(time noted) how it was and how it is today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
in the old days of drinking
3:26 AM not much sleep tonight due to knee pain
have an appointment with surgeon next week
in the old days I would be medicating heavy about now
a small handful of prescription pills washed down with some beer
on this early morning - it's not that bad dealing with the pain sober
on top of that today I'm going with my wife to see a trust lawyer
yes - someone in her family is trying to steal most of her monies
today sober I will be in excellent shape so as to help her state her complicated case
in the old days of drinking I would have needed a couple of tall beers before doing that
Mountainman
have an appointment with surgeon next week
in the old days I would be medicating heavy about now
a small handful of prescription pills washed down with some beer
on this early morning - it's not that bad dealing with the pain sober
on top of that today I'm going with my wife to see a trust lawyer
yes - someone in her family is trying to steal most of her monies
today sober I will be in excellent shape so as to help her state her complicated case
in the old days of drinking I would have needed a couple of tall beers before doing that
Mountainman
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Didn't turn out in Mountain ladies favor
She may have one glass of wine later
I never drank one
In the old days I would have been
Mad and drunk about now over this
Instead sitting here peaceful and sober
More things than alcohol
That I'm powerless over today
A nice sober night wished for all
Mountainman
She may have one glass of wine later
I never drank one
In the old days I would have been
Mad and drunk about now over this
Instead sitting here peaceful and sober
More things than alcohol
That I'm powerless over today
A nice sober night wished for all
Mountainman
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
I know what to do and what not to do today
been a rough week for us here
Fri 12:19 PM just got back from the emergency room
problems with the left knee
the doctor gave me some medications
so as to hold me over until I can get an MRI
there's a lot of pain
one of the scrip's is for a pain med
no I haven't taken any yet
don't plan on it unless the pain hits 8 on a scale of 10
and I will never again take more than any prescribed dose
how it was
many years ago just short of 3 years sober
I had a sever pain in my right side
the doctor finally gave me a prescription for some pain meds
the first day that I received them I ate the whole bottle
I knew in my heart that I was no longer sober
short while after that I began drinking again
M-Bob
Fri 12:19 PM just got back from the emergency room
problems with the left knee
the doctor gave me some medications
so as to hold me over until I can get an MRI
there's a lot of pain
one of the scrip's is for a pain med
no I haven't taken any yet
don't plan on it unless the pain hits 8 on a scale of 10
and I will never again take more than any prescribed dose
how it was
many years ago just short of 3 years sober
I had a sever pain in my right side
the doctor finally gave me a prescription for some pain meds
the first day that I received them I ate the whole bottle
I knew in my heart that I was no longer sober
short while after that I began drinking again
M-Bob
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: na
Posts: 151
A few weeks ago at this time. 7:30: Would have been obsessed with sneaking up and down the stairs or too the garage to get more vodka or wine in my system. I would have been making excuses to leave the room or just hope to slip out unnoticed. I would be running after that elusive just perfect, doesn't fade buzz. I'd get it, come back and usually just zone out somewhere, pretend to interact and suddenly notice the buzz was fading away. Back I would go. meanwhile, it was like a video game where I was constantly dodging any family member who came close, making excuses not to eat, either because I alcohol killed my appetite or because I didn't want it to interfere with my increasingly elusive buzz as my tolerance went up. I was jumping hurdles to try to sneak away to the garage. I was fighting a war with myself too as the bottle seemed to disappear like magic in front of my eyes. I would try to ration it because I didn't always have enough for a night. That would make me more anxious and depressed. sometimes I would give into the need to get more and suddenly I'd need to go to the store. The excuses ran thin. EVeryone began remarking that I'd always need to go to the store. Kids would ask to come. I think at the end they suspected I was buying. I would quickly and sharply tell them 'no way' and be very aggravated with them for asking thinking they were just trying to get in the way of me and my mistress or mister. Is that even a word for that context?
Just three hours from now (damn the cycle continued for so long) I could finally stop rationing myself and just take two to three huge pulls before going to bed in a stupor. But it wasn't over. I'd be awake at 2 in the morning needing the bathroom and more alcohol.
Today at 7:30: Cleaning the kitchen. Not trying to escape to drink. Feeling very calm and far away from the anxiety of trying to maintain a numbness at all hours.
Just three hours from now (damn the cycle continued for so long) I could finally stop rationing myself and just take two to three huge pulls before going to bed in a stupor. But it wasn't over. I'd be awake at 2 in the morning needing the bathroom and more alcohol.
Today at 7:30: Cleaning the kitchen. Not trying to escape to drink. Feeling very calm and far away from the anxiety of trying to maintain a numbness at all hours.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 266
9:07. I would have a buzz going on right now but also be anxious from my day. It was weird when I was drinking towards the end, I would drink to get energy to get some stuff done. So right now I would be buzzed and probably doing some laundry while being angry at myself for succumbing to alcohol again. I would feel on edge even though I was buzzed. It was very strange. Around 10 I would be pretty drunk because I drank shots and would pound them fast. Probably would be thinking about going to the bar and pissing off my husband in the process.
Today I am sitting next to my husband on the couch and he is reading while I surf the net. I am kind of pigging out on food tonight because I did feel like drinking tonight. So instead of drinking I treated my self to some good food. My AV was strong today and it told me to drink because it will be my birthday Sunday and I deserved it. So Glad I fought off that AV.
Today I am sitting next to my husband on the couch and he is reading while I surf the net. I am kind of pigging out on food tonight because I did feel like drinking tonight. So instead of drinking I treated my self to some good food. My AV was strong today and it told me to drink because it will be my birthday Sunday and I deserved it. So Glad I fought off that AV.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
About this time about 11 yrs ago I was drinking and taking pills. Stopped at a friends and he passed out. I stole his stash of pills , popped about 10 and drove home at 7 am. I drove all the way home in a black out for 20 min got down my street passed my house by about 50 yds and ran into 3 trees. Totaled out my truck. It was at the bus stop 20 min before the kids came out. I would have undoubted killed several children had it been 20 min later. My son saw me and my truck wrapped around the trees while he was on the bus. The cops were just putting the handcuffs on me. I remember only one thing about that day. Seeing my truck being towed away.
I woke up in jail.
Tonight I am working on the 24 Hour Club, reading my bible and listening to Christian Music. At total peace. Grateful that old life is now a distant memory.
I woke up in jail.
Tonight I am working on the 24 Hour Club, reading my bible and listening to Christian Music. At total peace. Grateful that old life is now a distant memory.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
I was single around this time 10 years ago
back then I would have came home from work and pounded many beers
then for dinner
either a TV dinner or a package of biscuits in the oven
then more beers with a long lonely night with more drinking by myself
final horrifying thoughts of the night -- getting to work tomorrow will not be easy
tonight married and sober
the little MountainLady and I enjoyed a home cooked meal together
she has gone to bed
and I'm enjoying sober recovery here on the internet
life is very peaceful today
Mountainman
back then I would have came home from work and pounded many beers
then for dinner
either a TV dinner or a package of biscuits in the oven
then more beers with a long lonely night with more drinking by myself
final horrifying thoughts of the night -- getting to work tomorrow will not be easy
tonight married and sober
the little MountainLady and I enjoyed a home cooked meal together
she has gone to bed
and I'm enjoying sober recovery here on the internet
life is very peaceful today
Mountainman
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: na
Posts: 151
I was just looking for this thread because I was thinking about it.
A year ago is when I settled into one of my lowest dips. I know alcoholism gets progressively worse, but my pattern was weird. I had a pretty controlled summer and early fall. The last two months were very bad (right up to the quit) but over the course of the last year, there were actually some random lows and then I'd improve but still be drinking.
One year ago at this time: in bed itching very badly. I was sure it was the fleece fabric of my pjs from Walmart. Then I began to think it was not the fabric but the fact that they were from walmart and poorly made. I was on a scrathaton and my head itched too. I half thought it was the alcohol finally doing me in because I'd read somewhere that that is a sign of liver failure or something. I refused to google and just kept right on going in my disease. My toe nails were also dirty and fingernails too. I was working and I'd manage to look decent enough for that. My husband would comment here and there about my toenails. He was scared of upsetting me because god knows I would go nuts on him while drunk. So here I was with scratched, so bloody from itchy so much. I thought I had bed bugs, everything. Even my anus was itching. Next stop was buying stuff to cure pinworm. I finally threw those pjs out thinking that they were the cause. On day, when the drunk fog had lifted momentarily, I finally put two and two together and realized that I was itching all over and in the anus too because I hadn't showered in a week or more and even when I showered, it was just me standing under the water not caring. I got up, angry at myself and took a shower and scrubbed myself down and cut all my nails. Everything stopped itching that night. I was so embarrassed. I've never told anyone this story. I was sleeping in PJs that hadn't been washed for weeks and hadn't changed my underwear. It would still be 10 months until I finally broke the habit. What a huge mess my life was. That was a mini wakeup call. I certainly did not stop drinking, but luckily, I never let my hygiene go like that again. I probably smelled and stuff too.
Today: Enjoying sobriety. Missing casual drinking, but I know I can't do that and won't. about to go to bed, not worried about weather or not dirty clothes are going to make me itch. Nails do need trimming but the culprit isn't alcohol making me not do it. Just laziness.
A year ago is when I settled into one of my lowest dips. I know alcoholism gets progressively worse, but my pattern was weird. I had a pretty controlled summer and early fall. The last two months were very bad (right up to the quit) but over the course of the last year, there were actually some random lows and then I'd improve but still be drinking.
One year ago at this time: in bed itching very badly. I was sure it was the fleece fabric of my pjs from Walmart. Then I began to think it was not the fabric but the fact that they were from walmart and poorly made. I was on a scrathaton and my head itched too. I half thought it was the alcohol finally doing me in because I'd read somewhere that that is a sign of liver failure or something. I refused to google and just kept right on going in my disease. My toe nails were also dirty and fingernails too. I was working and I'd manage to look decent enough for that. My husband would comment here and there about my toenails. He was scared of upsetting me because god knows I would go nuts on him while drunk. So here I was with scratched, so bloody from itchy so much. I thought I had bed bugs, everything. Even my anus was itching. Next stop was buying stuff to cure pinworm. I finally threw those pjs out thinking that they were the cause. On day, when the drunk fog had lifted momentarily, I finally put two and two together and realized that I was itching all over and in the anus too because I hadn't showered in a week or more and even when I showered, it was just me standing under the water not caring. I got up, angry at myself and took a shower and scrubbed myself down and cut all my nails. Everything stopped itching that night. I was so embarrassed. I've never told anyone this story. I was sleeping in PJs that hadn't been washed for weeks and hadn't changed my underwear. It would still be 10 months until I finally broke the habit. What a huge mess my life was. That was a mini wakeup call. I certainly did not stop drinking, but luckily, I never let my hygiene go like that again. I probably smelled and stuff too.
Today: Enjoying sobriety. Missing casual drinking, but I know I can't do that and won't. about to go to bed, not worried about weather or not dirty clothes are going to make me itch. Nails do need trimming but the culprit isn't alcohol making me not do it. Just laziness.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 266
5:55 here. I usually would be slightly buzzed right now because it was FRIDAY! I would have taken something out for dinner earlier but it would have been thrown back in the fridge to cook either later or tomorrow because now that I was buzzed I didn't feel like eating. My son never eats what we do anyway (picky 4 year old) and yes he always got fed, even if I was drinking. My husband would be drinking too but he would just be starting because he just got home from work. We would continue to drink put kid to bed at 7:30 or 8 and both be buzzed. Then we would proceed to get drunk like idiots.
Tonight I am about to cook Meatloaf and a salad. It is day 6 sober for me, again. I feel pretty good but yes the thought of drinking did cross my mind. But staying strong tonight!
Tonight I am about to cook Meatloaf and a salad. It is day 6 sober for me, again. I feel pretty good but yes the thought of drinking did cross my mind. But staying strong tonight!
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: na
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by needtostopthis 
5:55 here. I usually would be slightly buzzed right now because it was FRIDAY! I would have taken something out for dinner earlier but it would have been thrown back in the fridge to cook either later or tomorrow because now that I was buzzed I didn't feel like eating. My son never eats what we do anyway (picky 4 year old) and yes he always got fed, even if I was drinking. My husband would be drinking too but he would just be starting because he just got home from work. We would continue to drink put kid to bed at 7:30 or 8 and both be buzzed. Then we would proceed to get drunk like idiots.
Tonight I am about to cook Meatloaf and a salad. It is day 6 sober for me, again. I feel pretty good but yes the thought of drinking did cross my mind. But staying strong tonight!
Tonight I am about to cook Meatloaf and a salad. It is day 6 sober for me, again. I feel pretty good but yes the thought of drinking did cross my mind. But staying strong tonight!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
got some pains today
in my old drinking days
I would have self medicated these pains away
yes - a few beers washing down a handful of Valium would do it
today
I can with God's help deal with these pains sober
one day at a time
it really isn't that bad
I prefer a little pain rather than feeling numb to the world
Mountainman
I would have self medicated these pains away
yes - a few beers washing down a handful of Valium would do it
today
I can with God's help deal with these pains sober
one day at a time
it really isn't that bad
I prefer a little pain rather than feeling numb to the world
Mountainman
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 74
6:25 PM on a Saturday night here:
Last year at this time I would have already polished off a bottle of wine and probably getting ready to un-cork another. I would have probably lost my appetite by now and forgot to eat dinner. I would probably be planning my drinking activities for tomorrow since it would be Sunday...I would have already been looking forward to my Sunday morning mimosas which would basically be a large glass of champagne with a slight splash of orange juice. I would polish off a couple of bottles by early afternoon, pass out for a couple of hours, and probably go to the store in the evening for my Sunday nightcap...another bottle of wine.
This year...I am enjoying a quiet night at home with my animals. I just had a bowl of homemade soup and a salad. I am getting ready to take the dogs for a walk, and when I get home I will take a warm bath, put on some warm PJ's and watch a movie. Tomorrow, I will wake up with a clear mind and won't have to run to the store to get wine or champagne. Jeez! I'm feeling great and saving money too!
Last year at this time I would have already polished off a bottle of wine and probably getting ready to un-cork another. I would have probably lost my appetite by now and forgot to eat dinner. I would probably be planning my drinking activities for tomorrow since it would be Sunday...I would have already been looking forward to my Sunday morning mimosas which would basically be a large glass of champagne with a slight splash of orange juice. I would polish off a couple of bottles by early afternoon, pass out for a couple of hours, and probably go to the store in the evening for my Sunday nightcap...another bottle of wine.
This year...I am enjoying a quiet night at home with my animals. I just had a bowl of homemade soup and a salad. I am getting ready to take the dogs for a walk, and when I get home I will take a warm bath, put on some warm PJ's and watch a movie. Tomorrow, I will wake up with a clear mind and won't have to run to the store to get wine or champagne. Jeez! I'm feeling great and saving money too!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
At this point in the old days I would have been obnoxiously drunk and realizing that the evening was headed for the end. I would have been in search of how I could find a way to continue on drinking. Tomorrow morning would have been a disaster.
Today I watched a hilarious movie, got a lot done, and was able to be available to provide backup for the volunteer work that I'm doing. Tomorrow morning I'll be rested and refreshed when I open my eyes early in the morning. I'll enjoy the day!
Today I watched a hilarious movie, got a lot done, and was able to be available to provide backup for the volunteer work that I'm doing. Tomorrow morning I'll be rested and refreshed when I open my eyes early in the morning. I'll enjoy the day!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
how it was then
my addictions really took a turn for the worse back in 1977
I was on workers comp with a rt knee injury
the doctor gave me some valium (which I had never had before)
got home from the pharmacy and took a few with a dark beer
man it was on then -- thought I was in love with the feeling
ended up with 11 refills of 100 before it was over
my life was full of a whole lot of beers and other things added in
how it is today
pretty boring here
waiting on an left knee operation and they say the wait may be 3 to 4 months
can't exercise or do a lot of things in which I enjoy
but -- always grateful to be sober
Mountainman
my addictions really took a turn for the worse back in 1977
I was on workers comp with a rt knee injury
the doctor gave me some valium (which I had never had before)
got home from the pharmacy and took a few with a dark beer
man it was on then -- thought I was in love with the feeling
ended up with 11 refills of 100 before it was over
my life was full of a whole lot of beers and other things added in
how it is today
pretty boring here
waiting on an left knee operation and they say the wait may be 3 to 4 months
can't exercise or do a lot of things in which I enjoy
but -- always grateful to be sober
Mountainman
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
how it used to be on many Sundays
yard work while drinking 10 or 15 beers
mixed with a few other toxic things put into the body
how it is today
going to church with the wife this morning
then probably out for a nice little lunch
afternoon of rest and relaxation
staying sober all day long
I paid my son to come over and do the yard work yesterday
yes - these sober plans are working out just fine
Mountainman
yard work while drinking 10 or 15 beers
mixed with a few other toxic things put into the body
how it is today
going to church with the wife this morning
then probably out for a nice little lunch
afternoon of rest and relaxation
staying sober all day long
I paid my son to come over and do the yard work yesterday
yes - these sober plans are working out just fine
Mountainman
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 59
8:45am Sunday morning...
Rounding the corner of 9 months of sobriety (on the 21st).
Drinking coffee. Playing around on the internet. Been up since 5:30. Don't need to stay in bed with my head pounding all day anymore.
Kids are up playing. Baby is fed & sleeping again. Letting my wife sleep in.
No worries. No guilt. No anxiety over what I did or said the night before.
Going to go for about a 5 mile run once my bride gets out of bed.
Texted my sponsor at 6am. He was awake also. (At least I hope I didn't wake him up.)
Prayed. Meditated. Read some Big Book.
Happy Sunday, friends. One day at a time.
Rounding the corner of 9 months of sobriety (on the 21st).
Drinking coffee. Playing around on the internet. Been up since 5:30. Don't need to stay in bed with my head pounding all day anymore.
Kids are up playing. Baby is fed & sleeping again. Letting my wife sleep in.
No worries. No guilt. No anxiety over what I did or said the night before.
Going to go for about a 5 mile run once my bride gets out of bed.
Texted my sponsor at 6am. He was awake also. (At least I hope I didn't wake him up.)
Prayed. Meditated. Read some Big Book.
Happy Sunday, friends. One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: San Antonio, TX
Posts: 186
9AM- drinking my coffee because I enjoy it, not to drive away the hangover. Allergies are killing me again today, but because I've been sober, I know that's what they are and went to a doctor for meds already and no longer have to worry about if I'm still going through withdrawals.
Gonna be a great day today.
Gonna be a great day today.
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