The guilt
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 151
The guilt
How do you get over the guilt of when you mess up so bad? This weekend I just acted crazy to the guy I'm dating showing up at his apt and basically just passing out outside his door after leaving him horrible voice mails. He said he still wants to hang out but wanted to give it a little while to make sure I wouldn't act all crazy again. I'm completely normal when not drinking and would never act like that. I just keep thinking of how I could have been different if I only didnt go to the store to get another bottle. I know i can't change it now but ughh. This happened on Sat night and I haven't talked to him since. Just trying to give him space. just text him how sorry I was. Can't stop thinking about it though 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 183
For me, there were 2 ways to get over the guilt - 1) Keep drinking to shove those feelings down or 2) Stop drinking completely and permanently, behave differently, and consistently, and as time passes that guilt will fade.
I haven't drank in almost 8 months now, and I never feel guilty anymore over my behavior. I never embarrass myself. I never black out. I never have crippling anxiety. People are beginning to trust me again that I won't turn into "that person."
Best to you -
I haven't drank in almost 8 months now, and I never feel guilty anymore over my behavior. I never embarrass myself. I never black out. I never have crippling anxiety. People are beginning to trust me again that I won't turn into "that person."
Best to you -
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Calif
Posts: 757
lost
i think we all had stories that we are not proud of. trust me i have mine and makes my want to hid my face around certain people. but the fact is you passes out at his door after leaving those voice mails. it is in the past, you cannot change that, what was done is done.
so i would move on, and mark that up as what happens when you drink, and another reason not to drink. you said you were sorry and that is all you can do for him. as for you, you can make the change of being sober.
that is how i think after some of the stupid things i did.
i think we all had stories that we are not proud of. trust me i have mine and makes my want to hid my face around certain people. but the fact is you passes out at his door after leaving those voice mails. it is in the past, you cannot change that, what was done is done.
so i would move on, and mark that up as what happens when you drink, and another reason not to drink. you said you were sorry and that is all you can do for him. as for you, you can make the change of being sober.
that is how i think after some of the stupid things i did.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by lostgirll 
I'm completely normal when not drinking...
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
time.
trust me, you aren't the only drinker who has done things they wish they could erase. I have 2 DUI's I can never take away. I could sit and wallow in anger/guilt all day long, but where would that get me? Most likely, back to booze. NO.
At some point, you just get to the point where enough is enough.
But what's done is done. We cannot go back. I've found the only way to "make up" (if that's even the right term??) to people we have hurt or embarrassed ourselves around...is time and moving forward doing the RIGHT thing. Which means = don't drink.
I don't know how long you have been seeing this guy, but if he's a "normie"...you probably won't get too many more chances to act like that before he walks.
Are you ready to stop drinking?
trust me, you aren't the only drinker who has done things they wish they could erase. I have 2 DUI's I can never take away. I could sit and wallow in anger/guilt all day long, but where would that get me? Most likely, back to booze. NO.
At some point, you just get to the point where enough is enough.
But what's done is done. We cannot go back. I've found the only way to "make up" (if that's even the right term??) to people we have hurt or embarrassed ourselves around...is time and moving forward doing the RIGHT thing. Which means = don't drink.
I don't know how long you have been seeing this guy, but if he's a "normie"...you probably won't get too many more chances to act like that before he walks.
Are you ready to stop drinking?
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
My neighbours hated me and I mean hated
They now see me and think nothing of it like it almost didn't happen but it still happened in my head I can't forgive myself for some of the things I done to myself and others but at the same time I don't beat myself up no more sort of like forgiven but not forgotten
Its gets easier all the time the more you learn from it
They now see me and think nothing of it like it almost didn't happen but it still happened in my head I can't forgive myself for some of the things I done to myself and others but at the same time I don't beat myself up no more sort of like forgiven but not forgotten
Its gets easier all the time the more you learn from it
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Ga
Posts: 1,511
time.. and sobriety.. Trust me I'm feeling guilty over this weekend also. It was close family that got to see drunk me.. Honesty I thought before I flew home there would be some kind of intervention.. I was prepared but afraid. Luckily we realize this lifestyle has to stop for ourselves and got on here. Let's move forward and let the guilt wash away over time 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Here, EH!!!
Posts: 1,337
Originally Posted by lostgirll
How do you get over the guilt of when you mess up so bad? This weekend I just acted crazy to the guy I'm dating showing up at his apt and basically just passing out outside his door after leaving him horrible voice mails. He said he still wants to hang out but wanted to give it a little while to make sure I wouldn't act all crazy again. I'm completely normal when not drinking and would never act like that. I just keep thinking of how I could have been different if I only didnt go to the store to get another bottle. I know i can't change it now but ughh. This happened on Sat night and I haven't talked to him since. Just trying to give him space. just text him how sorry I was. Can't stop thinking about it though
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
The hard truth is that it is a good likelihood that you will lose this relationship (unless he also has substance abuse issues, and then the two of you can dance the cycle of crazy behavior and forgiveness together).
I lost my last relationship with crazy drunken behavior also.
I got sober.
I haven't tried to restore that relationship. I did apologize. Truth is that he was also drinking very heavily and - honestly - I know that I will ultimately relapse if I try to return to that story. I also realize that he isn't the person I would want to share my growing, sober life with.
They say in AA that we're willing to "go to any lengths" to get sober. Whenever I hear that saying, I think about him, and the ending and loss of that relationship. It actually helps me to not drink, because it cost me something (I did value him), and I don't want that loss to have been for nothing.
I hate my angry, unpredictable, wacko-girl behavior that emerges (sometimes) when I'm drunk. Most of the time I'm funny and loving, but then - whoosh - crazy girl appears. That never ever happens sober. I am done with shame. I have swum in shame, almost always related to my drunken behavior in relationship. I am swimming in clear clean refreshing water now, and I hope to never feel that way again.
If it is true love, he will appreciate and support your sobriety, and ultimately the relationship will be healthy and your behavior forgiven as he sees you change.
If it is a mutual attraction/sexy friendship, then it is okay to let it go and heal yourself. You can always try again with him later. Or, you can start something fresh, knowing that you can trust yourself as a sober partner to not act out. Shame-free, drama-free relationship... yum...
I lost my last relationship with crazy drunken behavior also.
I got sober.
I haven't tried to restore that relationship. I did apologize. Truth is that he was also drinking very heavily and - honestly - I know that I will ultimately relapse if I try to return to that story. I also realize that he isn't the person I would want to share my growing, sober life with.
They say in AA that we're willing to "go to any lengths" to get sober. Whenever I hear that saying, I think about him, and the ending and loss of that relationship. It actually helps me to not drink, because it cost me something (I did value him), and I don't want that loss to have been for nothing.
I hate my angry, unpredictable, wacko-girl behavior that emerges (sometimes) when I'm drunk. Most of the time I'm funny and loving, but then - whoosh - crazy girl appears. That never ever happens sober. I am done with shame. I have swum in shame, almost always related to my drunken behavior in relationship. I am swimming in clear clean refreshing water now, and I hope to never feel that way again.
If it is true love, he will appreciate and support your sobriety, and ultimately the relationship will be healthy and your behavior forgiven as he sees you change.
If it is a mutual attraction/sexy friendship, then it is okay to let it go and heal yourself. You can always try again with him later. Or, you can start something fresh, knowing that you can trust yourself as a sober partner to not act out. Shame-free, drama-free relationship... yum...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by Jupiters
time.
trust me, you aren't the only drinker who has done things they wish they could erase. I have 2 DUI's I can never take away. I could sit and wallow in anger/guilt all day long, but where would that get me? Most likely, back to booze. NO.
At some point, you just get to the point where enough is enough.
But what's done is done. We cannot go back. I've found the only way to "make up" (if that's even the right term??) to people we have hurt or embarrassed ourselves around...is time and moving forward doing the RIGHT thing. Which means = don't drink.
I don't know how long you have been seeing this guy, but if he's a "normie"...you probably won't get too many more chances to act like that before he walks.
Are you ready to stop drinking?
trust me, you aren't the only drinker who has done things they wish they could erase. I have 2 DUI's I can never take away. I could sit and wallow in anger/guilt all day long, but where would that get me? Most likely, back to booze. NO.
At some point, you just get to the point where enough is enough.
But what's done is done. We cannot go back. I've found the only way to "make up" (if that's even the right term??) to people we have hurt or embarrassed ourselves around...is time and moving forward doing the RIGHT thing. Which means = don't drink.
I don't know how long you have been seeing this guy, but if he's a "normie"...you probably won't get too many more chances to act like that before he walks.
Are you ready to stop drinking?
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Really it's just time. And sobriety, which guarantees you won't behave the same way again. I've gone round and round in my head about all the awful things I did, the dangerous situations I put myself in, etc.. and really all I can do is stay vigilant in recovery/sobriety and that guarantees I will never ever fall off in a fit of drunken decisions again. Over time, that guilt and worry has diminished greatly.
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