Ultrafiche

I am new to this site and new to my sober life. For a long time, I was in denial about my alcoholism. Deep down, I was always aware, but I didn't want to admit to my family because then I couldn't get away with it. I am 22 years old, but already have plenty of embarrassing stories and regretful nights as a result of drinking. I am having a very difficult time right now. I was never the alcoholic to drink every day. I havnt been experiencing the physical pain of withdrawal, but the emotional part is so much worse sometimes. I live with my boyfriend who cares for me deeply, but simply won't put up with my drinking. We ve had many fights when I wasn't ready to commit to stopping. Now we are not fighting, which I am grateful. The fear of losing someone I love so much helped me face the truth of my addiction. But I am scared of the resentment I am already feeling toward him. He is so happy that I am sober. I am not. I want to drink everyday. I know I am making the right choice at this point in my life, but how do I make it easier to cope? Why does it seem so difficult to be satisfied and happy sober? Words of wisdom would be appreciated for a young girl who said no to the two bottles of wine I almost bought at the grocery store today

PurpleKnight

Hey Ultrafiche, Welcome to the Forum!!

I guess you need to find the reasons as to why YOU want to be sober, there is no point simply getting Sober for your boyfriend, you need to want it to, or that resentment may continue, a real acceptance that this is a good decision for your life may improve things.

You'll find loads of support here on SR, it's great to have you onboard!!

biminiblue

Great job turning down the bottles. The more you do it, the better you will feel about yourself.

It is a habit you have to break, and it affected your brain and body. It is going to take a little time (but not too long) before you will be very happy with the results in your life.

Your BF loves you and wants the best for you. I'm very happy you are choosing that, too.

Hang in there, it gets a lot better really soon.

Welcome to SR!

Hevyn

Wonderful to have you with us Ultrafiche.

When I was 22 I already knew I didn't drink like normal people & was headed for trouble. I did nothing - just kept trying to manage it. Many years later my life was a mess - and I was drinking every day. You're doing the best thing by admitting what it's doing to you and taking action. The early days are rough, but we're here to help. You're not alone.

zjw

DANG!! those are some TRUE words. I think you just said what i did not wanna say in my case and I've been sober 3 years and what you just said makes me squirm its so true.

You have 2 things going on you love him so much but you want to resent him too. Thats because the alcoholic in you wants what it wants and doesnt give a damn about your boyfriend or anything else that stands in its way thats the nature of this disease / addiction. That resentment can turn on you and make you feel bad about yourself and cause you to drink etc.. Just get out ahead of it and recognize it for what it is. Its anything but good and its going to get you drinking again if your not careful.

Every day is a battle I still struggle with coping skills etc.. It does get easier tho I promise you that. You have to take it one day at a time dont worry about yest or tommorrow just focus on today. there are enough troubles today for you dont try and take on more hten you can handle take it one step at a time. Keep it simple etc..

Congrats on not buying that wine thats a big victory and another step in the right direction.

you dont have much to gain by drinking if anything but it sounds like you got a lot you could loose. I dont think its worth it to you. but you just gotta remind yourself of that each time your tempted.

doggonecarl

Being happy about our sobriety...Difficult for the alcoholic who merely quits drinking, because not drinking isn't the same as recovery. Recovery focuses on the changes we need to make to learn to 1) cope with sobriety, and 2) learn to enjoy the sober life.

Read around SR. There are tons of discussions about what people have done to find satisfaction in their sobriety, methods they used, changes they needed to make to succeed.

Hope you find what works for you.

Nonsensical

Because alcohol twists our minds until that statement seems true. It makes us resent people who try to interfere with our drinking. It makes us misearble and then promises to cure our misery. It is the problem that masquerades as the solution.

Congrats on passing up the wine.

zjw

another thing with resentment is this. ultimately your drinking problem is your drinking problem. Its not his fault you have to quit its not unfair that someone else can drink and you cant etc. its just an issue you have and you have to nip it in the bud. You cant resent him. the world cannot change becuase you have an issue.

what I mean by all this is we all have our problems we have to tend too. it can totally stink too. But we cant look at it that way in this case becuase its just breeding grounds for things like resentment and guilt anger etc... One person can eat whatever they want and not gain weight while another person can pack it on like crazy. Its not the end of the world all it means is this person has to watch what they eat etc..

I had to learn not to focus on the fact that I coudlnt drink or that I couldnt eat as much pizza as i wanted and not get fat and how unfair my life was as a result. I had to realize that I'm actually really great at a lot of other things however that other people are not good at. I had to nuture those things and recogonize my flaws for what they where and work on keeping them in check.

I'm sure your boyfriend aint perfect either he has his faults and flaws he probably has to keep in order as well. its just life its just how it is and if we are go go on through life as functioning individuals we just have to keep an eye on some things. In my case drinking is one of those things. it may not be a problem for a lot of people but it is for me.

You also shouldnt resnet him if your quiting for yourself? I had to quit for me and only me. No one else would have gotten me to do so. Quiting drinking was a very selfish thing for me to do. I had to get selfish to stay sober. But its enabled me to be a much better person for everyone around me.