cantseemtofix

I don't really know if its a choice or not, for me I felt like it was necessary to drink to stop the shaking everyday. At least a couple shots in the morning so I could function.

What is bothering me now is what the medical staff says about people. I've been in and out of the hospital so many times whether it was to try to detox or a suicide attempt or any of the # of crazy things I've done.

I'm 32 and have cirrhosis of my liver, I stopped drinking about 7 months ago and while I was in the hospital that time all the staff was being sooo caring and nice It felt strange, its like why do you even care what happens with my life when I don't even care; which might be one of the reasons I quit.

But it is terminal unless I get a transplant eventually. If I don't, I really hope that they wouldn't sit there and say stuff like that while I'm laying in the bed dying. I would probably just leave and die in peace. I don't think they could keep me there. Hopefully it doesn't come to that, but if it does I'm willing to accept it. I put myself here so it is what it is.

One time I wanted to leave so bad I pulled my IV's out and everything else got dressed and walked out the door when the guard went to get coffee, they caught me down the street and brought me back anyway because I was on a 72 hour watch. But yea I wouldn't stay if the nurses were judging me in the hallway and I found out.

karate

the choice is alot easier with no drinking at all .

When i drink ,im at odds with it.

The upside is the money saved

SoulSister

Are you in AA GracieLou?

What I learned from AA is so different from what you write. I know we all have our own experiences though.

For example,

We admitted we were powerless.

We were...past tense.

We can't be connected to power to resist alcohol, restored, yet still claim to be powerless over alcohol. We can't have it both ways.

Powerless means no power. God is power. Powerless is without God. No power to resist alcohol. No choice.

Powerless is not control over amount of alcohol intake.

That is phenomenon of craving, physical allergy/abnormal reaction.

Are you saying that you believe you are still powerless over alcohol sober or just powerless if you were to drink again...after taking a drink?

I mean I guess you could still be powerless, have no God and are keeping yourself sober by making good choices...or are you saying you believe you lose power/connection to God once you drink because connection to God is severed at that point?

The idea that we are not in fit spiritual condition, not connected to God, or powerless, without God, is why we lose choice and drink again...is what I learned.

The AA program teaches that we lost the power of choice when we have no power.

People that lose the power of choice are not just wet brains or homeless.

zach4677

I cant stand it when nonalcoholics say its a choice. Got into an argument today with both my boss and my mom about it

caboblanco

if i always had a choice and then by definition I was never an alcoholic..I'm just fine with that..but my liver might appeal that

Dee74

I'm sorry for your health issues cantseemtofix but I'm glad you found us. You'll find a lot of support here

Welcome
D

dSober

I wouldn't sweat that too much cantseem. You ain't the first they've seen and, unfortunately, you ain't gonna be the last. All in a day's work for them.

GracieLou

Yes

It is past tense because I am no longer drinking. I drank in the past, when I did I was powerless and my life had become unmanageable.


I am not saying I have it both ways. I am in remission. I am still powerless over alcohol, always have been, always will be. Forever. I am NOT powerless over taking the first drink though. There I do have power.

I get that power from my HP, the steps, the program and the fellowship.

If I drink, I throw my HP right out the window. My HP keeps me sober, it does not help me drink or control my drinking. That I am still powerless over.

Right.

If I were to drink, I would again be powerless.


I try to work a simple program, I like simple and everyone has a different program. None are exactly the same.

I go to AA meetings, I have worked the steps with a sponsor and I continue to work 10, 11 & 12. I try to practice the principles in all my affairs. I take a daily inventory. I keep in contact with my sponsor/other members. I pick up the phone when I need help. I enjoy the fellowship and I give back. I have a HG and I am the secretary. I am accountable. I pray and turn it over.

If I continue to do these simple things, I will have the power to remain sober.

If I make the choice to drink, all that goes away because after that first drink, I am powerless. I gave it away.

dSober

Gotta go along with that. I'm a big believer in K.I.S.S. Not just wrt AA; with everything.

readerbaby71

Addiction is very powerful, but ultimately we have to choose to stop drinking. Every time I stopped in the liquor store and bought a bottle (or two) of wine, I made a choice to do so. Taking responsibility for our actions is a HUGE part of recovery, IMHO.

dSober

I found I couldn't make the right choices by myself. I kept trying but, try as I might, I just couldn't do it. I needed help. I finally found it after looking hard enough and long enough.

readerbaby71

Most people need help, but you are the one who chose to stop drinking. I think that when people say they don't have a choice they are not giving themselves enough credit. The human spirit is strong, and choosing to fight addiction is something to be proud of.

BradJustBrad

I'm sober today because I choose not to drink. No other reason.

robgt350

AA is a great thing, but one thing that bothers me, it we area NOT powerless against alcohol. alot of us inhere are a living proof.

yea we it might feel that we do not have choice, but in the end, we do. it might take a long time to see it.

dSober

Nice pic. Homey :-)

As to non-spiritual methods, I say: Hey, whatever works.

dSober

As to the title of this thread, I believe that driving words like resent, blame and hate out of my thinking and feeling are key to my recovery.

hopeful4

I don't normally post here, but your post just had a tragic feel that breaks my heart.

No matter what sort of disease you have, addiction, cancer, does not matter. It is a choice to manage your health in the best way you can (get help, physical and mental, make the right choices, etc.). If a diabetic keeps eating sugar it will kill them. If a cancer patient refuses treatment they may die. If an alcoholic keeps drinking they may die. They are all diseases, but it is up to you to manage the disease in the best way you can. You don't have to do it alone.

I know about the lack of empathy you speak of. The difference is, I realize the truth will set you free. You have admitted on here you have a problem. Now, who can you open up to face to face that can be a support system to you to help you?

I wish you the best of luck and hope you make the choice of recovery. God Bless!

SoulSister

Thank you GracieLou

When you wrote that you were powerless over alcohol...it would have made more sense to me if you added what you have clarified to be your truth...

powerless over alcohol after the first drink...is what I am hearing you say.

You say you are not powerless before the drink.

That would be your choice...after all you have done now...correct? You believe you are not currently powerless but would be if you were to drink, which would not be the result of powerlessness but by your own failure at making good choices? Do you really believe this after reading the big book?

I mean so much of the book clearly explains how drinking again would not be because you made a bad choice...but because you lost the power to resist alcohol's demands....ie...powerless again...before the drink.

We are not just making bad choices here, when we succumb to mental obsession. We are driven by the spiritual malady, by the unmanageability of our life, sober. And we drink again. We are again powerless and pick up the drink in sobriety. Happens all the time.

There is one reason that we drink again....no power to resist alcohol...no power...unfit spiritual condition.

We take the drink sober....we have lost power.

Powerless before the drink, and yes, you could say that some people would say powerless after the drink, but with regard to AA ...again, that's control, and that's phenomenon of craving...powerless is not about control.

GracieLou

I am sorry I did not make it clear to you. I will make sure I explain myself next time.

Look, we all work our own program. My sponsor clearly stated that when people relapse they made that choice. They have support, they have a sponsor, they have tools and they choose not to use them. The reason they chose not to is they wanted to drink, period. I can't really argue with that.

I am not going to BB thump. I am sober so I guess the program I am currently working is well, working.

I am not saying that won't change but for now, it works for me. I hope yours is doing the same for you.

I believe the idea is to get sober and stay that way, not compare programs, which is another great lesson from my sponsor.

If I am currently not spiritual enough or not versed enough in BB study to stay sober I guess time will tell. If I ever get the burning desire to jump into a whiskey barrel again I hope and pray that I make the choice to get to a meeting or start blowing up peoples phones for help and I don't make the choice to dive in and drown.

dSober