It's true, they really don't notice or care
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
It's true, they really don't notice or care
Just thought I'd post about this tonight since it was a paralyzing fear for me when I stopped drinking: Everyone will notice I don't drink and think I am a freak.
Seriously, that consumed me for months and months. I kept reading on here how people who are not alcoholic or worried about being alcoholic don't really notice or care who drinks or who doesn't around them. I couldn't believe that. Largely because when I was drinking, I was very busy cataloging just how much, and of what, each person drank. And if you didn't drink? No way was I sticking around you for long unless I was forced to by circumstance (i.e. work). I also didn't trust you (how ironic is that?).
Now though? It is true, people who don't drink heavily/alcoholically don't seem to care whether you drink or not. I keep waiting to be called out, and sometimes people ask, but when I say "no" they leave it at that. No bright lights and interrogation, as I would have done in the past to someone else.
I still scramble in my head for excuses when someone asks, though. And, given my prior history of making up alcoholic lies that ranged from the bizarre to the ridiculous, my mind will usually land there first. But, happily, I find that something simple like "I don't really drink anymore" or just, "I don't drink" works a hell of a lot better than killing off a relative (again!) who doesn't really exist or inventing a disease no one's ever heard of.
Anyway, just figured I'd share that little discovery since it used to eat me alive with worry.
Seriously, that consumed me for months and months. I kept reading on here how people who are not alcoholic or worried about being alcoholic don't really notice or care who drinks or who doesn't around them. I couldn't believe that. Largely because when I was drinking, I was very busy cataloging just how much, and of what, each person drank. And if you didn't drink? No way was I sticking around you for long unless I was forced to by circumstance (i.e. work). I also didn't trust you (how ironic is that?).
Now though? It is true, people who don't drink heavily/alcoholically don't seem to care whether you drink or not. I keep waiting to be called out, and sometimes people ask, but when I say "no" they leave it at that. No bright lights and interrogation, as I would have done in the past to someone else.
I still scramble in my head for excuses when someone asks, though. And, given my prior history of making up alcoholic lies that ranged from the bizarre to the ridiculous, my mind will usually land there first. But, happily, I find that something simple like "I don't really drink anymore" or just, "I don't drink" works a hell of a lot better than killing off a relative (again!) who doesn't really exist or inventing a disease no one's ever heard of.
Anyway, just figured I'd share that little discovery since it used to eat me alive with worry.
Deaf to AV
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Western NYS
Posts: 62
Hi Ptcapote. I also noticed when others didn't drink and it took me a while to realize that I wanted to be like them. Many gatherings had everyone drinking, but a select few in our group never indulged. Of course I noticed (silently) and so often I thought "I wish I could do that". Now I can and I'm finally proud of me.
This is one of the best things about SR, there's someone out there who has had similar experiences and are willing to share the info. Thanks to you all.
This is one of the best things about SR, there's someone out there who has had similar experiences and are willing to share the info. Thanks to you all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
I couldn't agree more. When I first quit I really cared about what drinkers thought of me. I didn't want to offend them by not drinking. Now I find drinking to be just another annoying human trick, like smoking. Some of my old friends are drunks and drinkers but I don't make new ones. When someone asks me if/why I don't drink I think to myself, "Why would I want to do that?" but my usual answer is that I quit. With the slightest provocation I'll easily fess up that I'm an alcoholic and that drinking messes with the very fabric of my life. I never would have imagined!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Originally Posted by gaffo 
I couldn't agree more. When I first quit I really cared about what drinkers thought of me. I didn't want to offend them by not drinking. Now I find drinking to be just another annoying human trick, like smoking. Some of my old friends are drunks and drinkers but I don't make new ones. When someone asks me if/why I don't drink I think to myself, "Why would I want to do that?" but my usual answer is that I quit. With the slightest provocation I'll easily fess up that I'm an alcoholic and that drinking messes with the very fabric of my life. I never would have imagined!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 651
I'm 48 and people in my age group are USUALLY good about offering liquor and saying "ok" when you turn it down. When you are young your social circle may not react that way. Personally I'm not planning to attend events centered around alcohol. When I'm sober drunk people get on my nerves.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Originally Posted by jshep
Many gatherings had everyone drinking, but a select few in our group never indulged. Of course I noticed (silently) and so often I thought "I wish I could do that". Now I can and I'm finally proud of me.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: London
Posts: 369
Thank you for this. I used to obsess about standing out as a non drinker but I've found up to now no one has taken much issue of it. One part major part of my alcoholic thinking is self centredness and being very self conscious but also not having the confidence in myself to be able to say to others "yeah I'm not drinking, so what? What do you care?"
It's posts like this reinforce to me that, to most people, it really isn't an issue and I shouldn't dwell on it.
Thank you
It's posts like this reinforce to me that, to most people, it really isn't an issue and I shouldn't dwell on it.
Thank you
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by Ptcapote
Just thought I'd post about this tonight since it was a paralyzing fear for me when I stopped drinking: Everyone will notice I don't drink and think I am a freak.
Seriously, that consumed me for months and months. I kept reading on here how people who are not alcoholic or worried about being alcoholic don't really notice or care who drinks or who doesn't around them. I couldn't believe that. Largely because when I was drinking, I was very busy cataloging just how much, and of what, each person drank. And if you didn't drink? No way was I sticking around you for long unless I was forced to by circumstance (i.e. work). I also didn't trust you (how ironic is that?).
Now though? It is true, people who don't drink heavily/alcoholically don't seem to care whether you drink or not. I keep waiting to be called out, and sometimes people ask, but when I say "no" they leave it at that. No bright lights and interrogation, as I would have done in the past to someone else.
I still scramble in my head for excuses when someone asks, though. And, given my prior history of making up alcoholic lies that ranged from the bizarre to the ridiculous, my mind will usually land there first. But, happily, I find that something simple like "I don't really drink anymore" or just, "I don't drink" works a hell of a lot better than killing off a relative (again!) who doesn't really exist or inventing a disease no one's ever heard of.
Anyway, just figured I'd share that little discovery since it used to eat me alive with worry.
Seriously, that consumed me for months and months. I kept reading on here how people who are not alcoholic or worried about being alcoholic don't really notice or care who drinks or who doesn't around them. I couldn't believe that. Largely because when I was drinking, I was very busy cataloging just how much, and of what, each person drank. And if you didn't drink? No way was I sticking around you for long unless I was forced to by circumstance (i.e. work). I also didn't trust you (how ironic is that?).
Now though? It is true, people who don't drink heavily/alcoholically don't seem to care whether you drink or not. I keep waiting to be called out, and sometimes people ask, but when I say "no" they leave it at that. No bright lights and interrogation, as I would have done in the past to someone else.
I still scramble in my head for excuses when someone asks, though. And, given my prior history of making up alcoholic lies that ranged from the bizarre to the ridiculous, my mind will usually land there first. But, happily, I find that something simple like "I don't really drink anymore" or just, "I don't drink" works a hell of a lot better than killing off a relative (again!) who doesn't really exist or inventing a disease no one's ever heard of.
Anyway, just figured I'd share that little discovery since it used to eat me alive with worry.
Good Post and I also agree on Stag on this one too. The older age groups will accept you non drinking easier than a young ground that on one. I'm 42 so I would say in the "mature" bracket lol.
I felt the same, the anticipation building up to a party etc etc, far outweighed the actual event itself, where staying sober turned out to be less stressful or demanding. If anything staying sober I noticed how little people actually drink and equally the heavy drinkers could be spotted a mile away.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
The last guy I met who hassled me about not drinking was needling me on the beach last month. At 10 in the morning. He was also sporting a black eye and missing a few teeth. Aside from that, nobody seems to be bothered!
You're right: we're not social outcasts. In fact, many people admire our commitment to healthy lifestyles. Of course, the perceived rejection for not drinking is a huge fear for many alcoholics, but it's really like that monster under the bed. If you can just get the courage to peep down there, you'll see there's nothing to be afraid of. There's just a few missing matchbox cars and an old sock under there - nothing to freak out about!
You're right: we're not social outcasts. In fact, many people admire our commitment to healthy lifestyles. Of course, the perceived rejection for not drinking is a huge fear for many alcoholics, but it's really like that monster under the bed. If you can just get the courage to peep down there, you'll see there's nothing to be afraid of. There's just a few missing matchbox cars and an old sock under there - nothing to freak out about!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,007
In the past year, I've noticed that 99% of folks both friends and strangers simply don't notice. Of course, for the close friends who know my addiction, they are simply relieved when I dont drink. However, its funny how other folks who I used to drink with and now abstain seem to not notice at all. Occasionally I get a raised eyebrow from associates and strangers but that's about it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Here is a graph from the Washington Post. A full 60% of people in the USA have less than 1 drink per week. 30% do not drink at all. All my old friends were on the far right of this graph.
Think you drink a lot? This chart will tell you. - The Washington Post
Think you drink a lot? This chart will tell you. - The Washington Post
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
So true. I was the only one in my circle of friends who cared so darn much about how much everyone was drinking. I always wished that everybody else would just drink 12-14 drinks a night and make me feel normal!
I also had an incredible talent for keeping track of how much everyone else was drinking. Now that I look back, it was rare for any "normies" to have more than three or four on any night, even a party. And they drank soooooooooooo slowly. Like one sip every five minutes. How on God's green earth could a drink last 45 minutes? How could they leave it unfinished?
Normies drink so little, it's baffling. And, they don't give a hoot about who else is drinking or how much. Great reminder!
I also had an incredible talent for keeping track of how much everyone else was drinking. Now that I look back, it was rare for any "normies" to have more than three or four on any night, even a party. And they drank soooooooooooo slowly. Like one sip every five minutes. How on God's green earth could a drink last 45 minutes? How could they leave it unfinished?
Normies drink so little, it's baffling. And, they don't give a hoot about who else is drinking or how much. Great reminder!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Originally Posted by Weasel1966
PT.... So darn good to see you! it's been a while!!!
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