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You ever get sober for someone other than yourself?



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You ever get sober for someone other than yourself?

Old 07-21-2014, 10:04 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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i know what you mean

i hope she is the motivation so you can end this evil

...i have no business giving advice, just my opinion
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Old 07-22-2014, 12:30 AM
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It didn't work for me. In my early drinking days, my father was heart broken about what I was doing. I wanted to get sober because I couldn't bare hurting him. About 3-4 days in, it came to me drinking but just trying my best to hide it from him. I think thats when my bottle hiding really started and took off.

Maybe in a way, you are getting sober for yourself as well? Sounds like you really want your situation to evolve and realize drinking would be an obstacle, and so you can see some positives at least, as a starting point, for being sober? Hopefully that will continue to be motivation.
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Old 07-22-2014, 01:51 AM
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Originally Posted by newman23 View Post
thats when my bottle hiding really started and took off.
I know there are still some bottles laying around here somewhere, lol.
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Old 07-22-2014, 01:57 AM
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Me personally, I was faced with losing the love of my life and chose to drink. It's complicated because some people hit that certain point and quit drinking never to look back. I think many people realize drinking is creating a problem in their life but fail to make the necessary changes within to sustain that kind of abstinence.
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Old 07-22-2014, 01:58 AM
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There seem to be very few who got sober for someone else. Many tried. Most failed. Seems most got sober for themselves, with the help of something else. It seems find that something, do what it says and get sober.
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Old 07-22-2014, 03:16 AM
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It didn't work for me.

Fear. Fear only worked for a short time for me. Fear of being an alcoholic is what kept me from drinking when I was a young teenager. My brother was one and he committed suicide as a direct result. I did not want to be him.

I was almost sixteen at time. By nineteen I was already on my way into the first stages of alcoholism.

Fear later caused me to stop drinking. Fear of losing a relationship I was in. That lasted a little over five months.

It only works for so long, at least that is how it worked for me. Fear of being an alcoholic, fear of losing a relationship, fear of losing my job etc would get me to the path of sobriety but it never kept me there. It faded and was replaced with resentment. It was not me that had the problem, it was them. They wanted me to stop, not me.

Once I got the resentment rollercoaster moving, it was all downhill again.

This time it was just me. I don't think I even said to myself, I need to stop. I was just at the bottom and done. I didn't look at anyone. I was so low that I had few choices left.
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Old 07-22-2014, 03:30 AM
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Originally Posted by ru12 View Post
My drinking was done selfishly for myself. I refuse to have my sobriety for be just for me, but indeed part of the reasons I refuse to drink again are selfish: mostly centering around the elimination of negative consequences. I am sober for my wife, my kids, my friends and colleagues, for all those I interact with, share the roads with. I'm sober for the alcoholics that still suffer as I know that there is a way out. Now, I can't speak for others, but I'm done with selfish living.

I think that is the most precious gift sobriety brought me was to stop living just for my own selfish desires.
Love this , so well said ru xx
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Old 07-22-2014, 05:04 AM
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I was on the verge of losing my family, and I didn't want that to happen, so I quit. Does that mean I did it for me or for them? The philosophers can figure that one out, I'm just glad I quit.
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Old 07-22-2014, 06:07 AM
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I would give my life for my kids but I couldn't stop drinking for them. (Addiction is just weird like that.) It had to be for me, but knowing that they are benefitting from my sobriety makes me feel even better about it.
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Old 07-22-2014, 10:52 AM
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Originally Posted by JTBIV View Post
Does it work?
What does it mean ? i don't understand your question.
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Old 07-22-2014, 01:53 PM
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no
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Old 07-22-2014, 04:00 PM
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Originally Posted by ru12 View Post
I'm sober for the alcoholics that still suffer as I know that there is a way out.
Yep, Step 12 in a nutshell.
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Old 07-23-2014, 10:16 AM
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Originally Posted by JTBIV View Post
I'm 12 days sober for a girl. She's a total sweetheart and has no idea I'm a total mess. Although, I feel fantastic right now.
Now that you say this, I think it is clear it will not work. The first time she disappoints you, she will if she is human, you will then drink. She will see what a mess you are and you will drink even more.
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Old 07-23-2014, 08:43 PM
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I've had a hard time staying sober just for myself. It never worked. I'm sober now and it's because of a girl. I know I'm not always going to be happy and she may not always be around. I guess I'm just hoping to hang on to how great I feel right now and never let it go. Like, getting sober for her but staying sober for me. I just wanted to know if anyone else got clean in a similar fashion.
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Old 07-23-2014, 09:30 PM
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I stay sober for my health, my wallet, my pups, my mom, my future, my brain, my girl, my grandpa (RIP), my tomorrow morning, my looks, my god, my peers, my record (or lack thereof), you get the idea. Whatever works buddy. When times get tough, staying sober for someone else is tough, someONE. Pile up the reasons as you go, you'll be fine. You got a good start, run with it!
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Old 07-24-2014, 01:00 AM
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I got and stay sober for everyone but I knew I had to put the oxygen mask on first and keep it on.
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Old 07-24-2014, 01:10 AM
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i had no one left in my life to get sober for they all left me for dead and rightly so

i had nothing left in my life to get sober for as i lost it all

in the end there was just me left, i just couldnt carry on anymore i hated myself, i hated how my life was no a mere nothing of an existence
the only thing left i had to lose was my life i wanted to die and prayed to die just to go to sleep and never wake up again would of been the best way out for me

i ended up at the doors of aa with nothing
i dont know how people can give up for anyone or anything but i only wish i could of done and saved a lot of pain for others but this was to be my path and i guess i am lucky as i lived.

like i have said i do know plenty of people who turn up at aa and they keep there familys and jobs and money they dont have to go down that route so if there giving up to save them from it all then yes they can give up for other reasons than themselves

but for me i had to lose it all before i could ever have a chance of getting things back again like my kids etc

i can not turn the clocks back and sometimes i wish i could of saved my kids going into care or all the other bad things that happend in my life but i can not do anything about the past. i can only make sure it never happends again by staying sober and changing who i am
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Old 07-24-2014, 03:42 AM
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Originally Posted by JTBIV View Post
I've had a hard time staying sober just for myself. It never worked. I'm sober now and it's because of a girl. I know I'm not always going to be happy and she may not always be around. I guess I'm just hoping to hang on to how great I feel right now and never let it go. Like, getting sober for her but staying sober for me. I just wanted to know if anyone else got clean in a similar fashion.
One thing anyone has to do to stay sober is build a history of being sober. To live life sober. So you are building that part. Once you want to be sober for yourself, you will already know you can do do it and how to do it.
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Old 07-24-2014, 03:46 AM
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Originally Posted by desypete View Post
i guess i am lucky as i lived.
You are lucky Pete, so are we.
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Old 07-24-2014, 04:13 AM
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Originally Posted by desypete View Post
i had no one left in my life to get sober for they all left me for dead and rightly so

i had nothing left in my life to get sober for as i lost it all

in the end there was just me left, i just couldnt carry on anymore i hated myself, i hated how my life was no a mere nothing of an existence
the only thing left i had to lose was my life i wanted to die and prayed to die just to go to sleep and never wake up again would of been the best way out for me

i ended up at the doors of aa with nothing
i dont know how people can give up for anyone or anything but i only wish i could of done and saved a lot of pain for others but this was to be my path and i guess i am lucky as i lived.

like i have said i do know plenty of people who turn up at aa and they keep there familys and jobs and money they dont have to go down that route so if there giving up to save them from it all then yes they can give up for other reasons than themselves

but for me i had to lose it all before i could ever have a chance of getting things back again like my kids etc

i can not turn the clocks back and sometimes i wish i could of saved my kids going into care or all the other bad things that happend in my life but i can not do anything about the past. i can only make sure it never happends again by staying sober and changing who i am
I rationalized not being an alcoholic and an addict by what worldly possessions I didn't loose. But I was suicidal with ideation almost daily. I had lost my soul and did not want to face the music.

In a way Desy, I feel we all get to the same spot, some loose people and things too but in the end we all need to get to the bottom inside of us where we say enough is enough.

To the OP, I rationalized my disease/disorder by comparing to others around me. This kept me active for longer than needed. There will always be someone worse and better to compare, its a trap I fell into. In the end when I realized thatI had lost me that is all I needed to begin.

By releasing my wife from the manipulative behaviors and my jaded delusion of control, our marriage is growing again. I find this just one of the many paradoxes in life.

Good luck.
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