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Old 11-17-2011, 05:28 AM   #1 (permalink)

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The things alcoholics say when drunk...are they the truth?

I'm feeling gutted by the things my ABF says when he's drunk. They are the exact opposite of the loving things he says when he's sober. After crying myself to sleep yet again last night after a drunken phone call from him in which he said terrible things to me, I am left wondering: what is true? The things he says when sober, or when drunk?

Most of the time, he doesn't even remember the things he said when he was drunk. And they are very dramatic, preposterous, and hurtful. He doesn't remember them, but I sure do.

One example of what he says when he's drunk is he was out drinking at a bar a while back. He was going on and on about how he was going to run for mayor of his city. I wasn't there to witness it, but the bartender threw him out and told him he's banned from the bar, so it must've been pretty obnoxious. Such are the things he says to me when he's drunk, only they are about our relationship and all of the problems he perceives.
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Old 11-17-2011, 05:34 AM   #2 (permalink)

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No he prob doesn't mean it, he's not thinking straight when he's drunk, prob feels angry and his mind plays tricks on him. Iv verbally abused loved ones loads while drunk or even after a few days on it, I used to feel bad about myself And used to blame everyone/thing else
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Old 11-17-2011, 05:45 AM   #3 (permalink)

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I think it is impossible to answer that as a yes or no in general. A lot of it, I think, depends on the person's reaction to alcohol (you have mean drunks, happy drunks, crying drunks, etc.) and also what LEVEL of drunk they are at when they say whatever it is (I have been just starting to drink when my XAH would start his stupidity and I would tell him EXACTLY what I thought because I couldn't do it sober.) OTOH, he would spew hurtful things at people specifically for the effect and to intentionally hurt them and then beg forgiveness the next day.

So, hard to know what your alcoholic means but the question should really be, are you willing to continue to put up with verbal abuse while wondering if it was meant or not? Is one more excusable than the other?

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Kellye C.
Sobriety Date 8/8/04 - By God's Grace and A.A.
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Old 11-17-2011, 05:58 AM   #4 (permalink)

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I am of the belief that much of what is said when drunk isn't meant by most people. Positive or negative.
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Old 11-17-2011, 05:59 AM   #5 (permalink)

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truth is a problematic qualification.
the drunken rantings that i have been called to explain or the ones i've been privy to from family members or close friends usually fall into a catagory i like to call
"things we think and donot say"
sometimes when inebrieated we can open up about some of the issues that are dwelling inside of us. something like " i wish my girlfriend would be more attentive to my needs" although this statement when not processed through our interpersonal checkers comes out more like "If you would get your head out of your *** i wouldn't be so miserable all the time". to decipher drunking rantings is about on par with finding the truth in a madmans wall scribbilings. most times when we rant we are responding to emotions that we are in no state to understand or relate to another person. espessically complex emotion chains like frusteration or jelosy. there are sometimes that when inebrieated our own self regulators shut down leading to thought processes that are completely false. when we regain our faculties we tend to realize that skewed logic sent us down the wrong path. (i.e the inital thought of "my parents didn't love me enough" can send us ending up at "and thats why america is going to fall apart like ancient rome" the logic used to leap between those is clear and orderly in our minds at the time but i've never been able to recreate how i can get from point a to point b.)
A note on your post though, drinking in no way gives anyone a pass for how they treat others. to know exactly where the roots of his comments lie, is almost irrelavant to the behavioral issue at hand. to exact the real meaning behind this try taperecording the rantings and asking for clarification, although from the jist of your post i'd say a healthy bondary should be set up so you dont have to endure unneccicary emotional abuse.(if he cant articulate why he is mad in a healthy and productive way, it is unlikely that you going threw the experience is ultimately helping the situation)
good luck with this and sorry about my spelling
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Old 11-17-2011, 06:08 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Take all of my truth, lies, manias, phobias, anxieties, fears, hates, loves, desires, goals, hell take anything you can think of. Now throw it in a blender full of Vodka. Run it for 60 seconds and then pour a glass.

What pours out is exactly what you get from a drunk when he/she is attempting communication. It is nothing but pure myth that a drunk "speaks the truth" when intoxicated. Absolutely, 100% a wives tale, nothing more.
"...I had a lot of conditions that I said were my preferences but were actually my fears and my excuses..." Itchy

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Old 11-17-2011, 06:15 AM   #7 (permalink)
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There could be *some* truth to what he says, but there is no way to know for sure.

More importantly, even when *I* was actively drinking (and I had my issues, trust me!) i didn't let people speak to me that way. Kick him to the curb if he's not going to stop this bullsh*t.
You are more authentic the more you resemble what you've dreamed of being
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Old 11-17-2011, 06:19 AM   #8 (permalink)
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It always depended on how much I drank. If it was 1-4ish drinks, it'd be the truth; anything after that was probably complete absurdity. lol
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Old 11-17-2011, 06:50 AM   #9 (permalink)
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The things a person says when they are drunk are not reality, not what they really think. They are the distorted ravings of a chemically ravaged brain.

"Do, or do not. There is no 'try.'"
-- Jedi Master Yoda
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Old 11-17-2011, 07:02 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Whether his drunken rantings are the truth or not, why would you want to be part of such a destructive relationship? I'd kick his ass out and live a better life on your own. What a jerk! I'd rather be alone than treated badly...
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Old 11-17-2011, 07:16 AM   #11 (permalink)

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I agree that what he says when he's drunk isn't forgivable because he's drunk. It's just that he says the most insane things. Last night, he was accusing me of buying him a refurbished cell phone last month because there was a scratch on it. I bought a brand new phone, in a sealed box, the phone wrapped in plastic inside the box, the cord in a sealed plastic bag, the whole brand-new nine yards. He put the phone in his pocket with his keys and it got a scratch on it the first day he had it.

He saw the brand new box, brand new phone, everything, when I gave it to him. He knows darn well it wasn't a used phone. Where does this stuff come from?
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Old 11-17-2011, 07:28 AM   #12 (permalink)

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from his dilusional mind. I wouldn't care where it comes from, I would worry about where it's going since it is a regular occurence. then there is the old "I don't remember" excuse which gives him a free pass.

he sounds like a rude, verbally abusive jackass, not worth your time (or your cellphone)
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Old 11-17-2011, 07:49 AM   #13 (permalink)

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In responce to your second post. In reguards to the cell -phone debacle the bottom line of this rational is "I donot trust you" and since each addict is unique just like everyone else why he would be doing this i cannot conjecture. To hear him throwing out these types of deluded comments is a giant red flag. Since the golden rule of "we cannot make another person do anything they dont want to do" still applies all you can really do is protect yourself from unneccicary hardships. the realization of your own self -worth is really key here. you dont deserve to be treated like that. to draw your lines in the sand will help this come to fruition sooner rather than later. and in the long run you will be happier for it. wish you the best with this
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Old 11-17-2011, 08:08 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I kinda laughed that he was going to run for mayor and was kicked out of the bar. I use to tell people and believed I was a CIA agent. It could be he is mentally ill on top of being a drunk.
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Old 11-17-2011, 08:32 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I know alcohol depresses the functioning of the brain. Now this low or malfunctioning brain is going to have problems. Confusion is a symptom of drunkenness. I see that related in poor judgment and consequently in very jumbled communication because of disorganized though processes.

Put together confusion, poor judgment, disorganized thoughts and what you get is one big mess with intoxication regarding communication.

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Old 11-17-2011, 08:36 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Either way, allowing him to continue in this fashion towards you isn't doing anyone any good.
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
― Dr. Seuss
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Old 11-17-2011, 09:07 AM   #17 (permalink)

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Justfor1, yes, he has mental health issues. He has been on an antidepressant for a long time and he and his family are convinced that it is responsible for his alcoholism. They said he was a social drinker before but after starting the AD, he lost control of his drinking.

So yesterday, he announced to me that he has quit taking his AD cold turkey and that will solve his drinking problem.

I have heard people say that ADs make people drink more. But given his mental health issues, I think he really needs some kind of medication. And who knows what will happen now that he quit his meds cold turkey.
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Old 11-17-2011, 10:52 AM   #18 (permalink)

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Swti the fact that he says he wants 2 be mayor while drunk is the sign. You have got 2 learn not 2 take it 2 heart and realize its the disease. Find ways 2 cope with the emotional abuse. My mum was a heavy drinker for most , is a heavy drinker, and shes the kind of drunk who becoz her life is miserable she will say whatever 2 make my life miserable so we can all be miserable. Just ignore the person ,i do and pray that God can help them change
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Old 11-17-2011, 11:11 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Speaking from personal experience it'd be fair to say that my drunken rantings were the truth from altered state of perspection I was currently viewing the world from. Not the same as the truth when I had sobered.
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Old 11-17-2011, 12:03 PM   #20 (permalink)

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This question relates to selfhood: what is genuine and what isn't? Who are we? A collection of chemicals variously reacting? An outer shell with an inner animal? Are we the same throughout our lives or do we change? It also relates to truth: what is true and what isn't?

I know that alcohol is poison for the brain and the kind of truthfulness it may produce is not reasoned truthfulness. It is not the kind produced from the intentions of a man or woman, but is an accumulation and comingling of random associations, dreams, urges, fears. These cluttered thoughts like vapors rising from a vat of toxic waste are not the things that define us as beings when we are sober and intact. They do not always walk with us, but rather are produced with outside chemical aid.

A simplistic view of human nature, perhaps the Puritan view -- the reasoning self as shell holding back all the inner chaos -- is not correct and is self-affirming. It is negative. Perhaps it factors into why people get addicted in the first place, embroiled as they may be within the resistance of self against self as opposed to the awareness of self as an abundant, beautiful, complex phenomenon.

So, my answer that yes, everything in a way containes a variety of truthfulness, but the things this guy is saying should not be seen to define him in a deep way.
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