sectownkid

I quit drinking a week ago. Same story as most of you, black outs, drinking every day from the time the liquor store opens til I passed out. I started when I was 13 and am 25 now, but have already lost my son, countless jobs and relationships, friends, I've totally ****** my brain up, and it got to the point where I would have to pack up and skip town every other month. Just this year alone I have lived and worked all over Utah, been homeless in Oregon and Seattle flying signs for booze money, Worked and quit a job in Glacier Bay AK and now I am in Girdwood, Alaska trying to start a new life, SOBER.

I am on day seven. Day 3 was amazing. I am now at the breaking point where I always relapse and yes I am a chronic relapser. I wish I could describe how I feel. This post might seem all over the place, my mind is all over the place. Nothing brings me peace. I feel anxious, afraid, almost suicidal (though I would never do that because I have faith in this life) just so damn depressed. I dont feel myself at all. I know if I take that drink the fake confidence to handle life will come rushing in me and I will be drinking for another few months and probably come out of a binge in another town or state, more than likely homeless again.

I guess I am asking how long does this last, when does it start getting better, when will I feel good about life? I dont plan on relapsing. I just feel so ******* crazy right now, like literally crazy, I can't sleep at night and it's really affecting my mental state. Theres so many other symptoms, paranoia and derealization being the worst. I have many interests, hobbies, and passions that I just dont seem to care about right now. Every second seems like an hour and I feel like I belong in an asylum. you get the point

Verte

Hi sectownkid, just wanted to say 'hello' to you and nice job on one week. I was a mental mess for a good 2 weeks and still a bit in and out for about 1.5 months. I'm at about 2.5 months now and I get long hours of genuine peace and still have to be patient during rougher times when I used to drink.

Can you stay busy with manual/physical labor? I found that physically wearing myself out in the first weeks brought the greatest peace and helped with that intense chest pressure/craving and allowed some sleep.

Drinking a lot of water and eating good food helped.

Are you staying somewhere somewhat supportive of your efforts right now? Do you have access to a mental health professional or a doctor? More people will chime in soon with great experience and advice I'm sure.

Spinach

Keep going its the only way to get better.
John.

Elseware

Sectownkid, my first question for you is are you in a safe place? Do you have enough to eat and a place to sleep? If not those are your first priorities. Do you have access to a doctor if you need one? Let us know a little bit more about your situation, if you want to tell us, I mean. Keep putting one foot ahead of the other. 7 days is good start. I wish you well and good luck. People here a very helpful. There's always someone around.

Dee74

Hi sectownkid

I too hope you're in a safe place, enough to eat and all that stuff most of us take for granted

as far as feeling better - I felt physically better after a couple of weeks to a month...but the other part the finding joy and happiness again...that took a while...I remember it was about three months before I began to feel like the me I remembered before booze.

D

PurpleKnight

Eliminating alcohol on it's own won't create happiness, that part needs to come from you, creating a Sober life from what you now want to achieve in life? new activities? new goals? etc

Relapsing I think happens to many as we expect life to be wonderful after quitting, but many become bored and depressed without the quick escape of alcohol as there is nothing of substance in our lives and that reality can be hard hitting.

We need to turn this around and make some positive changes to our lives, it can be done!!

Hawkeye13

The anxiety took a couple of weeks to begin to fade, the physical symptoms got better in a week or so.

It's almost like the anxiety gets worse the first week to trigger you back into drinking again.

Don't let that happen.

Insomnia may last for awhile but that too will get better and you will sleep great after that.

What kind of support groups does Gridiron have? Some face to face meetings with people fighting the same battle can be very helpful.

As others have said, getting your basic needs met will certainly help settle you down mentally.

You are doing a great job just keep going. Quitting isn't easy or everyone would do it effortlessly, but the results are fantastic.

Keep posting here on SR especially if you are tempted before you do anything you will regret. People can help you get through the cravings that way.

Good luck starting your new life in AK

Tonymblue

Youre doing great. New town, new start. Day 5 i stopped vomiting. Day 10 the anxiety really started to dissipate. Started sleeping well at day 20. Keep it up. Good multi vitamin really helped.

biminiblue

I agree with everyone above.

It gets better - all of it, the crazy thoughts, the inability to focus, the depressed thinking, the anxiety, the sleep issues - it all gets better, by a lot.

You just have to not pick up that first drink no matter what.

That's the key to happier healthier times.

Exercise, water, good food and sleep: as much of all of them as you can get.

Keep posting. We're glad you're here, you're doing great!

ClawingMyWay

You have to stick it out. I was a binge drinker too. I was in a constant state of withdrawal for like 4 or 5 years and it kept getting worse. The first few years were fun as ****, as im sure you'll all agree. Somewhere after 5 years or so i hit a peak. I tapered down, only having a six pack and a couple more once or twice a week...but felt shittier and shittier in between. Anxiety, antisocial paranoia. I had a porn addiction from childhood i got rid of too. That took like a year to wrangle. Even though i was still meeting standards at work, people are vultures. They know if you arent living right. Despite putting on a happy face, i got **** on and betrayed repeatadly. I wanted to kill anyone who looked at me cross eyed basically. It took 3 months to START to feel ok. Five months to feel a little better. I'm at 8 months and change and most of the horrible feelings are gone. I suggest you dig deep. Know why you started what you did and try to forgive yourself. And READ and then read some more. Keep your mind busy in the early stages. Knowledge is power.

RecklessEric

If you have a week behind you, you should begin to feel better any day.
It probably won't happen all at once though, so keep an eye and pay attention to the good things. Regarding anxiety, it's an old mind trick that you can end up anxious about being anxious. Anxiety doesn't last forever.
Stick around this site and post as much as you can.
I got great support and advice here.
Wishing you the best.

soberjuly

I think it is different for everyone. The first 3 days were the worst for me. The first week my blood pressure and heart rate would fluctuate a lot.

Then I had all these empty times when I used to drink and I didn't know what to do. The times my routine was to have a drink were gone.

Whenever I was around booze I had to drink it but I fought those feelings when I went away for the weekend and was around people drinking.

At home it is easier because there is no booze in the house. I feel more and more normal every day.

My old reaction was to drink whenever I felt stress, so now I need to learn new coping skills. Or find the coping skills I had before I started drinking.

aborkie

I was fine after about two weeks. It was like I never drank. The improved sleep will come, hang in there.

sectownkid

Thanks y'all for the replies. Yeah I got a place to stay and I'm working, got good pay and food stamps so on the surface I'm in a much better position than I have been before. It feels like all that is hanging by a thread because I've been in positions like this before and threw it all away countless times. Thank god I'm young enough to been able to roll with it and put the pieces back together relatively quick, but there seems to be more and more missing pieces every time I try and recover after a drastic binge.. feeling like I don't have it in me to do it again and if I'm living like a street kid again no way I'm doing it sober..

Anyway, can't see all the replies I wanted to respond directly to but extra info about my situation, as far as doctors go I simply don't have the money or even see the point, my withdrawal certainly is physical but mainly psychological, definitely not physical enough require medical attention. But the psychological aspect of it is torture, and I've had enough of myself repeating the process that's enough to drive me insane.. hope to get better, withdrawal, feeling better BAM another month of drinking and being a transient again.. followed by the attempt to get sober because A. I'm broke B. I'm bored or C. I'm so ill and full of mental anguish I promise myself never to drink again.. followed by withdrawal.

I guess what I realized, as one of you pointed out I should look for the reasons I drink, I'm sure it goes way deeper than this but.. I love the feeling of just saying @$#! it, in a way it feels liberating to destroy every thing mundane and stale in my life, and cruise on to something new over the horizon.. I guess the alcohol kind of helps me say $!#@ it, @$!# them and @$!# your job.. you can ride the rails and drink forties and fly signs you don't even NEED to work..

Well..the problem with that is, the alcohol always runs out, the money from my most recent job always disappears, because I drank it all, and I find myself flying signs to get booze and sleeping behind department stores and city parks.. in withdrawal. AND LET ME TELL YOU IT'S NOT AS GLAMOROUS A SITUATION TO BE IN as my drunk ass made it out to be.. guess to each their own though... Anyway the real messed up part though, payday is day after tomorrow and I'm ALREADY thinking about jetting out again..

Some one mentioned something about sex addiction, that is something I've dealt with, as well as any other addiction you can imagine. I just want to be whole, healed, spiritually sound you know what I mean, but these unhealthy lifestyles has kept me down spiritually for so long it seems damn near impossible to break out of.. hell Ill go vegan if I have to I want out of this poison.. Yeah I'm going off on you guys so Im gonna stop before I regret typing all of this, but thank you SO much for listening and your feed back and good luck to all of you in your recoveries and your own journeys, Hopefully I'm here to stay because I can feel the good vibes already of sobriety just by participating in this forum.. you guys are amazing people for real!!