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Old 05-20-2013, 07:11 AM   #1 (permalink)
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My dear sweet mom died and i want a beer

i have been sober for almost three and a half years. my mom and i were very close. she passed away saturday. i haven't been able to cry but i want a beer so bad. i want that artificial comfort that beer gave me when i was in stressful times. i think i would have already had one by now but i know i would be disappointed the next day....maybe not, i dont know. any advice? i tried adivan but it just makes me sleep. which is nice but i cant sleep all the time. anyone have any ideas? i already work out a lot and i am a christian person, if you want to use a label, which i dont really like. God bless you all here, hope to here some suggestions....of course when we were cleaning out mom's stuff i had to run across dad's 30 year sober medallion.....seren-fricking-dipity : )
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Old 05-20-2013, 07:16 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Very sorry for your loss Lilyrosemary.
Please don't drink.
Go through the grief. It is natural and appropriate.
Be careful of ativan, you could just find yourself with a glass in hand.

Tell us a bit about your mother. Talk about her with your family and friends. Do not shut down and be afraid to feel.
Again, very sorry for your loss.
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Old 05-20-2013, 07:29 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I'm sorry to hear about your mom, lilyrosemary.

You've been a member here for awhile but I just wanted to remind you we have a Grief and Loss forum that might also be of some help.

Losing a loving family member or friend is difficult and it hurts so bad but drinking will only make things so much worse. Please take care of yourself, reach out to real life friends and family and post here as much as you like.

Here is the link to the Grief and Loss forum in case you weren't aware of it:

Grief and Loss - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 05-20-2013, 09:38 AM   #4 (permalink)
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So sorry for your loss lilyrosemary. Your mother must have been very proud of your being sober almost 3 and a half years. I hope you don't drink. Sending you good wishes ...
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Old 05-20-2013, 09:57 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I'm sorry for your loss. My mother died 4 year's ago and I drank through it, it got me to sleep but each morning but it delayed my grieving, it's now hit me in the last year of sobriety. Please don't drink. It sounds to me like your mum meant the world to you, your dad's 30 year sobriety medal and her love for you are saying to hang in there. Thinking of you
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Old 05-20-2013, 01:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry for your loss, lily... I almost lost my dad a couple weeks ago, and am still a little shaken by it, so I can only imagine how tough it is for you right now.

Ironically, one of the best ways to get through the pain sometimes is to embrace it. If you can accept that this is going to be hard and know that whatever you're feeling right now is OK (normal/natural), it helps lessen the need to escape. Sometimes, when I'm really having a hard time, I try to look at the pain/fear as a small child in me that needs comforting.

Don't know if any of this helps at all, but I do know that you'll be really glad, looking back on this, that you didn't drink.
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Old 05-20-2013, 04:15 PM   #7 (permalink)
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My deepest condolences. But you haven't yet for a reason-you know it won't bring her back & will only cause more pain in the end. Stay strong & reach out to people, you've worked hard for your sobriety & don't want to lose it.
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Old 05-20-2013, 04:22 PM   #8 (permalink)
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It's not going to help.
Have chat with her now see what she'd say.
It'll get better.
All the best.
Love John.
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Old 05-20-2013, 04:23 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Praying for you now....

Love,
Brian
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Old 05-20-2013, 04:26 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hollyanne View Post
Very sorry for your loss Lilyrosemary.
Please don't drink.
Go through the grief. It is natural and appropriate.
Be careful of ativan, you could just find yourself with a glass in hand.

Tell us a bit about your mother. Talk about her with your family and friends. Do not shut down and be afraid to feel.
Again, very sorry for your loss.
Excellent
Thank u
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Old 05-20-2013, 04:30 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I'm sorry for your loss LilyRosemary.

The guys here are right tho - beer promises a fix but it's not - we never solves anything on beer, never deal with anything, never get through anything....it's like spinning our wheel.

Like others have said, it's not pleasant to feel dad or to grieve, but it's a natural and healthy response.

For 30 years or so I ran away from my feelings by drinking because I convinced myself I couldn't handle them. That was a lie.

I didn't grow much or experience much for those 30 years.

I'm sure your mom always wanted what was best for you LR...honour her with your decisions now

D
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Old 05-20-2013, 04:39 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Lilyrosemary, I'm so sorry for your lose. These are the kinda times you just have to "suffer through", because they definitely make you question the "why" of everything you are doing now. Rootin for ya.
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Old 05-20-2013, 04:44 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Sorry for your loss lily rosemary.

You will get through this in the best way-sober.

You are in my prayers.
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Old 05-21-2013, 07:40 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I am sorry for your loss. I was about 3.5 years sober when my Mother passed away. I too wanted to drink and when something like that happens there are those who would even have understood if I did drink. But the way I had to look at it is what good would it do in the long run? And I also didn't want to let my Mom down by being a drunk mess! As hard as is it is, I agree you just have to get through it sober and carry on as best as one can. There is no problem so big that drinking/using can't make worse.
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Old 05-21-2013, 10:37 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I hope you are doing ok lilyrose. So sorry you have to go through this. Hugs, thoughts, prayers, and love to you.
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Old 05-23-2013, 12:50 PM   #16 (permalink)
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I hope you're doing ok Lily.
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Old 05-23-2013, 01:58 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Hugs to you Lily. I too am grieving the loss of my mother, and it is hard as he**. But I am grateful to be doing so sober. Grief brings me it's own irreality and numbness and confusion, I don't need or want to add alcohol to the mix.

My mother was concerned about my drinking, I'd be dishonoring her by drinking. (Wow, that was hard to type, but true.)
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Old 05-23-2013, 02:06 PM   #18 (permalink)
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God bless you lilyrosemary. I'm sorry for your pain - your Mom is in good hands now.
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