Need an alcoholic's perspective on this (AH's recovery)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 33
Need an alcoholic's perspective on this (AH's recovery)
My AH is currently staying with his family having lost his job due to drinking. He's saying he'll come back next week and find a job but he keeps snapping at me on the phone and every little thing sets him off crying. Now his family hate me because he "was fine until I rang him" but that's only because I'm a reminder of the fact he has responsibilities.
Should I ask him to stay away longer or is it reasonable to expect him to get a new job?
Thing is, if he doesn't get a new job we can't pay our bills as I am on maternity leave and have hardly any income.
I want to help him but I also can't handle this aggressive snappiness around my baby and I.
Thanks and I hope you don't mind me posting here xx
Should I ask him to stay away longer or is it reasonable to expect him to get a new job?
Thing is, if he doesn't get a new job we can't pay our bills as I am on maternity leave and have hardly any income.
I want to help him but I also can't handle this aggressive snappiness around my baby and I.
Thanks and I hope you don't mind me posting here xx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
Hey!
He has no business snapping at you. He is just feeling worry for himself and taking it out on you. It sounds like he has responsibilities that he needs to address. Is he getting help for his alcoholism?
He has no business snapping at you. He is just feeling worry for himself and taking it out on you. It sounds like he has responsibilities that he needs to address. Is he getting help for his alcoholism?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 33
Thanks for your reply. Yes he goes to AA, although when he was home he was saying he was going 4 times a week and that he needed to give them money. I gave him 50p and he wasn't going, he saved the money up, plus some money he stole from me, and got drunk with it. That's why I said go to your mums, I need a break.
His family are all saying he's doing so well but when I rang I asked him if he'd feel well enough to start looking for a job and offered to help and he started crying and snapping at me saying my motivation techniques don't work on him. And I could hear his mum in the background saying what has SHE said to upset my precious boy this time, etc. It's all well and good that he's happy enough up there but there he has no responsibility so I need to know if he's going to be able to come back and cope with helping me out, finding a job etc.
His mum thinks I should take him back but basically do everything for him, give him whatever he wants and not give him any stress or pressure but what kind of life is that for me and a baby! I want him either back properly or not back at all, if that makes sense. Am I being too harsh?
The problem is I used to accept his behaviour but since the baby I don't accept the same things as I did anymore.
His family are all saying he's doing so well but when I rang I asked him if he'd feel well enough to start looking for a job and offered to help and he started crying and snapping at me saying my motivation techniques don't work on him. And I could hear his mum in the background saying what has SHE said to upset my precious boy this time, etc. It's all well and good that he's happy enough up there but there he has no responsibility so I need to know if he's going to be able to come back and cope with helping me out, finding a job etc.
His mum thinks I should take him back but basically do everything for him, give him whatever he wants and not give him any stress or pressure but what kind of life is that for me and a baby! I want him either back properly or not back at all, if that makes sense. Am I being too harsh?
The problem is I used to accept his behaviour but since the baby I don't accept the same things as I did anymore.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 282
Not too harsh Mrs A! How dare his mum say that when u are at home alone with a new baby! Becoming a mum is hard enough! Can't tell u what to do or what he'll do but just wanted to say all the best as geez it was a shock to my system when I became a mum. All the best. X
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Originally Posted by MrsA 
His mum thinks I should take him back but basically do everything for him, give him whatever he wants and not give him any stress or pressure but what kind of life is that for me and a baby! I want him either back properly or not back at all, if that makes sense. Am I being too harsh?
The problem is I used to accept his behaviour but since the baby I don't accept the same things as I did anymore.
The problem is I used to accept his behaviour but since the baby I don't accept the same things as I did anymore.
It does sound like he is in a dark place and in no position to find and hold down a job at this point. I can only tell you from my experience, had I lost my job my last day of drinking I would be devastated and so broken mentally that I can honestly say I'm not sure I would be a part of this world any longer.
Please do not take that as you should welcome him back. I am saying no such thing. Set your boundaries and expectations. Make sure they are met and that he is tha man you fell in love with and the man you want to raise your child with.
He needs to choose sobriety for himself, otherwise you are going to be dealing with his sneaking around and lying about alcohol.
Since mother-in-law is already involved, what about a meeting between all 3 of you to determine the extent of the problem and a way to get him on the right path and to hold him accountable in both houses.
I truly wish you strength in this difficult time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by MrsA
My AH is currently staying with his family having lost his job due to drinking. He's saying he'll come back next week and find a job but he keeps snapping at me on the phone and every little thing sets him off crying. Now his family hate me because he "was fine until I rang him" but that's only because I'm a reminder of the fact he has responsibilities.
Should I ask him to stay away longer or is it reasonable to expect him to get a new job?
Thing is, if he doesn't get a new job we can't pay our bills as I am on maternity leave and have hardly any income.
I want to help him but I also can't handle this aggressive snappiness around my baby and I.
Thanks and I hope you don't mind me posting here xx
Should I ask him to stay away longer or is it reasonable to expect him to get a new job?
Thing is, if he doesn't get a new job we can't pay our bills as I am on maternity leave and have hardly any income.
I want to help him but I also can't handle this aggressive snappiness around my baby and I.
Thanks and I hope you don't mind me posting here xx
it didnt matter how much someone tried to help me. all they did was enable me to keep doin what i was doin and not grow up.. it was when i wanted the help and put in the footwork that i started to get healtier mentally, emotionally, and physically. alcohol was but a symptom of a much deeper problem.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
There can only be 2 people in a marriage....the mom needs to take the back seat. As an alcoholic I love to blame the other person for my behavior an dwaller in self pity. The one thing I HATE are "if you donts"
IMO this is the "if you dont" you should give your husband:
You cant come back IF YOU DONT get in a program and find a sponsor.
The job will follow soon.
IMO this is the "if you dont" you should give your husband:
You cant come back IF YOU DONT get in a program and find a sponsor.
The job will follow soon.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 248
It sounds like you are doing the right thing for you and the baby. I agree with the others - you have set a boundary and you need to keep firm. He may not be in a position to work right now, but it is perfectly ok to not let him come back until he has some real sobriety and treatment time under his belt. If you take him back too soon, he may not take you seriously when you say you won't tolerate the drinking.
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
Originally Posted by MrsA
Should I ask him to stay away longer or is it reasonable to expect him to get a new job?
You are asking the unknown. You know him better than we do.
No offense to you, but I'm starting to see these "Ask an Alcoholic" threads a whole lot more, and all we can offer is our experience, strength, and hope. Our lives do not mimic your AH's life, so there really is no answer.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
AA never asks for money, especially if the person isn't working or is receiving unemployment money as they don't take government contributions. AA is free.
Glad you are here. Are you going to Al Anon?
Why isn't he at rehab? Something doesn't sit well with me....
Glad you are here. Are you going to Al Anon?
Why isn't he at rehab? Something doesn't sit well with me....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 33
Thanks all for your input so far.
I'm not sure I want to encourage his mum's involvement, the last time I asked her opinion she said I have to give him space and no stress, etc, which I can't give him as I have a baby to look after and if he's here I'll need his help. so if he needs that he's better staying with her really. He, of course, tells me he is fine but I know he's not, I really want to help him.
OklaBH I have told him exactly that after your post, he needs to commit to recovery and find a sponsor. I think that makes a lot of sense and could help him find a job if he's committed to recovery.
TheEnd, sorry to have offended you, I didn't mean to offend anyone. You don't have to reply on threads like these but I've received some great help from the people who have replied and I really appreciate it. I know you're not him but I can't understand how alcoholics think, I've tried lots of times to understand him better but I can't, so I thought I would ask people who've been there. And I so appreciate the advice and kind words I've received so far.
Sugarbear, is AA really free? I didn't know that! He told me a pot is passed round and you have to give them money. I thought it was weird because some people must be like my husband in that if they have money it's too tempting and they go and buy drink with it. But he said you're supposed to give money, is that not the case?
I'm not at al anon because I have a young baby and nobody to watch her so I'm reading al anon literature at home, and coming to this forum for help xx
I'm not sure I want to encourage his mum's involvement, the last time I asked her opinion she said I have to give him space and no stress, etc, which I can't give him as I have a baby to look after and if he's here I'll need his help. so if he needs that he's better staying with her really. He, of course, tells me he is fine but I know he's not, I really want to help him.
OklaBH I have told him exactly that after your post, he needs to commit to recovery and find a sponsor. I think that makes a lot of sense and could help him find a job if he's committed to recovery.
TheEnd, sorry to have offended you, I didn't mean to offend anyone. You don't have to reply on threads like these but I've received some great help from the people who have replied and I really appreciate it. I know you're not him but I can't understand how alcoholics think, I've tried lots of times to understand him better but I can't, so I thought I would ask people who've been there. And I so appreciate the advice and kind words I've received so far.
Sugarbear, is AA really free? I didn't know that! He told me a pot is passed round and you have to give them money. I thought it was weird because some people must be like my husband in that if they have money it's too tempting and they go and buy drink with it. But he said you're supposed to give money, is that not the case?
I'm not at al anon because I have a young baby and nobody to watch her so I'm reading al anon literature at home, and coming to this forum for help xx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
He needs some help. That can come from AA or Inpatient Treatment or counseling... whatever....
He's scared, and humiliated. Drank himself out of a job, left his wife and baby out there on their own... ran home to mommy and daddy. It sucks to be him, I'm sure.
He can get back, get sober, get a job... get his wife back, all that, his family. But he needs a roadmap, a strong firm hand up... I don't know what's best for him, AA will work, but only if he works it.
All you can do is take care of yourself and your baby, set boundaries, and give him the space he needs to get his sh1t together. Just being there is all you can really do.
Prayers to you. It can work out...
He's scared, and humiliated. Drank himself out of a job, left his wife and baby out there on their own... ran home to mommy and daddy. It sucks to be him, I'm sure.
He can get back, get sober, get a job... get his wife back, all that, his family. But he needs a roadmap, a strong firm hand up... I don't know what's best for him, AA will work, but only if he works it.
All you can do is take care of yourself and your baby, set boundaries, and give him the space he needs to get his sh1t together. Just being there is all you can really do.
Prayers to you. It can work out...
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Every AA group is self-supporting and does not accept outside contributions. A basket is passed around at each meeting and people give what they can afford, which sometimes is nothing. It is not a requirement to give. The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.
I'm an alcoholic (90 days sober today) and working on staying sober but I live with an alcoholic who is still drinking. It's a tough situation to be in, for sure. I'm not in a position to kick my husband out (long story - he's a good man with a good heart, but his drinking is killing him), so I am having to draw some pretty firm boundaries here at home while we're living together. I'm walking a very fine line between trying to be loving and nonjudgmental (criticism is the last thing an alcoholic needs, although it is probably what he deserves) while also doing my best not to enable or condone his drinking. It's a tough balance.
Since your husband is already out, you have an opportunity to set some boundaries. Go to AA, get a sponsor, get to work on the steps, get some sober time, and then get a job. Then and only then can he come home, but on a trial basis. If he stays sober and is working, he can stay. If he goes back to drinking and doesn't work, he can't. You will have enough on your hands with a new baby in the house ... you don't need to take care of another one. Make it clear that you love him and will support him all you can IN HIS SOBRIETY, but that BECAUSE you love him, you can't support his drinking. And make it clear that you won't deal with his mother - this is between the two of you and your immediate family. As moms, we want to coddle and protect our kids, and it sounds like she's in a lot of pain watching her son suffer, but at the same time it sounds like she is also enabling his behavior.
It's tough to see your husband in so much pain - I get that. But this is probably exactly what he needs right now. He needs to be desperate and hurting in order to want to pursue a better life. Also keep in mind that if he IS sober right now, he is probably also going through the range of horrid emotions that alcoholics often go through during early sobriety and these emotions are NORMAL and part of the process. They are not your fault - you didn't cause them. You can't make them better or worse ... he just has to sit in them right now. AA will help, a supportive sponsor will help, and your encouraging him while also keeping a safe distance for the moment will also help. You can't save him ... only he can do that.
He CAN get better but he has to want it. You just take care of yourself and that baby and make the healthiest choices for the two of you. Hang in there, and I'll keep you in my prayers.
I'm an alcoholic (90 days sober today) and working on staying sober but I live with an alcoholic who is still drinking. It's a tough situation to be in, for sure. I'm not in a position to kick my husband out (long story - he's a good man with a good heart, but his drinking is killing him), so I am having to draw some pretty firm boundaries here at home while we're living together. I'm walking a very fine line between trying to be loving and nonjudgmental (criticism is the last thing an alcoholic needs, although it is probably what he deserves) while also doing my best not to enable or condone his drinking. It's a tough balance.
Since your husband is already out, you have an opportunity to set some boundaries. Go to AA, get a sponsor, get to work on the steps, get some sober time, and then get a job. Then and only then can he come home, but on a trial basis. If he stays sober and is working, he can stay. If he goes back to drinking and doesn't work, he can't. You will have enough on your hands with a new baby in the house ... you don't need to take care of another one. Make it clear that you love him and will support him all you can IN HIS SOBRIETY, but that BECAUSE you love him, you can't support his drinking. And make it clear that you won't deal with his mother - this is between the two of you and your immediate family. As moms, we want to coddle and protect our kids, and it sounds like she's in a lot of pain watching her son suffer, but at the same time it sounds like she is also enabling his behavior.
It's tough to see your husband in so much pain - I get that. But this is probably exactly what he needs right now. He needs to be desperate and hurting in order to want to pursue a better life. Also keep in mind that if he IS sober right now, he is probably also going through the range of horrid emotions that alcoholics often go through during early sobriety and these emotions are NORMAL and part of the process. They are not your fault - you didn't cause them. You can't make them better or worse ... he just has to sit in them right now. AA will help, a supportive sponsor will help, and your encouraging him while also keeping a safe distance for the moment will also help. You can't save him ... only he can do that.
He CAN get better but he has to want it. You just take care of yourself and that baby and make the healthiest choices for the two of you. Hang in there, and I'll keep you in my prayers.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
This is a link to an AA pamphlet on our Seventh Tradition.
The Seventh Tradition states: "Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. "
http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/f-3_selfsupport.pdf
The Seventh Tradition states: "Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. "
http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/f-3_selfsupport.pdf
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by desertsong
Every AA group is self-supporting and does not accept outside contributions. A basket is passed around at each meeting and people give what they can afford, which sometimes is nothing. It is not a requirement to give. The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.
I'm an alcoholic (90 days sober today) and working on staying sober but I live with an alcoholic who is still drinking. It's a tough situation to be in, for sure. I'm not in a position to kick my husband out (long story - he's a good man with a good heart, but his drinking is killing him), so I am having to draw some pretty firm boundaries here at home while we're living together. I'm walking a very fine line between trying to be loving and nonjudgmental (criticism is the last thing an alcoholic needs, although it is probably what he deserves) while also doing my best not to enable or condone his drinking. It's a tough balance.
Since your husband is already out, you have an opportunity to set some boundaries. Go to AA, get a sponsor, get to work on the steps, get some sober time, and then get a job. Then and only then can he come home, but on a trial basis. If he stays sober and is working, he can stay. If he goes back to drinking and doesn't work, he can't. You will have enough on your hands with a new baby in the house ... you don't need to take care of another one. Make it clear that you love him and will support him all you can IN HIS SOBRIETY, but that BECAUSE you love him, you can't support his drinking. And make it clear that you won't deal with his mother - this is between the two of you and your immediate family. As moms, we want to coddle and protect our kids, and it sounds like she's in a lot of pain watching her son suffer, but at the same time it sounds like she is also enabling his behavior.
It's tough to see your husband in so much pain - I get that. But this is probably exactly what he needs right now. He needs to be desperate and hurting in order to want to pursue a better life. Also keep in mind that if he IS sober right now, he is probably also going through the range of horrid emotions that alcoholics often go through during early sobriety and these emotions are NORMAL and part of the process. They are not your fault - you didn't cause them. You can't make them better or worse ... he just has to sit in them right now. AA will help, a supportive sponsor will help, and your encouraging him while also keeping a safe distance for the moment will also help. You can't save him ... only he can do that.
He CAN get better but he has to want it. You just take care of yourself and that baby and make the healthiest choices for the two of you. Hang in there, and I'll keep you in my prayers.
I'm an alcoholic (90 days sober today) and working on staying sober but I live with an alcoholic who is still drinking. It's a tough situation to be in, for sure. I'm not in a position to kick my husband out (long story - he's a good man with a good heart, but his drinking is killing him), so I am having to draw some pretty firm boundaries here at home while we're living together. I'm walking a very fine line between trying to be loving and nonjudgmental (criticism is the last thing an alcoholic needs, although it is probably what he deserves) while also doing my best not to enable or condone his drinking. It's a tough balance.
Since your husband is already out, you have an opportunity to set some boundaries. Go to AA, get a sponsor, get to work on the steps, get some sober time, and then get a job. Then and only then can he come home, but on a trial basis. If he stays sober and is working, he can stay. If he goes back to drinking and doesn't work, he can't. You will have enough on your hands with a new baby in the house ... you don't need to take care of another one. Make it clear that you love him and will support him all you can IN HIS SOBRIETY, but that BECAUSE you love him, you can't support his drinking. And make it clear that you won't deal with his mother - this is between the two of you and your immediate family. As moms, we want to coddle and protect our kids, and it sounds like she's in a lot of pain watching her son suffer, but at the same time it sounds like she is also enabling his behavior.
It's tough to see your husband in so much pain - I get that. But this is probably exactly what he needs right now. He needs to be desperate and hurting in order to want to pursue a better life. Also keep in mind that if he IS sober right now, he is probably also going through the range of horrid emotions that alcoholics often go through during early sobriety and these emotions are NORMAL and part of the process. They are not your fault - you didn't cause them. You can't make them better or worse ... he just has to sit in them right now. AA will help, a supportive sponsor will help, and your encouraging him while also keeping a safe distance for the moment will also help. You can't save him ... only he can do that.
He CAN get better but he has to want it. You just take care of yourself and that baby and make the healthiest choices for the two of you. Hang in there, and I'll keep you in my prayers.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
MrsA, the pot or basket that is passed around is for contributions, but you don't need to put any money in it. I am on unemployment and my sponsor said I am NOT to put money in it as it's government money for me to live on. AA takes NO government contributions and I don't have a problem passing it over to the next person. When I become employed, I will give money to my home group. Each group is fully self-supporting.
Are his parents helping him to NOT drink? For them to become upset with you is ridiculous. Aren't you both adults? It sounds as if he's manipulating everyone so he can do what he wants, even if it's just staying in his self-pity.
If you can go to Al Anon, find a meeting and get there so you can learn to heal yourself. People tend to get into patterns of behavior with each other. You can then focus on you.
Love & hugs,
Are his parents helping him to NOT drink? For them to become upset with you is ridiculous. Aren't you both adults? It sounds as if he's manipulating everyone so he can do what he wants, even if it's just staying in his self-pity.
If you can go to Al Anon, find a meeting and get there so you can learn to heal yourself. People tend to get into patterns of behavior with each other. You can then focus on you.
Love & hugs,
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
He's gone...and left you with big time problems
That is the fact...and you and your baby must come first..
ARe you contacting your local resources and asking how you can pay
your living expenses? Can you find child care and get back to your job?
Many women end up single parents...for all sorts of reasons..
I suggest you look into whats available
If contacting him is distressing you...and he has been lying
anyway....why call? .
Blessings to the 3 of you ..
That is the fact...and you and your baby must come first..
ARe you contacting your local resources and asking how you can pay
your living expenses? Can you find child care and get back to your job?
Many women end up single parents...for all sorts of reasons..
I suggest you look into whats available
If contacting him is distressing you...and he has been lying
anyway....why call? .
Blessings to the 3 of you ..
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
Originally Posted by MrsA
Thanks all for your input so far.
I'm not sure I want to encourage his mum's involvement, the last time I asked her opinion she said I have to give him space and no stress, etc, which I can't give him as I have a baby to look after and if he's here I'll need his help. so if he needs that he's better staying with her really. He, of course, tells me he is fine but I know he's not, I really want to help him.
OklaBH I have told him exactly that after your post, he needs to commit to recovery and find a sponsor. I think that makes a lot of sense and could help him find a job if he's committed to recovery.
TheEnd, sorry to have offended you, I didn't mean to offend anyone. You don't have to reply on threads like these but I've received some great help from the people who have replied and I really appreciate it. I know you're not him but I can't understand how alcoholics think, I've tried lots of times to understand him better but I can't, so I thought I would ask people who've been there. And I so appreciate the advice and kind words I've received so far.
Sugarbear, is AA really free? I didn't know that! He told me a pot is passed round and you have to give them money. I thought it was weird because some people must be like my husband in that if they have money it's too tempting and they go and buy drink with it. But he said you're supposed to give money, is that not the case?
I'm not at al anon because I have a young baby and nobody to watch her so I'm reading al anon literature at home, and coming to this forum for help xx
I'm not sure I want to encourage his mum's involvement, the last time I asked her opinion she said I have to give him space and no stress, etc, which I can't give him as I have a baby to look after and if he's here I'll need his help. so if he needs that he's better staying with her really. He, of course, tells me he is fine but I know he's not, I really want to help him.
OklaBH I have told him exactly that after your post, he needs to commit to recovery and find a sponsor. I think that makes a lot of sense and could help him find a job if he's committed to recovery.
TheEnd, sorry to have offended you, I didn't mean to offend anyone. You don't have to reply on threads like these but I've received some great help from the people who have replied and I really appreciate it. I know you're not him but I can't understand how alcoholics think, I've tried lots of times to understand him better but I can't, so I thought I would ask people who've been there. And I so appreciate the advice and kind words I've received so far.
Sugarbear, is AA really free? I didn't know that! He told me a pot is passed round and you have to give them money. I thought it was weird because some people must be like my husband in that if they have money it's too tempting and they go and buy drink with it. But he said you're supposed to give money, is that not the case?
I'm not at al anon because I have a young baby and nobody to watch her so I'm reading al anon literature at home, and coming to this forum for help xx
AA is 100% free & so is Alanon. His mom will lend you an ear so she can get a better insight. At the end of the day she is his mom. A good friend of mines husband is alcoholic. She went through years of lost jobs, restraining orders, cops, hospitals (all the things that go along with the downward spiral) She went to his mom who was supportive. Once the mom figured out he was a lost cause SHE BLAMED THE WIFE. Her take on it was "he didnt drink like this before he met you"
Please dont rely on the mom to sort this out. You are in a tough spot my friend. Get to a support group.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
"His majesty the child" is a good description of an active alcoholic. The big book, Alcoholics Anonymous, describes us as self-willed, selfish, self-centered in the extreme, grandiose. Enormous egos with low self esteem. I suggest putting the focus only on yourself and your child, let him and his crazy family go. Can you get help from family or friends?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 33
NYCDoglvr you describe my AH perfectly with those words. I have never understood how the huge ego and low self esteem go hand in hand but he is so like that.
My parents have offered to take me and the baby in, they live quite far so I'd have to sell our house and leave my job (I was hoping to go back). And they won't let AH move in with them because they know what he's done to me. I love him and want to give him a chance but I know there's a fine line between giving a chance and enabling him. It's so hard.
My parents have offered to take me and the baby in, they live quite far so I'd have to sell our house and leave my job (I was hoping to go back). And they won't let AH move in with them because they know what he's done to me. I love him and want to give him a chance but I know there's a fine line between giving a chance and enabling him. It's so hard.
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