Hawkeye13

I just had to stop. End of story.
I could never have tapered.

Do tell you GP and tell him you already tried tapering at home and need more support.

In the end, you will very likely feel crappy for several days.
I was very ill for three days, still feeling pretty funky the first week.
The psychological cravings were as bad or worse than the physical for me.
Expect that and have things lined up to distract.

I read the entire Game of Thrones set (thousands of pages) and journaled when insomnia kept me up.
I took long walks in nature, long showers, changed the sweaty sheets frequently, and took in lots of water and good food.

Old movies are terrific for distraction, and house cleaning actually can help.
Purging you stuff and getting rid of all signs of decadent living (empty bottles, clutter, dirty fridge)
actually helped me realize I was starting a new chapter in life.
Silly perhaps, but it helped me get through the tough few weeks of new sobriety.

Most important is to never stop trying, and don't give yourself "permission" to relapse or set yourself
up to do so by hanging around places or people who are using anything. That would include coke obviously.

But, it has all been much much better since quitting and I encourage you to go all in and really commit without reservation.

Good luck CW!

ScottFromWI

You won't solve anything if you aren't honest with him about it.

ScottFromWI

So how did it go?

CaptainWhip

I bottled it with the GP. I just changed GP surgeries and was feeling nervous. I discussed a separate health issue. I'm seeing my therapist on Monday and he can send me to a clinic where I get all my blood tests done and results back in three days. With the GP it would take over a week.

So once I get my blood work back and know if/how badly damaged my liver is I'm going back to the GP to discuss my problem.

fini

so, CaptainWhip.....how does the test result/state of your liver relate to what you'll do or not?
if your liver's not damaged, or not much, you'll...
if it's trashed but repairable, you'll...
if it's kaputt beyond repair, then...

what i'm reading in your posts reminds me of myself, in the sense that i had to do a, b, k and m before it was really time to quit.
so i told myself.
anything to prolong the drinking, to not have to stop.
hung on mightily.

ScottFromWI

So you are going to wait 3 more days to see someone who will then send you to yet another clinic, and then send those results back to your doctor that you just saw today. I've come up with some pretty far fetched excuseto keep drinking in my past, I have to say you set a new bar with that one.

Bottom line, you need to start thinking in the present and take action.

CaptainWhip

Whatever the result I'm going to come clean to my GP, and carry on with my therapy. I'm anxious about my liver so I want the test done ASAP. Once I get the results I will know where I stand and deal with with my GP in terms of treatment.

CaptainWhip

It was my first visit to that particular surgery and GP so I was too anxious to discuss my problem. Plus it would have taken longer to get blood work back from the GP because it is sent to the hospital. It can take a while for the results to come back from the hospital. Secondly I can only see my therapist once a week and that happens to be on Monday. I won't have to wait for the results to be sent back to my GP, I get them the same day. So best case scenario I get sent to the clinic on Tuesday and have my results that day.

Plus I will tell my therapist everything and we can make a tapering plan or do whatever else is necessary. Its taken me huge guts to get this far. Seeing an initial counselor/going to a clinic/being referred to therapy/changing doctors. I do want to beat this.

CaptainWhip

Sorry can't remember if it was 3 days for blood test results or same day. Anyway that's much quicker than anything my GP could have done. My parents have had to wait up to 2 weeks for the hospital to get back with results.

CaptainWhip

So I'm drinking right now. I'm gonna talk to my therapist tomorrow (actually today, it's 2:30 am). I can't taper. I tried it and it doesn't work for me. I need to stop. I keep on thinking about how bad my liver could be. I'm only 29 so surely I can't have cirrhosis? I never drank full bottles of spirits (liquor) in a day. I didn't drink everyday. I've been abusing for less than ten years.

I'm getting weird symptoms now. I hope it's not the worst.

Hawkeye13

I hope not either.

Good luck with the therapist.

My suggestion for tonight is to dump the rest of the bottle, or whatever it is you have,
and try to get some sleep to be as clear as possible for your meeting.

Let us know how it goes--

Sudz No More

It's always a shame to realize that people ignore the thunder until they feel the rain. Saying you can't taper because it doesn't work for you is just your rational alcoholic voice finding yet another reason to continue. Don't end up another sad statistic in some medical journal and put the bottle down the drain.

You'll never get dry if you keep standing in the rain so no sense in complaining you are wet when you know you have a choice.

dSober

The sooner you STOP, the better off you, and everyone around you, are gonna be. Short and sweet.

Keep coming back here and go to a meeting:

Alcoholics Anonymous : Find Local A.A.

Go early, stay late, talk to people there, tell them you're a newcomer. Buy a Big Book and read it. Do what it says.

Do this or kiss everything goodbye. You don't know what you're up against.

fini

Quote:
Originally Posted by fini View Post
so, CaptainWhip.....how does the test result/state of your liver relate to what you'll do or not?
if your liver's not damaged, or not much, you'll...
if it's trashed but repairable, you'll...
if it's kaputt beyond repair, then...

what i'm reading in your posts reminds me of myself, in the sense that i had to do a, b, k and m before it was really time to quit.
so i told myself.
anything to prolong the drinking, to not have to stop.
hung on mightily.

Whatever the result I'm going to come clean to my GP, and carry on with my therapy. I'm anxious about my liver so I want the test done ASAP. Once I get the results I will know where I stand and deal with with my GP in terms of treatment.
CW,
sorry, i wasn't clear.
my point was not about your liver, but about the waiting and procrastinating you're doing.
i was asking if it's your opinion that waiting for and getting the results of tests will influence when and if you quit.
a good time would ne NOW, regardless of all the outside stuff.

CaptainWhip

Tapering doesn't work for everyone. Many people have said that on here. Maybe I need to just stop, no tapering just my benzos to help with the withdrawal. I will discuss all of this with my therapist.

Also your metaphor needs some real work. It's pretty south of cheese at the moment.

dSober

Many here feel that tapering doesn't work for anyone. Many here also feel that many shrinks are somewhat less than highly qualified to deal with addiction. On the other hand, some, including myself, have had benzos, especially librium, prescribed for withdrawl. They were used very short term. Then the real work begins.

Just MHO but I thought the thunder/rain metaphor fit pretty well. Made me think of another about smelling the coffee. Try to keep in mind that you're still drinking. Many here are not.

Sudz No More

I'm just trying to get the point across that inaction is not action. Think about a plan of action all you like but nothing happens if nothing changes.

I assumed you wouldn't like my response but hey, tough love buddy.

I hope you get on the right track soon.

hopeful4

I am going to tell you something that I hope makes a difference in your choice. My X has been mixing benzos with alcohol for quite some time. One one occasion I got a phone call to come to a house down the road. In a benzo/alcohol state he had broken into and trashed someone's home. He had then jumped off their roof and was found limping down the road. When I say trashed I mean to the tune of $16k in damages to their home.

He woke up in jail the next day, has absolutely no memory of that happening at all, he had no idea why he was even there. Not counting the costs, which was around $50k total for that little stint, we are now divorced. He did not even drink very much, it is just that benzos and booze don't mix. I wonder if someone had been home what would have happened?

Please don't mix them. Stay safe.

CaptainWhip

First of all sorry Sudz No More for offending you.

It has been a long hot day and I'm exhausted. Saw my therapist. Mentioned if I should just stop and as expected he said it's not a good idea and told me about the bad stuff that can happen. We talked for a while, then he moved on to make a tapering plan that lasted two weeks. I did not like it at all. I said I want to stop drinking full stop, I'm sick of it. I mentioned stopping fully and detoxing my self in the past. Told him I have the benzos to help.

He was very understanding and said at the end of day it's your choice. He said I cant recommend it because of NHS policy but off the record if you think you can do it with the benzos it's up to you. I told him i am adament to do it and the benzos will help. He gave me some off the record advice and that he will be calling me everyday to check up on me. He said any sign of problems I should get help immediately. He's a really good guy and I feel like I don't want to let him down.

The liver test at the clinic isn't going to happen. I'm going to my GP to get that done. Also I am going to look into groups that I can go to for help. I don't know much about AA and have heard opposing views about it but maybe I will try it out.

I'm still scared about going through treatment and this whole process, but I can't live like this any more. Alcohol was great at first but now it's gonna kill me. I'm gonna stop today and use the benzos for help.

EndGameNYC

I don't know how it's different over there, but your therapist shouldn't be either condoning or recommending a tapering regimen, unless he's a psychiatrist. In the States, he could easily be sued for malpractice, and he would be at least guilty of professional misconduct. In any event, "good guys" don't always make the best therapists. Or doctors.

If your therapist is not a psychiatrist or an MD, then your fears around being honest with your GP have led you to make poor decisions about how you detox and how that detox is conducted, your reported "quicker" blood-test results at the exclusion of your GP notwithstanding.