caboblanco

i honestly don't put this in my mind as something I'm going to follow. Logically I know I should. I just can't let go of my old friend alcohol even when sober.

Maybe i'm a little bit of a dreamer and not in reality. I feel like a fraud in a way since I haven't stamped that in my mind. I don't know how long I can be sober before I start thinking..It's all over...that part of your life never happened. For l

life just seems like such a long time. I don't really know what i need to put that in my brain. I had a fatty liver from drinking and even that isn't enough to do it.

Dee74

I don't have a problem with it.

I love my life now, and I love who I am.

If you can't honestly say the same Cabo, then I reckon that's where you should focus on next?

what would it take for you to love yourself and your life, sober?

D

Gilmer

When I first got sober I really couldn't imagine "forever."

Now it's gotten a lot more natural and really doesn't bother me to realize that I can never drink again.

GracieLou

I honestly do not think about it on a daily basis.

In times of struggle and difficulties I think "I know what I used to do, but I am not that person anymore" and that means so much more than just picking up a bottle.

I have to remember I am not the person I was a year ago. I don't think the same which means I don't act or react the same. I am in no way perfect and I have a ways to go. I make mistakes all the time but today I do not let them define me. I learn, change and grow.

One day at a time. Progress not perfection.

MIRecovery

It took about 2 years to be OK with never and even today I stay sober a day at a time

FBL

I have zero problem with it. In fact, I can't even imagine going back to the hell that my life became as an active alcoholic.

doggonecarl

When I drank, I had no problem accepting I'd drink forever. I owe not drinking the same level of acceptance.

FeelingGreat

It took me a while, but you gradually lose the obsession and begin to like sober life. Still a work in progress though.

jdooner

Its how I think about it. I might deal with something in the short term but I know I will never drink again, ever.

ForMeForThem

It was overwhelming to me at first but now I accept it as this...

I could drink again if I chose to. But I'm honest with myself and I don't romanticize it. I know if I chose to drink again, eventually I would end up right back where I was. I hated where I was and what alcohol had done to me. I also know it would only be a matter of time before I would have to quit again. I don't want to go back to where I was and I don't want to have to struggle through quitting again. Even on bad days, never again is the easier choice for me.

Ken33xx

I'm another who just takes it one day at a time. I find this puts me under no pressure.

Tomorrow?

Well, that's not here but for today I'm going to pass on the drink.

robgt350

i am on the fence on this one. i do not like saying never ever again.

i like to think i have control over my self. now i have complete control and not drink at all.

would it be stronger control to have one drink and stop for a week, month or day? i dont know, and a question i am still searching for deep down inside me. i have 19 months of sobriety, i will keep that for now.

RobbyRobot

I was saying never again even in my last years of drinking, you know? I'd swear off while drunk and be right back at it few days later whatever. Lot of shame back in those days. Had to dump the shame along with the booze to stay quit. Quitting changed me. I became responsible in new ways, less selfish and more open-minded about staying quit. Awesome!

I'm still quit forever, and always will be quit. All that pain is way behind me. Each day I'm total grateful for what I have, and what I don't have in this life.

My fears of the future without alcohol were nothing less than delusions on a grand scale. Getting thru those fears really taught me how I was in fact my own jailer using alcohol to keep me down and out of the good life. Now I'm free.

Forever works well enough for me.

bigsombrero

You always like to toss around these hot button issues, don't you Cabo?

When someone loses an arm, it's gone. Done. They might wish it will come back, but it's not going to happen. Eventually, it's healthy for them just to move forward and stop mulling over their loss. Sure, they have to grieve & mourn, but eventually they need to learn how to make adjustments in their lives. And after a few years it becomes second nature - they learn to function just fine. Other people still love them. They still have good lives. A part of them is gone, but most of their body is still there, and their ENTIRE brain and personality is still alive and well to enjoy life.

I think that in our strongest moments, we should follow the exact same thought process with drinking. It's not coming back - that option is off the table. Let's play the hand we were dealt here, and not worry about which cards are on the bottom of the deck.

Boleo

It used to terrify me to imagine a life without booze - ever again. Just starting to think about it made death look attractive.

Drinking was not my problem. It was my solution. Till it stopped working. Then I had 2 problems; Drinking and not-drinking.
I was trapped in a double-bind situation.

I finally gave up choosing not-drinking ODAAT and accepted the fact that I would die drunk. I had ceased fighting everything and everyone - even alcohol.

At that very moment, alcohol ceased looking attractive to me. I was released from my obsession to drink and never again did alcohol tempt me. The idea of life-long sobriety is now my default attitude.

Some call it a spiritual awakening. Some call it an epiphany. I call it moksha ( emancipation, liberation or release).

jdooner

Why? What about the forever do you struggle with? Try to break it down. Is it the taste? Is it the buzz? The vulnerability you feel from not fitting in socially with other drinkers? Can you accept you are alcoholic? If you can accept this then you need to accept that you can never drink normally so you are playing by a different set of rules. Rules that don't allow us to be normal.

This limbo stage that you are stuck in is awful. Mentally its torture to be back and forth. In my huble opinion this is where a structured program comes in handy. Whether you choose AVRT, AA, or one of the others all of them deal with this limbo phase and allow you to move on. I believe this is needed to move from sobriety to recovery.


Its impossible to be a fraud if your being honest and authentic.

Nobody and no program says you wipe out your active years. They happened, pay homage to them but don't live in the past. Learn from it and live in the present.

AA's Big Book talks about an alcoholic that cannot stop drinking even if the doctor tells the man he will die if he continues. If you can relate to this type of alcoholic they suggest a solution (12 steps) that deals with removing the obsession.

I hope you find the peace you are looking for...I know its not back in the bottom of a bottle. Keep up the good work Cabo.

caboblanco

i think about say 5 years down the line...i will be sober that long. but .I can change in my thoughts.

This is where the theory of lifelong addiction comes into play. i don't think i can go that long without seriously considering making alcohol part of my life again. It sounds absurd in early recovery but i'm going to have to find a way to make peace with this "forever" thing. not ready yet. but i'm ok. I'm not good with rules..always looking for a way out

gardendiva

I am newly sober and have to maintain sobriety a day at a time. I hope to be able to embrace a sober forever mindset eventually but im not there yet.

jdooner

I think this is where working with others and passing along the message as part of AA's 12th step comes in handy. Our minds have a way of forgetting things and the memories of trauma are usually eased with time. Working with others keeps a reminder of what things were like and perhaps helps with long term (>5yr) success rates?

I jokingly talk about children in the same way. I love my kids and would love to have more. But the first year to me was more about survival. Not to mention the stress it puts on a marriage. Lack of sleep, feedings, toys everywhere. But now that they have moved from toddler to kids I miss having a toddler running around the house. Again, our minds have a way of remembering only the good - its how you end up having more children:-)

bigsombrero

One theory claims that addiction recovery is best understood as a grief process, and it is through this lens that we can understand why relapse is so common.

Think about it: Denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and - finally - acceptance. Those are the 5 stages of grief. Here's an interesting article that highlights how those stages relate to addiction recovery:

https://medium.com/addiction-and-rec...s-a2e0745097c2