SonomaGal

I'll start:

Time to Get Sober:

Today my phones sobriety counter said 400 days. That is not my current sobriety total (262 days). It took me 4.5 months to get here. My phone app says I drank 20 times during that period -- a LOT of lowly Day 1's. Looking back it would have been so much less stressful to just stay sober, but I was really struggling with the dream of an easy fix, the incessant yelling of the AV, and the inability to reach out.

Last Drink:

The last time I drank I had some (drinking) guests over. I wasn't sure I wanted to drink, so I abstained until 10pm. They went to sleep around midnight. Sometimes the combo of alcohol and cigarettes can make me really wired, so I secretly mixed drinks by myself in the garage until 5am (ugh). I broke a glass, pushed the shards to the side with my hands and quickly made another, and then another... I was playing games, smoking, drinking, and reading the iPad with one eye. The next afternoon it was crystal clear that my drinking was turning sneaky, pathetic and self destructive.

Thanks for listening!

RecklessEric

Thanks for your story.
I find our stories so interesting, because it's like they are in a frozen past.
By that, I mean we have to be so careful not to relive them again.

Grungehead

My last drinks were 3 beers on the way to my rehab consultation (30 minute drive lol). That was April 16, 2013 and I haven't had a drink since.

PurpleKnight

I can't remember my last drink . . . but I do remember my last hangover, it was a Saturday afternoon, been Sober ever since!!

Ken33xx

Was walking home drunk and felt myself being pulled to the ground.

Had recently moved into a new apartment and can remember thinking I'd better not fall down the front steps as they were made of concrete.

Went to my first meeting the next night

PhaseTwo

I was pacing around my house ,stopping to drink from a vodka bottle every once in awhile. Not to get drunk, just so I could keep the anxiety and hopelessness somewhat at bay.

Waiting all day for a ride to the hospital so I could detox. That was almost 15 months ago I'm grateful that I'm still sober.

Renarde

Just another glass of wine in front of the TV like all the others, glazing me over and leading to a hangover. Just for sick and tired of it.

Vlad

I came home from work and was on my usual 3rd or 4th or 9th cocktail. My kids were building a boat out of sticks, leaves, and whatever they could find in the yard to float on a pond next to the house. Through the screen door I overheard my daughter ask my son if they should come get Dad to help. My son answered "He won't be able to. He's already started his adult beverages." It broke my heart. Like I had been shot. I boxed up the bar and threw it in the HOA dumpster that night. Haven't had a drink since.

JD4010

I'm in the middle of a divorce. Both Friday and Saturday nights, I drank myself stupid. Sweated all day on Sunday and felt like crap.

Last night, I poured 3/4 of a bottle of gin down the bathtub drain.

I'm at work now and need to write a quarterly report. I can't concentrate and the words just won't flow. That ain't good.

I've lost track of how many times I've tried to stop drinking. I went 7 months without drinking last year so it can be done.

Croissant

There was nothing remarkable the night before I decided to get sober. Yeah, I probably drank, listened to music, glazed over....probably played Russian Roulette with the clock. You know, when you know you have work the next day, and just how many more drinks you can have without suffering too much the next day. Then next minute, bam, it's 2am and you've somehow decided you feel fine, work will be fine tomorrow.

I woke up, hungover as a dog. There was no way I could go to work. I had to phone in sick. And I guess, that is what got me....I made the call....and the lying, the pathetic mess I was in bed, reeking of alcohol and having to lie about some bug I had or whatever. Me. The one who never had sick days was now eating into holiday time.

I couldn't lie anymore. Not to anyone else, but most of all, to myself. Dragged my sorry a$$ downstairs and googled alcoholism all day, downloaded books on sobriety and spent that Friday, Saturday and Sunday giving myself a crash course on getting sober.

I've had 2 slips since. Dealt with why, but still consider that day as the day I chose sobriety.

Thank you for sharing this. So happy you got sober.

inthekeyofg

I didn't even have that much to drink the last (actual last) time. I've been on benders and woken up feeling like death. Times prior, when I've decided to stop drinking, it was during one of these mornings, one of these days when I literally felt like death. Previous times when I started on the sober journey, I was in the shower, just sitting there trying to arrange my thoughts, trying to gather the strength to stand up and get on with the day. This past time, it wasn't like that... it wasn't a bender or a session that would rival any rockstars, it was just an overall feeling. I just knew that on some psychological and emotional level (not to mention the toll the years had taken on my body) I had had enough. My heart felt heavy, my mind was plagued by guilt and annoyance at myself. So I literally stopped. That same night I just started drinking tons of water; it was as if I was trying to purge my innards, to wash out the years of alcohol abuse, to say sorry to myself.
I find it interesting that this was the last time. It wasn't one of those times when I woke up wreaking of guilt and booze and almost unable to stand up or begin the day. The last time, I went to bed without the spins, I woke without a hangover... I felt almost normal. Why this time? What point did I reach in my heart and soul, what reasoning did my mind reach? Maybe that's it, maybe my mind, body, & soul were all aligned and I knew it was the right time to begin the journey of recovering.

Ceec

My last time drinking I remember waiting until my parents were asleep to sneak out to the liquor store on a Thursday night. Bought a Mickey intending to have a shot or two and save the rest for that following Friday night. Well of course it never stops at one or two drinks, I don't know how many times it will take me to learn. I downed the whole bottle and ended up at my neighbours house trying to hook up with him (awkward, embarrassing). Woke up Friday morning still drunk and decided to continue the party at 9am with two more mickeys. Kept taking shots and texting people very hurtful things although I don't remember the details of the texts I just know they were bad! Don't remember after that...my mom I guess found me drunk and took my phone away. Woke up having no idea what happened (that's the worse not knowing but that's the story of my life) I waited until my mom left for the rest of the weekend and snuck out the rest of my Mickey and downed that all Saturday.

This binge all just happened last weekend. It doesn't even come close to comparing to some of my really bad binges where I have done some crazy stuff. I just finally realize I can't do this anymore (I say this all the times though). I have taken my Antabuse everyday since the. And am going to go to a meeting tomorrow and go everyday. I say that all the time too, but this time I actually know I'm done with it. This time feels different,

Julie59

I wish you all the best of luck CEEC I see you are studying nursing...that is such an admirable profession.....and of course you need your health and wits about you to succeed ... you can do it

Weaver

Glad you found us!

Please continue to read and post. This place saved my life!

Also, I suggest taking advantage of the chat room

bookmaven

My last drunk:

Purchased a half gallon bottle of wine to cook with and keep in the fridge for later, so I would "have some on hand".

I sipped on some of the wine while cooking. I had "a glass" of wine with dinner. Then one with desert. Then one in the bath. Then I don't remember. I blacked out. I woke up on the floor, next to a wine glass overflowing with puke and an empty wine bottle.

Somehow I consumed the whole thing. If my body hadn't purged itself I probably would have died of alcohol poisoning/ overdose. I could have just as easily asphyxiated on my own vomit that night.

Nauseated, my head pounding, hungover, I fought my gag reflex while washing up that nasty horrible disgusting mess and failed, and in cleaning up fresh puke on top of old vomit, with tears streaming down my face and soaking the neckline of my shirt, I admitted, finally with absolute irrefutable conviction, I was powerless over alcohol. I knew my experiments with moderation were over. I knew I'd never be in control of the alcohol, that the alcohol would always be in control of me.

A week or two later, after the memory faded a little bit and the alcoholic voice started whispering it's lies once more I did break down and purchase a mini "airplane sampler" of my whiskey of choice. We hung out for a while. Me and my old friend Jack. After about an hour of holding this little bottle in my hand I suddenly opened it and drank it down. And immediately, almost violently, vomited with such tremendous velocity that it went up into my nasal cavity and out my nose and mouth before I even registered what happened.

That was the last alcohol I tried to poison myself with and obviously my body did not cooperate.

I don't know what would happen now if I were to drink again. No more experiments. It's not worth it.

jdooner

Air France, Paris to Boston with my then two year old asleep on my chest in our pod. Ordered a double Absolute and Diet Sprite. It was my fourth on this flight. My life was crumbling...no had crumbled. I believe my son transferred his positive energy to me. I looked across to my daughter watching a show in her pod and she smiled at me. I realized it was now or never and made the decision at that point that that drink would be the last one I ever drank. I had no idea how hard it would be or how bad I was. That was August 26, 2013.

zjw

I had decided to taper off for safety reasons. I dont really remember the last drink. but for a few days I figured i'd just lower my intake each day when i hit about 4 or 5 beers a night i got annoyed the following night knowing i could only drink less then that even I thought what the heck is the point I might as well get on with this sobriety hell and figured there was no point in drinking such a small amount. I new i'd either cave and drink more and I didnt want too or i'd not be satisfied with such a little amt or that if I didnt drink at all I wouldnt be satisfied. I new i was screwed either way and shrugged shoulders figured whats the point and didnt pick up again.

my last drink was really a non event. if anything those final few days where like spending the final few days with a good friend whom you'd never see again. I figured lets not allow this goodbye drag on too long its too painful etc..

Aellyce

I like this thread

I feel that my "quitting" started long before it actually happened, just like what we often say about relapses. 2013 winter and spring... I was deep in a very nasty major depressive episode. Never had one before, it was like a complete alien world for me, and for the first time in my life I lost all of my interests in life and survival. Made elaborate plans for the opposite. Did not seek any help. Totally dysfunctional. I tried to hide, but my colleagues found out... and then I experienced, for the first time in my life, what it's like to be helped and supported when everything had fallen apart. This was the experience that taught me that it's OK to to seek help when I need it, for my mental problems. Was amazing. Depression slowly lifted (still would not go to a doctor or therapist) but I started making changes. There was some sort of new motivation that I had never felt before that time. Still drinking though.

December, 2013. A good friend of mine had terminal cancer and he had no friends in our city. I spent his last 4 days with him in the hospital. It was an experience I would not dare to put into words... not yet, maybe someday. Still drinking, facing directly what awaited me down that road.

Lots of thinking over the winter holidays... I wrote about the experiences above because in my mind I do believe they had a significance in the process of my getting sober.

January 6 this year. I decided to post a thread on SR asking the wonderful people here to show me how to get beyond 2 days of sobriety, because I had no idea. I never asked anyone about recovery before, really, just some vague comments on SR in previous years. Read the responses while sipping my vodka, until in a moment it occurred to me that I drank enough of it. Poured it out and went to bed. Next day was my first Day 1 and I decided to embark on the first sober journey of my life with SR.

January 24. Day of stupidity. I went to a restaurant with two friends; they ordered cocktails and we got some appetizers. I had a juice. Then suddenly I get curious about those cocktails and ask one of them to let me taste. We also ate the food. To cut the story short, in about 30 mins I was in the ER with a severe allergic reaction (luckily we were in a place next to the hospital where I work). Extremely scary... never had any allergy in my life before. Of course in my mind, I associated it with the alcohol as I felt so guilty about tasting the drink. Well, I had it tested by a doctor the week after and it wasn't the alcohol of course, and later we found out I'm very allergic to a rare artificial food coloring that was in one of the items we ate. Still, this scary experience has gotten linked to my "slip" with that cocktail, mentally. I also changed my sober date to January 25 to acknowledge the experience.

No idea if I infuse these series of events with special meaning, because this journey is so important to me, and in reality it's just a series of incidents leading to my making a final decision... or there is more to it... I don't think about it much. What matters is that I have been sober.

tomthern

My last drink wasn't anything different. I went out and got drunk, went home with someone I didn't know and work the next day. For some reason calling AA came into my head. I did and that was April 23, 1988. I think talking about it helps me stay vigilant. I don't want to be there again.

DoubleDragons

Thankfully, I do not remember my last drink, other than I am sure it was the last drop of a bottle of merlot on Saturday, September 28, 2013, as at that time I was "allowing" myself to drink Friday and Saturday nights only. My sobriety date is Sunday, September 29th because it was my first sober day in sobriety, but I really didn't make the conscious decision to quit until that Monday or Tuesday. I decided that Sunday would be my sobriety date, though, because it is a significant date to someone I loved very much. I felt it would help to make my sobriety "stick".

I started drinking at 15 and by 18 I knew that I had a problem. I was a blackout drinker from almost the start. When I told my family and friends that I thought I had a problem, I was ridiculed and made to feel like a drama queen. All of my family and friends were/are big drinkers. So, at that point, I think I subconsciously believed that I would have to drink alcohol the rest of my life and I would somehow have to control myself, because it was abnormal not to drink alcohol, in my mind. I spent the rest of those drinking years, up until age 42, unsuccessfully trying to moderate and making a fool of myself regularly, started suffering physically with weight gain, bloat, stomach ulcers, nerve issues, etc., but all the while, in full denial. Then, my mother's heavy drinking turned into undeniable alcoholism, to everyone but to her and to my enabling father. I started reading a "plethora" of books and articles to "solve her problems with alcohol" only to constantly be staring at and relating to my own problems with alcohol in the words of those books. I started reading SR and I related, all too well, to everyone. Someone on the board (I think it was you, Dee, thank you!) challenged me to give sobriety a chance since I had given all of those years to drinking, and remarkably, I think it is one of the first times that it dawned on me that sobriety was even an option. I had just woken up that Monday or Tuesday and I was reading SR in our office, and I looked up from my computer screen and looked over at my husband, crying my eyes out, and I told him that I needed to try to quit drinking for a while. And I felt such relief, like I hadn't felt in years.