Is a relapse expected by most people?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
This thread reminds me of a time when I went to a meeting and admitted that I had relapsed. After the meeting, one of the members called me a loser, so I'm a little sensitive about this subject. I think every day sober is a victory. To me, battling alcoholism is like going into battle. Some you win, some you lose, but you learn from both experiences and hopefully use that knowledge to eventually win the war. Relapse shouldn't be expected, but nobody should be condemned or judged because of it. AA often compares alcoholism to cancer as a disease. If this is true, than one could argue that some people beat their cancer the first time, others are not so lucky and need continued treatment to eventually be free of their cancer. Just my two cents.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: London, ON
Posts: 114
Originally Posted by 2muchpain 
This thread reminds me of a time when I went to a meeting and admitted that I had relapsed. After the meeting, one of the members called me a loser, so I'm a little sensitive about this subject.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Western ny
Posts: 388
I can't think of a circumstance in which it would be a good idea for me to drink, so I'm definitely not expecting a relapse. But I still read stuff on here everyday and am gonna start goin to AA because I don't want to take any chances.
I think being confident in your ability to maintain sobriety is a good thing, Within Reason. Don't pretend it's not a threat anymore, but don't let it consume your thoughts either.
I think being confident in your ability to maintain sobriety is a good thing, Within Reason. Don't pretend it's not a threat anymore, but don't let it consume your thoughts either.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
This thread reminds me of a time when I went to a meeting and admitted that I had relapsed. After the meeting, one of the members called me a loser, so I'm a little sensitive about this subject. I think every day sober is a victory. To me, battling alcoholism is like going into battle. Some you win, some you lose, but you learn from both experiences and hopefully use that knowledge to eventually win the war. Relapse shouldn't be expected, but nobody should be condemned or judged because of it. AA often compares alcoholism to cancer as a disease. If this is true, than one could argue that some people beat their cancer the first time, others are not so lucky and need continued treatment to eventually be free of their cancer. Just my two cents.
A person in AA called you a loser. In AA like in other places as the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking we have people in the room that do nothing but chat gossip to each other and stay off drinking for a time then they either drink and get it next time or drink and don't come back. Until these people do work on themselves they are very sick, it is not AA it is a bunch of people in AA that you would probably be in uproar about if there ever was a petition to make AA more selective (that will never happen though don't worry:-))
AA does not compare alcoholism to cancer. Again you have been told this by people in AA but that does not make it AA's view.
NA has a section on relapse in their Big Book, might be worth a read to learn about what they think about relapse, see if it helps?
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Relapse question.
A relapse is a fall back into old behaviour. People get a bit confused about what a relapse is IMO. if someone has changed their core behaviours, by core I mean honesty, integrity, open minded ness, being more tolerant/non-judgemental etcetera by doing work on themselves to change these core behaviours and then, over time, they slip back into old behaviour then that is a relapse of which the end result may be a drink, drug, or something new. So basically the inner core behaviour has to have changed somewhat in order to have a relapse.
If the person has simply stopped drinking with no work on changing core behaviour then it is still referred to as a relapse but it isn't really, it us more a matter if having taken a break between drinks which is why people get so frustrated with trying to abstain from alcohol as they can't grasp that the reason they drank is because of themselves and clearly a trip to the gym or eating healthy is not going to change their fire behaviour/values/beliefs, it will need real, tangible work.
Hope that makes some sense?
A relapse is a fall back into old behaviour. People get a bit confused about what a relapse is IMO. if someone has changed their core behaviours, by core I mean honesty, integrity, open minded ness, being more tolerant/non-judgemental etcetera by doing work on themselves to change these core behaviours and then, over time, they slip back into old behaviour then that is a relapse of which the end result may be a drink, drug, or something new. So basically the inner core behaviour has to have changed somewhat in order to have a relapse.
If the person has simply stopped drinking with no work on changing core behaviour then it is still referred to as a relapse but it isn't really, it us more a matter if having taken a break between drinks which is why people get so frustrated with trying to abstain from alcohol as they can't grasp that the reason they drank is because of themselves and clearly a trip to the gym or eating healthy is not going to change their fire behaviour/values/beliefs, it will need real, tangible work.
Hope that makes some sense?
Woe is Moo.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
In my experience, is most likely is gonna be time you gonna feel to relapse, falter, fail, slide, slip, get lazy, make bad choice, f*ck up, go off, be tempted, lose it, want to test you self, give up, turn back, self-sabotage, etc. This will go on.. and on... and on..
Until it doesn't.
Thing to remember is, if you even thinking along this line: YOU IS CRAZY RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT! Is all excuses to continue addiction. Has plan is place for to proectyou self and circumvent this.
Until it doesn't.
Thing to remember is, if you even thinking along this line: YOU IS CRAZY RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT! Is all excuses to continue addiction. Has plan is place for to proectyou self and circumvent this.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
some various posts regarding the possibility of relapses due to certain situations and was wondering, how many of us "expect" a relapse to take place?
Stoogy,
i don't expect a relapse to happen, but i'm aware it's possible.
if i expected it, i'd be waiting to drink.
my mind would be still stuck that way, in active alcoholism, because if i expected it that means i think it's very likely to happen.
and relapses, in my opinion, don't happen "due to certain situations" with the exception, i figure, of my "inside situation".
if i expected to crash my car and get hurt or killed that way, then....what would i do?
i expect i'll get in my car a little later today and drive to a lovely little hike for me and my dog and i expect i'll get there safe and sound.
if i expected NOT to do this safely and soundly, i'd need to change something.
Stoogy,
i don't expect a relapse to happen, but i'm aware it's possible.
if i expected it, i'd be waiting to drink.
my mind would be still stuck that way, in active alcoholism, because if i expected it that means i think it's very likely to happen.
and relapses, in my opinion, don't happen "due to certain situations" with the exception, i figure, of my "inside situation".
if i expected to crash my car and get hurt or killed that way, then....what would i do?
i expect i'll get in my car a little later today and drive to a lovely little hike for me and my dog and i expect i'll get there safe and sound.
if i expected NOT to do this safely and soundly, i'd need to change something.
Try try again
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hole-in-the-Wall TX
Posts: 88
Thank you 2muchpain
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
AA often compares alcoholism to cancer as a disease. If this is true, than one could argue that some people beat their cancer the first time, others are not so lucky and need continued treatment to eventually be free of their cancer. Just my two cents.
My 51 year old brother drank and used every drug under the sun his entire adult life. He almost died in the emergency room on several occasions. He was in and out of treatment his whole life. The turning point was last year. He had to undergo surgery to remove the crystallized lining in his lungs and a hole in his stomach patched up.
It wasn't the fear of dying that opened his eyes. He toyed with death his whole life. It was that our youngest sister came to the hospital and wrapped her arms around him and begged him in tears to live. She cried out to God, "Please God, I love my brother! Let me see him live for once in this life!" It broke my brother's heart and set him free.
And he is clean now. Everyone who knows him says he is a walking miracle. One whole year clean. He also does volunteer work for the homeless. He has a nice apartment and a job now.
He had fallen into bondage of addiction because he was tortured in a foster home and was spiritually broken and made to feel he was not human. His heart was numb. I believe he is alive, clean and sober today because of my sister's unconditional love for him.
Again, thank you 2muchpain for your priceless two cents.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by yeahgr8
Relapse question.
A relapse is a fall back into old behaviour. People get a bit confused about what a relapse is IMO. if someone has changed their core behaviours, by core I mean honesty, integrity, open minded ness, being more tolerant/non-judgemental etcetera by doing work on themselves to change these core behaviours and then, over time, they slip back into old behaviour then that is a relapse of which the end result may be a drink, drug, or something new. So basically the inner core behaviour has to have changed somewhat in order to have a relapse.
If the person has simply stopped drinking with no work on changing core behaviour then it is still referred to as a relapse but it isn't really, it us more a matter if having taken a break between drinks which is why people get so frustrated with trying to abstain from alcohol as they can't grasp that the reason they drank is because of themselves and clearly a trip to the gym or eating healthy is not going to change their fire behaviour/values/beliefs, it will need real, tangible work.
Hope that makes some sense?
A relapse is a fall back into old behaviour. People get a bit confused about what a relapse is IMO. if someone has changed their core behaviours, by core I mean honesty, integrity, open minded ness, being more tolerant/non-judgemental etcetera by doing work on themselves to change these core behaviours and then, over time, they slip back into old behaviour then that is a relapse of which the end result may be a drink, drug, or something new. So basically the inner core behaviour has to have changed somewhat in order to have a relapse.
If the person has simply stopped drinking with no work on changing core behaviour then it is still referred to as a relapse but it isn't really, it us more a matter if having taken a break between drinks which is why people get so frustrated with trying to abstain from alcohol as they can't grasp that the reason they drank is because of themselves and clearly a trip to the gym or eating healthy is not going to change their fire behaviour/values/beliefs, it will need real, tangible work.
Hope that makes some sense?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Yeahgr8
I think I understand what you are saying, but I have heard the comparison between cancer and alcoholism more times than I can remember. I'm sure it is not in the BB as it is not in the BB that a person that relapses is a loser, but for better or worse, AA is made up of people with their own opinions on things and those opinions reflect AA as a whole. I was pretty much a newcomer when I was called a loser, and it affected me greatly. I agree with you that a lot of what goes on in the meetings have little if anything to do with AA. I have managed to move on past the cancer thing, and if someone calls me a loser now, I'd just laugh at them, but I feel for newcomers who have to put up with it, and take these comments seriously. Just not right.
I think I understand what you are saying, but I have heard the comparison between cancer and alcoholism more times than I can remember. I'm sure it is not in the BB as it is not in the BB that a person that relapses is a loser, but for better or worse, AA is made up of people with their own opinions on things and those opinions reflect AA as a whole. I was pretty much a newcomer when I was called a loser, and it affected me greatly. I agree with you that a lot of what goes on in the meetings have little if anything to do with AA. I have managed to move on past the cancer thing, and if someone calls me a loser now, I'd just laugh at them, but I feel for newcomers who have to put up with it, and take these comments seriously. Just not right.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 61
If you think its ok to have a relapse and kind of expect it then you will have one. Dont think you are "allowed" a relapse. Remember a relapse could send you spiraling into chronic alcoholism that you may never get out of.
Do everything to make sure you dont have one, but if you do, make sure it doesnt happen again.
Do everything to make sure you dont have one, but if you do, make sure it doesnt happen again.
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