Having a nightmare
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 182
Having a nightmare
I was starting my road to recovery. Went to a treatment centre which was a big step for me and scary, but my support worker was great. He suggested certain treatments, put me at ease and told me of the different places he could refer me to for specific treatment.
Then I made a few silly mistakes the next day and went into self destructive mode. Have been drinking every night for the last week. Have cuts and bruises all over my body from falling down so much (mixing alcohol and sedatives is not a good idea).
The first place I was referred to was terrible. The person I saw was inexperienced and basically said I don't know what to suggest for you. I walked out of that place and went to the the nearest off license. My support worker then suggested another place where they offer counselling. I don't know if I want to go. What if it's like the first place, formal and unwelcoming? What if they want all my details again? I keep telling them there's certain things I don't want to share but they can't seem to move past that.
My personal relationships are breaking down. I can tell I'm causing hurt to my loved ones and there's nothing they can do to help.
My brain is scrambled. My body is hurting. I have so many things to sort out in my life but alcohol isn't letting me do that. I don't know how I'm going to get out of this mess.
Then I made a few silly mistakes the next day and went into self destructive mode. Have been drinking every night for the last week. Have cuts and bruises all over my body from falling down so much (mixing alcohol and sedatives is not a good idea).
The first place I was referred to was terrible. The person I saw was inexperienced and basically said I don't know what to suggest for you. I walked out of that place and went to the the nearest off license. My support worker then suggested another place where they offer counselling. I don't know if I want to go. What if it's like the first place, formal and unwelcoming? What if they want all my details again? I keep telling them there's certain things I don't want to share but they can't seem to move past that.
My personal relationships are breaking down. I can tell I'm causing hurt to my loved ones and there's nothing they can do to help.
My brain is scrambled. My body is hurting. I have so many things to sort out in my life but alcohol isn't letting me do that. I don't know how I'm going to get out of this mess.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Why not walk in an AA meeting and see if this helps?
I did when I was at one of my lowest point, got there drunk, crying, broken, and they welcomed me with arms opened and without judgement.
Hope things get better for you, but in any case keep knocking at every support door until you find what you need.
I did when I was at one of my lowest point, got there drunk, crying, broken, and they welcomed me with arms opened and without judgement.
Hope things get better for you, but in any case keep knocking at every support door until you find what you need.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
For me I had to stop drinking for all the other stuff to get better Captain.
Support's important too - sometimes you need to try a few things before you find the right support for you - what if this new referral is for a place thats great for you?
You'll never know if you don't go?
D
Support's important too - sometimes you need to try a few things before you find the right support for you - what if this new referral is for a place thats great for you?
You'll never know if you don't go?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 182
I don't know how to break the hold. All I think about during the day is when is it going to get late so I can start drinking. I was a functional alcoholic but am moving away from that and neglecting all the important things/people in my life. I'm letting people down, and my alcoholism is pretty obvious now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Your desire for sobriety needs to surpass your desire to drink. You can decide, you can choose, you can achieve sobriety. The fact you are here shows that you are already on the right path. It all starts with a day 1.
You need to consider detox, for this seeing your doctor is a winning option. Just be honest about how much you drink.
You need to consider detox, for this seeing your doctor is a winning option. Just be honest about how much you drink.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
And if I may add a few things.
It normal to experience fear when you think about quitting. After all you are used to dealing with emotions by drinking.
Second is that you most likely look forward to your night drinking because you are experiencing anxiety that can be caused by your body needing the Alcohol. That is physical addiction. We have all been there so you are not alone in this.
Hope this helps, people will add some additional good ideas I'm sure.
Don't despair, there is a way out.
It normal to experience fear when you think about quitting. After all you are used to dealing with emotions by drinking.
Second is that you most likely look forward to your night drinking because you are experiencing anxiety that can be caused by your body needing the Alcohol. That is physical addiction. We have all been there so you are not alone in this.
Hope this helps, people will add some additional good ideas I'm sure.
Don't despair, there is a way out.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Originally Posted by CaptainWhip 
What if they want all my details again? I keep telling them there's certain things I don't want to share but they can't seem to move past that.
.
.
But, these words of yours jumped out at me. I understand your reluctance and even refusal to want to talk about certain things, but you may find that it's crucial to your recovery to do so. Believe me, when I stopped drinking, I was scared to death to deal with the things I'd been running from. But, the bottom line is - there's no way around it. That said, you don't need to tell anyone and everyone your private issues, but maybe a therapist or counsellor or perhaps at an AA meeting, it could be very helpful and pivotal in your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
You are making a good step by laying it all out on the table, now it's time to put it all back in the right place. The hardest thing you can do is to come to terms with the fact that you have a problem and you are doing that now. Get determined and stay sober long enough to get passed the mental impulses. It takes several months for most of us but you can't get there if you keep giving in. Hold on long enough and things will start to improve.
You can do it.
You can do it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 182
Originally Posted by Anna
You've gotten lots of good advice here, Captain.
But, these words of yours jumped out at me. I understand your reluctance and even refusal to want to talk about certain things, but you may find that it's crucial to your recovery to do so. Believe me, when I stopped drinking, I was scared to death to deal with the things I'd been running from. But, the bottom line is - there's no way around it. That said, you don't need to tell anyone and everyone your private issues, but maybe a therapist or counsellor or perhaps at an AA meeting, it could be very helpful and pivotal in your recovery.
But, these words of yours jumped out at me. I understand your reluctance and even refusal to want to talk about certain things, but you may find that it's crucial to your recovery to do so. Believe me, when I stopped drinking, I was scared to death to deal with the things I'd been running from. But, the bottom line is - there's no way around it. That said, you don't need to tell anyone and everyone your private issues, but maybe a therapist or counsellor or perhaps at an AA meeting, it could be very helpful and pivotal in your recovery.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
if you keep on drinking you risk that reputation anyway, though Captain.
The first ten years of my drinking I managed to 'hold it together' mostly...
The last 10 years of my drinking I was a very public drunk.
I've been 'that neighbourhood bum' and I've been 'that neighbourhood bum who turned his life around'.
I know which one I prefer to be
The first ten years of my drinking I managed to 'hold it together' mostly...
The last 10 years of my drinking I was a very public drunk.
I've been 'that neighbourhood bum' and I've been 'that neighbourhood bum who turned his life around'.
I know which one I prefer to be
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 182
I was just doing some reading and it's not shocking to know that if alcohol was discovered today it would be a class A drug. This is from the Guardian newspaper:
It's ridiculous. The government advisor does his research, which is open to academic scrutiny, his results are published then he gets sacked. Alcohol is a big money maker and no matter how many lives it claims our government only cares about the net profit.
Alcohol is the most dangerous drug in the UK by a considerable margin, beating heroin and crack cocaine into second and third place, according to an authoritative study published today which will reopen calls for the drugs classification system to be scrapped and a concerted campaign launched against drink. Led by the sacked government drugs adviser David Nutt with colleagues from the breakaway Independent Scientific Committee on Drugs, the study says that if drugs were classified on the basis of the harm they do, alcohol would be class A, alongside heroin and crack cocaine.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Economy
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by CaptainWhip
I was starting my road to recovery. Went to a treatment centre which was a big step for me and scary, but my support worker was great. He suggested certain treatments, put me at ease and told me of the different places he could refer me to for specific treatment.
Then I made a few silly mistakes the next day and went into self destructive mode. Have been drinking every night for the last week. Have cuts and bruises all over my body from falling down so much (mixing alcohol and sedatives is not a good idea).
The first place I was referred to was terrible. The person I saw was inexperienced and basically said I don't know what to suggest for you. I walked out of that place and went to the the nearest off license. My support worker then suggested another place where they offer counselling. I don't know if I want to go. What if it's like the first place, formal and unwelcoming? What if they want all my details again? I keep telling them there's certain things I don't want to share but they can't seem to move past that.
My personal relationships are breaking down. I can tell I'm causing hurt to my loved ones and there's nothing they can do to help.
My brain is scrambled. My body is hurting. I have so many things to sort out in my life but alcohol isn't letting me do that. I don't know how I'm going to get out of this mess.
Then I made a few silly mistakes the next day and went into self destructive mode. Have been drinking every night for the last week. Have cuts and bruises all over my body from falling down so much (mixing alcohol and sedatives is not a good idea).
The first place I was referred to was terrible. The person I saw was inexperienced and basically said I don't know what to suggest for you. I walked out of that place and went to the the nearest off license. My support worker then suggested another place where they offer counselling. I don't know if I want to go. What if it's like the first place, formal and unwelcoming? What if they want all my details again? I keep telling them there's certain things I don't want to share but they can't seem to move past that.
My personal relationships are breaking down. I can tell I'm causing hurt to my loved ones and there's nothing they can do to help.
My brain is scrambled. My body is hurting. I have so many things to sort out in my life but alcohol isn't letting me do that. I don't know how I'm going to get out of this mess.
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Originally Posted by freecoffee
If you legitimately want to go sober and can't commit to a taper it wouldn't hurt to see your doctor- it's cheaper to pay for a bottle of benzos for an outpatient withdrawal than it is to continue buying booze every day for the rest of your life.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 182
Originally Posted by freecoffee
If you legitimately want to go sober and can't commit to a taper (it's not fun, but doesn't last long- basically cutting down day by day using beer) it wouldn't hurt to see your doctor- it's cheaper to pay for a bottle of benzos (most will prescribe Librium or Valium, relatively affordable and long lasting with a low possibility for dependence/abuse) for an outpatient withdrawal than it is to continue buying booze every day for the rest of your life.
I got benzos. I'm abusing them with booze.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Economy
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by CaptainWhip
I got benzos. I'm abusing them with booze.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
CaptainWhip, good to see you here, posting!
It's starting to get painful, hey? I can tell by what you've posted.
Like others have said, go to the doctor....and if you feel ashamed, go to another one til you get help. Thinking about a life without alcohol was the scariest thing for me. In hindsight, I'm sure I moved to another state just so I could avoid my family seeing how bad I got. That's when my drinking became the cycle of everyday. Yep, battered and bruised.
I feel amazing now. To think I couldn't even imagine a weekend without alcohol....even the thought of it gave me a panic attack. I don't even think of it as an option now.
It's Friday afternoon, I'm about to go for a walk, read some books....get out in the sunshine. This time last year, I was right about where you are, thinking there was no hope. I was a rat in a cage, a mouse on a wheel....a wind me up doll, that just tracked back to the liquor store like a zombie every single day.
I feel for you - but there is hope.
It's starting to get painful, hey? I can tell by what you've posted.
Like others have said, go to the doctor....and if you feel ashamed, go to another one til you get help. Thinking about a life without alcohol was the scariest thing for me. In hindsight, I'm sure I moved to another state just so I could avoid my family seeing how bad I got. That's when my drinking became the cycle of everyday. Yep, battered and bruised.
I feel amazing now. To think I couldn't even imagine a weekend without alcohol....even the thought of it gave me a panic attack. I don't even think of it as an option now.
It's Friday afternoon, I'm about to go for a walk, read some books....get out in the sunshine. This time last year, I was right about where you are, thinking there was no hope. I was a rat in a cage, a mouse on a wheel....a wind me up doll, that just tracked back to the liquor store like a zombie every single day.
I feel for you - but there is hope.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
When things for me got to "what have I got to loose?" then it really did become about trying something new and not worrying about the consequences of Sobreity, because at the end of the day how much worse can it get?!!
Continuing to drink is not a longterm sustainable solution, so something has to give eventually, Sobriety is therefore clearly the better choice in all of this!!
Continuing to drink is not a longterm sustainable solution, so something has to give eventually, Sobriety is therefore clearly the better choice in all of this!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
CaptainWhip, if the shame you are feeling is because you are an alcoholic, please remember that alcoholism is a disease. It's not a character defect.
I do understand how you feel. I took the leap of faith and it literally felt like free-falling, because I knew I was about to lose my family and my health. You can do this!
I do understand how you feel. I took the leap of faith and it literally felt like free-falling, because I knew I was about to lose my family and my health. You can do this!
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