Authenticity
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Yes, just put it up through my ancient Yamaha / Bose system attached precariously to my telly. Playing it often enough to annoy Bess (my dog).
Where would we be here without being a bit wackers?
Where would we be here without being a bit wackers?
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by bemyself 
R, I noticed EndGame's point on his thread about his sister - that she was gettin' angry. At last.
Very pertinent and appropriate, I'd have thought. Have at it, as you'd say. And then enjoy the birdsong and eventually chomping on pizza, chook, and such. You can do both, eh?
Very pertinent and appropriate, I'd have thought. Have at it, as you'd say. And then enjoy the birdsong and eventually chomping on pizza, chook, and such. You can do both, eh?
Let's be honest, yeah?
How could someone like me, who has struggled for my entire life, and met those same challenges, not be angry when he is told by competent cancer specialists he has at best 2 years to live? That's with successful treatment, okay?
It will take something better than successful treatment for me to survive past two years, okay? Hmmm. Something better. Wow. This is one bitch of a challenge. What is better then successful treatment I asked. We don't know said the good doctor. All we know is 70 to 80 % of the patients with your type of cancer die around the two year mark. Even when remission occurs, these same patients have a return of their cancer in a new resistant to treatment version. And they quickly die.
Hmmm. Yeah. I'm angry. What makes anybody think I'm not. Seriously? Just because I'm using words like "a bit"? And just because I'm not rolling round the bathroom floor?
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on that sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Dylan Thomas
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on that sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Dylan Thomas
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
How could anyone, how does anyone respond to "you have two years to live"?
I was told once, "thirty days incarceration". I knew it would be less if I worked at it, and that when it ended my life would go back to normal.
I have no idea how I would respond to "you have two years to live". Until being told that, no one can. But, I believe in the fight.
I was told once, "thirty days incarceration". I knew it would be less if I worked at it, and that when it ended my life would go back to normal.
I have no idea how I would respond to "you have two years to live". Until being told that, no one can. But, I believe in the fight.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
My Dad was told once...you have 2 years to live...he got 12 before it got him. Morphed into something else and sneaked back in...
But in those 12 years...he got to see 5 more grandchildren born, 2 more of his children married. He and I got a relationship out of nowhere. He turned from an angry bitter man into someone who learned to laugh and enjoy life. That 12 years were the best he'd ever had. He said these words himself and they were very true.
Doctors don't always account for the strength of the human spirit, and there can't be many stronger than you Robby. You've already endured so much.
And you've got us walking side by side with you.
Sending love and strength xxx
But in those 12 years...he got to see 5 more grandchildren born, 2 more of his children married. He and I got a relationship out of nowhere. He turned from an angry bitter man into someone who learned to laugh and enjoy life. That 12 years were the best he'd ever had. He said these words himself and they were very true.
Doctors don't always account for the strength of the human spirit, and there can't be many stronger than you Robby. You've already endured so much.
And you've got us walking side by side with you.
Sending love and strength xxx
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
Thanks for expressing that Jeni.
I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't made it home from maternity hospital...I shouldn't have grown to adulthood...I should not have made it this far, but I did.
I'm not one for denial or false hope, but who really knows how long the Fates spin the web of our lives?
I hope yours (and mine) stay a good deal longer than statistics allow Rob
D
I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't made it home from maternity hospital...I shouldn't have grown to adulthood...I should not have made it this far, but I did.
I'm not one for denial or false hope, but who really knows how long the Fates spin the web of our lives?
I hope yours (and mine) stay a good deal longer than statistics allow Rob
D
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
So true Jeni and Trach
Both Melissa and myself don't for a second believe I'm of that 80% that doesn't make it. We absolutely believe I'm of the 20% that does make it past 2 years! And that I'm of the even lesser percentage that makes it past 5 years too!!
You know, the human spirit, and the will to live is awesomely powerful. The other thing, is any alcohol, and smoking, and poor diet, all these things can really mess with how well chemo works. I don't drink and I don't smoke. So right there I have an advantage. Also physical fitness is a significant factor in causing the cancer to stay in remission.
The only thing that can really jam me up over the next few months is if I don't work well with the chemo-therapy. They will do what is called a PET scan to check how the cancer and I are responding to treatments. They'll inject a radio-active sugar into me, and then use nuclear imaging to very closely observe normal and abnormal function of my cells.
I'm game!!
I'm stoked!!
I truly believe my best strengths have yet to be tested. I'm praying and hoping real hard chemo and I are best of friends in this fight, lol. Two PET scans are done one as treatment begins, and the other in 5 weeks of treatment. The results will speak for themselves. If successful, I'm expected to endure about 4 months of chemo in total, and then we move onto a whole new other level of treatments and surgeries.
BRING IT!!!
Both Melissa and myself don't for a second believe I'm of that 80% that doesn't make it. We absolutely believe I'm of the 20% that does make it past 2 years! And that I'm of the even lesser percentage that makes it past 5 years too!!
You know, the human spirit, and the will to live is awesomely powerful. The other thing, is any alcohol, and smoking, and poor diet, all these things can really mess with how well chemo works. I don't drink and I don't smoke. So right there I have an advantage. Also physical fitness is a significant factor in causing the cancer to stay in remission.
The only thing that can really jam me up over the next few months is if I don't work well with the chemo-therapy. They will do what is called a PET scan to check how the cancer and I are responding to treatments. They'll inject a radio-active sugar into me, and then use nuclear imaging to very closely observe normal and abnormal function of my cells.
I'm game!!
I'm stoked!!
I truly believe my best strengths have yet to be tested. I'm praying and hoping real hard chemo and I are best of friends in this fight, lol. Two PET scans are done one as treatment begins, and the other in 5 weeks of treatment. The results will speak for themselves. If successful, I'm expected to endure about 4 months of chemo in total, and then we move onto a whole new other level of treatments and surgeries.
BRING IT!!!
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by Dee74
Thanks for expressing that Jeni.
I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't made it home from maternity hospital...I shouldn't have grown to adulthood...I should not have made it this far, but I did.
I'm not one for denial or false hope, but who really knows how long the Fates spin the web of our lives?
I hope yours (and mine) stay a good deal longer than statistics allow Rob
D
I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't made it home from maternity hospital...I shouldn't have grown to adulthood...I should not have made it this far, but I did.
I'm not one for denial or false hope, but who really knows how long the Fates spin the web of our lives?
I hope yours (and mine) stay a good deal longer than statistics allow Rob
D
Damn the statistics! Sure, I respect the numbers. I respect the science behind the numbers. Nonetheless, like you D, I wasn't supposed to make it either. Polio hit me hard at 11 months old. Didn't leave the hospital until after I was 2 years old fighting for my life. Statistically, I was supposed to die in that hospital. But here I am! This fight I'm in now has always been, you know? Its a different song this round, but the same dance, yeah?
I totally share your beautiful hopes D!! We're both living proof there is more to survival than generalizing of whatever statistics, lol.
I'M A BELIEVER!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
So true Jeni and Trach
Both Melissa and myself don't for a second believe I'm of that 80% that doesn't make it. We absolutely believe I'm of the 20% that does make it past 2 years! And that I'm of the even lesser percentage that makes it past 5 years too!!
You know, the human spirit, and the will to live is awesomely powerful. The other thing, is any alcohol, and smoking, and poor diet, all these things can really mess with how well chemo works. I don't drink and I don't smoke. So right there I have an advantage. Also physical fitness is a significant factor in causing the cancer to stay in remission.
The only thing that can really jam me up over the next few months is if I don't work well with the chemo-therapy. They will do what is called a PET scan to check how the cancer and I are responding to treatments. They'll inject a radio-active sugar into me, and then use nuclear imaging to very closely observe normal and abnormal function of my cells.
I'm game!!
I'm stoked!!
I truly believe my best strengths have yet to be tested. I'm praying and hoping real hard chemo and I are best of friends in this fight, lol. Two PET scans are done one as treatment begins, and the other in 5 weeks of treatment. The results will speak for themselves. If successful, I'm expected to endure about 4 months of chemo in total, and then we move onto a whole new other level of treatments and surgeries.
BRING IT!!!
Both Melissa and myself don't for a second believe I'm of that 80% that doesn't make it. We absolutely believe I'm of the 20% that does make it past 2 years! And that I'm of the even lesser percentage that makes it past 5 years too!!
You know, the human spirit, and the will to live is awesomely powerful. The other thing, is any alcohol, and smoking, and poor diet, all these things can really mess with how well chemo works. I don't drink and I don't smoke. So right there I have an advantage. Also physical fitness is a significant factor in causing the cancer to stay in remission.
The only thing that can really jam me up over the next few months is if I don't work well with the chemo-therapy. They will do what is called a PET scan to check how the cancer and I are responding to treatments. They'll inject a radio-active sugar into me, and then use nuclear imaging to very closely observe normal and abnormal function of my cells.
I'm game!!
I'm stoked!!
I truly believe my best strengths have yet to be tested. I'm praying and hoping real hard chemo and I are best of friends in this fight, lol. Two PET scans are done one as treatment begins, and the other in 5 weeks of treatment. The results will speak for themselves. If successful, I'm expected to endure about 4 months of chemo in total, and then we move onto a whole new other level of treatments and surgeries.
BRING IT!!!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,025
Robby, I have so very little experience to offer here that I haven't and won't try to make any comparisons or suggestions or write about fighting or not. You'll live with/through/and possibly beyond this, and you'll do it in an extraordinary way, because you're an extraordinary person.
You're one of 3 people I hold dearly -- not even knowing how dearly -- that I've learned recently have very serious cancers. I'm a novice with your disease, and I look to you -- because of your honesty and beautiful voice -- to teach me how to show each of you that I care -- which is all I can do -- which as you know, is also something that I'm a novice at
On a different tack, I'm not a novice at literary criticism, and I ask you to look again at Do Not Go Gently.
It's a great poem, but it's not for you. There's a terrible, sad regret in each case -- the wise men lack influence, the good men were weak, the wild men were hurtful and the wise had no fun. That isn't you. You'll fight against your disease for sure, but if my soul's house is in as much order as yours when I go, I'd be pretty damn satisfied with myself.
Remember you taught me how to use the word "soul."
I'll find you a better poem.
You're one of 3 people I hold dearly -- not even knowing how dearly -- that I've learned recently have very serious cancers. I'm a novice with your disease, and I look to you -- because of your honesty and beautiful voice -- to teach me how to show each of you that I care -- which is all I can do -- which as you know, is also something that I'm a novice at
On a different tack, I'm not a novice at literary criticism, and I ask you to look again at Do Not Go Gently.
It's a great poem, but it's not for you. There's a terrible, sad regret in each case -- the wise men lack influence, the good men were weak, the wild men were hurtful and the wise had no fun. That isn't you. You'll fight against your disease for sure, but if my soul's house is in as much order as yours when I go, I'd be pretty damn satisfied with myself.
Remember you taught me how to use the word "soul."
I'll find you a better poem.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I'm with you on those sentiments about fighting, Robby, and I believe that anger can be an energy that helps generate and sustain that drive. I think that you know how to channel your anger to serve that purpose rather than become a destructive force for you. Your determination and strength are truly outstanding and amazing; I agree with Leigh above that if cancer had a way to have its feelings, it would most likely be intimidated.
There is ample evidence that people who do not give up and maintain a spirit to beat their odds as much as realistically possible tend to often do better when it comes to fighting disease and other obstacles. I'm glad that Lenina mentioned Siegel's book -- I also think it's a worthwhile read and would recommend it. Another book you could look into if you are interested is Illness as Metaphor by Susan Sontag. The author is someone whose personality and life I've always related to a lot. She wrote this book while fighting breast cancer herself (she had more than one cancers throughout her life) and she challenges many myths associated with the perception of disease in the book.
And a little personal note that I wanted to tell you many times... I think this is a good time. Right from the beginning when I started reading your comments here on SR, you always reminded me of my father personality-wise... in so many ways, especially before old age broke him more in recent times. You have read my posts about him on here, so I guess you know what this comparison means in my head I was thinking about this all the time when the first part of this thread was developing last year. You both seem to go about your "business" with a determination that can be awe inspiring, sometimes even intimidating to some who do not have a similar sense of purpose and resourcefulness (for example, some of those doctors you have encountered I guess ). I and many others here have so much respect for you about how you seem to handle all your challenges. Please also remember what was discussed here earlier though, that sometimes feeling uncertain and vulnerable is perfectly okay and can bring about a different set of positive changes. I'm telling this often to myself as well; I really, really understand that feeling you described earlier about the subjective perception of failure. Another double-edged sword for sure.
I hope you have a relatively peaceful day with Melissa before your upcoming surgery on Monday. I'll be thinking of you and "sending" good vibes as much as I can, my friend
There is ample evidence that people who do not give up and maintain a spirit to beat their odds as much as realistically possible tend to often do better when it comes to fighting disease and other obstacles. I'm glad that Lenina mentioned Siegel's book -- I also think it's a worthwhile read and would recommend it. Another book you could look into if you are interested is Illness as Metaphor by Susan Sontag. The author is someone whose personality and life I've always related to a lot. She wrote this book while fighting breast cancer herself (she had more than one cancers throughout her life) and she challenges many myths associated with the perception of disease in the book.
And a little personal note that I wanted to tell you many times... I think this is a good time. Right from the beginning when I started reading your comments here on SR, you always reminded me of my father personality-wise... in so many ways, especially before old age broke him more in recent times. You have read my posts about him on here, so I guess you know what this comparison means in my head
I was thinking about this all the time when the first part of this thread was developing last year. You both seem to go about your "business" with a determination that can be awe inspiring, sometimes even intimidating to some who do not have a similar sense of purpose and resourcefulness (for example, some of those doctors you have encountered I guess ). I and many others here have so much respect for you about how you seem to handle all your challenges. Please also remember what was discussed here earlier though, that sometimes feeling uncertain and vulnerable is perfectly okay and can bring about a different set of positive changes. I'm telling this often to myself as well; I really, really understand that feeling you described earlier about the subjective perception of failure. Another double-edged sword for sure. I hope you have a relatively peaceful day with Melissa before your upcoming surgery on Monday. I'll be thinking of you and "sending" good vibes as much as I can, my friend
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Robby,
i know i have no idea.
and am very sorry i came across as armchair analyzing. good heavens, not my intent.
and Robby, not saying this to argue with you, but when i say i understand what Cow is saying i'm not saying i see it her way, just that i can understand points of view without having them myself.
but enough of that.
you being a fighter is what's always come through in all your posts, from the very first one i read. you giving everything your best shot.
i know i have no idea.
and am very sorry i came across as armchair analyzing. good heavens, not my intent.
and Robby, not saying this to argue with you, but when i say i understand what Cow is saying i'm not saying i see it her way, just that i can understand points of view without having them myself.
but enough of that.
you being a fighter is what's always come through in all your posts, from the very first one i read. you giving everything your best shot.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Hi (((fini)))
No worries, my dear friend. I'm just so damn focused is all in being all I can be right now. To be this way, requires me to embrace whatever doubts may come to my awareness and use these said doubts or weak plays to tweak my game to a higher level. So yeah, I'm dealing with a plateful, and yet this is actually very helpful as it gives me opportunities to test my mettle and adapt to whatever is happening as quickly as I can.
For me, this is me taking my fight to my cancer and not the other way around. I'm choosing my battles here with as much precision as I can setup. I'm white hot to stay alive. Should I not prevail, then I'll eventually totally embrace palliative care. At such time this would make real sense. For now though, its total war.
You know I have real friendship for you, and for Cow too. I'm sorry we briefly got on different sides of this. I'm sure we can all put whatever happened well behind us. I need your friendship and loving kindness, my dear friend (((fini)))
Thank you so much for clearing up our misunderstanding for me. I count on my friends here to realize I need their friendship and their own life experiences shared more than I need generalized advice. I'm long in the tooth when it comes to challenges which require my total focus. I absolutely respect you fini, and need you more than I can say.
No worries, my dear friend. I'm just so damn focused is all in being all I can be right now. To be this way, requires me to embrace whatever doubts may come to my awareness and use these said doubts or weak plays to tweak my game to a higher level. So yeah, I'm dealing with a plateful, and yet this is actually very helpful as it gives me opportunities to test my mettle and adapt to whatever is happening as quickly as I can.
For me, this is me taking my fight to my cancer and not the other way around. I'm choosing my battles here with as much precision as I can setup. I'm white hot to stay alive. Should I not prevail, then I'll eventually totally embrace palliative care. At such time this would make real sense. For now though, its total war.
You know I have real friendship for you, and for Cow too. I'm sorry we briefly got on different sides of this. I'm sure we can all put whatever happened well behind us. I need your friendship and loving kindness, my dear friend (((fini)))
Thank you so much for clearing up our misunderstanding for me.
I count on my friends here to realize I need their friendship and their own life experiences shared more than I need generalized advice. I'm long in the tooth when it comes to challenges which require my total focus. I absolutely respect you fini, and need you more than I can say.
Originally Posted by fini
Robby,
i know i have no idea.
and am very sorry i came across as armchair analyzing. good heavens, not my intent.
and Robby, not saying this to argue with you, but when i say i understand what Cow is saying i'm not saying i see it her way, just that i can understand points of view without having them myself.
but enough of that.
you being a fighter is what's always come through in all your posts, from the very first one i read. you giving everything your best shot.
i know i have no idea.
and am very sorry i came across as armchair analyzing. good heavens, not my intent.
and Robby, not saying this to argue with you, but when i say i understand what Cow is saying i'm not saying i see it her way, just that i can understand points of view without having them myself.
but enough of that.
you being a fighter is what's always come through in all your posts, from the very first one i read. you giving everything your best shot.
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