Problem with the term Alcoholic...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I got into a big brouhaha on the friend & families forum yesterday, because I responded to a poster who had concerns about getting involved with a recovering alcoholic. Most of the posters responding gave "flee now" & "save yourself & your daughter" advice. I posted, pointing out that the OP hadn't noted any hurtful behaviors, just that the fella was a recovering alcoholic. There is a whole spectrum of people who are alcoholics, I insisted, some are abusive & some mellow, etc. Someone posted that no alcoholic had the capacity to love, which I thought was ridiculous. Some might be crappy partners, but many alcoholics that I know in recovery (or even practicing) are full of love - they just can't regulate their alcohol use.
Anyway, after many furious posts at my comments, I saw that one poster said I had an "agenda" of convincing them to have "compassion for alcoholics."
I stepped down from the discussion, because I felt very frustrated. It was the first time I ever felt defensive of alcoholics as a whole - the alcoholics I know in recovery are brave, self aware, curious, funny, bright. I thought about the thread all day today. I realize that any reticence I have about the term is because of perceptions like that - that as alcoholics we abuse & abandon & lie & cannot love. While all the alcoholics I know hurt themselves deeply inside the experience, the hurt we produced in others was often just their despair in witnessing that & being unable to change it.
If their definition of an alcoholic is true, then I'm not an alcoholic. It was all very confusing. A person whose passions run obsessively deep, yes. A person who needed support outside themselves to stop drinking, yes. A person without the capacity to love, no. Nope. No, definitely not me....
Anyway, after many furious posts at my comments, I saw that one poster said I had an "agenda" of convincing them to have "compassion for alcoholics."
I stepped down from the discussion, because I felt very frustrated. It was the first time I ever felt defensive of alcoholics as a whole - the alcoholics I know in recovery are brave, self aware, curious, funny, bright. I thought about the thread all day today. I realize that any reticence I have about the term is because of perceptions like that - that as alcoholics we abuse & abandon & lie & cannot love. While all the alcoholics I know hurt themselves deeply inside the experience, the hurt we produced in others was often just their despair in witnessing that & being unable to change it.
If their definition of an alcoholic is true, then I'm not an alcoholic. It was all very confusing. A person whose passions run obsessively deep, yes. A person who needed support outside themselves to stop drinking, yes. A person without the capacity to love, no. Nope. No, definitely not me....
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Heartcore... I was reading last night and saw your post on f&f.... I liked it and thought it was spot on... I couldn't remember what thread it was on . LOL so I actually came here tonight to do a search on your name to find it.. Ive really appreciated your posts in f&f... I can relate to what your sharing because of my own husbands recovery journey. Just wanted to say thanks 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Allforcnm - thanks for your kind words; you just healed whatever little section of my heart got hurt by the exchange...(um, cause I'm the super-sensitive "type" of alcoholic).
In truth, I learn more every day, and it was the first time that I've sifted through feelings of being limited by others in identifying as an alcoholic (although I've always known there was a lot of preconception and definition surrounding the word). Then I found this thread, which I loved, so the issue came full circle. Magical growth circles. They happen all the time, now.
Bottom line - all labels are limiting. We humans are far too complex & multifaceted to ever describe with frozen definitions.
In truth, I learn more every day, and it was the first time that I've sifted through feelings of being limited by others in identifying as an alcoholic (although I've always known there was a lot of preconception and definition surrounding the word). Then I found this thread, which I loved, so the issue came full circle. Magical growth circles. They happen all the time, now.
Bottom line - all labels are limiting. We humans are far too complex & multifaceted to ever describe with frozen definitions.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
((Heartcore)) - I'm sure it hurt to get blasted on that board.
In active addiction, under the influence, I had some challenging behaviors. There are some people who've had an issue with alcohol, or even had a drop to drink, who are way more challenging to deal with than I am.
For me, it's been a blessing to label myself an alcoholic. It allowed me to find SR, go to AA, stop drinking, expand my spirituality, and uncover the more authentic, loving, tender parts of myself. All I can do when faced with someone who uses my identity as an alcoholic to justify pushing me out of their life is pray that they may find the peace that I've found.
In active addiction, under the influence, I had some challenging behaviors. There are some people who've had an issue with alcohol, or even had a drop to drink, who are way more challenging to deal with than I am.
For me, it's been a blessing to label myself an alcoholic. It allowed me to find SR, go to AA, stop drinking, expand my spirituality, and uncover the more authentic, loving, tender parts of myself. All I can do when faced with someone who uses my identity as an alcoholic to justify pushing me out of their life is pray that they may find the peace that I've found.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by Hawks 
I loved everything about drinking.
The taste, the smell, the bottles, the labels.
There were a few spirits I didn't like raw (Gin for example) but I liked most raw & if I didn't, there wasn't a spirit I couldn't mix. (Gin, lime, tonic ... beautiful)
I wore t-shirts with beer brands on them, hats with beer brands.
I even loved the smell of a pub the next morning at 7am when the owner used to let us in at for an illegal "Lock In" drinking session on a Sunday.
The smell of a pub the next morning was like the smell of roasting coffee or flowers ... for me. Sniff sniff ..... aaaaahhhhh ..... I'm home.
I was "addicted" after my first "unsupervised" drink ... I drank as much as I could get my hands on from the age of 12.
The taste, the smell, the bottles, the labels.
There were a few spirits I didn't like raw (Gin for example) but I liked most raw & if I didn't, there wasn't a spirit I couldn't mix. (Gin, lime, tonic ... beautiful)
I wore t-shirts with beer brands on them, hats with beer brands.
I even loved the smell of a pub the next morning at 7am when the owner used to let us in at for an illegal "Lock In" drinking session on a Sunday.
The smell of a pub the next morning was like the smell of roasting coffee or flowers ... for me. Sniff sniff ..... aaaaahhhhh ..... I'm home.
I was "addicted" after my first "unsupervised" drink ... I drank as much as I could get my hands on from the age of 12.
I was special because I was a trusted "regular" that could drink hard liquor in a closed bar after hours or on Sunday.
For me, admitting I was an alcoholic was my key to acceptance. There was no other word or words that I tried to use that caused me to finally surrender. I used functioning alcoholic for the last ten of my drinking career. I had to drop the “functional” to get honest. I am just a plain alcoholic. No foo, no fluff, no fancy. Just a plain alcoholic.
As others have said, it does not really matter what you call yourself or how you see yourself as long as the label you create does not keep you in denial.
Saying “I am GracieLou and I am an alcoholic” left me no room for denial. Once I got to that truth, I joined AA and by the Grace of God, have not found a reason to drink since that clarity moment.
Today I am a grateful recovering alcoholic. Being an alcoholic and being a member of AA has changed my life. The label does not bother me. The label on a bottle of booze never kept me from drinking it so the label of alcoholic does not make me scream into the night either. The final acceptance of that label, "alcoholic" saved my life.
Living Sober
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
As the joke goes: "The only difference between an alcoholic and a drunk is that alcoholics go to meetings."
Personally I don't care for the term alcoholic either, although there's no question that I am one. I'm fine with it in here, but not elsewhere. Perhaps it's the whole stigma thing. I will, however, admit that I have had some problems with alcohol if need be.
Personally I don't care for the term alcoholic either, although there's no question that I am one. I'm fine with it in here, but not elsewhere. Perhaps it's the whole stigma thing. I will, however, admit that I have had some problems with alcohol if need be.
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