LifeBlows

Over the last week or week and a half I have been feeling very depressed. I don't want to eat, dont want to socialize don't want to do anything including work. My muscles ache. I hate my job. Been working there since mid June. ( I haven't missed any shifts which is a first for me.) I hate everything and feel tired all the time.

I'll be 90 days sober this coming Wednesday, could this be it. I hate everything. Yesterday I just wanted to leave work and go home to bed. I have thoughts about drinking but not cravings.

I haven't had money to buy my antidepressants. I gues I better work on that. I've lost my appetite and actually feel nauseous at the thought of eating. Ive lost 6lbs since the start of October.

Is this depression normal in recovery? I feel even more depressed than when I had first started drinking.

regeneration

hello lifeblows, I had issues with depression before I stopped drinking and I still do now at times (not good sometimes). I may go back to my doctor at some point. I was also very tired in first few months.

But you've lost a fair bit of weight quite quickly... I'd get to a doctors/medical team to discuss quite quickly, it may be depression but you may need some tests to be certain, and to see if you need anti-depressants/other help.

3 months is good, so well done on that. It does get better however you need to sure on what's going on. Stick with it and get some help.

pipparina

what type of program/support are you using to stay sober? Are you in AA or some other recovery program? Not drinking is a first step, but it helps to have support and others you can share/talk with to ease the isolation and depression.

Depression seems common in us, especially in the beginning. Tough that you can't get your medication.

Fandy

there are several ways to get assistance to get your meds....sponsored usually by the drug manufacturer. I can't remember the details but I think Least may know, maybe you could PM her? or she'll see this and post it.

Tell your doctor that you feel terrible, tired and are off your meds. Maybe they can prescribe a cheaper alternative, or maybe there is a physical reason for how you feel (anemia? hormones, virus, etc...it could be something unrelated to nondrinking too).

i'm sorry you feel so crappy and I hope you can get help (that wont cost you an arm and a leg).

wallup

LifeBlows, I'm not sure how you felt leading up to the 90 days so I can only tell you my experience. For whatever reason I had a real tough time around 90 and it started to get better again like it was when you just quit drinking. There are a lot of studies that say the brain at the 90-100 day period tend to go through psychological withdrawal. For me personally it was depression, headaches, felt lazy. I started to feel better again 15-20 days later.

Like others have said though, be careful and consider going to your doctor for advice, that is very rapid weight loss.

LifeBlows

Thanks for the replies everyone. When I got to work today I was in the worst mood, in addition to being in some physical pain. I barely worked for the best part of my shift which I am sorry for. I was just absolutely miserable. But while I was doing the dishes towards the end of the night I got to thinking. This is the situation:
I am unhappy with my life right now. While I am grateful to have a job, I dislike the job that I have at the moment. There are many things I dislike about it: my boss, having to stand for 8 hours at a stretch, not having a proper half hour break, not being allowed to leave the store for my break, earning minimum wage and on and on. My job is one of the many things in my life that I am unhappy about. So when I got to work, I decided to call the AA hotline and ask for advice. No disrespect to the people who staff it but quite often I've found that their advice is to get a sponsor and go to a meeting. That wasn't quite what I was looking for. (I've tried this i.e. going to meetings when I am feeling distressed and it doesn't soothe me). Both times I called, the women I spoke to told me that if I didn't start working the steps I was just going to drink again which annoyed me because the thought of drinking over this hadn't even crossed my mind.
Anyway while I was doing the dishes I had a chance to think. This is not the first time I've felt this way about a job. My usual response has been to go home and drink about it. I remember, at the first proper job that I had, not only did I go home and drink and binge eat at the problem which of course did nothing to solve it. It just meant that the next day I just had to get up and go to a well, paying but dead end job that I hated more and more with each passing day. I was at that job for 4 years and I hated every minute of it.
At the time, I felt so trapped that drinking, eating and shopping were the only ways that I could think to console myself. Looking back, I had so many options: I could have gone back to school at that time to get an MBA, I could have worked harder on getting my accounting designation, I could have tried harder to get another job, I could have networked and pushed harder for a promotion or transfer to another position within the company. But no, I just sat around and resented my boss and the company for not giving me what I wanted. And I ended up staying 4 years in a position that truthfully, I was ready to leave after a year, maybe a year and a half at most. That is my own fault. I didn't invest the time and energy where I should have but instead went home and had drinking tantrums.
I won't make that mistake again. There is nothing wrong with saying that I dislike this job or my boss its how I respond to it that's what counts. So I plan to be a good employee, and after work just direct my time, energy and money towards activities that will actually make a difference.
I was thinking of waiting until maybe February of next year before I start looking for another job but I don't think I can handle it for that long. So I'm going to start looking now.

Threshold

It makes sense that calling and AA help line, you are going to get information on working the AA program.

Since mental health issues are the one's most critical for you right now, check out Canadian Alliance on Mental Illness and Mental Health. They can direct you to resources and information that may be more appropriate to your situation.

Canadian Alliance on Mental Illness and Mental Health / Mental Illness Awareness Week | http://camimh.ca http://miaw.ca

I also deal with serious mental illness and my heart goes out to you, I understand your struggle.

least

Here's a link to the program I use to get my meds a lot cheaper. It's called RXOutreach.

Patient Assistance Program, Discount Prescription Drugs

giffer68

Ive just passed the 90 day mark and am very depressed im not working i go to meetings everyday talk to alot of people in the program to just to try to get out of my head.Im seperated from my wife and she has my son whom which is disabled he has cerebral palsy.I have not seen my son in over 5 months and miss him so much.I want to call my wife and hear my sons voice but everytime i call and talk to her i get so emotionally upset.I feel so awful for what i put her through with my alcoholism throughout the years.I can be a great person in sobriety and im changing everyday.I dont ever want to go back to that sick way of living.I just want my family back i want her to see that i can be a good loving, caring husband and father to my son.I know in my heart i can be all this and more but only if i stay sober.

Music

You didn't mention anything in your post about going to meetings, talking to your sponsor, or anything I would call uplifting. Could be you're off your meds, or it could be you just like sitting in your sh!t. I know one thing. I can't THINK myself into positive living but I can sure LIVE myself into positive thinking. Start doing positive things so you can see some positive results.

gleefan

Life - When I stopped drinking, it uncovered a major depression. I hadn't realized I was unhappy with so many facets of my life - from my job, to my career focus, to my relationships, to my social life, to my marriage.

Just like I grew into my depression little by little over the years, it has been a long climb out of it.

Everyone's different, but I was still depressed at 90 days, and it took a while for the fog to lift. It sounds like you're recognizing your feelings, and making thoughtful decisions about which actions to take.

You've got this.

giffer68

iM 104 DAYS SOBER LONELY DEPRESSED THANKSGIVINGS COMING AND JUST WANT TO CRAWL IN A HOLE AND GET AWAY FROM ALL THIS **** I DONT THINK I CAN FEEL ANYWORSE.IM SEPERATED FROM MY WIFE HAVE NOT SEEN MY SON INOVER 5 MONTHS ALCOHOL DESTROYED MY MARRAIGE.AT TIMES I FEEL I DONT KNOW IF ILL GET THROUGH THIS THIS GOD DAMN SOBRIETY THING ITS UNBEARABLE AT TIMES I JUST WANT MYSELF AND MY EMOTIONS IN A DIFFERANT PLACE WHENS MY BRAKING POINT HIGHER POWER GET ME THROUGH THIS.

Music

For years when I first came to AA, I went to an Alano Club for Thanksgiving and Christmas. AAs and club members got together and we had turkey with all the trimmings, movies, meetings every couple hours and just plain sat around and talked. Look around in your area and check it out.

downtown3

I wont be so worried about the weight lose that much - 6lbs in 7 weeks is not extreme by any means. You have cut out empty alcohol calories so it would be expected that you would be losing weight. As far as feeling down as others have mentioned it takes some longer to break through sort of speak. You should try to incorporate exercise in your recovery as its a natural mood enhancer that stays with you all day. Plus it gives you energy. All the best and stick with it!