lostgirll

i just am really sad today and sometimes i do like this site to just vent because people do say things that make me feel better. Ive posted on here before how my fiance of 12 years is in jail because of his drug addiction. thats been since February and i still dont know when he'll be out. anyway thats hard but its also hard because I have to pay the full rent of an nyc area apt by myself now which i just wasnt expecting and thats not easy. i know i drink too much to not think about it and i dont want to. but now I also feel like I am just hooking up with too many guys just hoping to find someone. Its with guys I dont even see any type of future with so I know its not right. at least they do want to see me again so that makes me feel good but I know I;m just trying to fill a void. I told my fiance I was talking to other guys now too. i dont think im going to be with him when he gets out so im all just messed up in the head now. My mom just moved far away too so all my immediate family doesnt live close. I have plenty of friends but everybody is getting married and having babies and I'm just on my own now for the first time in a ling time so its just hard. so sorry. but just wanted to vent. thanks

Dee74

Hi lostgirll

I'm sorry life seems so hard right now. I know from my own history drinking too much made me make some bad decisions.

Maybe looking at that area will help you sort out other areas of your life too?

D

lostgirll

yea maybe. thank you.

EndGameNYC

Hi lostgirll.

As Dee suggested, drinking and making poor decisions go hand-in-hand. For me, it wasn't the poor choices alone, but the magnitude of those life-changing choices that knocked me down. Though I don't ruminate about it, I was unable to repair all the damage I caused.

Now, being sober, it seems a simple thing to me to make better choices. The first one was making a commitment to get sober. You are, of course, very welcome to do the same.

lostgirll

you're def right. just hard to do i guess

lostgirll

I used to come on here becauseit was so hard dealing with my fiance's drug problems. but i guess I just have my own too. my dad died when i was 17 because of drinking ulyimately. he drowned. it was awful. but i just need to get myself right too

lostgirll

EndGameNYC

Yeah, it is. But there's nothing that's come close to being so rewarding in my life.

It's very easy for us to get down on ourselves when things aren't going well, like second nature.

Give yourself permission to start taking care of yourself, get as much help and support as you can, and stay connected here. It gets much better.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your loss lostgirll - that must have been dreadful....but you're right - you need to get yourself right too.

You deserve a better life than the one you're living, I think

D

lostgirll

yea you know i do good sometimes. work a full time job, part time job, work out. yoga. all that. but i just still feel lonely and sad

lostgirll

just wish i was different spot. wish i had a man to be with always Im lame lol sorrry

Dee74

Lat time I make this point, I promise

I rarely met anyone good when I was drinking, and those few decent people I did, I was often too drunk to make a good impression.

Being sober solved that. I would never be with my longterm partner now had I been drinking.

But before I got to the point of getting out there again sober, I took a little time to know me...Really know myself and get comfortable with who that was...

I was always looking for people to complete me, or fix me...I was terrified of being alone with myself.

I took some time out to get to know sober me and I found I liked that person a lot more than I thought I would.

Because I like my own company I rarely if ever feel lonely now - and because I'm not looking for someone to complete me or fix me, my relationships are a lot better too.

That's what I mean by 'it all starts with not drinking'

D

Raider

Lostgirl - a man? Be careful what you wish for. (Apologies to all the great men out there, I'm not referring to you).

lostgirll

whats wrong with that? lol

doggonecarl

I think it's time to work on yourself...your drinking, your self-esteem issues, your poor choices in men.

Learn to love yourself and you will attract the kind of people that will love you in kind.

robgt350

lost girl i was able to connect to your post. sort of sounds like you want to move on from your boy friend. but you said you want to be with a man for always? i can understand that, we all want to find that special one to love, share, and live life with. but i recall my mother once told me after i ended a relationship with one of my girl friends, she said " if you cannot live with your self without problems, how can you live with some one else"?

if you feel you drink too much maybe try working on that. that might be a future problem for you and your future relationships and even for your self. you sounds like like a successful person with your career, and have a active lifestyle.

EndGameNYC

Same here. With all of it.

EndGameNYC

Taking all your comments together, it seems to me that, if you're still alone when your fiancè leaves prison, you'll be back together. You refer to him as your "fiancè" at least two times, but never as your "ex."

In the meantime, you continue with the kinds of behavior that got you to this unhappy place, and you've yet to develop a plan to make a better life for yourself. This only makes you human...We often settle for the unhappiness that we know, rather than risk living a better life.

If you can, find a therapist who can help you work through your struggles.

ClearMind

Well put, Dee.

lostgirll

thank you all for your comments. You're all right of course. I think I was just goiong through a bad patch. I always seem to do that because I get in my head that I dont see any reason to be any other way. I'm feeling way better today though. The comment about my EX fiance is so right. I guess its just so hard because I dont even know whats going to happen with him. He goes to court again in December. The offer right now is 7 years. Certainly no way i would be waiting for him. Even if he got out now I wouldn't be with him. I just know its not right. Just makes me sad. Anyway just have to keep doing goodso good things will happen Thanks again.