Actually Resisted a Serious Urge
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Aurora, Colorado
Posts: 36
Actually Resisted a Serious Urge
I know 2 days sober doesn't sound like a huge accomplishment, but for me it has been a long time to be sober without having a good reason (as if my own life and sanity weren't good enough reasons).
I was driving home today past a liquor store I would frequent and the urge to drink just slapped me in the face. Man, I was so close to pulling in but I was able to drive past, white knuckled. And when I got home... I remembered I had that bottle of wine I got for Easter! I almost started crying and ran to the back yard to gulp some fresh air and something hit me out there; that I just didn't need it, that my conscious life and thoughts are just too precious to waste in an alcoholic oblivion.
In that moment of clarity, I walked in to the kitchen, violently opened the bottle of wine and dumped that c**p down the drain and flung the bottle in the garbage with triumph. Any remaining anxiety simply melted away to a dull roar that was manageable.
I've never been able to do this in the evening before (in the mornings I would vow never to drink again, dump out what I had left and end up buying more that evening). Evenings have always been my drinking time for "winding down" (e.g. drinking until passing out) and there was always that switch that flipped around three o four o' clock that went from "I won't drink tonight" to "I can't wait to drink tonight." This little act gives me a lot of hope that I may be able to actually do it this time.
I was driving home today past a liquor store I would frequent and the urge to drink just slapped me in the face. Man, I was so close to pulling in but I was able to drive past, white knuckled. And when I got home... I remembered I had that bottle of wine I got for Easter! I almost started crying and ran to the back yard to gulp some fresh air and something hit me out there; that I just didn't need it, that my conscious life and thoughts are just too precious to waste in an alcoholic oblivion.
In that moment of clarity, I walked in to the kitchen, violently opened the bottle of wine and dumped that c**p down the drain and flung the bottle in the garbage with triumph. Any remaining anxiety simply melted away to a dull roar that was manageable.
I've never been able to do this in the evening before (in the mornings I would vow never to drink again, dump out what I had left and end up buying more that evening). Evenings have always been my drinking time for "winding down" (e.g. drinking until passing out) and there was always that switch that flipped around three o four o' clock that went from "I won't drink tonight" to "I can't wait to drink tonight." This little act gives me a lot of hope that I may be able to actually do it this time.
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Originally Posted by comingoutsober 
I know 2 days sober doesn't sound like a huge accomplishment, but for me it has been a long time to be sober without having a good reason (as if my own life and sanity weren't good enough reasons).
I was driving home today past a liquor store I would frequent and the urge to drink just slapped me in the face. Man, I was so close to pulling in but I was able to drive past, white knuckled. And when I got home... I remembered I had that bottle of wine I got for Easter! I almost started crying and ran to the back yard to gulp some fresh air and something hit me out there; that I just didn't need it, that my conscious life and thoughts are just too precious to waste in an alcoholic oblivion.
In that moment of clarity, I walked in to the kitchen, violently opened the bottle of wine and dumped that c**p down the drain and flung the bottle in the garbage with triumph. Any remaining anxiety simply melted away to a dull roar that was manageable.
I've never been able to do this in the evening before (in the mornings I would vow never to drink again, dump out what I had left and end up buying more that evening). Evenings have always been my drinking time for "winding down" (e.g. drinking until passing out) and there was always that switch that flipped around three o four o' clock that went from "I won't drink tonight" to "I can't wait to drink tonight." This little act gives me a lot of hope that I may be able to actually do it this time.
I was driving home today past a liquor store I would frequent and the urge to drink just slapped me in the face. Man, I was so close to pulling in but I was able to drive past, white knuckled. And when I got home... I remembered I had that bottle of wine I got for Easter! I almost started crying and ran to the back yard to gulp some fresh air and something hit me out there; that I just didn't need it, that my conscious life and thoughts are just too precious to waste in an alcoholic oblivion.
In that moment of clarity, I walked in to the kitchen, violently opened the bottle of wine and dumped that c**p down the drain and flung the bottle in the garbage with triumph. Any remaining anxiety simply melted away to a dull roar that was manageable.
I've never been able to do this in the evening before (in the mornings I would vow never to drink again, dump out what I had left and end up buying more that evening). Evenings have always been my drinking time for "winding down" (e.g. drinking until passing out) and there was always that switch that flipped around three o four o' clock that went from "I won't drink tonight" to "I can't wait to drink tonight." This little act gives me a lot of hope that I may be able to actually do it this time.
That feeling of hope that you got when you did that? It actually increases in strength and grows into sheer happiness. I'm still of the mindset that the pink cloud in the beginning comes when you realize that you can actually do this. It almost makes you want to hug yourself.
Sobriety is a freedom like no other. Keep doing what you're doing, it gets better, a LOT better!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Aurora, Colorado
Posts: 36
Thanks for the support all! Today is day 3 and I drove by (another) favorite liquor store for me but I just said to myself "that's not me anymore" and kept driving. Unfortunately, this will happen a lot in the future as I was one of those that went to different liquor stores every night so the person working wouldn't suspect I had a problem (although I'm sure they had at least an inkling...). But I think those tests each day will just help me grow my coping mechanism.
Thank you all again so much for the support, I'm finally realizing what wonderful energy and support this community has to offer that I'm just now tapping into.
Thank you all again so much for the support, I'm finally realizing what wonderful energy and support this community has to offer that I'm just now tapping into.
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