boris

Im 27 days sober. I have failed so many times. So im always worried ill go back to bad habits.

im finding myself questioning if i ever was a true alcohollic but im worried thats just the alcohol wanting me to give up.
Has anyone felt like this?

Dee74

Sure - I convinced myself a load of times that

• I wasn't that bad
• I overreacted
• I was going through a bad phase
• I just need my life to improve
• I could definitely stick to 2 drinks tonight...

and on and on.

Look back through your old posts - thats the reality. Don't let your addiction lie to you boris

congrats on 28 days btw

D

doggonecarl

This is all you need to know. You want to quit drinking and can't. Alcoholic?

ScottFromWI

Yes, it's your addiction talking and it's very common. Don't listen to it!

IOAA2

Hi. I only needed to look honestly at my past behaviors when drinking. No matter what clever label I put on it I had to face the fact that I proved I cannot drink alcohol in safety, then I needed to accept it as fact.

BE WELL

Johno1967

The longer you carry doubt the longer you will keep trying and failing. For me the Removal of all vestiges of denial by at last admitting powerlessness over alcohol and expressing an honest desire above all to stop drinking and live a sober life is a prerequisite to sustainable recovery. There's no other way for me.
Like Homer Simpson in your Avatar, choose between your demons or your salvation. That's the bottom line of it.

HeartsAfire

Wow. This is so powerful. Thank you, Johno.

freshstart57

Boris, we ALL OF US feel or have felt like that. For HS, that is what we are all dealing with here, those thoughts that have only one purpose, to get us to drink again. Have you read this post? You may find it helpful. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html

Best to you.

Soberwolf

Wow really reminded me of myself. My urge to drink went after the first month and was replaced with a passion not to drink as the months rolled on I learnt more and more about myself and I continue to do so

Good luck

LBrain

My answer to the title question is, until the end of time.

PurpleKnight

A period of abstinence would always be followed with my mind forgetting how bad things were, and crazy thoughts of maybe I could now control my drinking!!

For me the important thing is to remember that how could anything be any different from the last time? I'm the same person, my genetics haven't changed, that 1st drink would open that same door as before!!

trailrunrbyday

I have been journalling every day in sobriety and I have journal entries that were writing in desperate scrawling (bawling) script.....I read them both when I feel that way and I go to a meeting. My life is infinitely better sober and I too find myself thinking "maybe I wasn't like these people - maybe I just needed to take a *break* a long time ago" (usually after hearing of people losing *everything* (kids/spouse/jobs etc).

Then I remind myself that I am FORTUNATE enough to have caught myself before I hit the bottom that could end my life.....but that the next drink can very well take me there very quickly.

Stay strong. I agree with reading back through your posts. Maybe write down a list of quotes that YOU wrote and when you are having a good day write down why not drinking is such a gift.....read them both when your AV tries to kidnap you again.

It's your life. Hold onto it.

Soberwolf

I write a journal some of my entries are written in madhand lol

Completely agree with purple knight

I can't drink and it will kill us all if we let it so no I'm never drinking again never never never

HeartsAfire

Every time I see this post & its title my sober brain screams, "YES!!!" I hope and pray I never forget it.

AAecon

I keep a journal of the things I did while drinking and my fears and thoughts about drinking after I quit. I remember being worried about my health (post acute withdraw), potential future health consequences if I started again, job, and legal troubles.

Now the things are better over a year later, when I read what I wrote it is disturbing and takes me back quickly to remembering why I quit. After 5/6 months, things seem better and I often forget the costs of alcohol abuse. Especially since I do not know any alcoholics in my every day life except for myself and people in AA. And, most people in AA I know are doing well.

Also, for me, it was often even mild withdraw and anxiety that got me to drink one or two more beers. As time passed, drinking to alleviate withdrawal and anxiety went away.

boris

Ok when so i made this topic when my brain was in turmoil.

I think my brain was trying to say I couod try just one beer. We all know where that would lead to so im thankful that you all were very honest and helped me realise my brain does like to trick me

Gargery

Yes, your alcoholic brain is deceiving you.

gettingsmarter

YES YES and YES! It seems to come when I'm doing really well.
Stay Strong

zjw

30 days in i had a bad day. I thought I'm having a beer. I logged 30 sober days and I had a rough day I deserve a few beers!! GO ME !! i had been sober 30 days !!! and I now deserve a beer I thought. Because i had a crappy day and only a beer would make me feel better. So i grabbed a beer proudly sat down with it and my wife asked if i was going to allow 1 bad day to ruin my sober streak. I was like absolutly who cares I deserved this beer!! i was sober for 30 WHOLE DAYS in case you didnt get that thats a WHOLE MONTH OMG go me I deserve this beer. OH and i had a bad day.

My wife looked disappointed and sad I realized I would be letting her down not that i cared but I didnt feel right about it so I put the beer back.

If not for her I totally would have had that beer and who knows how many more of if i'd be on here today.

Yeah I was doing a great job at fooling myself etc...

Gronk

Yes me......now....this second....exactly 27 days today, go figure......