Bluesman1952

I have been on and off these boards for a few years and really never was able to totally quit drinking. I average around 8 - 10 beers nightly, then sometimes go a week sober. I have many responsibilities here at home as my wife is working and I am retired, so the fact that I am needed here, deprives me of going to a rehab. I just can't. I saw my Dr. yesterday and he gave me some stuff to take. I know medical advice is not allowed here so that isn't what I am looking for. I guess I am just venting. I am afraid to take what he gave me, so that is why I feel stuck. I have tried AA with no success. Meetings are far from my rural home and I just can't do it - I am busy all day here tending to everything from cooking, cleaning, the dog, the bank, you name it, I do it. Thanks for "listening". I will keep giving it the good old college try!

trachemys

You know there are online meetings here, right? As has been advised to others: Post, Post and Post some more. And when those cravings hit, apply ice cream!

thisisme

Read your post. It's full of excuses.
I hope you find the inner desire and it carries you to a MUCH better life.

Best.

fini

Bluesman,

there comes a point at which giving it the same old try over and over just isn't gonna pan out any better than all the last good old tries.
might be time for a new, untried try.

how we tried in college-tries isn't always what's needed when we're retired.

you actually might need to put this first and foremost.

pulltight

I tried for a few years with half a**ed failed attempts and through extreme mental gymnastics I justified my drinking.

Like the above posters say, you gotta really want it and no excuses.
I didn't really want it and made tons of excuses over the years myself until now.

I believe you can beat it too if it's a top priority.

biminiblue

I agree that your post is full of "yeah, but".

Just stop. One day at a time do not pick up alcohol.

Your hand, your mouth. You have to do it.

You joined here a couple years ago. Spend more time here reading. It can be your one hour a day meeting. Ask questions. There is a lot of wisdom on this site - a lot.

Bluesman1952

Thanks...I just went food shopping and past right by the beer isle - It wasn't easy, but with me, I'll get right back in the truck and go back. I need to learn to keep busy....And yes, I know about the online meetings and may give that a try...

Bluesman1952

Isn't that what alkies are all about? Excuses. I know...you're right...

Bluesman1952

It is a top priority - When I was younger I could handle it, but now I am physically and mentally stressed when I try to sleep and get things done. Like I said - I DID take a step and go to my doc yesterday...but being I can't discuss what transpired at his office here on these boards, I feel that stuck feeling. I will figure it out...Thanks for posting

Bluesman1952

I intend to do just that - I was using private messages for a while and I was on and off the beer, but went on vacation to the beach and well....You know the story from there. I'll be on here more for sure. I really am tired of being sick and tired "Ringo Starr"

IOAA2

Hi Joe.
Many that post here on the forums don’t seem to take the consequences of drinking very seriously. I know I didn’t in the beginning until the emotional pain got bad and I don’t suffer well.
Try to visualize someone in a wheelchair or a dead mother or father due to a drinking and driving accident.
If you’re an alcoholic and want to stop that must be the number one priority before all others and you must do it for yourself.
This process requires work and change within ourselves and usually ½ measures avail us nothing.
Try to get a plan together and work on it honestly.

BE WELL

PurpleKnight

I think we all need to decide how important Sobriety is and make the necessary changes to achieve it!!

If we have time to drink, then we have time to at least check out SR or online support in the evenings, during the day wasn't a problem for me, it was the evenings and the habit of drinking in front of the TV, which was what I needed to deal with.

You can do this, but changing up your way forward to produce different results is important!!

Bluesman1952

Thank you for posting this - I am trying to get this first day under my belt - I know the consequences all too well - Not my parents, but Aunts and Uncles that died from liver failure or cancer due to drinking, or those who were diabetic and didn't control their drinking. It is a horrible way to die, or to watch someone die from booze. I will listen to my Dr. and follow his instructions. I will come to these boards when I can. I may even go to a meeting if I am in town...I don't know yet how to handle this, but each day I feel worse and worse, so I know something is going on with my body....

Bluesman1952

What scares me is, I was once told this is a total Commitment and some things that trigger drinking have to be avoided at all costs. Well, something very near and dear to me is a BIG trigger, and that is my guitar. Playing pool is another trigger and I have a pool table. Even cutting the grass makes me feel like a 12 pack! What do I do? Give up all my loves? This is where I am confused

dwtbd

Triggers only have the power you give, imo. You don't have to give up any loves, save one(lots of double entendre here)

zjw

I just read in a book about knowing the truth verses being aware of the truth. The author went on to tell us about how sometimes we need a taste of the truth in order to be aware of the truth. that simply knowing it isnt enough. he went on to tell a story about a guy who smoked cigarettes and said who cares the ancient egyptions never smoked and there all dead we are all gonna die of something what does it matter. this guy then went to the doctor the doctor told him he had 2 spots on his lungs and he wanted him to come back in a few weeks to discuss options etc.. This guy never smoked again after that. why? because while he always knew it could kill him he was not aware of it till this happened. Sometimes we need a taste of the truth so that it can sink in was the authors point.

From what your saying you've had a taste of it I think your aware of it. It just needs to sink in some.

PurpleKnight

Many people have come from the position of because they were simply awake, they drank, thoughts are only thoughts, we don't have to act on them, so we can still enjoy what we like to do, but without the alcohol!!

For example, I used to drink while watching sport, I'd go to see games, watch it on TV, and every time there would be a beer in my hand, now I still watch the same amount of sport but I don't drink, sure the first few times I felt and thought about alcohol, but I didn't follow through as my commitment to Sobriety was about much more than having a beer at an ice hockey game.

Routines and habits have been what we have lived for so long, so naturally everything is going to be associated with alcohol, we have to break the cycle and create new habits, doing things without the alcohol!!

pulltight

Yes. Give it up for a however long it takes. Do whatever it takes.

I was a busy drunk, at least 8 beers to mow the yard or 6 to take to my range, my grill wouldn't ignite without out a beer in my hand (think its defective), always had to be drinking when I was working on projects/hobbies I love.
I have put most those things on hold for now, until I get a better handle on my self discipline.

They are all right here waiting for my return when I'm ready. Yours will be too!

If you don't have your health everything you love goes away anyway.
You can do this!

zjw

i like your attitude. its true stuff can wait sure not everything but just shelve the stuff you cant handle and tackle the stuff you can. it aint going no where. need your health first.

aasharon90

I use to cut the grass, manicure it to
perfection with alcohol near by, then fall
out on the grass with a good sense of
accomplishment.

I got sober and into recovery and the
grass still needed to be cut and completed
it once again with perfection.

I learned to take pride in our yrd. and
in how I maintain myself thru out the
years before, during and after alcohol.

Being responsible in recovery doesnt mean
I have to slack off my responsibilities in life
or my own self.

As far as sports, I never was quite interested
in watching them on tv, but I learned in recovery
and sobriety to enjoy them, especially golf and
a few other sports and there is no poison available.

Maybe ice cream or a good meal.

Ive ALWAYS luved music and even more
so when I entered recovery. Gotta have
my music. It fills my heart, mind and soul.