I need out before it's too late.

[tiel]

I guess signing up on here is my way of really trying this time. I so need to stop drinking. I am obsessed with it, I sneak around, In the past 3 years I've only been sober 5 days in a row, with other days sober in between but nothing passed 5 days in a row. I held my job and my family didn't know, the only one who did was my boyfriend... I'm surprised he's stuck around to be honest. There's been times I get blackout drunk, pick a fight for no reason and then not remember what it was even about. I've gained so much weight because of drinking and staying in drunk not being active, and than nursing my hangover with ****** food.
I'm obsessed with it, I think about after work relaxing with some drinks watching some tv, but it turns into going out and getting more so I have it there ""just in case". I don't want to hurt my boyfriend anymore and I don't want to destroy my body anymore.
I guess I'm just looking for advice or ways to get over this. Its like every week I say "I'll quit on Monday".... Never happens.
I want to replace this with working out and being happy and healthy like I used to be..

[bloss]

Today is a new day, just don't drink today...I got rid of all my alcohol around the house and I'm staying away from places I know are dangerous for me, places I buy and drink alcohol for awhile or take someone with me to be accountable to. If you eat a little extra, so what? Better than doing like me and drinking till I pass out and fall down...take care of yourself...however you need to and whatever it takes...

[Firehazard]

Hi tiel,

Way to go on signing up here. This is a definate move in the right directions towards abstinance.

Your description of your drinking and mindset has alcoholism written all over it. I feel you can stop taking that first drink for today. Just don't drink today and then when tommorow comes start with another day of not drinking "no matter what"

I would first get rid of all liquor in the house and not buy anymore. I am not sure if you are a bar drinker but if so do not go there.

Glad to have you here

[JustARide]

Hey tiel, welcome.
I can relate to a lot of what you're saying...
Re: Always tomorrow or some future date that I'll give it up. Eating bad food and gaining weight and more drinking and feeling like crap. Lashing out at people.

I'm only 5 days sober so I can't give a lot of advice but it is good that you want something better for yourself...that's a start...

[BillyPilgrim]

The time to stop is now

You will not regret it

I was like you 3 months ago, I joined SR, worked hard at recovery, when wavering I logged on here

Now I cant imagine drinking

There is a lot of help here, use it, it is given freely by people who want to see you better

[aihflvt]

I'm glad to see that you're also addressing the weight gain and poor eating habits that go hand-in-hand with drinking. Even when I was drinking, I considered myself healthy and would still exercise and work out when I was sober. It was a fluke that I went to a health fair at work and found out my blood pressure and cholesterol were both dangerously high. I was a stroke waiting to happen. That was the wakeup call I needed to stop drinking, stop eating junk bar food (burgers, wings, chili fries etc.) and exercise most days of the week. I adopted mostly a vegetarian diet, although I will occasionally eat lean/low cholesterol fish or shellfish. I am amazed at how quickly the weight is coming off, and I've never felt better. I went back to the doc a few weeks ago for my regular six month checkin with him and my BP and cholesterol were completely normal.

[least]

Welcome to the family! You'll find lots of support here.

[tomdecel]

Obsessed. I just love that word. Just like you can be obsessed with drinking, you can be obsessed with sobriety. You just need to find your reasons for it. Look for them, make it your life's priority. I made my obsession to be healthy, fit, happy and productive, stronger than my obsession to get wasted every day. You go where your mind goes.

Welcome.

[hypochondriac]

Welcome tiel

This probably gets said on here every 5 minutes but...you sound just like me!

It's a vicious cycle to be in and can be hard to break out of. For me I had to remove the option of drinking completely and commit to permanent abstinence. Before I came here I don't think I even considered that as an option....I didn't realise that I didn't have to drink. AVRT helped me make that leap and deal with the aftermath. Have a look around here and you'll soon pick up some ideas x

[shooter]

I quit so many times only to go back again a few days later - once the hangover and nausea were gone. I finally *finally* realized that the bottom line is you have to want to *not* drink more than you want to drink.

Sounds simple but it took me probably 20 years to figure that out. In all of my attempts to "moderate" all I was really looking for was to hang on to the "upside" - the fun & yuks and social party and somehow not have any of the downside - the sickness, shame, health issues, life stuck in park, etc - (like normal people do).

I took a long hard look at my life and realized that the "updside" I wanted to hang on to really didn't exist, and it was all downside for me. I know now that if I continue to drink the only difference between today and the day I die will be the date on the calendar. I'll accomplish nothing, I'll continue to be miserable, and I'll make others miserable. That is not a life worth living. I've only got a short time under my belt and I've slipped a couple of times, but I decided not to beat myself up about it because that only makes me want to drink more - the "eff it" attitude.

For me it's about setting small goals (yes - like I'm not going to drink right now), and building on them. I drank all day every day for 5 years before I finally decided enough was enough. I still crave a drink now and again but when I do I come to this site and am quickly reminded why I don't *really* want to do that anymore.

[tiel]

I love all of your comments. Its really uplifting

[CarolD]

Welcome...

When I was in your situation....I started my sobriety with a program...Alcohoics Anonymous is an awesome adventure in
living well and sober for me...

[InsertNameHere]

Welcome to SR tiel,

You can add me to the list of people here that can relate to your post (its a long list) i drank every evening, alone usually in mycase and don't always recall going to bed (read passing out) at the end of the night. When I finally started to think I might need to quit I found this site and started reading and posting. I have learned a lot in the last 5 months. Gotten more time sober then ever had a bit of a falling out for two days not long ago but I am just taking it as a reminder of why I quit in the first place. Living that way sucks, we know. Hopefully you find something here that clicks for you and work it.

Nice to meet you look forward to reading your posts.

[instant]

Tiel.

I was dismayed about my situation for years. The struggle and torment wore me down. Even when I was sort of ready to change the broken promises to myself continued.

It is worthwhile always having another go. Sobriety is so much easier than the drinking life.

[artsoul]

Welcome Tiel!

I don't have a boyfriend, but the rest of your post sounds quite familiar! I was pretty scared at first to even think about getting sober, but like someone else said, I wouldn't go back to it now for anything.....

The obsessive thinking can be tough to deal with, but it will start fading away and you'll feel a real freedom. (Priceless!)

Welcome to the family!

[whatevername]

Hi tiel, welcome
I can also be added to your list of people like you. Same stuff...
It got to the point where I knew what was the right thing to do (for years) but chose to lie to myself, hurt myself and others and continue to live in failure,misery and descent.
My health was deteriorated and I found myself dying.emotionally and physically.
I am 3 days away from a month of sobriety now and although it is hard (the first week I had to tell myself over and over in my head "JUST DONT HAVE A DRINK!!!" and grit my teeth literally at times.)...it's nowhere near as bad now, I can go outside , I can have the curtains open, let the light in.

I wish you all the best, hang in there, it gets better really quite fast if you let it.

[2granddaughters]

I found recovery in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Might just do the trick for you as well.

All the best.

Bob R

[foodie1]

Welcome tiel You've done a great thing by coming here, you'll find lots of support and wisdom. There is a GREAT thread for newcomers going right now in the "Newcomers to Recovery" section, you might want to check that out right now. Again, great job coming here, just focus on today, you can do whatever you want tomorrow, but for today--give sobriety a shot, it just might stick.

[NYCDoglvr]

Just don't drink today. "I'll quit Monday" is total b.s. How do you know what you'll do Monday or next month? So today you don't drink.

Here's something to think about: you don't have to drink. You can choose to drink but you don't have to drink.

[soberbythesea]

Welcome to SR. You sound a lot like me. I've gotten blackout drunk before and picked fights with my husband that I don't remember. I've also gained weight due to drinking (and hangover food.) The only difference is that I made it 8 months sober a couple of years ago, but then I relapsed and now I'm on day 8 of my new recovery. This is the first time in over a year that I've strung 8 sober days together.

Anyway, my point is, you can stop drinking! Just make a commitment to stop and figure out the rest as you go along. Just decide each day that you're not going to drink for that day, and don't worry about anything else.

P.S. I've already lost weight since quitting drinking this time around, even though I've been shoveling in junk food and sugary sodas to ward off cravings... amazing.