(time noted) how it was and how it is today
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Rocky Mountains
Posts: 115
7:44 pm.
Would have been drunkenly cooking dinner and working on my second bottle of wine. Would be too disinterested in eating by the time I got done that I just wanted dinner to be over so I could sit on the couch and focus on drinking. Bed by 10. Wake up at 3 am thinking I need to quit drinking but push the thought out of my head quickly. Sleep until 5:30ish. Get ready for work feeling like crap hating everyone and everything. Drink 3 huge cups of coffee trying to feel okay. Stop on the way to work for something starchy to make my stomach feel more settled. Drive to work all jittery. Try to make the day be over as soon as possible, stop at liquor store for 2 bottles of wine, home at 4:30, start drinking again.
Tonight (day 45 of sobriety): enjoy the fact that I tried a new workout today and chaired an AA mtg even though it was uncomfortable. Set plan to ease into meditation regularly. Read. Enjoy fur babies. Goof off on the internet. Read some more. Have tea. Ponder a bath. Think positively about work next week. Feel a little peace.
Would have been drunkenly cooking dinner and working on my second bottle of wine. Would be too disinterested in eating by the time I got done that I just wanted dinner to be over so I could sit on the couch and focus on drinking. Bed by 10. Wake up at 3 am thinking I need to quit drinking but push the thought out of my head quickly. Sleep until 5:30ish. Get ready for work feeling like crap hating everyone and everything. Drink 3 huge cups of coffee trying to feel okay. Stop on the way to work for something starchy to make my stomach feel more settled. Drive to work all jittery. Try to make the day be over as soon as possible, stop at liquor store for 2 bottles of wine, home at 4:30, start drinking again.
Tonight (day 45 of sobriety): enjoy the fact that I tried a new workout today and chaired an AA mtg even though it was uncomfortable. Set plan to ease into meditation regularly. Read. Enjoy fur babies. Goof off on the internet. Read some more. Have tea. Ponder a bath. Think positively about work next week. Feel a little peace.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 266
12:28 am time right now.
I would have either been passed out already (if i was lucky)or I would be sick and vomiting from drinking to much, or crying. Most recently I cried every time I was done drinking for the night. So I would be crying, feeling sick, telling my husband I have to stop drinking, that I am ruining my life etc etc.
Today at 3 days sober I am sitting in bed watching a movie and cruising SR. I am happy I won't have a hangover tomorrow!
I would have either been passed out already (if i was lucky)or I would be sick and vomiting from drinking to much, or crying. Most recently I cried every time I was done drinking for the night. So I would be crying, feeling sick, telling my husband I have to stop drinking, that I am ruining my life etc etc.
Today at 3 days sober I am sitting in bed watching a movie and cruising SR. I am happy I won't have a hangover tomorrow!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 266
Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob 
3:15 PM on a Wednesday afternoon
for many years at this time of the day
I would be driving east on Interstate 8 from work with a good beer buzz on
only to stop at a store at the bottom of the mountain
and buy a 24 oz Bud for the drive up the hill
very foolish as I look back
just drove home from a bike ride at the beach on Interstate 8
a nice sober drive home (no one was in danger because of me)
and no stops at the store at the bottom of the mountain
I have noticed in sobriety
all of the different stores that I used to stop at and buy beer for the road
drunk driving is nothing to be proud of (thank God that I didn't kill anyone)
a sober evening wished for all
Mountainman
for many years at this time of the day
I would be driving east on Interstate 8 from work with a good beer buzz on
only to stop at a store at the bottom of the mountain
and buy a 24 oz Bud for the drive up the hill
very foolish as I look back
just drove home from a bike ride at the beach on Interstate 8
a nice sober drive home (no one was in danger because of me)
and no stops at the store at the bottom of the mountain
I have noticed in sobriety
all of the different stores that I used to stop at and buy beer for the road
drunk driving is nothing to be proud of (thank God that I didn't kill anyone)
a sober evening wished for all
Mountainman
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by needtostopthis
Most recently I cried every time I was done drinking for the night.
I remember back in my drinking days
going to a local bar here in town called the "Round Up"
I was single back then
there were two Ladies sitting at the bar who were not sitting together
both of them were crying in their beers
I remember thinking to myself
don't look like I will be meeting any girls tonight
how it is today
sober, married, blessed and happy
Mountainman
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 158
~6 months ago, 7:15 am on a Monday, I'm potentially hungover from drinking during NFL playoff games. Most likely, I'm emotionally hungover from any number of stupid things I did while blackout drunk on Friday/Saturday. Starting a new week of work where I won't partake at all--saving the task of bludgeoning my senses for 5:01 pm Friday.
7:15 this morning: sober for ~5 1/2 months, reading SR as I drink a cup of coffee and prepare for the work week. I won't partake at all this week--and not saving the task of bludgeoning my senses any longer. Life isn't perfect, but sobriety is blissful.
7:15 this morning: sober for ~5 1/2 months, reading SR as I drink a cup of coffee and prepare for the work week. I won't partake at all this week--and not saving the task of bludgeoning my senses any longer. Life isn't perfect, but sobriety is blissful.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 821
8:53 am this time last year- Sitting at my desk, hungover to the point of shakes, after watching my 49ers in the playoffs. Using the excuse of "everyone drinks a bit too much when watching football." Feeling anxious and bloated debating if I should try AGAIN to quit drinking. Not thinking I am capable of quitting drinking because I have already broken my New Years resolution and it's only the 13th.
Today 8:56am- Sitting at my desk feeling lucky that my team was able to defeat the panthers and move on. I remember the entire game. Preparing myself to go out and do some work in the snow. Feeling happy, content, and even "pretty" today. Will work here and then go to work at the detox for a few hours. Definitely not hungover or anxious.
Thanks for the thread Mountainman- Today is a good day.
Jess
Today 8:56am- Sitting at my desk feeling lucky that my team was able to defeat the panthers and move on. I remember the entire game. Preparing myself to go out and do some work in the snow. Feeling happy, content, and even "pretty" today. Will work here and then go to work at the detox for a few hours. Definitely not hungover or anxious.
Thanks for the thread Mountainman- Today is a good day.
Jess
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: na
Posts: 151
10:32 a.m. a few weeks back: Have probably already gone to the gas station for my morning half of pint. Toward the end, I was only buying half of pints to fool myself into thinking that when they were gone they were gone and I wouldn't drink. Would have gone with my long coat on and tall boots so that I wouldn't have to change out of my pjs. The gas station clerks knew me by then but I still got carded every time. I think they were hoping I forgot my id so they wouldn't have to sell to me. After doing the walk of shame, I'd quickly return home, taking the first few sips in the car. Would come in, crawl back into bed with the bottle next to me. Take sips every so often to maintain the buzz. Finally fall into a nap. Wake up and depending on the day, go to work. Had a little juice to stomach the thought of the office but stayed sober on the job. on the way home, would stop by the other in-and-out to get another half pint but since it was nighttime, I would upgrade to a pint. Drink all night and then in the middle of the night if needed.
Today: Surfing on here a bit and getting ready to get some serious work done this morning. I have my tall glass of water next to me and thinking about making some coffee. I'm on day three so I'm careful with the caffeine.
Today: Surfing on here a bit and getting ready to get some serious work done this morning. I have my tall glass of water next to me and thinking about making some coffee. I'm on day three so I'm careful with the caffeine.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: na
Posts: 151
Another:
11:01 last week: Sitting in bed, have already downed nearly half of half a pint. Now the rest will go more slowly because I've got my buzz on. wouldn't have dare eaten a bit of breakfast because one, I have no appetite and two, it will interfere with my small ration of my bottle.
11:01 today: About to have some sausage and eggs for breakfast. the appetite is finally coming back.
11:01 last week: Sitting in bed, have already downed nearly half of half a pint. Now the rest will go more slowly because I've got my buzz on. wouldn't have dare eaten a bit of breakfast because one, I have no appetite and two, it will interfere with my small ration of my bottle.
11:01 today: About to have some sausage and eggs for breakfast. the appetite is finally coming back.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,707
10:00 a.m. a couple years ago: halfway through the morning at the job that I hated, that I did because I had no other options. Probably hungover or at least feeling terrible and depressed from the weekend. Downing energy drinks to get through it. Looking forward to lunch when I could pound something unhealthy and filling to settle my unsteady stomach.
Today I'm having a healthy breakfast as I work from home doing the job I have always dreamed of doing.
Today I'm having a healthy breakfast as I work from home doing the job I have always dreamed of doing.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
1:35 PM, Monday afternoon.
A year ago it is doubtful I would have been at work. Highly, highly doubtful. I almost never came in on Mondays towards the end. I would probably have already woken up in bed, panicking and feeling awful from an entire weekend binge of drinking and not eating. My gut would be pure acid and I would be trying to choke down something, anything, in the form of food to make my stomach stop digesting ME as an alternative. I would have already slugged down a bottle of Maalox or chewed fistfuls of Tums or Rolaids. I'd probably fail in those attempts to eat and just resign myself to drinking whatever dregs of wine or vodka were left around the house so I could get steady enough to go out for more. I'd look in the mirror and wonder how, at 37, I could possibly look so damn BAD. I'd have another drink before I thought too much about that. I would probably call out of work on Tuesday too as Monday would be lost to drinking, passing out, throwing up, anxiety attack, rinse, repeat...
Today I am sitting at my desk in DC finishing a report BEFORE the damn deadline. It is a sunny day and I am looking forward to meeting a friend for coffee later this afternoon and then my meeting tonight. I did not wake up with a hangover this morning and I am not afraid to look at myself in the mirror. I did not have to hold myself up in the shower or gag and spit up when I brushed my teeth. A guy on the Metro this morning was flirting outrageously with me and I was flattered because I know I actually look healthy and-- dare I say it?-- pretty again. I know all of the texts, emails and phone calls I have made over the past 11 months and I have not had one crippling moment of panic or anxiety in at least nine months. I have friends, real friends, these days. And I have all of you and SR.
So, overall, I feel pretty great and today is only Monday
A year ago it is doubtful I would have been at work. Highly, highly doubtful. I almost never came in on Mondays towards the end. I would probably have already woken up in bed, panicking and feeling awful from an entire weekend binge of drinking and not eating. My gut would be pure acid and I would be trying to choke down something, anything, in the form of food to make my stomach stop digesting ME as an alternative. I would have already slugged down a bottle of Maalox or chewed fistfuls of Tums or Rolaids. I'd probably fail in those attempts to eat and just resign myself to drinking whatever dregs of wine or vodka were left around the house so I could get steady enough to go out for more. I'd look in the mirror and wonder how, at 37, I could possibly look so damn BAD. I'd have another drink before I thought too much about that. I would probably call out of work on Tuesday too as Monday would be lost to drinking, passing out, throwing up, anxiety attack, rinse, repeat...
Today I am sitting at my desk in DC finishing a report BEFORE the damn deadline. It is a sunny day and I am looking forward to meeting a friend for coffee later this afternoon and then my meeting tonight. I did not wake up with a hangover this morning and I am not afraid to look at myself in the mirror. I did not have to hold myself up in the shower or gag and spit up when I brushed my teeth. A guy on the Metro this morning was flirting outrageously with me and I was flattered because I know I actually look healthy and-- dare I say it?-- pretty again. I know all of the texts, emails and phone calls I have made over the past 11 months and I have not had one crippling moment of panic or anxiety in at least nine months. I have friends, real friends, these days. And I have all of you and SR.
So, overall, I feel pretty great and today is only Monday
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 297
It is 2:45 PM here. In my drinking days I would be two or three martinis deep and ready to switch to red wine. I would have some excuse for sneaking away, like cooking a long, complicated meal so I could be alone to focus on drinking. SO would see only the first martini and thought nothing of it. I also would barely eat the meal while constantly refilling my wine glass until I either passed out or started crying.
Today I awoke at 6 AM to a smiling 8 month old. We had a lovely breakfast, walked around d the neighborhood and then snuggled in for an afternoon nap as I am not feeling well. Later my SO will be out of the house for a sports event so my baby and I are going to cozy up for dinner, play an intense game of peek a boo followed by a lengthy tickle session that gets us both laughing hysterically.
I never wanted to spend time with my son at night while I was drinking because it cut into my wine drinking. I have learned that a good laugh is a much better way to fall asleep And I love waking up to a smiling face and be able to smile back and greet the day with him instead of silently wishing he would just stay asleep. I just gave myself the sads just remembering my attitude. I have a lifetime to prove to my son that he really does come first though and I am so glad he won't remember stinky wine _ breath mommy.
Today I awoke at 6 AM to a smiling 8 month old. We had a lovely breakfast, walked around d the neighborhood and then snuggled in for an afternoon nap as I am not feeling well. Later my SO will be out of the house for a sports event so my baby and I are going to cozy up for dinner, play an intense game of peek a boo followed by a lengthy tickle session that gets us both laughing hysterically.
I never wanted to spend time with my son at night while I was drinking because it cut into my wine drinking. I have learned that a good laugh is a much better way to fall asleep And I love waking up to a smiling face and be able to smile back and greet the day with him instead of silently wishing he would just stay asleep. I just gave myself the sads just remembering my attitude. I have a lifetime to prove to my son that he really does come first though and I am so glad he won't remember stinky wine _ breath mommy.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: na
Posts: 151
DoP, that is great that you only missed out on a few months with your little one. My seven year old recently asked me why my breath smelled like cleaning products. When she gets older, she will make the connection, but at least it will be a past memory, not something still going on.
This thread is really helping me, it's probably my favorite. The contrast helps me stave off any thoughts of buying.
3:01 during the drinking days. Depending on the day, sometimes I'd be at work, but sometimes not. During the off days, I'd probably be agitatedly waking up from a highly buzzed induced nap. The naps never did anything except to make me more groggy and more pissed off at the world and myself. I felt guilt and shame for morning drinking and would try to partition my day in half by taking one. And even in my sorry mind, I knew that a nap would be time without drinking and that would be better for my body. I'd get up, reach for whatever was nearby to take the edge off. Then, depending on the day, I'd wait for the bus, or drive to the daycare. I would take the next few hours off the bottle but I was always looking at the clock, waiting to start up again which made me irritated with everyone around me. I'd wait for dh to walk in so I could steal away and begin again, justifying I needed to move to the hard stuff since I was going through withdrawal.
3:00 today: Working very seriously on a project from my couch while sitting up with good posture.
My favorite 'do nothing' (in my mind work area-NOT!) drinking space was my big comfy bed where I would spend hours aimlessly surfing the web, ignoring work or doing a half assed job of it. This morning, I got OUT of bed, got dressed and began work.
I just have to say that I love this site and this thread is the best. I thought I was the only person who's life was so pathetic. I don't mean that everyone is pathetic, but I see the patterns are all the same:
wanting to get away
focusing only on the drink
ignoring those around us
neglecting kids
taking chances with the driving
ignoring our bodies
wasted time sleeping
It just helps to see alcohol as a demon broadcast on the loud speaker. it would be easier to go back if I just based it on the experience of the people around me who control alcohol. then it seems all glam and fun.
This thread is really helping me, it's probably my favorite. The contrast helps me stave off any thoughts of buying.
3:01 during the drinking days. Depending on the day, sometimes I'd be at work, but sometimes not. During the off days, I'd probably be agitatedly waking up from a highly buzzed induced nap. The naps never did anything except to make me more groggy and more pissed off at the world and myself. I felt guilt and shame for morning drinking and would try to partition my day in half by taking one. And even in my sorry mind, I knew that a nap would be time without drinking and that would be better for my body. I'd get up, reach for whatever was nearby to take the edge off. Then, depending on the day, I'd wait for the bus, or drive to the daycare. I would take the next few hours off the bottle but I was always looking at the clock, waiting to start up again which made me irritated with everyone around me. I'd wait for dh to walk in so I could steal away and begin again, justifying I needed to move to the hard stuff since I was going through withdrawal.
3:00 today: Working very seriously on a project from my couch while sitting up with good posture.
My favorite 'do nothing' (in my mind work area-NOT!) drinking space was my big comfy bed where I would spend hours aimlessly surfing the web, ignoring work or doing a half assed job of it. This morning, I got OUT of bed, got dressed and began work.
I just have to say that I love this site and this thread is the best. I thought I was the only person who's life was so pathetic. I don't mean that everyone is pathetic, but I see the patterns are all the same:
wanting to get away
focusing only on the drink
ignoring those around us
neglecting kids
taking chances with the driving
ignoring our bodies
wasted time sleeping
It just helps to see alcohol as a demon broadcast on the loud speaker. it would be easier to go back if I just based it on the experience of the people around me who control alcohol. then it seems all glam and fun.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 266
Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob
I remember back in my drinking days
going to a local bar here in town called the "Round Up"
I was single back then
there were two Ladies sitting at the bar who were not sitting together
both of them were crying in their beers
I remember thinking to myself
don't look like I will be meeting any girls tonight
how it is today
sober, married, blessed and happy
Mountainman
going to a local bar here in town called the "Round Up"
I was single back then
there were two Ladies sitting at the bar who were not sitting together
both of them were crying in their beers
I remember thinking to myself
don't look like I will be meeting any girls tonight
how it is today
sober, married, blessed and happy
Mountainman
Today it is 1:23 and i am sitting in my yard typing on my lap top. It is a gorgeous day today. I am about to take my son to the library and then go shopping for some food. Normally at this time i would still have a headache and be super cranky. I would barley be able to make him lunch. All i wanted to do was sleep. It was nice picking him up from preschool today and not smelling like a distillery.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: na
Posts: 151
5:00: By now on the drinking days, I'd be reaching a new low my always low days. Seriously. None of those days were happy. Dealing with kids, still hung over, but laying off the booze for a while, knowing somewhere and suppressing AV momentarily that if I nipped while doing the nightly tasks, I'd end up in bed waiting for DH to come in the door. It getting dark early did not help. So there I would be, in the midst of post-alcohol and pre-get-my-game-on fog. I'd be miserable and super tired since on days like that, I could pretty much drink round the clock. In just one to two hours that got earlier over the year, I'd be throwing back the hard stuff and very temporary bliss would turn on. Booze on, world off. I'd be buried in mindless internet surfing for a long time.
5:00 today: I am going to call the gym I just joined and see when I can come in to meet my trainer. After that, I might go to the library and get a book.
5:00 today: I am going to call the gym I just joined and see when I can come in to meet my trainer. After that, I might go to the library and get a book.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
5.33 pm during my drinking days: Since I was unemployed near the end of my spiral into alcoholism, I'd have probably been drinking since noon. The weekend booze was probably gone so I'd have stopped at the liquor store too. I'd tell myself that today was a "recovery day" from all the drinking and watching football over the weekend, so I certainly wouldn't have looked for employment. "I'll get going on that tomorrow", I'd say to myself. The phone would ring, and I wouldn't answer it. The mailbox would be overflowing with unchecked letters and bills. I'd have already taken a nap and at this point had begun the serious phase of getting trashed. Alone.
5.33pm today: Just finished a productive day at work - I even worked on the weekend and got some extra cash. I'm becoming a valuable employee at my company, and we're growing, so I'm encouraged. Had a healthy breakfast, lunch, and will follow with a nice avocado salad for dinner. I paid my utility bills today and happy to say I can afford to do it without problems. Having a cup of coffee now and I'll call my family shortly to check in and say hello. I'm not ashamed of myself today. In fact, I feel pretty darn good.
5.33pm today: Just finished a productive day at work - I even worked on the weekend and got some extra cash. I'm becoming a valuable employee at my company, and we're growing, so I'm encouraged. Had a healthy breakfast, lunch, and will follow with a nice avocado salad for dinner. I paid my utility bills today and happy to say I can afford to do it without problems. Having a cup of coffee now and I'll call my family shortly to check in and say hello. I'm not ashamed of myself today. In fact, I feel pretty darn good.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
well we just heard yesterday that a family member
is apparently doing their best so as to steal from my wife's family trust
in my old drinking days I would have tied a big one on last night and today
and then go looking for trouble
today we will stay sober
pray for guidance in this matter
seek the advice of a Christian estate lawyer
true -- we don't drink over these kind of matters anymore
Mountainman
is apparently doing their best so as to steal from my wife's family trust
in my old drinking days I would have tied a big one on last night and today
and then go looking for trouble
today we will stay sober
pray for guidance in this matter
seek the advice of a Christian estate lawyer
true -- we don't drink over these kind of matters anymore
Mountainman
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
causes one to be so grateful
Originally Posted by Pipping
This is a really encouraging post MM. Thanks for starting this thread, it's helped me more than you know.
this thread has helped me in many ways
working through these thoughts of how it used to be while drinking
and how it is today strengthen my sobriety
I have been through a lot sober
and I thank God that I have not drank during the hard times
it seems that the more that we deal with sober the more we can handle
clearly today as we look back, we see that in our past
drinking truly only made bad matters worse
today having a calm sober mind and body
helps us to overcome most anything that should arise in life
serenity such as we have never known before
yes - causes one to be so grateful
Mountainman
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