Night Two
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Davis, CA
Posts: 5
Night Two
Hello, Everyone:
Brand new. Pretty skeptical as to whether this will be the "real" quit. The problem may be that I have not hit bottom yet, and I've been getting away with it for years. My little brain is not even convinced I'm an alcoholic, I don't think!
I say "Night Two", because I don't think in terms of days of sobriety, but nights of sobriety. The real challenge rolls around at about dinnertime, and I fall into that pattern of not quitting until I fall asleep. I wake up the next day, and I am hungover and tired and sick...but functional. I power through. I go to work, in a respect job. I work out. I am a good father to my children.
The reason I say I have not hit bottom is that I am not sure I have hit that critical moment. So far, alcohol has cost me a great deal of time and money. But nothing catastrophic. I manage it. I would say that it has degraded the quality of some of my relationships, because I am not focused on the moment, or I'm cranky, or thinking about the next beer. And I did get divorced last year. But in my mind, the "bottom" has not occurred. No DUI's. No jail. Have not been fired. Even the divorce I am convinced was only exacerbated by the drinking, but the drinking was not central...of course, I would think precisely that, if I were a true alcoholic...
Anyway, just jumped in and I hope to stay. Great forum. I am grateful for it, and for anyone that reads this. I hope to peruse around a bit and participate. Perhaps some day the real test will be that I help someone else...
Brand new. Pretty skeptical as to whether this will be the "real" quit. The problem may be that I have not hit bottom yet, and I've been getting away with it for years. My little brain is not even convinced I'm an alcoholic, I don't think!
I say "Night Two", because I don't think in terms of days of sobriety, but nights of sobriety. The real challenge rolls around at about dinnertime, and I fall into that pattern of not quitting until I fall asleep. I wake up the next day, and I am hungover and tired and sick...but functional. I power through. I go to work, in a respect job. I work out. I am a good father to my children.
The reason I say I have not hit bottom is that I am not sure I have hit that critical moment. So far, alcohol has cost me a great deal of time and money. But nothing catastrophic. I manage it. I would say that it has degraded the quality of some of my relationships, because I am not focused on the moment, or I'm cranky, or thinking about the next beer. And I did get divorced last year. But in my mind, the "bottom" has not occurred. No DUI's. No jail. Have not been fired. Even the divorce I am convinced was only exacerbated by the drinking, but the drinking was not central...of course, I would think precisely that, if I were a true alcoholic...
Anyway, just jumped in and I hope to stay. Great forum. I am grateful for it, and for anyone that reads this. I hope to peruse around a bit and participate. Perhaps some day the real test will be that I help someone else...
☀️⛳️
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Hi and welcome aboard, I hope you hang around and do your very best to beat this beast.
If I've learned one thing through my own experiences it is we have to want to quit more than we want to drink, it takes us time to either hit rock bottom or realise that life is simpler and easier every day when we can be our true selves and not a chemical twin.
Welcome aboard.
If I've learned one thing through my own experiences it is we have to want to quit more than we want to drink, it takes us time to either hit rock bottom or realise that life is simpler and easier every day when we can be our true selves and not a chemical twin.
Welcome aboard.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi and Welcome,
I am glad you are considering the option of quitting and that things haven't gotten too bad for you yet. I hope you remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease and things will get worse unless you stop drinking.
I am glad you are considering the option of quitting and that things haven't gotten too bad for you yet. I hope you remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease and things will get worse unless you stop drinking.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome to SR Flokkenfisch! We're so glad you found us.
This is a great place to discuss your situation. My friends here helped me quit after almost 30 yrs. of pretending it wasn't a problem. Good to have you here.
This is a great place to discuss your situation. My friends here helped me quit after almost 30 yrs. of pretending it wasn't a problem. Good to have you here.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Flokkenfisch 
The reason I say I have not hit bottom is that I am not sure I have hit that critical moment.
The opportunity for recovery can be an extremely narrow window. Don't assume it will come around again. As your drinking progresses, and say you hit that defining "bottom" you think you need to hit to convince yourself you have a real problem, you might not have it in you to quit.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
First of all, as I am fond of saying, functional isn't a type of alcoholism, it is a stage of alcoholism. Most of us here were very functional - until we weren't.
Let's look at some of your own observations:
You made several observations that, singularly, may or may not mean you are an alcoholic, but when taken as a whole, this very much points towards alcoholism IMO.
Finally this:
No, many of us do not think this. We get caught up in denial, thinking our drinking is not all that serious. This may be where you are.
Let's look at some of your own observations:
"The real challenge rolls around at about dinnertime, and I fall into that pattern of not quitting until I fall asleep"
"I wake up the next day, and I am hungover and tired and sick"
"alcohol has cost me a great deal of time and money"
"I would say that it has degraded the quality of some of my relationships"
"I wake up the next day, and I am hungover and tired and sick"
"alcohol has cost me a great deal of time and money"
"I would say that it has degraded the quality of some of my relationships"
Finally this:
the divorce I am convinced was only exacerbated by the drinking, but the drinking was not central...of course, I would think precisely that, if I were a true alcoholic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Davis, CA
Posts: 5
Exactly.
Originally Posted by Anna
Hi and Welcome,
I am glad you are considering the option of quitting and that things haven't gotten too bad for you yet. I hope you remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease and things will get worse unless you stop drinking.
I am glad you are considering the option of quitting and that things haven't gotten too bad for you yet. I hope you remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease and things will get worse unless you stop drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
I had many "rock bottoms". For the most part,those rock bottoms only yielded a few days sober,or on 1 or 2 occasions a few months.
I have now been sober over 5 years. When I quit,things were actually going pretty well. When I did succeed at it,I did use my knowledge from all the times I had failed before.
Once I had been sober for several months,I looked back,and it became clear just how booze had been manipulating me for years and years. It is something you have to have all the alcohol and physical addiction out of your body for quite some time to actually see.
At any rate,I hope you keep coming back. Because life really is soooo much better sober.
Fred
I have now been sober over 5 years. When I quit,things were actually going pretty well. When I did succeed at it,I did use my knowledge from all the times I had failed before.
Once I had been sober for several months,I looked back,and it became clear just how booze had been manipulating me for years and years. It is something you have to have all the alcohol and physical addiction out of your body for quite some time to actually see.
At any rate,I hope you keep coming back. Because life really is soooo much better sober.
Fred
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,371
Hi and welcome Flokkenfisch 
I think it's a common misconception that one needs to hit bottom in order to recover. Hitting bottom is a decision - it need not be accompanied by a catastrophe
Your inner addict will tell you that you're not ready or that you're still functional, or you can get away with a little more for a while longer, but all those rationalisations can't take away from the fact that you came here for a reason
The earlier you quit the easier you'll find it.
Read around and post as much as you like. I hope you'll find some useful discussions here
D
I think it's a common misconception that one needs to hit bottom in order to recover. Hitting bottom is a decision - it need not be accompanied by a catastrophe
Your inner addict will tell you that you're not ready or that you're still functional, or you can get away with a little more for a while longer, but all those rationalisations can't take away from the fact that you came here for a reason
The earlier you quit the easier you'll find it.
Read around and post as much as you like. I hope you'll find some useful discussions here
D
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,025
It sounds very much to me like you know you're an alcoholic, you're just trying to spin it out for as many more months or even years as you can. I can relate.
As an alcoholic myself, I have to laugh. A friend says to me, alcoholics are the only people who, confronted with two doors, one labeled "peace and decency" and the other labeled "certain misery and moral degradation" will say, "hmmm, I need to think about that one."
You don't have to spin it out. You don't have to try to juggle your alcoholism and your work, your alcoholism and your children, your alcoholism and your reputation. If you quit drinking, the juggling act ends. The real show can begin. Why waste any more time?
As an alcoholic myself, I have to laugh. A friend says to me, alcoholics are the only people who, confronted with two doors, one labeled "peace and decency" and the other labeled "certain misery and moral degradation" will say, "hmmm, I need to think about that one."
You don't have to spin it out. You don't have to try to juggle your alcoholism and your work, your alcoholism and your children, your alcoholism and your reputation. If you quit drinking, the juggling act ends. The real show can begin. Why waste any more time?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in the city by the bay
Posts: 605
Well, you have no idea what damage is happening inside your body. Also, you might think you are functioning well but when your thinking is constantly under the influence of alcohol, you don't really know until you stop drinking for awhile.
I looked pretty functional. And certain ethnic groups have a higher tolerance. I have gone 5.5 weeks and I still have these constant 'what was I thinking?' or 'why have I not dealt with this or let this go on so long'.
At the same time, not drinking has calmed me down a LOT. I am not getting all anxious about things. I don't check email so often, I don't email so often, I take my time getting back to people. I am taking things more in stride and it's not this pressure cooker feeling I had 6 weeks ago. And my thinking keeps getting better.
So even if you think it isn't affecting your life too much, it probably is, at least the quality of your life.
Life doesn't feel so overwhelming now for me.
And I rarely ever watch TV anymore. I used to watch too much when I was drinking. Now all I would like to do is catch up and watch "Under the Dome" but I will do it when my 2 older kids have time as we watch it together.
Also, my kids and husband don't scatter when we get home, I used to be so into 'I need my space'...that everyone used to avoid me once we got home. This took me awhile to understand. I would say 'where is everyone going?'...and they would say 'well you need your space right?'. And my husband looked positively scared of me, he just used to shuffle the kids off so they wouldn't bother me. I didn't realize I was doing that.
Now they hang all around me. My husband doesn't run for his office, my kids don't make a beeline for their rooms. Kinda sad I didn't realize all this but I really didn't.
Alcohol changes your personalty for sure. And for the worse. My kids got their mom back when I finally quit for good and my husband got his wife back.
Luckily, I don't think it's too late, I have actually seen friends coming back. I've been to several events with alcohol and didn't touch it. I felt some of my friends looked a little confused.
I'm picking up a friend's kid tomorrow and again the day after. I think for awhile people were scared of me, or worried that maybe I had been drinking. I don't know because no one ever confronted me but I'm sure I must have smelled like booze at times.
And using alcohol until you fall asleep, yes, I used to do the same but it actually gave me horrible sleep. I was always up at 4am unable to fall asleep again.
You could try going a month with none and just see how things change. I had an every day addiction and that sucks. I felt like a slave to booze (mainly wine).
I looked pretty functional. And certain ethnic groups have a higher tolerance. I have gone 5.5 weeks and I still have these constant 'what was I thinking?' or 'why have I not dealt with this or let this go on so long'.
At the same time, not drinking has calmed me down a LOT. I am not getting all anxious about things. I don't check email so often, I don't email so often, I take my time getting back to people. I am taking things more in stride and it's not this pressure cooker feeling I had 6 weeks ago. And my thinking keeps getting better.
So even if you think it isn't affecting your life too much, it probably is, at least the quality of your life.
Life doesn't feel so overwhelming now for me.
And I rarely ever watch TV anymore. I used to watch too much when I was drinking. Now all I would like to do is catch up and watch "Under the Dome" but I will do it when my 2 older kids have time as we watch it together.
Also, my kids and husband don't scatter when we get home, I used to be so into 'I need my space'...that everyone used to avoid me once we got home. This took me awhile to understand. I would say 'where is everyone going?'...and they would say 'well you need your space right?'. And my husband looked positively scared of me, he just used to shuffle the kids off so they wouldn't bother me. I didn't realize I was doing that.
Now they hang all around me. My husband doesn't run for his office, my kids don't make a beeline for their rooms. Kinda sad I didn't realize all this but I really didn't.
Alcohol changes your personalty for sure. And for the worse. My kids got their mom back when I finally quit for good and my husband got his wife back.
Luckily, I don't think it's too late, I have actually seen friends coming back. I've been to several events with alcohol and didn't touch it. I felt some of my friends looked a little confused.
I'm picking up a friend's kid tomorrow and again the day after. I think for awhile people were scared of me, or worried that maybe I had been drinking. I don't know because no one ever confronted me but I'm sure I must have smelled like booze at times.
And using alcohol until you fall asleep, yes, I used to do the same but it actually gave me horrible sleep. I was always up at 4am unable to fall asleep again.
You could try going a month with none and just see how things change. I had an every day addiction and that sucks. I felt like a slave to booze (mainly wine).
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in the city by the bay
Posts: 605
oh and yesterday I realized I had my AGE one year off for the the entire year. I was telling people I was one year older than I am. I saw a headline of a celebrity having a birthday. I just happen to know she is 10 years older than me. That's when I realized somehow I messed up how old I was, lol. Who does that?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Flokken,
i think we have our own individual "bottoms".
mine didn't involve getting fired or jailed or killing someone while DUI.
no point comparing yourself to others' stories; you'll always be able to find people who've done worse than you, so you'll always be able to convince yourself you're not "that bad" yet.
if that's what you want to look for, you'll find it
and you don't need to be convinced that you're an alcoholic in order to stop drinking.
in fact, if you're not one, then quitting and staying quit ought to be a breeze, yes?
my gazillion attempts and failures at that were a pretty good indicator for me.
welcome to SR, FF.
i think we have our own individual "bottoms".
mine didn't involve getting fired or jailed or killing someone while DUI.
no point comparing yourself to others' stories; you'll always be able to find people who've done worse than you, so you'll always be able to convince yourself you're not "that bad" yet.
if that's what you want to look for, you'll find it
and you don't need to be convinced that you're an alcoholic in order to stop drinking.
in fact, if you're not one, then quitting and staying quit ought to be a breeze, yes?
my gazillion attempts and failures at that were a pretty good indicator for me.
welcome to SR, FF.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum!! 
I never had a complete collapse of my life, but I was certainly on the downward spiral, the train was speeding up and heading for a crash, I luckily got off at a station a few stops back!!
Why wait? make this the turning point in your life!!
I never had a complete collapse of my life, but I was certainly on the downward spiral, the train was speeding up and heading for a crash, I luckily got off at a station a few stops back!!
Why wait? make this the turning point in your life!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: mountains of BC, Canada
Posts: 246
Hello and welcome!!! I certainly had not hit my rock bottom either ..... But sting in a few meetings(I try to go daily but the first few convinced me) made me realize that I am very fortunate to have the opportunity to reclaim my true best self and life without it being at the expense of my job, my children, my marriage or further damage to my health.
24 incredible days sober and going strong.....
Why wait? What exactly are you waiting to lose?
24 incredible days sober and going strong.....
Why wait? What exactly are you waiting to lose?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: London
Posts: 204
A very interesting post for me as I feel the same.
am I even an alcoholic?
i work in the day. i never drink at lunchtime. It has never affected my job or my ability to turn up for work. I function, i have friends, I go to the gym, no-one really notices anything.
although I can't avoid drinking on a daily basis - 5 to 7 pints of lager is normal. more at weekends. i've drank practially every day for the last 5 years. but I am not downing vodca on the bus or when i wake up.
I am concerned about alcohol as Ive seen how bad it can get if left unchecked years down the line. it killed my mum.
I feel i have to tackle this at this stage while its still manageable. i don't want to be admitted to rehab, or have my nearest & dearest crying on their knees begging me to stop drinking, i dont want to wait until Ive burned the house down or loose my job.
but I still feel and hope that I can try to manage alcohol in my life. perhaps I need to learn that it is all or nothing, by trying to not drink for a considerable time first.
am I even an alcoholic?
i work in the day. i never drink at lunchtime. It has never affected my job or my ability to turn up for work. I function, i have friends, I go to the gym, no-one really notices anything.
although I can't avoid drinking on a daily basis - 5 to 7 pints of lager is normal. more at weekends. i've drank practially every day for the last 5 years. but I am not downing vodca on the bus or when i wake up.
I am concerned about alcohol as Ive seen how bad it can get if left unchecked years down the line. it killed my mum.
I feel i have to tackle this at this stage while its still manageable. i don't want to be admitted to rehab, or have my nearest & dearest crying on their knees begging me to stop drinking, i dont want to wait until Ive burned the house down or loose my job.
but I still feel and hope that I can try to manage alcohol in my life. perhaps I need to learn that it is all or nothing, by trying to not drink for a considerable time first.
☀️⛳️
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Hi Jason, it's a very interesting point and one which I have seen on these boards a million times "am I an alcoholic" I truly don't know the answer to that question either, I drank every day for 20 years on a similar level to yourself, only beer also, I've read people say if you can't function without it you know you are, I always could but got greedy when I started so that raises another question, are we problem drinkers? Maybe or maybe we are indeed alcoholics, all I know for certain Jason is that we are only kidding ourselves on as this condition would only progress as I don't think everyone starts off as an alcoholic, social drinking becomes regular drinking, becomes problem drinking, becomes dependency. It seems to be staged and if we can get off that extra stop early on the journey we can save ourselves and our loved ones a whole lot of heart ache.
Be strong.
Be strong.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: London
Posts: 204
Of course you're right. it's progressive & the sooner its tacked the better & the easier it would be.
i definitely feel the cravings. & if i decide not to drink for a day, i literally find myself being drawn into a pub or the shop almost by hidden forces. i'd need to resist this at least 3 times in an evening before i was sure i wouldn't drink for that day. & most times i fail. that's addcition for sure.
i definitely feel the cravings. & if i decide not to drink for a day, i literally find myself being drawn into a pub or the shop almost by hidden forces. i'd need to resist this at least 3 times in an evening before i was sure i wouldn't drink for that day. & most times i fail. that's addcition for sure.
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