SoberLife2014

I hear a lot of people on here talk about how they have a hard time accepting the fact that they shouldn't ever drink again. Has anyone on here been able to accept the fact that they may never drink again? I totally believe in the "one day at a time" thing, but does anyone feel comfortable with long term (as in forever) sobriety? If so, how did you come to terms with it?

I'm sure a bunch of threads have been made about this before so bear with me.

SoberLeigh

For me, all of the "one day at a times" eventually equalled acceptance that it was for forever. Now, after almost 1,000 "one day at a times", forever is absolutely okay with me.

freshstart57

Lulu, I decided at the outset to frame this pickle in a way as to give me the best chance of success. I did a simple pro and con comparison, and looked at all the bad stuff I was doing to myself. Depression, anxiety, shame, guilt, physical health, bank account, relationship with spouse and family, work prospects, in all these regards I was destroying myself by continuing to drink.

This is something we all know well every time we reach for that bottle again after swearing off. We minimize the impact of drinking in our mind every time. There had to be more to make this plan of mine work.

So, I looked at what I was giving away by continuing to drink. I looked at the things I could do and have ONLY IF I stopped drinking. This was the more compelling list for me. I could be healthy, happy, content, with a loving family, a good job, satisfying hobbies and great friends ONLY IF I never take that next drink. I could have a life worth living OR I could drink, but I could not do both. I decided that the next drink would mean I was kissing all that goodbye, everything that makes a life worth living, for real, for good. I was at the decision point to decide how my life was going to be, and only one shot. Failure was not an option.

The very idea of only committing to that line of thought until the sun goes down seems to me to be a huge risk to my future. How could I make that commitment to my future just for today? As I said, I chose to look at this in a way that gives me the best chance of success, and for me, this is it.

YMMV.

huntingtontx

One day at a time is what worked for me in the beginning. Now, forever is fine. I don't ever want to go back. I love being alcohol free. Love my new life. Every now and then I have a thought that I wish I could drink like a normal person, but I have excepted that I can't. I am good with that. Life is so much better sober.

tomsteve

good question!
hhhmmm...accepting I shouldnt drink again. don't think I had a problem with that.
but I did have a problem with the thought of never drinking again. it was fear. fear of the unknown. my whole life had revolved around alcohl and I had no clue what life without it would be like. but I got me a huge honkin dose of courage to find out.

and today I am comfortable with long term sobriety. how did I come to term with that and accept it? welp, I think it has to do with seein how good alcohol wasn't workin for me. seeing all the damage I created while drinking plus the mental, emotional, and physical decline in myself helped me accept that I didn't want to drink anymore.
I plan on staying sober the rest of my life, but can only do that ODAAT

tomsteve

and knowing that in the time it takes alcohol to get from my lips to my stomach is all the time it will take for my past will become my future helps.

wheresthefun

For ME, accepting that the rest of my life would be just fine without ever drinking again was one of the most liberating moments in my life. And, not only has my life been just fine without alcohol, it's been fan-f...ing-tastic!!!

Petewill

hi Lulupalooza.. I don't think about it as long term that I can never drink again. I just think about it "one day at a time" .. It is too overwhelming of a thought to think i can never drink again, what am i going to do.. thinking one day at a time doesn't put so much stress on me as well.. hope this helps..

doggonecarl

While I understand how daunting "forever" can be, the fact is that for this alcoholic, it had to be forever. Maybe breaking forever up into one day chunks makes it seems less terrible, and it's only today we have to deal with, the fact remains, we can't ever drink.

This acceptance became very freeing for me. While I was struggling in early recovery, doing my personal inventory, it became quite clear that I wasn't a normal drinker, had probably never been one, and never, ever, was I going to turn into a normal drinker. Therefore, I could never drink. Ever.

What a revelation. Blew my mind. From that point I quit mourning the loss of alcohol, quite wasting time wishing I could be different and drink, quit thinking "one day" I'll be able to drink.

Now all I have to do is do the recovery work to ensure I don't convince myself otherwise.

aasharon90

Before recovery, I never know the word
sobriety. Before recovery I knew what it
was like to lie, steal, cheat, unhappiness,
manipulation, sneaking, selfishness, and
a long list of other sick ssues in my
life.

Before recovery, I put poison, a deadly
substance in my body never realizing it
was killing me inside and out slowly.

When I entered recovery and the allowed
the poison to leave my mind and body,
then I was able to learn about substance
abuse and its affects on me and others
around me. I continued to learn and absorb
a program of recovery with an open mind,
willingness and honesty.

Slowly as I worked a program of recovery
consisting of some important steps and
principle to clear away the wreckage of
my past, I saw a healthier, brighter future
without poison.

Long term sobriety is a way of life in
recovery living life without the lieing,
stealing, cheating, selfishness etc. and
replacing them with many AWESOME
GIFTS promised to us in recovery.

Why would I ever want to go back an
claim that miserable sick life with poison
that strip me of the person Ive become
today.

Happy, healthy, honesty and free from
the chains that held me bondage to alcohol
yrs. ago.

Forever, sure, but as we learn, without
a program of recovery to live with, then
alcohol is so cunning, baffling and powerful,
it sneeks up on the weak, vunerable ones
without notice and holds them captive again
because that what it lives for.

So we learn to stay in the day living recovery
for long term sobriety. It will only work if we
work it.

Anna

I never really did the 'one day at a time' approach, even at the outset.

I knew for sure I could never drink again, ever. When I decided that drinking was no longer an option for me, ever, my thinking began to shift and to help me deal with my life.

fini

Lulu,
i needed to be clear on the "forever" thing before i could quit. i needed to be okay with that.
the one-day-at-a-time approach simply took my mind immediately to "maybe tomorrow". and that kept me tied to some possible future drinking.

the fact that the rest of my life is made up of daily days is certain.
therefore the actual living of it is one day at a time for me.

MIRecovery

I grew into it. On a logical level I knew I could never drink. On an alcoholic level never drinking was way too scary. For the first 2 years I did it exclusively a day at a time. Slowly but surely I accepted I could never drink again on an alcoholic level. Today never drinking again is just a fact of life

aborkie

I drank for twenty years. I not only accept not drinking again, I want to avoid it at all costs. I didn't feel this way when I first quit, but now nearly 100 days sober I hate the idea of drinking again. My life has improved too much.

desypete

at 23 i entered aa got off the drink and left aa, i lasted for 15 years believing i would quit for life and in those 15 years my life improved i got a good job earned a lot of money i started my own business and made even more money
i had a wife with kids the home the lot

then i picked up the first drink again
8 years on from that first drink i had lost the lot, ended up drinking 24 / 7 been to prison, lost my 2 smallest kids to social workers and the care system, my ex wife went off with another drunk as she to was and is an alcoholic

i had no money and no one in the world to pick up the mess after me

so i ended up back in aa just one step off being homless but i was flat broke

i have been sober this time around 10 years and i have a job again i got my kids back out of care and my life is back on track, sadly one of my yougest kids died from stomach cancer he was just 16 i am the only parent my kids have in there lives and i have been there for them all though out it all thanks to aa and there help when i came back into the fellowship

they told me when i came in to not pick up that first drink for one day at a time and that's what i did, daily or some times when my head was hurting me with my ex being in bed with another man etc i would have to go minute by minute

i had to clean my shoes or clean my flat i had to call someone or get to an aa meeting i had to do what ever to took to get through that period of time that i was being mentally tortured, when i did these things it would pass

i had to do these things daily until i didn't have to do them as much as with time it got easier

today i dont have to do these things as i dont get under attack anymore its gone but i had to work hard for it and i had to grow and change as a person by doing a lot of others things in my life that i never ever did before

so i could sit back and say i will never drink again in my life but i can not as i know with my own experience even after 15 years i drank again and the dam mess that caused me and also how hard i had to work to just get through a single day without a drink

the only time i could find peace was either in an aa room or after 11 oclock at night as thats when the booze shops closed so the fight was over for that day

so maybe you didnt sink down to my level so will not need to give up for a day ?

but to me i am really only sober for today even if i feel i will never drink again, i only have to look at what happened to me the last time to see how it can creep back in again

also as i am in aa and active in aa i see on a regular basis new comers and also those who went out and came back again
so these guys and girls give me far more than i can give to them

GracieLou

I am an AA member and in the beginning I never looked at it most of the time as “one day at a time” but I sure was happy that was an option on some days/weeks that were extremely rough.

I don’t look at it like I HAD to live one day at a time it was that I GET to live one day a time. How wonderful is that? It means to me that yesterday is gone and tomorrow can and may be different then today. If I can just handle today then I will be okay.

I think many times we assume that tomorrow is going to be the same as today. The good and the bad but mostly we tend to go to the bad side of the fence. There are times I have gone to the good side of the fence a day a head and was disappointed that I did not have the same good day that I had yesterday. So comparing tomorrow to today is forming an expectation.

When I have expectations of what tomorrow or next week or next year is going to look like I set myself up to fail because it is never going to be the same as today. Something is different everyday. I started to see the difference rather than an endless repeat of the same day over and over like I did when I drank. 1000 things could have been different but I did not see them, ever.

Today I live in the moment more than in the 24 hours. If that moment lasts 24 hours, then great! Sometimes it last 24 days and sometimes 24 minutes, both are just as important because I look at what I got from that time and I try to hold on to it rather than complain it was not long enough to enjoy. One minute can be long enough to enjoy. The first time I had a full out laugh sober, I shocked myself. Lasted 10 seconds. That was new, different, a change and I held on to it.

The thought of drinking at this point does not occur to me anymore because I have found a new way to deal with hurt and pain. I have learned a new way to avoid resentments and anger. I have found a new way to be okay with who I am and comfortable so I don’t have to drink to create a false me.

Once I found the real me and I learned to like and accept me, drinking just was not needed anymore. I was not running and hiding anymore. The obsession to drink was gone.

So it was not that I think “forever”, I just live. Most people do not know how long they have to enjoy life. I am 45 and not getting any younger. I want to feel the way I do now forever but that is not a guarantee either. There are no guarantees, only choices. I choose to live my life sober.

PurpleKnight

1 Day at a time was what got me through the early stages of Sobriety and it still gets me through when things get tough, but as time has gone on it has evolved into this is a new lifestyle and a new Sober life!!

Soberpotamus

Yeah, I feel comfortable with the idea of never drinking again. The longer I'm sober the more my self-esteem, confidence, competence... all that good stuff... increases. I don't want to revert back to the mess I was while drinking. I like this me better That's something I can wrap my head around.

Do I see the occasional glass of wine at a dinner table and feel pangs of... nostalgia? Yes, I do. But I know that there's nothing romantic, nothing inherently good or beneficial that's going to come from me grabbing that glass of wine and drinking it down. I know exactly where it will lead. And I'll be right back at square one again.

I don't fall for "euphoric recall" these days.

heartcore

I just remind myself that I already drank and used more than "my share" - enough for multiple lifetimes.

Like some people eat all the cookies in the box and then there are no more cookies, and some people eat one cookie every so often, so their box lasts a long time.

I emptied my giant "cookie box" out on the counter and consumed the pile greedily.

When I find myself wanting to drink or use, when I look longingly at those who carefully hoarded their own supply, spacing it out reasonably through their lifetime, I just remind myself that I already devoured my lifetime's share.

I realize this is a simplistic analogy (kindergarten wisdom), but for some odd reason, it works for me every time.

I think it is because if I thought I hadn't gotten my lifetime's "fair share" of drugs and alcohol, I'd demand it righteously...

Soberpotamus

Heartcore, I look at at that way too... that I've used up more than my share It does help! It also lets me know that there are some great things now in store, if I maintain my sobriety.