Codependents...

[Slayer]

I posted this in the friends and family forum, but I figure I'd post here too. When you got sober were you ever bitter towards the codependents in your life? It seems they want you to have a problem so they can feel better about themselves. They didn't want you to be the best you could, they wanted you to be a **** up so they had someone lower than them.

[Dee74]

When I got sober I cut out a lot of negative energy in my life.

If that what you're dealing with Slayer I hope you're working on moving out of where you are, or away from these people.

Don't waste energy on being bitter - use that energy and drive to fill your life with more positive influences

D

[NewBeginning010]

Being bitter & having resentments towards others never did anything but give me another excuse to drink.

Maybe you can start to work that program that you have been working on or hit up the rehab you were looking into with your father. Once you get sober you will be able to look at the situation more clearly & iron out some of those resentments sober.

You have been struggling with this disease for a while Slayer, its tough & painful I know but you can change this around by fully commiting yourself to your sobriety. You can have a better life & feel good about yourself again, you deserve a happy life (and rocking with your guitar ;-).



All of the best in your recovery Slayer, please keep posting & sharing... we are here to support you in your recovery

[MustStop]

Are these codependents addicts? Drama / Chaos queens?

[Terminally Unique]

Originally Posted by Slayer

When you got sober were you ever bitter towards the codependents in your life?

I see no purpose in considering anyone a 'co-dependent' or an 'enabler', and thinking that they are or were responsible for my drinking, so no. This line of thinking doesn't help, Slayer. It only detracts from what needs to be done to help yourself.

[hereigo]

Co-dependecy is a myth.

Either use or don't use. Your choice, not anyone else's.

Of course, most of us live with other people, so you have to factor in their presence and possible influence. But it you choose to not drink, it does not matter what that other person does. If you want to abstain from drinking because you like the results, then do it.

One can achieve this state of mind. If you want the guidebook to it, read "Rational Recovery", by Jack Trimpey.

[blackoutgirl]

Hi Slayer-
I had feelings like you described while I was drinking. But after I stopped, I realized that they really did want the best for me after all. I used to think that the people closest to me, who approached me about my "alcohol problem" was just trying to pick on me, etc. But, I think I was just making excuses and avoiding the real issue.

It's taken some time to work out the feelings of resentment. I'm still trying to move passed this, mainly because I felt that way for so long and it's what I'm used to thinking. I feel like I'm getting to know myself again as well as my boyfriend, best friend, and others in my life.

I don't know your situation, but is this your perception of how people are treating you, or are they really being this negative to you? I personally wouldn't be able to handle that type behavior, expecially after becoming sober. Now is the time when you need your friends and family the most.

[Threshold]

Yes, I have resentments over relationship issues that were hidden by my active addiction. At the time I was using/drinking, I numbed out the resentments so I could stay in a bad relationship rather than deal with "starting over", at some point the substances no longer could hide the real issues, and it all came pouring out.

Now I am accepting and dealing with the issues. Some of those relationships simply had to end, just like my substance abuse. Once I gained some clean time and clean perspective, the resentments are starting to flake away.