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(time noted) how it was and how it is today

Old 12-14-2013, 07:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Nevertheless View Post

Thanks Bob for starting this thread. I might have been getting complacent,because my first thought was "not that much has really changed". That is scary. If I were to write all of the changes down,it would actually take several pages.
Fred
thanks Fred
and as we all add to this thread over time
I think much more will be revealed

your statement above holds so true
from my past (many relapses) I see how easy it truly is
to deceive myself yet again

I'm headed to the restroom
so as to take a good look at the guy in the mirror
my Sponsor taught me early in my sobriety
that's the guy that I need to keep an eye on !!!

keeps it all pretty simple

MB
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Old 12-14-2013, 08:27 AM
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This is a great thread.

4.15 Saturday afternoon here. My hangover would have eased by now. I would have spent all day curled up on the sofa feeling full of anxiety and regret. I would take a couple of diazepam to help with the shakes as last nights alcohol left my system. Wine would be chilling ready to start again. I religiously left it til 6 o'clock to start drinking again...that was only sensible after all....

Instead I've just sat down after a busy day. I went for my Saturday morning therapy session, then straight to the local shopping centre and bought the last of my Christmas presents. Struggled to the car with armfuls of gifts and drove home with the window down and singing along to Christmas songs on the radio. I've cleaned the house, done a weeks worth of ironing, and wrapped presents. I've had chats with my daughter and her friends who have taken over the house, listened to their teenage conversations about boyfriends and universities and remembered how it was....
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Old 12-14-2013, 08:40 AM
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I stay sober because I love waking up in the morning with a clear head. I am one year sober now. This past year I have began a transformation of my life for the better.

I spent 10 months in therapy. I quit my part time job and got a full time job that I love. And- I only had to go on one interview! It probably doesn't sound that big of a deal but it was, for me. As a drinker, I knew I couldn't handle a full time job because I could not focus. I now feel confident that I can think at all times. It's so nice to go to bed at night clear and guilt free. So, when I get that hit to have a drink, I ask myself first if I want my job...the answer is always hell yes. I love being productive.
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Old 12-14-2013, 10:29 AM
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Today is Saturday, so my mind would have been on how much wine is left in the fridge from yesterday. Later, i would be pushing the kids to bed early, so i could grab a glass. Today the kids are having friends over for a sleepover. It used to be that this meant i couldnt drink tonight which would make me irritable. Now i just don't drink. . .period. Now i am looking forward to watching them play in the snow. Later we will take them out to see the Christmas lights after a fresh snow. Yep, where i'm at is sooooo much better than where i was!
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Old 12-14-2013, 10:35 AM
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It's 8:25 pm. I would have just got back from the bottle store (2nd trip for the day) which closes at 8pm because, no matter how much alcohol I had in the house, I was scared of running out.
If my daughter was home I would have had to make up a stupid excuse which she wouldn't have believed to explain my trip to the shop. I would hide the alcohol in my garden (she checked the car) until she went to sleep then I would sneak out to fetch it. If she wasn't home I would be relieved that I wouldn't have to control my drinking TOO much until she went to bed. I would spend the night berating myself for all the things I didn't get done during the day and hoping that nobody would phone me so I didnt have to pretend to be sober. In between feeling sorry about how unhappy I was and planning how I was going to 'pay them all back' for causing problems in my life. That was when I was happiest, drinking myself stupid and wallowing in those resentments.

This evening I went for a walk with my mom, then we went for a nice dinner, ate outside watching the sun set. I had a productive day (started in my garden at 6am) doing small things around the house that I never seem to get to. I just spoke to my daughter who is away visiting relatives. I had a decent conversation and didn't have to hear the anxiety and unspoken disapproval in her voice because she can hear I am drunk and she is terrified for me and angry with me.

I will read awhile, have a good bath and fall asleep thinking of how grateful I am for the life I live now.

Thanks for this thread, it reminded me just how bad things were 8 1/2 months ago. If anyone had told me I would spend my evening like this AND BE CONTENT about it, I never would have believed it.
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Old 12-15-2013, 04:42 PM
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oh yes let's say 10 years ago 4:32 PM on a Sunday early evening
back then I would be at this time of the day
well partied out after a weekend of drinking
maybe mixed with some pills and pot
I'm sure that the neighbors want to hear me play my drums
at full blast late into the night
got to get all that I can in before the night is over
after all
I have to be back at the grind tomorrow
wait - did I remember to feed the animals
get to them right after this next beer - or two
maybe I should eat also ??
don't think so - it seems to wreck my high

today 4:32 PM
getting ready for a nice peaceful sober evening
here at home with the MountainLady
she's cooking some spaghetti
smells good
I fed all of the animals - dogs, cats, chickens and goats
they were happy to see me as I was them

MB
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Old 12-23-2013, 08:36 PM
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Well, it is about to be Christmas Eve. Last year at this very moment my addiction was peaking. I woke up on Christmas Eve from a multi-day bender in a withdrawal state. I hung my head low and realized I had intended to be sobered up by Christmas Eve so I would be functioning in time for family festivities. I went through pretty bad withdrawals and was drinking just to stave them off. It was one in a series of those mornings as I was beginning to realize the depths of my addiction, it was becoming at long last undeniable.

This year I will wake up sober, go to work, and meet up with the family for evening festivities. It's good to be sober this year.
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Old 12-23-2013, 08:52 PM
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Hi all, it's Christmas Eve morning 04.47 am. Last year I would have been taking some painkillers for my foggy head and a few cups of coffee. Today, I'm planning on a visit to tesco s supermarket for last minute bits full of beans, me not the supermarket , lol. x
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Old 01-12-2014, 05:42 AM
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today I have a tooth ache
two teeth actually - abscesses I think
in the old days I would have
self medicated this pain all away
only to blot out yet another day of my life
today I can face my pains sober
Mountainman
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Old 01-12-2014, 06:06 AM
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9 am Sunday morning: Just sat down after the usual Cat feeding and Dog walking. I will get up in a moment to feed the Dogs and get a cup of coffee. Yesterday I had a fleeting moment of anger and resentment at the hypocritical. I had a memory of someone who was overweight, telling me how bad my drinking was while they were eating a donut. It really peeved me at the time even though I said nothing to them then all these years later I am still mad lol. Then my mind shifted to the time when a new guy in my band went on a rant about how much we drank and in the middle of his rant he lit a joint and started smoking it. I chose again to say nothing but have another shot of whiskey while staring him in the face. He only lasted in the band another week needless to say. The very next weekend his girlfriend got so drunk at the gig that she was throwing up outside his car while he loaded it at the end of the show. I again chose to say nothing and I believe that was the last time I ever spoke to him.

Despite these negative thoughts I had yesterday I feel good about my sobriety and I am happy to start a new day sober and ready to face another day head on.
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Old 01-12-2014, 07:11 AM
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2.59pm roast lamb dinner is smelling gorgeous, kids (16 and 4) playing Wii Smurfs happily, drinking hot lemon squash and posting on SR whilst going in for my turn on the Wii (let's fall about laughing at how rubbish Mum is!!)

Before - open wine whilst prepping dinner, drink bottle whilst it cooks, get grumpy if kids argue. Feed kids only under the pretence that I'm not hungry, knowing full well that gorgeous dinner will interrupt my 'buzz'. Don't eat at all, feel bad mentally and physically on Monday.

That's made me feel incredibly sad

Day 6.
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Old 01-12-2014, 07:42 AM
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9:30 am here. About to make breakfast (something I COULDN'T have done a year ago due to being to hungover and too sick to even think about eating without dry heaving.)

Then off to work and some errands afterwards. I need to go to the store, because I feel like cooking tonight.

Before- I'd be trying to figure out how I was going to make it through this day, counting down the hours until I could have another drink, even though I knew that wouldn't help. I knew when I came home that first drink would be a chore to get through, but then I could feel numb again.

Towards the end, I didn't even drink to get drunk, just so I could ignore the pain.
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Old 01-12-2014, 12:51 PM
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A couple of years ago I would probably just be waking up from my afternoon "nap" aka pass out. Because I'm sure I'd gotten up around 7a and immediately started downing shots of vodka. I would be eating some gross junk food and pouring up the next rounds. Only to pass out again a few hours later. Put that on repeat...

Tragic, really.

Today I practiced yoga with a friend at a studio I love. Tonight my girlfriend's are coming over for an impromptu Golden Globes party with yummy food and non-alcoholic drinks. So excited!!
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Old 01-12-2014, 01:02 PM
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3:58 pm, Sunday, with NFL playoffs being broadcast. Last weekend, and pretty much every weekend before, I would have been sneaking shots of vodka in between glasses of white wine ( "I swear honey, I'm only drinking wine").

This Sunday, I made a pot of soup, and turned off the NFL so my daughter could watch "Daniel Tiger".

Definitely better, although I will confess that I am already sick of kids TV. Oh well . . . : )
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Old 01-12-2014, 01:13 PM
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Originally Posted by jra55 View Post
3:58 pm, Sunday, with NFL playoffs being broadcast. Last weekend, and pretty much every weekend before, I would have been sneaking shots of vodka in between glasses of white wine ( "I swear honey, I'm only drinking wine").

This Sunday, I made a pot of soup, and turned off the NFL so my daughter could watch "Daniel Tiger".

Definitely better, although I will confess that I am already sick of kids TV. Oh well . . . : )
Heh. Just wanted to comment.... My son loves Daniel Tiger
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Old 01-12-2014, 02:36 PM
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It's 10.30pm on a Sunday now here.

A couple of years ago I would probably have had a few drinks (or more) after my Saturday binge. I would now be sitting here feeling fed-up as I hated my job and didn't want to go to it the next day. I'd have probably had ready meals at home, or maybe gone out for lunch and got drunk if I could find friends to go out with. I'd also be thinking about why I was in a relationship that I knew wasn't working but couldn't leave (this was a rinse/repeat situation).

Now, I've got a sore throat but I offered to cook for my landlady and someone who is staying. I tried a new recipe, chatted, now I'm in bed chilling out ahead of going to work (and I'm single, but contemplating getting into new relationships that could be healthy and I have a wide network of friends who care about me and vice versa, without us having to get drunk). I still don't really like my job but I appreciate the fact that I have one, and I'm going to work on changing things. Sobriety gave me the chance to make these changes and to start to choose.

Thank you for this thread, it put everything in perspective.
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Old 01-12-2014, 03:05 PM
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11.53 am 3 months ago
Would have just woken up in between vomiting / dry retching with bone crushing fear and anxiety. Called in sick earlier this morning using some feeble excuse knowing that we are already very short staffed. Paranoid that I would lose my job or people would know I was a drunk. Would get out of bed not being able to stand myself and my thoughts any longer. Would spy a half glass of wine left over from last night on the kitchen bench, all furry with a skin on the top and possibly a few floaters in it. Swish glass around so it looks fresher then down it in one to calm my nerves
1153 today
Lying in bed as I have a cold but planning a menu for 2nd Christmas dinner I am hosting tonight for my nieces and nephews that are visiting from another country. On holiday from new job which has double the salary and more enjoyable. No more sick days, I work late and happily take on new responsibilities. Have been out for breakfast with my husband who has just told me he loves me more than anything in the world
Bliss.
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Old 01-12-2014, 03:21 PM
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Originally Posted by jra55 View Post
3:58 pm, Sunday, with NFL playoffs being broadcast. Last weekend, and pretty much every weekend before, I would have been sneaking shots of vodka in between glasses of white wine ( "I swear honey, I'm only drinking wine").

This Sunday, I made a pot of soup, and turned off the NFL so my daughter could watch "Daniel Tiger".

Definitely better, although I will confess that I am already sick of kids TV. Oh well . . . : )
My daughter loves Daniel Tiger also and I really miss her today. However, I am getting ready for dinner, heading to an AA meeting then will prob come back, read, watch TV and listen to music before bed. A few years ago, I would probably be at least 3-4 beers in, making sure I had at least 6-8 more for the rest of the night. If not, considering a trip across state lines or possibly a bar for more. Sunday here. Then waking up Monday morning ready to face the week with a hangover complaining how my weekend was too short after I drank and slept my way thru it. I am not where I want to be but thank God I am not where I used to be!
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Old 01-12-2014, 03:23 PM
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Oh that reminds me, I used to use football as an excuse to drink earlier in the day and I don't even like football LOL. Like I said, thank God..
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Old 01-12-2014, 03:31 PM
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7:30pm and watching a NFL playoff game. I'll wake up for work tomorrow on time, rested and ready for work.

2 years ago I'd be drunk and wondering where I had any hidden booze around the house in case I drank all that was in the fridge before passing out. Tomorrow morning would be torture. Ugh, good riddance.
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