Sudz No More

It is hard reading back my last post, when it is in written form it looks so much more ugly than it seems when I am in the moment. My wife was obviously none too pleased when I started heading down the wrong path again and she was happy when I got back on the right one. She always asks me to read my posts when she sees me typing here and I usually will read them to her if she asks. This time I told her that it was painful and I didn't want to read it to her but she could come here and read it by herself if she wanted to. She respected my pain and she hasn't read it. If I write an uplifting post I will sometimes mail the link to friends or family close to me that know of my difficulties. The last one I have not and won't.

What posting in such honesty does do though is give me strength to stay on the right path this time. Remind myself each time how horrible some of those mornings were and how I never want to feel like that again. The constant obsession that begins to eat away at me when I am deep in the middle of alcoholic days.

I feel back 100% today and have a whole day ahead of me. It is time to get back to the confidant sober stride I enjoyed for so many months. But to never ever forget the pain of the wrong path and why I must try my hardest to stay from ever going there again.

Opivotal

IMO honesty keeps us on the right path. Once we start hiding our feelings and bottling up emotions we tend to go down a slippery slope. Remembering our past is what keeps us sober today. Alcohol is a cleaver demon. Whether we have 1 month, one year, or 20 years. It seems to never forget our weakness.

Good for you sudz in recognizing the signs and using what you learned to stay sober. Alcoholism is cunning ....something I'll never forget. To think I'm smarter than it is stinkin thinkin!




Best Wishes To You!

yeahgr8

The difficulty with being honest with oneself is we need to know ourselves first...i am still learning about myself coming up to 2 years sober and expect this to be an ongoing process not because i don't want to know myself but it is like starting from scratch as i don't know what i will do in any given situation or feel until i have experienced it...

Ranger

SNM - Thanks for hanging in, man. The honesty path WILL take you where you want to go.

Good job and thanks for your example.

Boleo

IMO there are different levels of honesty;

1. With others
2. With God
3. With ourselves

Recovery has little to do with the first type. Something to do with the second type. Everything to do with the third type.

"To thy self be true".

MrDavid

Thanks...'Sudz No More' for the topic.

It is hard to relive past hardships, especially when our nemesis (alcohol) is involved. I remember the time when alcohol came knocking on my doorstep once again, even though I had been sober for quite awhile. Those careless thoughts of reckless abandon came back in an instant and continued
unmercifully with no end in sight. They became so overwhelming that I almost picked up as a result. The only saving grace I had at the time was my desire to further my life rather than my drinking. I wanted to explore the limitless boundaries of this wonderful life (in sobriety), not the abysmal one that was defined by my active alcoholism for so long. The day I set my foot down that slippery slope called “active alcoholism” once again, will be the day I take my last breath –guaranteed.

The “honesty” part was never easy for me, especially in early sobriety. I became so maladjusted because of my drinking, that everyone questioned my intentions to get sober. I was known to hide things from people instead of being honest with them, which complicated things even further. I had to give them some creditable sober time, to prove that I was through drinking, once and for all. They began to put their trust in me about the same time I started to trust myself, I guess that’s why say in AA, give time, time and rightfully so. I have given sobriety almost ten years of my time and my family so much more. I never have to look back in shame, regardless of what I’ve been through. The life I’m living now, despite all the ups and downs, can’t compare with my previous one, and I have AA, this forum and almighty God to thank for that –one day at a time.

~God bless~