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So ill..

Old 08-05-2012, 08:02 AM
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Sally1009
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So ill..

Hi everyone,
I am two weeks out of detox. I left two weeks early because my asthma medication was drastically reduced by my doctor, as he thought I was overusing it. That may be, but I have had severe, life-threatening asthma all my life - its a scary illness.
So I came home.. My kids and friends wont speak to me, I feell so alone and misunderstood. I've relapsed heavily and am back on 4 bottles of wine a day, and think this may be the end. I'm due to visit a rehab facility tomorrow with my key worker, but the way I feel now I think I will be too sick to go.
I am still grieving so much for my darling husband who died three years ago. I'm 56 - what life is left for me?
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Old 08-05-2012, 08:10 AM
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Living a sober life for you, your kids, and your friends, maybe? We all have lost loved ones, but life on earth continues. Your negative attitude may be from the alcohol, which is a depressant. I do understand, I lost my man 4 years ago and it still hurts.

Not sure if you really left rehab because of the asthma medication or if you just wanted to relapse.

Seriously, there is hope, there is life for you to live. Maybe get to an AA meeting and talk to others. Someone there has walked your path before, go talk with them. People care about you or they wouldn't be upset with your choices.

You can stay stopped, too!

Love & hugs,
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Old 08-05-2012, 08:21 AM
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You know, a lot of people only consider 50 the half way point. If you start living a sober healthy life who knows? That is a very long time to just throw away as so many people would gladly have even half of that.

Take this moment as the beginning of the rest of your life. It starts here, forget about all the strife and turmoil you have had. That is in the past, live in the future. Make life worth living, in the end you will be glad you did.

Hang in there, it really can get a whole lot better if you want it to.
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Old 08-05-2012, 08:24 AM
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Sally1009
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I didn't leave because I wanted to relapse, at least not on a conscious level. Asthma medication is not addictive, nor is it mood-altering.I need my inhalet to stay alive..
I'm too ill to get to a meeting. I have been bed-bound for 5 days, constantly drinking. I dont know how to stop safely- I think I may be dying
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Old 08-05-2012, 08:32 AM
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Go tomorrow, don't give up. Insist that you need the Asthma medication and explain why. You don't want to give up that easily do you?
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Old 08-05-2012, 08:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Sally1009 View Post
I'm 56 - what life is left for me?
What life is left for you...it's up to you to decide. Your path right now of 4 bottles a day is going to kill you and leave your children without a mother after having already lost a father.

Like Sugarbear said, alcohol is a depressant and your alcohol intake may have been such that you have never been able to properly grieve the death of your beloved husband.

Anxiety is also a part of heavy drinking. We're not supposed to give medical advice here, so you might want to google "anxiety asthma attacks" and discuss this with the rehab program and how they would manage your multiple health issues during detox.

With 4 bottles of wine a day, medically supervised detox should be a given.

My condolences on the loss of your husband. Getting sober and staying sober, along with some grief counseling will help you reclaim your life and find treasured memories of your husband and allow you to feel the part of him that you carry with you everyday. His love lives on inside of you...right now the wine won't let you feel it.
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Old 08-05-2012, 08:55 AM
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Sally, you deserve to live. Choose life. Grieving is hard, have you thought about grief counselling?
We care and want you to get well. Please don't give up x
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Old 08-05-2012, 08:58 AM
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I miss him SO much. He was such a lovely man. I never got tired of him..i could live another 30 years, but the very thought of that is just unbearable. My darking Andrew - why did you have to die?
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Old 08-05-2012, 09:14 AM
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I am so sorry for your loss. I can hardly begin to comprehend the pain I would feel if it happened to me.
You sound as though you had a very happy marriage. Andrew wouldn't want to see you unhappy and hurting like this. He would want you to be well. Have you sought help in managing these feelings? It may help xxx
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Old 08-05-2012, 09:25 AM
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Hi Sally I'm sorry you are suffering, but you know... drinking only makes depression worse. This time last year, I was on my last legs with liver disease. I lost my job and my mother (cancer) about 2 years ago. This tipped my drinking over the edge. I HAD to go to hospital. I had ascites and severe malnutrition plus other grim liver related stuff. The doctors stripped me from my anti-anxiety pills because the liver absorbed them, so I had to cold turkey on them too. I'm 41. Since being absainant, my health has improved considerably (I really thought I was a gonner!) I also have asthma but my docs never let me run out of my inhaler! I can't understand why they would not let you take it. I would investigate it further WHEN you go back to detox. Good luck to you x
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Old 08-05-2012, 09:57 AM
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Sorry to hear how much you are still suffering sally,it sounds to me as if you are in the same situation you were in months ago.

As I said before I lost the love of my life 5years before I got sober,many people in recovery have lost loved ones.

Beyond tragic that at your age you have given up.I am sure your late husband would want you to get sober and live happily.

I know you have attended AA in the past,can you get back?

Wishing you well.
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Old 08-05-2012, 10:19 AM
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Think of the others in your life that depend on you.... Go back now, get clean, make amends with your family.... Love and be loved!

I don't even know you and I want you to live. If you don't think you can drive there call 911. They will take care of you. There is no shame in it.
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Old 08-05-2012, 11:03 AM
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We have grief support groups here, I'm sure there is one near you as well.

Sally, you won't know what's left in life for you until you try for yourself.

Will detox take you back ?? Ask your Dr. to get you back in AND STAY THIS TIME.
If you are going to die of Asthma, die on the detox floor and not in your bedroom in self-pity. That's the decision I had to make in '89 when I was having the anxiety attacks in rehab.

Get dried out and get to AA. It will be hard...It was hard for all of us ! But you can do it.

All the best.

Bob R
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Old 08-05-2012, 11:18 AM
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Sally,
Welcome to S/R. You are in the right place.

I am sorry about your loss. He sounds like a wonderful man who loved you with all his heart. He would want you to get help so that you are here for your children.

I am 54 and there is a lot of life left for both of us. We can get well and we can move forward and embrace a better future if we are clean and sober. Good luck. It isn't easy, but it is very much worth the fight.

We will find our future, if we are willing to get healthy in body, mind and spirit.

Love
Chrisy
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Old 08-05-2012, 05:01 PM
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Sally...
if you have been bed bound for 5 days and are too ill to get out
is your adult son bringing the wine in?
I remember you shareing he did this before.

Anyway....try to consider what mental distress you will
bring to him as you lie around staying drunk.

Active alcoholism affects those we live with too...
Your daughter and grandchild are not there to see the deteriation
first hand but he certainly is.

You really are putting the young man in a no win situation.

I do hope you will get back in the de tox center...that is the
best thing you can do for everyone concerned....


I too did not quit drinking until I was 50+ and now at
almost 77 the sober years have been an amazing adventure.
Yes I too have chronic health issues but you and I both know
that drinking is not the answer for a darn thing.

hope you will soon find clarity and get busy with living sober..
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Old 08-05-2012, 05:13 PM
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Sally I was forty when I sobered up for the last time...they did not die, but I lost not one but two partners....I grieved for years.

I forgot that the purpose of grief is to help us deal with that immense sadness, not to keep us in misery forevermore.

Noone's saying forget Andrew - or not to miss him...but don't use him as an excuse for self destruction....thats not being fair to his memory Sally.

but I get it....I wanted my life to be done at 40.

I was sick, I had a lot of long standing health issues anyway...issues that will likely get worse as I get older....I wanted my life to be over.

5 and a half years on I keep thinking of things I would have missed and the joy I found again.

You have a choice Sally - you can continue to wallow in your past and in your pain...or you can move forward and live however many years you have left in peace joy and...even happiness

You deserve that as much as any of us.

Going to rehab might be the first step in that process...and anything has to be better than the life you're living now.

If you're worried about your asthma meds in there, get a letter from your Dr clearly explaining their reasons why you need the dose you're on.

I'm really glad I took my second chance Sally...I hope you will too.

you have a lot of people here cheering you on

D
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Old 08-05-2012, 07:23 PM
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Well, asthma medicine (depending upon which ones) can be abused. Not sure if that's addictive but it can have dangerous, life-threatening consequences.
Your description of your situation sounds dire. Can you get someone to take you to an ER? Or call 911? I work in emergency services and this sounds like an emergency to me.
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Old 08-06-2012, 06:18 AM
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I would want my wife to go back to rehab. I would want her to live and be happy.
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Old 08-06-2012, 06:30 AM
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Sally I am so sorry you are suffering, but I honestly believe your husband would not approve of what you are doing to yourself. Drinking is only making things worse. Praying for you Sally.
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Old 08-06-2012, 06:33 AM
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I hear you! I have severe asthma myself, if you have been overusing you rescue inhaler it is a sign that you asthma is not controlled, you need to see a Doc or specialist nurse to put you right. Please dont give up on life
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