Justfor1

Well SR friends my 9 months of sobriety has ended yesterday. Life was getting pretty hectic & still find it hard to live life on lives terms. I ended up drinking cheap vodka all night long & went to a Methadone clinic at 5AM to try to get a dose. They kicked me out because I'm not registered & ended up buying bars of Xanex from some folks & ended up staggering around town & ended up in the ER. Sadly, this is what usually happens when I pick up. Hospital nurses & doctor need tell me I looked a lot better & keep trying to get sober. That need make me feel better. Sometimes, I just want to give up. I plan on going to a early morning AA meeting tomorrow & try to get back on the horse. Drugs & alcohol are killing me & I know it yet still can't seem to obtain long term sobriety. It hurts.

scrambled2012

What you have done has not been waisted (excuse the pun my friend). You have improved your health, and although you screwed up for whatever reason you are back and working at it instead of throwing everything away. Careful consideration of what led you to drink yesterday is in order; I think you know that. Our fellows here will be of great help in that I'm sure.

You should be concerned, and I understand why you feel down...but understand, if you use this one screwup to justify simply giving up, then, that will be the real failure.

Stay strong brother.

Deserto

Hi Justfor1, sorry to hear about your slip.

One of the things my counselor said to me recently, which I found interesting was: "Maybe you should focus on relapse prevention as well as sobriety."

It's an interesting idea. Is long term sobriety possible? Of course -- you just did 9 months! You've shown you can be sober. So maybe the lesson here is, how do you recognize and change the thinking (which usually comes long before the actual relapse) that precedes the relapse? Can you identify what happened here -- not just that life got hectic, but when your thinking about sobriety changed?

Dee74

I think recovery is possible for everyone - unless folks are so damaged they no longer know what they're doing?

I don't put you in that category.

I'm sad to read this tho - no judgement because I've been there too...but this relapse was a long time coming, man...I kept hoping you'd do something to stop the slide...

I'm wondering what you're avoiding - or what you're scared of - if, after all this time and all you've been through, drinking is still the preferred option, J41?

D

keepfinding2

That sounds like a rough night. I wish you the best.

suki44883

I too believe that recovery is possible for everyone. You just have to want it more than anything else in life and be willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it. It isn't easy, but you can't ever allow drinking or drugging to be an option.

Do whatever you have to do to make that a reality. No excuses. Never, ever take a drink or take any drugs.

Justfor1

Well Dee the interesting thing is last night it wasn't a lot of fun even when I was drinking. My self-medicating with booze just doesn't work. It scares me but I think it's good to because alcohol just doesn't work for me anymore.

CarolD

I too am glad you are quickly starting over...it's in your best interest ..

Perhaps a change of programs might interest you?
If I had not found recovery in AA...I would be checking into SMART.

awuh1

I would like to echo a piece of advice that two people have given here already. Scambled 2012 said “Careful consideration of what led you to drink yesterday is in order” and Deserto said “how do you recognize and change the thinking ….that precedes the relapse? Can you identify what happened here?”

I would like to encourage you to take it one step further. Put it in this thread. Write it out. Perhaps I am being too bold in suggesting this, but I think it would do you good, and you might not be the only one to benefit. At the very least talk this through with someone. The lesson may become clearer. Best wishes

laurie6781

Might be worth going back and looking at the threads YOU STARTED.
What were they about? Were you being judgmental? Was the focus
on someone or something other than yourself? etc

How about ALL the popping over to the 'Friends and Families' when
your focus needed to be on you. Just another way not to look at
you?

These are things you are going to have to look long and hard at to
figure out when and why you started setting yourself up one more
time.

See when your threads started to change focus can give you an idea
of when you were starting to set yourself up one more time.

I also like Carol's idea. If AA does not seem to be working or you
cannot seem to work the AA program to the fullest, it might be time
to look into SMART or AVRT or one of the other programs out there.

I'm really becoming concerned about you now Just. You keep doing
this, and mixing booze and pills and I nor you do not know how many
chances you have left. One of these times you won't make it back,
the combination of the booze and pills is going to kill you.

You are not 'hopeless' yet, but each time you do this it is bringing you
closer to that. Please check out some of the other programs to see
if you can 'click' with one of them and work that one to the MAX.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

tomsteve

the answer to your question of the thread title,IMO, is yes. it is possible for any that do the footwork. i went to a funeral of a man recently with 46 years of sobriety. my sponsor has 28 years. another man i know has 38 and another has 31. i know a woman with 21 years, one with 17 years, one with 9 years, one with 26 years( thats just a few) thats over 200 years there alone. all 200+ years was accomplished one day at a time.
these men and women came out of some extremely terrible cases of alcoholism. one of them never experienced a hangover because he never stopped drinking long enough to have one. one would have a glass of whiskey on his nightstand so when he woke up he had a drink waiting. one lived on the streets of detroit, gettin drunk on thunderbird and sleepin in a doorway in cass corridor, and one of them spent many many years in and out of nut houses only to find the solution to drinking in AA.
i sure hope ya make the decision to do whatever has to be done to get sober and stay sober. sobriety rocks!!!

TSDD

I have seen many people bounce in and out of meetings for 10-20 years and then finally stick and put together multiple years. I've also seen people bounce in and out and wind up dead, incarcerated for huge bids, or just out amogst the walking wounded.

Seems to me like if you put together 9 months you know how to do it. Do it again, then keep doing it.

instant

9 months is an awesome achievement. The terrible events you described are just a day or two.

Get back on the bike, and pedal. You will be a bit wobbly till you get going.

DayTrader

I know you were using AA so I'll ask here.....

What step had you stumped? - Where did you stop?

There's that warning about "half measures (in working the steps) availed us nothing" - ie, skipping steps, working them my way, taking what I want/leaving the rest won't work....... you may be like me - one of those guys who has no choice BUT to work the whole damn thing as best you can or you die an alcoholic death.

Fallow

I ask myself the same question sometimes. I know theres a part of me that wants forever sobriety and obviously a part that doesnt. I know Im tired of emberrasment, despair, loneliness, and the fight for who Im supposed to be. But I feel like theres one answer and thats to keep steppin on. Sucks to hear you been goin thru so much with this..Im right there with u.

recoverywfaith

JF1,

Concerned about you. I may be wrong - but were you going to rehab the last month and did not go? If it is a good rehab you could learn more about the disease and have a good relapse prevention plan in place and when you finish rehab go to AA meetings and continue working the steps w/your sponsor...maybe that can help you to get on solid footing?

Justfor1

This one day relapse wasn't surprising to me. I was already doing some very sneaky old behavior type things I use to do when I was using. I know this is an excuse but I drank because of my frustration with job seeking. I'm still proud of my 9months of sobriety though. Thankfully, this one day slip did not turn into the usual 3-4 day alcohol/crack type bender where I end up in the hospital or jail.

keithj

My experience with those that come into the rooms of AA is that those who take the Steps as outlined in the BB recover from alcoholism. Those that do not tend to come in and out for years and years. What worked for me was getting a sponsor who knew how to carry the message to others, and having him guide me through each and every one of the 12 Steps. I considered where the BB told me to consider, I wrote where it said to write, and I prayed where it said to pray.

RobbyRobot

Awesome to hear you're already turning this thing around, JF1. Seriously.

Long term recovery / living a recovered life is there for you too. Believe it. If your staying with the AA Way, don't sweat any past failures. Have a fresh look at those steps, and get down to business with the BB, a sponsor, and fellowship of other members... stuff you've already done in the past of course. No matter. Don't get hung up on the past misfortunes of your alcoholic life.

For me, when first starting out, I didn't know jack about sobriety, and I didn't care either. I really just didn't want to get drunk anymore, and I also knew in a sick way though of course I wanted to get drunk. Big problem, yeah?

So it was easy for me to see my sickness, my illness, how it was in control of my drinking, how i was powerless against my alcoholic obsessions. The steps gave me the way forward, and with a few years of living a life of recovery, I eventually claimed myself recovered from my alcoholism. It's been decades now, and I'm still recovered and doing great

Back in the early days of my sobriety, I would not have believed my being this recovered could ever have been possible. So don't sweat your doubts, JF1. Sorry for the hurts and pains you're having as you get this done.

Justfor1

Thanks Robby. Hopefully, that alcohol monster will not be back on my back since I got a taste of alcohol. You know the constant cravings, alcohol dreams ect....