just how it goes. Sharing my own experience and prayer is about all I can do for another person.

I never say "you are an alcoholic" I say "I am an alcoholic and this is what I happened to me".

RumHound

I'm not seeing what is wrong about someone coming home from work and having 1, 2 or three drinks. Is there some other behavior the son's friend is exhibiting that is part of the basis for concern?

RecklessEric

I saw alcoholism everywhere, at one point.
But I was amazed when the people I was worried about began to ease off when they had other responsibilities. And that was the thing. They thought nothing of doing so.
They weren't alcoholics.
I, on the other hand, drank MORE when my responsibilities increased.

slipped

No. There are no other behaviors. Just everyday drinking after work. That's how I started.
I like the idea of just relating my story and she can do with it what she wants.

downtown3

I think it all has to do with age. Those who just turned 21 or are in their early twenties, unless gifted with extreme foresight, prudence etc, will most likely brush these warnings off. I certainly did so. In most cases, and unfortunately so, as we all know, it takes a notable fall from grace, sort of speak, to prompt any action. Even then its still a long road ahead. I came to the realization I had a severe drinking problem in 2008 when i first joined SR and only within the past year have i gotten it under control, as well as us alcoholics can.

You almost have to hit rock bottom or close to it to notice the havoc alcohol is causing in your life. Even siting personal anecdotes is not enough to sway most. It's as simple to them as, "that wont happen to me", or "i have things under control".

To those in their twenties or in college it has become a cultural norm to regularly binge and get loaded. Every event is an excuse to drink. A new generation of alcoholics are being born at every college and university on the planet. To them its something everybody does, its social, its fun, its normal - little do they know, that all those social drinking events they participated in - will eventually turn into solitary binges. No parties no games no events - just you and the bottle. It happens in the blink of an eye.

heath480

Pointless to say anything.The only person you can change is yourself.

There is nothing wrong with having a few glasses of wine,most people can drink like that,it dosen't mean they are on their way to being an Alcoholic.

Wastinglife

As my drinking increased in my late 20's, I didn't consider it a problem at the time. But other people started to notice and comment. I remember my girlfriend at the time brought me over to her parents house for Christmas dinner one year and her mother commented to my gf later about how much I drank. I guess I drank a lot in comparison to every else that night.

That kinda stuck with me but instead of slowing down, I just started to hide my drinking. I realized that binge drinking was not as acceptable for someone approaching age 30 and being visibly intoxicated was not appropriate behaviour anymore. Now I would drink before social events and then after back home alone but never have more than a couple drinks in front of others.

I didn't mind hearing concerns over my drinking from my gf or friends close to me but I was really self-conscious and embarrassed when it came from people I didn't know well. Maybe your son would be best to bring it up with his friend privately.

Altoids

We are dealing with this issue in my family. I DO wanna just go shake her. What I have done, though, is advise my mom who isn't an alcoholic and has never drank what to watch out for so she isn't pulled into the manipulation and lies. Sharing your story is a great thing to do. Your experience matters. I can't do anything about my niece until she is willing, but I can use my experience to help my mom who is the one dealing with her.

RaiseAnchor

I was the same way. I would actively try to diffuse drunken arguments/situations with my partner at home lest my roommate would hear. I'm sure he saw how much I would binge drink by the numerous beer cans in the trash, but for some reason I felt as if I was hiding it. The same way went with others, and family members. I tried to keep on this healthy face during the day while most nights at home alone I was drinking without restraint.

I believe I was really trying to hide it from myself. I didn't want to see or hear about what I was doing.

RumHound

Well, I still don't see the logical connection between how you started and a person who has 1, 2 or 3 drinks after work.

But, certainly, good luck to you on your mission. Please let us know how it turns out.

Pagekeeper

It amazes and baffles me how some folks can have 1-3 drinks every day and never become alcoholics, and even more weird? That is 30% of the US population. 30% don't drink at all. 30% drink once per week, and 30% drink a few drinks a day. Guess who the other 10% is?

bigsombrero

I am starting to see some of my old friends' drinking is starting to catch up with them. We are all turning 40 this year. Some of them have really cut down, and are starting to focus on other priorities. Others are going through divorces, gaining weight...and those are the ones who are still hitting the bottle like they are in college.

Many of my old friends know my story already. I hope that they look at me as an example. I have chosen to let them find their own path, so I don't lecture. I let my actions speak for themselves. If anyone ever reaches out to me, I am open to helping them. But I am not the type to scold anyone for drinking too much. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

SteveJr

My family used to leave newspaper articles around the house of people doing time after 3 DUI's, etc. They also took pictures of me passed out on the floor. While it didn't work for me at the time, when I finally came to the end of myself & the scary fact that I had the capability to do anything, including driving drunk and killing a family it came down to the point I had no choice but to stop. That possibility is one of the factors that keep me sober today.

barefootjunker

Myself, as long as the drinking is not affecting me and my sobriety, live and let live. If asked why I don't drink I will share why very briefly and leave it at that. Anonymous is a key word here. How many get irritated when the religious groups come knocking on your door? I know i do as I really don't want someone jamming their beliefs down my throat, or even to be in the debate about it. I dismiss them asap. Lay a seed, and live as an example, but live and let live.