Please help me
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 184
When I was 21 I started drinking heavily - Every night and it caused me to drop out of school because I just could not keep up. Booze ran my life, and still has a spot in it... it doesn't entirely run it anymore, but it still likes to show its ugly head.
Quit while you're ahead... trust me, it could possibly be the best thing you'll ever do for yourself.
Quit while you're ahead... trust me, it could possibly be the best thing you'll ever do for yourself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: California
Posts: 244
hey all, quick update:
day 3 has been a success so far. Didn't drink at all, or smoke weed, did have a cigar which I regret, but whatev... today was hard, as almost every button was pushed, but now my mind equates alchohol, but more importantly addiction in general as the reason for my pain, instead of an escape from it. best of luck to everyone out there.
day 3 has been a success so far. Didn't drink at all, or smoke weed, did have a cigar which I regret, but whatev... today was hard, as almost every button was pushed, but now my mind equates alchohol, but more importantly addiction in general as the reason for my pain, instead of an escape from it. best of luck to everyone out there.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 482
I'm not sure if you're posting in the newcomers forums as well, but that's a good place to find support also. They have an "October" thread for those who quit in Oct that you could join.
I don't know what to say to help you though. I was in that place. "Woe is me, I'm an alcoholic, that means I have permission to drink, so I'll drink. It'll mess up my studies, I know, but I'm an alcoholic and that's bad so I deserve the punishment so I'll drink". I don't know what makes our brains think that way, but that's what it was for me. I was living up to being an alcoholic, and taking a bitter pleasure watching my life fall apart, though being miserable at the same time.
There's got to be a reason behind your drinking... maybe that needs to be looked at? Shame was my biggest motivating factor, and to avoid stress. "my assignment's due, I've not done anything.. I'll just drink to make it go away. And now I'm ashamed of myself for drinking, I'd better drink to make that feeling go away".
Remember - your brain doesn't stop developing until you're 25, so all this alcohol damage is going to stop your brain developing to its fullest potential. Don't destroy your chance at a future.
Edit to add: I replied at the end of page one, after you'd gotten the alcohol from your car. You're doing fantastic, three days!!! Keep it up, I always found that days 3-5 were the hardest. Those are the "See, I can go without so I don't have a problem really" days for me. Hang in there, one day at a time.
I don't know what to say to help you though. I was in that place. "Woe is me, I'm an alcoholic, that means I have permission to drink, so I'll drink. It'll mess up my studies, I know, but I'm an alcoholic and that's bad so I deserve the punishment so I'll drink". I don't know what makes our brains think that way, but that's what it was for me. I was living up to being an alcoholic, and taking a bitter pleasure watching my life fall apart, though being miserable at the same time.
There's got to be a reason behind your drinking... maybe that needs to be looked at? Shame was my biggest motivating factor, and to avoid stress. "my assignment's due, I've not done anything.. I'll just drink to make it go away. And now I'm ashamed of myself for drinking, I'd better drink to make that feeling go away".
Remember - your brain doesn't stop developing until you're 25, so all this alcohol damage is going to stop your brain developing to its fullest potential. Don't destroy your chance at a future.
Edit to add: I replied at the end of page one, after you'd gotten the alcohol from your car. You're doing fantastic, three days!!! Keep it up, I always found that days 3-5 were the hardest. Those are the "See, I can go without so I don't have a problem really" days for me. Hang in there, one day at a time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: California
Posts: 244
forever december, so much of what you said is exactly true for me... oh god the homework isn't done, gotta drown that shame... my biggest trigger is that i have chronic tension headaches, and they have pretty much destroyed my life, I really have no idea what to do, because when they trigger (I'm very sensitive to cfl lighting, and they almost always trigger my headaches) i become maybe half as intelligent as i would be, and I have extreme difficulty with speaking, especially to people who aren't close friends. Today, after class, I felt severe cravings for some Rum, or maybe a few beers, but I toughed it out, took some excedrin, and am sitting here typing this in a semi-fog... but I really don't want to drink because that would deplete my energy levels even more... I have no plan for the future, I have no idea what I can even do... my whole life is pretty much ruined by the headaches, but I'm aware that alchohol will ruin me further...
I guess it really is one day at a time. Day 5, so far, is a success, although being drunk right now sounds tempting on some level... maybe it's that self destructive sick pleasure you described, december, I identify so much with what you said... alchoholism really does have a masochistic undertone for me... good luck to you all, today was, i think, my hardest day so far.
I guess it really is one day at a time. Day 5, so far, is a success, although being drunk right now sounds tempting on some level... maybe it's that self destructive sick pleasure you described, december, I identify so much with what you said... alchoholism really does have a masochistic undertone for me... good luck to you all, today was, i think, my hardest day so far.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ninja Camp
Posts: 495
If Freshstart gets to call you dude I will too. 
Alex you feel so bad because you are putting a depressant in your body. Dump the rum!!! You CAN do this. You can have a really good college experiance-without the rum. Good luck to you!
Alex you feel so bad because you are putting a depressant in your body. Dump the rum!!! You CAN do this. You can have a really good college experiance-without the rum. Good luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Alex, it will get better as you go further but the only way is to continue not drinking.
Congratulations on getting through day five. You should start to notice the physical part fade soon. The mental will hang around a bit longer but get less with each week. You're doing great, keep going.
Congratulations on getting through day five. You should start to notice the physical part fade soon. The mental will hang around a bit longer but get less with each week. You're doing great, keep going.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: California
Posts: 244
no, see, that's the thing... I've had these headaches for a very long time, they're one reason i started drinking in the first place... but i agree, alchohol will make them worse. I currently haven't got any rum, which is good. i feel stronger with it not near me haha.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 21
Hi alex, you have to admit the problem is real, it's not going away while it has control, I am sure you can be stronger than the pull it has!! I found making a list of all the points I hated while drinking helped, also I recorded myself whilst drunk and listen back to the rubbish mixed up mind I had , that really stops me! Don't throw your education away it's your way out! Good luck you can do it.
Wow day 5 I wrote this not realizing that! Well done you can do it. Smile you can do it. I am in day 7 , it tough but we can do it!
Wow day 5 I wrote this not realizing that! Well done you can do it. Smile you can do it. I am in day 7 , it tough but we can do it!
Last edited by Philomena; 10-19-2011 at 05:31 PM. Reason: Reading further
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 86
Originally Posted by AlexThedude 
Day 5, so far, is a success, although being drunk right now sounds tempting on some level... maybe it's that self destructive sick pleasure you described
I quit chewing (smokeless tobacco) something like 3-4 years ago now and I still get occasional cravings for it. It is crazy.
Let go and Let God!
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 352
Alex, do you have any outside help? As for dealing with the past, what worked for me was going to AA, finding a sponser, and working the steps. If you don't do AA, can you do go to therapy?
I got sober at the age of 22. I started my addiction at the age of 12. I wish you the best of luck. Hang in there.
I got sober at the age of 22. I started my addiction at the age of 12. I wish you the best of luck. Hang in there.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: California
Posts: 244
so yesterday, i binged on klonapin (took 4 mg) and smoked some pot and chewed tobacco (for the second time ever) the stress was mounting, and i felt a (i'm sure you guys know what i'm talking about) magnetic pull to get f*cked up. Today was much much better, and I felt and was more functional in speaking to people, but I'm not sure if this counts as falling off the wagon... i still haven't had a drink, this is day 6 of no alchohol.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: California
Posts: 244
hi guys, i decided i'd update this . i've been off the sauce for what, like 10 days now? i can't really remember because i've been binging on pills and am currently high as [insert some stupid wordhere] off of generic vikodin, and klonapin, and soma, and seroquil... it's been uhh... i have no words... i am so depressed but wow am i high.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 645
Alex,
I think you already know that you are trading alcohol for pills. Mixing drugs is a dangerous road to travel. You are playing a game of Russian roulette. Have you made an appointment with your doctor? the student counseling center? checked out the book on Rational Recovery? attended an AA meeting? Don't throw away the best years of your life and maybe even your life itself. Please get help.
Susan Lauren
I think you already know that you are trading alcohol for pills. Mixing drugs is a dangerous road to travel. You are playing a game of Russian roulette. Have you made an appointment with your doctor? the student counseling center? checked out the book on Rational Recovery? attended an AA meeting? Don't throw away the best years of your life and maybe even your life itself. Please get help.
Susan Lauren
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hudson Valley, NY
Posts: 42
Hey just my past experience but if you trade the alcohol for pot (or pills) the alcohol for me always slowly krept back in.
What will you do if you can't score any pills or pot one day when that craving hits?
100% of the time I would go get booze because that addiction was still raging like a hurricane underneath. I was just addressing it in a different way. I realize now for me an addiction is always going to be an addiction no matter what I use to treat it. And until I can gain control over it I will always need to be messed up on something.
Guess I'm saying my advice would be to stop doing all of it and figure out how your going to get the upper hand on that addiction dragon inside of you. It's taken me 8 years to figure that out.
I wish you luck man!
What will you do if you can't score any pills or pot one day when that craving hits?
100% of the time I would go get booze because that addiction was still raging like a hurricane underneath. I was just addressing it in a different way. I realize now for me an addiction is always going to be an addiction no matter what I use to treat it. And until I can gain control over it I will always need to be messed up on something.
Guess I'm saying my advice would be to stop doing all of it and figure out how your going to get the upper hand on that addiction dragon inside of you. It's taken me 8 years to figure that out.
I wish you luck man!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
The thought of reality all the time without anything to run to if my head went too fast scared me too. Funny that now I highly prize that.
So far you're getting some great suggestions and taking none. And you don't appear to be doing well. Drugs and pot didn't hit the button I needed hit and after a time of trying to not drink by being loaded I had to drink again because I'm alcoholic, and just being out of my mind wasn't what I needed.
I soon had to allow alcohol to do for me what it only does for alcoholics.
Is your life good enough for you? If so, then great.
If not then changes are called for because without them life can go south quickly. Adding more regrets to your life is probably not wise.
So far you're getting some great suggestions and taking none. And you don't appear to be doing well. Drugs and pot didn't hit the button I needed hit and after a time of trying to not drink by being loaded I had to drink again because I'm alcoholic, and just being out of my mind wasn't what I needed.
I soon had to allow alcohol to do for me what it only does for alcoholics.
Is your life good enough for you? If so, then great.
If not then changes are called for because without them life can go south quickly. Adding more regrets to your life is probably not wise.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Sydney NSW
Posts: 343
Originally Posted by AlexThedude
"make the plan to never drink during the now part of your life. The future part of your life will fall into place." absolutely brilliant quote.
I have a question to anyone who's recovered/recovering:
how did you deal with the past?
Right now, the biggest temptation is coming from all the wasted time i've used up in my addictions. I won't drink tonight. i've made up my mind, but now i'm on a regret trip. it's depressing.
I have a question to anyone who's recovered/recovering:
how did you deal with the past?
Right now, the biggest temptation is coming from all the wasted time i've used up in my addictions. I won't drink tonight. i've made up my mind, but now i'm on a regret trip. it's depressing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: California
Posts: 244
i am doing absolutely horribly...
i am sorry to report, this pill thing
has gotten out of hand,
and yes i've just swapped
addictions (again.)
it just feels so good,
and life is quite emotionally humiliating for me.
idk... i'm ashamed to even post this.
my homework is f*cked by now, too.........
i am sorry to report, this pill thing
has gotten out of hand,
and yes i've just swapped
addictions (again.)
it just feels so good,
and life is quite emotionally humiliating for me.
idk... i'm ashamed to even post this.
my homework is f*cked by now, too.........
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
I got sober at 28 by doing all the AA stuff. At 21 I was your clone and made my first meeting.
Can tell you the following 7 years were rough in spots, might be a different story if I'd sobered up earlier and not been buzzed and foolish when I needed a clear head.
But I needed to learn from my errors.
Can tell you the following 7 years were rough in spots, might be a different story if I'd sobered up earlier and not been buzzed and foolish when I needed a clear head.
But I needed to learn from my errors.
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