Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Alcoholism Information > Alcoholism
Reload this Page >

Diary of a Mad Cow, Part VIII: "When on Fire, Save what of Value"



Notices

Diary of a Mad Cow, Part VIII: "When on Fire, Save what of Value"

Old 10-22-2014, 01:35 AM
  # 421 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
((((cow))))
Gilmer is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 01:37 AM
  # 422 (permalink)  
Trying to Enjoy Life Now
 
otter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Sittin' on the dock of the bay
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by alphaomega View Post
Awww Jeez buddy.
Ugh. Sigh.

Ain't not a one of us who call ourselves addicts haven't walked this same sick path. Even to the extent that you are at. The Cycle. It just keeps spinning round and round. And there is a certain "comfortabilty" in the knowing, that even in the unknowing of whether you are going to hit that magic moment or not, at least today will just be "business as usual".

That alone can keep you drinking. Because it's familiar. It's safe. Its the safest place we know in our profound state of misery. Never mind the damage it's doing, it's the best we've got for right now. And it will have to do. Desperate times. Desperate measures.

I know full well you know the extent of your actions. No need for any of us to pontificate ad nauseum. I just want you to know I understand and I stand as both witness and condemned as a fellow addict.

My heart shatters for the pain of the state you are in.

Because, I too, am absolutely, literally, one drink away from the exact same.

(((Cow)))
That was sad but beautiful.
otter is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 03:52 AM
  # 423 (permalink)  
Member
 
BackToSquareOne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
So very sorry to hear about your loss. The love you shared will always be with you, be well Cow.
BackToSquareOne is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 04:00 AM
  # 424 (permalink)  
voices ca**y
 
silentrun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
Hugs Cow.
silentrun is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 04:09 AM
  # 425 (permalink)  
Still I rise.
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
Sorry, Cow.

RevivingOphelia is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 06:44 AM
  # 426 (permalink)  
Member
 
Leshar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,960
Hello, Cow.

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend.
Please try and take care of yourself. A Herculean task, I can imagine, but please try. We all care about you.
Leshar is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 07:11 AM
  # 427 (permalink)  
p***enger
 
courage2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 18,988
Cow, I'm sorry that you're grieving.

Like Lenina & Dee, I hope you take care of yourself and experience this process without using. I think it will help you find peace.
courage2 is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 07:59 AM
  # 428 (permalink)  
Adventures In SpaceTime
 
RobbyRobot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
So sorry (((Cow))) to hear the news of your friend Maggie's passing. Even though expected, still, her passing hurts, and I'm sorry for your many associated hurts and pains just now in your struggles, my friend.

Please take care of you, okay?!!
I have every hope for you, dearest Cow.
RobbyRobot is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 08:36 AM
  # 429 (permalink)  
Member
 
gardendiva's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 322
I'm sorry about Maggie.

Your caffiene/alcohol cycle is very similar to my weed/alcohol cycle. (Weed is a stimulant for me.) I also use benzos to sleep. I was sober yesterday, but only because I was too sick with hangover to use.

I have a bad habit of delaying grief - it hits months later out of nowhere. That's not pleasent so allow yourself to indulge in your grief now. It's better in the long run.

I'm glad you're here Cow.
gardendiva is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 09:30 AM
  # 430 (permalink)  
Cow
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
 
Cow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Thanks everybody. I still not feel anything, but I sure I gonna hork up brick in my chest at some point. Maggie was alcoholic who sober for 30 year. I lie to her last time I see her. Tell her I sober and she not has to worry about me anymore. Now I gotta make good.

bimi, I sorry my description of using at rock bottom levels again was seductive to you. It funny how dark tale of harrowing descent into wasted days of alcoholic madness ...actually sound pretty good to alcoholics! Oh my. Jesus God. We one hella f*cked up crew. Thank gods we has each other.

Anyways, is not gonna be any drunken grieving. Nonsense has to stop.

As Captain Picard say, when he finally had it with relentless Borg and they destructive nonsense: "The line must be drawn here! Here! This far! No farther!"
Cow is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 09:49 AM
  # 431 (permalink)  
Member
 
Lenina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Cow, I'm glad to see you. I've reread your post about the measuring several times. The one sentence that really stuck with me was the part about it not working any more. For me, it got to that point. The point I recognized it wasn't working at all any more. I'd given up on just having a few long before. I knew it was all or nothing. I guess I finally had to go with drinking nothing! I couldn't get drunk enough.

I hope you know we will be here for you. Come here and post before you start rattling around with the measuring insanity.

And I do think you might like the Connie Willis books. She's an excellent story teller. In Passage there's some bits where you may think she's having contiguity problems but she wraps that up with a big red bow!

OK, so let's all try to help each other. I wish I could find a way to help others find that switch that flipped for me. I do have peace in my life most of the time. Except when the stars get wacky. (you know I'm kidding)

Love from Lenina
Lenina is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 09:57 AM
  # 432 (permalink)  
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
 
alphaomega's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,884
The most treasured gift you could offer in her memory and to honor your kindredness, is to make good on your words. She set the example.

Let this be your before and after moment.

The REAL one this time.

(((COW))))
alphaomega is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 03:06 PM
  # 433 (permalink)  
voices ca**y
 
silentrun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
Cow I remember what you said about death before. So I will say to you just that Maggie's passing sucks. I'm glad you are deciding that this cycle has to stop. You keep talking about the Borg and quoted Captain Picard. Do you remember when he was captured by the Kardashians? They couldn't break him Cow. No matter what life throws at us something always survives.
There... Are... Four... Lights! - YouTube
silentrun is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 03:20 PM
  # 434 (permalink)  
Cow
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
 
Cow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Mmm, Kardashians probable could break Picard, especially if they torture him with Kanye. But Cardassians did no break him! Or did they...
Counselor Troi and Picard step into the ready room where Picard is at a loss for words to explain his ordeal. Troi explains she's already read his report, but Picard offers that what he didn't put in the report was that Madred offered him the choice of a life of comfort or more torture at the price of admitting seeing five lights. Although he did not say it, the captain admits he was going to - he would have told his tormentor anything, but even more troubling to Picard was that in the end he could see five lights.
However, Cow was no broken today. The line stands!
Cow is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 03:26 PM
  # 435 (permalink)  
Member
 
ESD907's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 554
I'd like to say it gets easier..it does not.... you simply get used to it. it sucks forever.
ESD907 is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 03:37 PM
  # 436 (permalink)  
voices ca**y
 
silentrun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
Originally Posted by Cow View Post
Mmm, Kardashians probable could break Picard, especially if they torture him with Kanye. But Cardassians did no break him! Or did they...
Counselor Troi and Picard step into the ready room where Picard is at a loss for words to explain his ordeal. Troi explains she's already read his report, but Picard offers that what he didn't put in the report was that Madred offered him the choice of a life of comfort or more torture at the price of admitting seeing five lights. Although he did not say it, the captain admits he was going to - he would have told his tormentor anything, but even more troubling to Picard was that in the end he could see five lights.
However, Cow was no broken today. The line stands!
I haven't actually seen the episode just that part of it. I can see where Picard would be disturbed that he actually started to believe the Kardashian mind bend BS. It happens. He made it through and he is safe back at the Enterprise so it doesn't matter what he was going to do because he made it as long as he had to.
silentrun is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 03:45 PM
  # 437 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Originally Posted by Cow View Post
However, Cow was no broken today. The line stands!
Yes!!!
Soberpotamus is offline  
Old 10-22-2014, 11:23 PM
  # 438 (permalink)  
Member
 
Lenina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
((((Lori))))) I'm sorry it's not getting better for you. It did for me. I did have to be drug throught the flaming circle of nine kinds of hell but I do feel better. It is very. Very rare that wanting a drink hits me. Life still happens around me, I still have bad days. I still have times I want to go screaming down the middle of the street. There are times I want to smack the moronica off a co worker.

But I don't. The feeling passes. I don't even need to close my third eye. It passes.

I have to get ready for work. I'll be back if I can find time. (might be able to, my flight home is running late but no one official has advised me to go back to bed. LOL )

Love from Lenina

PS. Cow, the Kardashisans are a vivd reminder of everything I do not want to be. I suspect they would break me down....did I just mention moronica? XXOO
Lenina is offline  
Old 10-23-2014, 07:10 AM
  # 439 (permalink)  
Member
 
gardendiva's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 322
Originally Posted by ESD907 View Post
I'd like to say it gets easier..it does not.... you simply get used to it. it sucks forever.
Are you talking about grief or addiction?
gardendiva is offline  
Old 10-23-2014, 08:27 AM
  # 440 (permalink)  
Cow
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
 
Cow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
I think Lori talking about grief. I know I still very much grieving my momma after almost 30 year. Is no point where I has been at peace with it. I just become more motherless everyday.
Cow is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:45 AM.