They didn't know

[Retread59]

I hear it said often that, prior to finding sobriety, everyone knows you're an alcoholic except the alcoholic.

But in my dealings with others, now that I'm sober, I'm finding that people say they had no idea.

I play music with a friend whom I was in a band with during my heavier drinking days. He hasn't had a drink for years, but others in that band did drink. On rehearsal nights with that band, I'd come home from work, down a few, then head out there for practice where we'd sometimes down a few more.

In talking with this friend yesterday he said he was absolutely shocked when I told him a few months back that I was an alcoholic. He said he had no idea I was loaded during those earlier rehearsals.

I do know that there have been a few times where I've been publically belligerent, and I suspect that those friends know I had a problem. So far, none of them has said so. The transition to mean drunk from happy drunk was a big part of my own realization that I needed to do something.

[Spinach]

well done for looking back at your past life, often a difficult thing to do.
Its quite easy to see how many less arguments happen around you when youve quit and often difficult to realise that it was the drink. Good to know to help keep going at times.
John.

[CarolD]

I don't know about the "everyone else noticed" by the time I quit
all my social contacts were at best....excessive drinkers.
Heck...I worked in the hospitality industry for years as a drinker.
While drinking at work was not allowed...most did go out after...

They thought I was nutso to begin AA...and most drifted away.
I also switched job directions...took an office position with no 'footprint" of alcohol.

By then....depression caused by alcohol...had turned me into a woman I detested.
AA has given me a fantastic new lifestyle....I'm so glad I am recovered..

All my best as you continue to win....

[winslynn]

I had no idea what alcoholic was until I tried to quit after medical warnings.I considered myself a heavy drinker,a macho,don't give a damn kind of guy.
I found out to my dismay that I couldn't stop drinking,couldn't stop thinking about it constantly.Oh God!,I'm going to get very sick and die badly unless I stop and nothing I can do can stop me from doing it one more time....over and over again.
Finally got hooked up with AA 100% and I am sober for a long time now....what a struggle that was!Hardest thing I ever went through in life was quitting drinking.

Cheers,Steve

[desertsong]

I started off as a happy drunk too. I don't know when or how it changed but eventually I became a mean drunk. It was pretty ugly. The only people who really knew I had a problem were my familiy (husband and kids) because I drank at home 99% of the time and nobody else saw my horrible behavior. But it was bad enough that my family had to see it ... my husband tells me now that he likes me sooo much better sober. I do too.

[Threshold]

So many people told me they had no idea I have any addiction issues that I am convinced I should take up acting as a professional career.

it seems that the people who saw me infrequently caught on more often than people who saw me regularly.

[Gottalife]

Everyone of any importance in my life knew about my problem, no question. Thankfully the 9th step of the AA program had me go out to these folks and make restitution were applicable, so I can meet any of them any time and hold my head up. That part of my life holds no fears for me. On occasion it has helped others. A plumber (now sober) in the port was talking to a couple of fitters, former workmates of mine, about getting help from AA with his drinking. They said "go for it ... it worked for H... (me) and he was F%$#@! n baaaaad!" The plumber aint had a drink since, it was him that told me the story.

[foodie1]

This was the case for me too, and it made me doubt my decision to stop drinking at first. It also gave me false pride that I'm now having to wear down in order to stay sober. I've slowly come to realize that the only opinion of me that matters is my own. I finally feel good about my daily decisions, proud (a healthy, yes-I-own-that-action-proud) of my productive life and comfortable in my truth.

It's wonderful that you're sharing your recovery with others and that they're supportive of you. I'm sure grateful for finding recovery (and for me, AA) before I got to the point where everyone knew I was an alcoholic.

[SOBERINNEPA]

When I came back to work, after a 28 day rehab, literally everyone told me they had no idea I had a problem with alcohol. And these are guys who'd have no problem telling me the truth, if they had.

I put tremendous energy into hiding my drinking. The degree to which I was able to hide it was a major concern for my rehab counselor. She'd talked to my EAP rep at work and he'd told her that no one had any idea I drank, even though I was downing a quart of vodka a night for several years. She was afraid I'd relapse and continue to be able to hide it.

It feels so good to be past that.

[DayTrader]

A handful of people knew how much I drank and even suggested I tone it down. Of course, I didn't listen to THOSE idiots! lol

When I did quit though......and I kept going to AA......even my old drinking buddies were somewhat surprised. Beyond the "Can't you even have ONE?" comment, they were TOTALLY shocked when I started getting honest about why I was sticking with AA - because it worked on what was REALLY wrong with me (which was never "the drinking").

Physically, mentally, and spiritually bankrupt......unable to wrest satisfaction from life......half-depressed most days.....pretty consistent self-loathing......etc - that's the stuff chronic alcoholism is made of. <--when I share THAT stuff with my friends or family, NOBODY had a clue that stuff was in my head.

So, while a handful of people recognized the drinking issues......I don't think anyone knew about the alcoholism going on behind the scenes. Even now, 5 years later, most of them STILL don't believe that stuff was or is an issue..... I do though, I understand what it is and ......thank God....... I've got a sure-fire way to treat and recover from it.