A year ago today.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: London
Posts: 369
A year ago today.....
"So, I relapsed big time. Locked myself in my uni room and drank a bottle of vodka a day for two weeks. My flatmates was so concerned that I wasn't eating that he called my mother wo came to pick me up... I'm now at home detoxing on valium.. But although my shakes and general withdrawal symptoms have gone, I'm left with a feeling of absolute dread. This is the second time I've left uni due to this problem and know now that college isn't for me. When I was at home over the summer I had no temptation to drink but as soon as I got to uni I was at it again... I'd been 5 months sober and now two weeks of a bottle a day has effectively ended my life. I'm only 20, but with no university I don't know what to do with my future. I need a degree but can't go to university. I need a job but have little experience. I feel like I've let everyone down and more importantly myself. I'm terrified of the shame when others outside my family learn what has happened. I'm so depressed and have been considering suicide these last couple days. I'm now 3 days sober and the valium has helped tremendously for the withdrawals but once they've run out I know what I'm left with. Misery, no prospect, a let down mother and father. I can't believe a legal drug that so many of my peers talk about and drink as if it's lemon soda has completely altered the course of my life and left me in emotional ruin.
Everytime I take my prescribed 5mg of valium I feel relaxed for about an hour, then the feeling creeps back. I'm not lying when I say I am currently suicidal and tht only thing stopping me is the love of my mother and father. They've been very supportive but they don't understand withdrawal. And the emotional hurt that comes with it. Sorry for the depressing post but I had to get it out there.... I feel like the lowest life form on earth right now as I see everyone going about their day to day business and I'm thinking why am I not them. What's stopping me. The answer is staring me in the face. Booze. Why why why why why why is it legal and accepted when it does this to people...."
I posted that exactly one year ago and I decided to repost it to remind myself if how far I've come in that year and to also may be give some newcomers some hope that things get better.
At the time of writing I was borderline suicidal, had no job, had to come home from college and pause my education and had zero self esteem. All because I'd thrown everything away on a two week, bottle-a-day bender.
Now I have a job, am back in university education and have much higher self esteem. Things are definitely not peachy creamy, but they're getting there, slowly....
Just honestly can't believe I made it to one year.. Hopefully it keeps getting better and better...
Thanks to everyone here who make this site such a wonderful support mechanism. I honestly wouldn't have made it this far without my daily visit to SR. Cheers.
Everytime I take my prescribed 5mg of valium I feel relaxed for about an hour, then the feeling creeps back. I'm not lying when I say I am currently suicidal and tht only thing stopping me is the love of my mother and father. They've been very supportive but they don't understand withdrawal. And the emotional hurt that comes with it. Sorry for the depressing post but I had to get it out there.... I feel like the lowest life form on earth right now as I see everyone going about their day to day business and I'm thinking why am I not them. What's stopping me. The answer is staring me in the face. Booze. Why why why why why why is it legal and accepted when it does this to people...."
I posted that exactly one year ago and I decided to repost it to remind myself if how far I've come in that year and to also may be give some newcomers some hope that things get better.
At the time of writing I was borderline suicidal, had no job, had to come home from college and pause my education and had zero self esteem. All because I'd thrown everything away on a two week, bottle-a-day bender.
Now I have a job, am back in university education and have much higher self esteem. Things are definitely not peachy creamy, but they're getting there, slowly....
Just honestly can't believe I made it to one year.. Hopefully it keeps getting better and better...
Thanks to everyone here who make this site such a wonderful support mechanism. I honestly wouldn't have made it this far without my daily visit to SR. Cheers.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Originally Posted by MattyBoy 
a bottle a day has effectively ended my life.
The first quote in your signature line reminds me of another.
"Life is too important to be taken seriously" Oscar Wilde
Thank goodness those terrible old days are over.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 466
"so many of my peers talk about and drink it as if its lemon soda"
I'm at a large university currently where this statement holds so true, it's scary. Alcohol is so engrained in every social event. I never really got too involved in the whole drinking-until-blacking out culture, but rather observed it from the sidelines with a grimace. I just don't understand the obsession with a substance that causes you to do things of unfathomable stupidity only to make you feel like death the next day, regardless of how legal it is. I'm no expert on alcoholism, but I get the feeling that a lot of students actually do have problems with the stuff and they're just too entrenched in the culture and their own denial to realize it. Good for you to be one of the ones who's chosen to accept how it has affected you for what it is and take the steps of recovery, not easy to do in our environment. Congrats on 1 year!!
I'm at a large university currently where this statement holds so true, it's scary. Alcohol is so engrained in every social event. I never really got too involved in the whole drinking-until-blacking out culture, but rather observed it from the sidelines with a grimace. I just don't understand the obsession with a substance that causes you to do things of unfathomable stupidity only to make you feel like death the next day, regardless of how legal it is. I'm no expert on alcoholism, but I get the feeling that a lot of students actually do have problems with the stuff and they're just too entrenched in the culture and their own denial to realize it. Good for you to be one of the ones who's chosen to accept how it has affected you for what it is and take the steps of recovery, not easy to do in our environment. Congrats on 1 year!!
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