My Lie Concerning Sobriety Date.....
 

Well, has anyone else lied about their sobriety date? I recently had a 1 day drinking slip (no drugs) & told my long distance sponser & my therapist. I told on myself here at SR also. However, I still have not told my "home group" at the local AA club. I feel I would lose my respect & my status of being 9+ sober. I feel as if it would do more harm than good. I've been in & out of AA for nearly a decade & feel like I deserve the recognition of a 1 year anniversary. I have done everything suggested by folks in the program yet still struggle with "slips".

I think you get recognition for one year of sobriety when you achieve one year of continuous sobriety.

I would wait until you actually achieve one year of continuous sobriety before you would accept recognition for one year of sobriety.

We have all shared with you about honesty, and what we would have done in your situation.

I would encourage you, again, to be honest with your group.

Just curious, "I deserve the recognition of a 1 year anniversary." Since no one certifies your sobriety why not go for a 5 year anniversary. Neither one will be accurate and quite frankly very few people outside ourselves really place much value on them when all is said and done.

If you want to elevate yourself in other people's eyes then throw in a Nobel Prize and a Silver Star in military action. When we are willing to ignore the truth to ourselves there is no misrepresentation too big.

"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
~Shakespeare

It was true in his time and it is still true. You need to do what makes you happy. Whether others have lied is really of no consequence, others tell the truth about their sobriety dates and I know of some who lie. Their actions have not given or taken away from the benefits that I have derived and continue to derive from my time sober.

Sobriety is its own reward, counting the days sober is simply a count of NOT DOING SOMETHING! Not really what most people without our problem of alcoholism consider a cause for celebration. I know about the integrity of the guy I shave every morning, I leave everyone else to their own honesty.

Hope you find an answer to your question that will make you happy, because that is mostly what we are looking for in sobriety.

Jon

"Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story.

More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn’t deserve it.

The inconsistency is made worse by the things he does on his sprees. Coming to his senses, he is revolted at certain episodes he vaguely remembers. These memories are a nightmare. He trembles to think someone might have observed him. As far as he can, he pushes these memories far inside himself. He hopes they will never see the light of day. He is under constant fear and tension--that makes for more drinking.

Psychologists are inclined to agree with us. We have spent thousands of dollars for examinations. We know but few instances where we have given these doctors a fair break. We have seldom told them the whole truth nor have we followed their advice. Unwilling to be honest with these sympathetic men, we were honest with no one else. Small wonder many in the medical profession have a low opinion of alcoholics and their chance for recovery!

We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world."

Into Action

IMO a 1 year anniverary means a year of sobriety. Talking about your slip would help the newcomer more than a false status of 9+ months. Honesty is important and people will not respect you any less.

The recovery group movement is obsessed with sobriety time. I don't think counting days helps at all. Why not quit, once and for all, and leave those time-counters behind?

You've done well and are clearly very committed so don't listen to anyone who tries to undermine that.

Justfor1,
Do you deserve the respect and status within the group if you lie to them? There is nothing wrong with making a mistake, it's the cover up that becomes the downfall for people.

I don't think you should beat yourself up over this, nor should you let anyone else do it. It was a slip. So what? You start over working toward your year and you are truthful about it and respect yourself.

I am not in AA so I don't know the dynamics within the group. But I know that we all must be able to look in the mirror and respect the person we see there. That is why we stopped drinking in the first place, right?

Good luck, and congratulations on getting right back with your program of sobriety.

kana, I think counting days helps some people. Maybe not myself though? Doesn't being honest here count? Why does it matter if I'm honest with other drunks at the AA clubhouse? I enjoy running meetings & giving leads. I suspect others who have long term sobriety in the program have had minor slips. I once knew a guy who supposedly had 12yrs of sobriety. I saw his pickup truck parked at Charlie's Tavern a few times.

I have to wonder why you feel that other people's opinions and recognition is at all important to you? Sobriety is yours and yours alone. What point does it make when you achieve recognition for something sans the truth behind such an achievement? All it says to me is that you can successfully manipulate how other people think, and what they believe. It says that you are OK bending reality with a lie by omission, in order that things fall in place with how YOU think it should all go down. Is this a good thing in your eyes? Wouldn't sit well with me. Just sayin'.

And this... more harm than good... What harm will it do to anyone out there in this great big world, aside from you, if and when you do NOT own up to something that actually happened?

People are highly overrated. When your motivation for any action, honest or dishonest, is based solely upon how others will react, it's only you that ends up disappointed and hurt. Sometimes you feel the sting immediately, and sometimes it takes a while for the crash to happen. I'll say it again... focusing on the actions and reactions of others as your only reason to say or do something you'd otherwise not do? Bro that is a dead end street every time, and you know it.

Also, when it comes to sobriety as it pertains to the program of AA, unless I'm mistaken a core principle of the BB is radical self honesty. How are you being honest with yourself when you are lying to those around you? Impossible.

Not coming clean in order to gain something from it (a cake/recognition/respect/e.t.c...) is called dishonesty, no matter how you slice it. That's just not good for the whole staying sober thing IMO. You will do what you do regardless, but I'm just sayin'; isn't it high time you let folks just go ahead and be whoever-the-hell they will be, regardless of your opinions/slants/attempts at influence?

Oddly enough I'm with Kanamit on one score... recovery groups are far too obsessed with counting time. It's something that ends up a condition of self pride, and pride usually cometh before a big frikin fall. And too many folks in the program consider the sober time someone has as a measuring stick for how much validity they deserve. Nonsense. However, this is about you amigo, it's not about counting time, nor your group, nor the guy accepting his 10 year cake with booze on his breath. You. Full stop. You had a small slip in the muck, granted. But you brushed off the dirt and got up again, fast. Many can't get up that fast. For some a "small" slip is a month long bender, if only because that is their only precedence/experience with relapsing. One thing to consider; your honesty might cause someone within the walls of your group to see - by your example - how a slip need not be a 2 month bender ending in an ER visit or a stopped heart.

It's up to you in the end. Here's hoping you do the right thing ... for you.

I'd only advise that you stop taking actions according to what others will or will not think and do. Seriously, to hell with people. Their opinion of you is absolutely none of your business.

If you want to count days, then being honest about it counts. Personally I don't think days are important.

Being honest with us drunks here on SR counts yes, but does it make up for being dishonest to the drunks at AA? I detect a part of you is not happy within your group and does not feel comfortable being honest. If you think others are lying about their sobriety and putting on a show, why be a part of it? Can you find a new group that allows you to be honest and where you respect and believe what those around you are saying?

In my opinion, being honest with yourself is what is important.

I have done everything suggested by folks in the program yet still struggle with "slips".[/QUOTE]

you may have done what was suggested, but have you done what the BB suggests? a long distance sponsor sounds like a good way to live a lie.

RARELY have we seen a person fail who has THOROUGHLY followed our path.
THOROUGHLY have we seen a person fail who has RARELY followed our path.

Not intending to be harsh, but your behavior is self centered to the extreme.
Get honest with yourself - that you are in the program to recover from being
dependant on drugs/alcohol. Or are you in the program for the self-recognition
to look like a big shot that has your **** together? I wave the white flag of defeat
daily. The only thing that separates me from someone still active is one day, one
moment, one choice. This truth that you are hiding will come out eventually -keep
your side of the street clean, this is part of the clearing the wreckage of your past.

If you have the 24 Hours a Day book,read the thought for today Dec.7th. which tells you to speak up in your group and announce the slip.There is no evading this responsibility if you intend to stay sober.

Not to split hairs here, but I thought you said you had taken methadone and xanax?

Where do you draw the line here?

Just,

Lying to folks in your group is a huge disrespect. I don't think there's a "real" status attached to "time" as much as there is status attached to character. And character growth. Bottom line, you know it's a lie. The lie will eat you up. Learn from the slip. Teach others what youve learned. This is a part of being of service.

Love from Lenina

I thought one little teeny weeny bender would not take away my 40 days sober.... I figured I'd just get back to it the next day, no one would be the wiser, and it would not matter. I could just go on counting days like nothing ever happened.

Sadly, the teeny weeny bender has now been going on for months. That's the thing about giving yourself permission to drink or lie "one time" -- it has a way of wrecking all your good intentions and plans.

I say, tell the truth. Be real.

I was drinking all night & decided to visit an old friend of mine at the methadone clinic that opens at 5:30pm. So I decided just to sneak in line & get a dose to see what it was like. Not too smart I guess. I am prescribed ativan as my "emergency med" that the Dr. gives me in a limited supply. Of course, if she finds out I drank then she may cut me off. Which isn't really fair because it is the only thing that really helps my anxiety.

without grasping and developing a manner of living of rigorous honesty, my chances of recovery were less than average.

Only you can decide if you deserve the coin. It's a selfish program that way.